Hey Pandas, How Do We Get Our Motivation Back After Such A Big Loss? (Closed)

My boyfriend and I are struggling. We went through a horrible situation with his children and his ex-wife, and in the end he made the painful decision to give away his rights to his children so that they hopefully wouldn't have to live under the stress that their mother was causing, just in an effort to win full custody. She made it literally impossible to do anything else. It was years of court and false accusations and was bankrupting us. It's been almost 2 years since the kids lived with us and yet our hearts are still breaking. We hope to be able to reconnect with them in the future, but obviously we don't know what they will and will not remember about us and if they will even want to speak to us after growing up with their mom. They absolutely loved their dad when we did have custody of them but I worry that they will forget us. They were almost 5 and 6 years old when they saw us last.

I haven't had a good night's sleep since we lost them and my boyfriend isn't doing any better. We both wake up in the middle of the night and cry, we used to be best friends and now we just fight about everything. Not only did we loose the kids, I had a really rough divorce myself and I lost my house when I found out that my (now ex) husband was cheating and not paying the mortgage payments for 8 months. Both of us went from having intact families, living in houses that we owned, to being divorced and broken. Will this ever get better?

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It sounds like you are in a situation that you cannot change, so you have to learn to live with it, as hesrtbreaking as it is. It may be a good idea for your guys to get some counseling, together and separately, to work through all of these issues. Broken marriages, infidelity, and custody battles are not things that you come out of unscathed (speaking from experience on all fronts there) and it takes a freat deal of time and effort to heal from those wounds. It is not an easy road to travel and you need to learn how to lean on one another again.
I hope that the two of you can work through this and come out on the other end of it. It is going to take work, but it can be done.

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Jynxiecat

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Eve Phelps 2 years ago

Looking back on it I knew NOTHING about divorce, child custody, or anything like that. We wasted so much time, money and heartbreak because we didn't know how it all works. Not enough people talk about divorce and how much it breaks you. And child custody and how many parents that should be seeing their kids right now and aren't. No one talks about it to you when you're married. I didn't know what I was in for. And I guess the fact that I never in my wildest dreams could I imagine not seeing these 2 kids grow up, and boom! That's where we are. We did nothing wrong and that is so hard to get over.

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