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I recently came out as non-binary, and my family keeps forgetting. Every time I try to politely correct them, they feel like I am being too harsh.
How do I remind them in a way that isn’t deemed “too harsh”?
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#1
Don't say stuff like 'Do I have to stick a piece of paper on myself for you to remember that I am not she/her (or he/him) I am they/them (Or whatever your pronouns are.)'
Be more relaxed like if someone said 'it is her (or his) birthday' say something like 'I don't use those pronouns currently, I go by they/them' By the way you don't have to use currently. And if they make the same mistake, politely say 'I go by they/them still, could you remember it?' Don't say it like Could you REMEMBER that? You can also put please if you wanted.
Also remember that people usually don't purposely call you the incorrect pronoun.
I hope this helped! ☺️
Final score:
4points
#2
I’m gender fluid, I use bracelets! Pink for she/her, blue for he/him, non-binary flag for they/them. Yes, I know gendered colors are dumb, but it works.
Final score:
4points
Grudge-holding Treefrog 1 year ago
I have a nonbinary bracelet, but that doesn’t seem to help much. Thanks for the advice though :)
#3
You aren’t being too harsh. Set boundaries, I’m non-binary too and being misgendered drives me insane. You don’t deserve to go through that, being misgendered is traumatizing. Go be a they/them and cause all the mayhem!
Final score:
4points
SaneMinotaur (she/her) 1 year ago
This! Love it. I'm cis, but it makes me so mad when people make anyone feel rubbish about their gender identity or romantic orientation.
#4
I am an old guy, and I'll tell you there's nothing really to this. Just tell me if I'm wrong. I'll be okay
Final score:
3points
RafCo (he/him) (Submission author) 1 year ago
Oh, I remember what I wanted to write about this now. If you English speakers hear some c**p about using they/them for singular is wrong, just remember these little factoids. 1, language evolves. If it didn't, then summer would still mean spring, and awful would be a compliment. 2, the first known use of they/them in reference to a single person of unspecified gender was in the epic poem William and the Werewolf, when it was first translated to English circa 1350. So they've had 700 years to figure this s**t out. Shakespeare also used they/them as singular quite frequently, and he's supposedly good at English.
#5
Meeting new people and establishing your pronouns:
'Hi, my name is 'Grudge-holding Treefrog', and my pronouns are 'they/them', what are your pronouns?
(People like talking about themselves, so by including them in this way, they're more likely to remember your pronouns.)
How to correct someone when they get your pronouns wrong:
"Hey, I noticed you got a bit muddled with my pronouns; they're actually 'they & them.' Please do correct me if I get yours wrong, by the way!"
How to deal with someone repeatedly getting your pronouns wrong:
"I've noticed that you refer to me as *incorrect pronoun* a lot, and I just wanted to respectfully ask you to refer to me as 'they/ them' in conversation, please. Thank you for understanding."
How to deal with someone being disrespectful/ rude in regards to your gender identity:
"You may not understand how I express myself and how I feel inside, but please remember that I am human as well, and worthy of respect and dignity. I am a real person with thoughts and feelings. If you don't wish to refer to me by my chosen pronouns, then please do not refer to me at all."
Lastly, always keep your composure as much as possible, and be soft spoken when you correct people.
Final score:
2points
Beatriz Medeiros 1 year ago
Great answer. I agree that being respectful is essential even with someone rude. Being soft spoken It's a thumb rule most people don't get well with being corrected so any attitude that seems harsh can make things even worse
#6
I don't have an answer but if anyone is willing to help me I have a similar question, but not the same- I use he/they and whenever I say that I use those pronouns in response to someone misgendering me they go off about how rude it is and that I'm acting like they forgot what pronouns that I use when they just messed up and I should correct them less aggressively. To be clear, the exact phrasing I always use is 'I use he/they pronouns' or 'hey I use he/they remember' and I try to keep it really gentle. I've sort of stopped correcting people for fear that they'll get angry and it's not helping to mental health. If anyone could help that'd be great
Final score:
2points
RafCo (he/him) 1 year ago
I have a question about this, and I am sorry if I offend someone. I don't know what he/they actually means. Does it mean you're comfortable with both male and non-binary pronouns? Or does it mean something else?
#7
Don't be like "um it's HE" like a snobby ✨b i t c h✨ am not you are I'm just saying be more like oh I actually use *your pronouns*. I have someone at school who is like this and everyone hates him and he faked tourettes for attention 😐
Final score:
1point
#8
When someone uses the wrong pronouns then tell them something like " Could you use they/them pronouns for me please?" and then move on. I am kind of curious about what they think is too harsh though. It might not be as bad as they think.
Final score:
1point
crowspectre (he/they) 1 year ago
I think that adding the please makes it more of their choice, which it isn't. It's like saying 'hey I want you to use they/them but you totally don't have to' which is very untrue
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago (edited)
How about, ‘by the way, I use he/they pronouns,’ it’s not rude but also not a request. Also is Treefrog a rainwing?
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What do you think ?
Grudge-holding Treefrog (Post author) 1 year ago
Just for clarification since it is apparently needed, I am waiting for a pause in the conversation and then saying something like, “ Hey, I’m they now.” quietly. I really just don’t want to offend people.
RafCo (he/him) 1 year ago
Sounds fine by me. But for us older folks, we may not immediately understand what you're talking about. So you may hear a "huh?" Which would require a response like "my pronouns I mean". Just not something we olden type people think about in the same way, so we may not immediately get what you're saying.
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Øptimist 1 year ago
THIS IS SO RANDOM BUT I WANTED TO TELL YOU! You spelt LGBTQ wrong in your bio I believe-
Grudge-holding Treefrog (Post author) 1 year ago
Just for clarification since it is apparently needed, I am waiting for a pause in the conversation and then saying something like, “ Hey, I’m they now.” quietly. I really just don’t want to offend people.
RafCo (he/him) 1 year ago
Sounds fine by me. But for us older folks, we may not immediately understand what you're talking about. So you may hear a "huh?" Which would require a response like "my pronouns I mean". Just not something we olden type people think about in the same way, so we may not immediately get what you're saying.
Load More Replies... Øptimist 1 year ago
THIS IS SO RANDOM BUT I WANTED TO TELL YOU! You spelt LGBTQ wrong in your bio I believe-
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