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In my school, there is someone I only have in 1 (25 minutes) Homeroom class. I confessed that I liked them many months ago and got friend-zoned. I got depressed, couldn't stop thinking about them, dreaming about it.

I want to stop this because I'm starting to affect my family and other friends. I can't move on from this, and I value our friendship so much, I'm not willing to risk it and try to make another move. What should I do.

#1

Let it go. Friendzone? Drop that phrase and your dating pool will expand. She’s allowed to say no. NO is a full sentence. It doesn’t mean try again. It means no. I’m sorry you’re depressed but your mental state is not her fault or her responsibility. I don’t want to be harsh but you saying you’re “obsessed” to the point that it’s affecting all other relationships is a big red flag. Don’t say you value her friendship when really all you mean is that you value her potential as a mate. If you value her as a person, then you must value her decision to not be romantic with you. Instead of posting this, why not ask advice on finding a girl that likes you? Why don’t you try a makeover? Just some new clothes and haircut so you feel good about yourself. Confidence goes a long way. You’ll find someone. It just takes time and patience. If someone isn’t into you that way- take it in stride. There’s another girl out there better suited for you. Don’t embarrass the both of you by dragging this out.

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Mike Jacobs
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

sorry for mentioning friendzone... Ive heard it many times before, but i didnt ACTUALLY know what it meant

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#2

Drop the "friendzone" term and come to the realization being friends with someone first allows you to build a real, true bond with them, like really get to know their inner workings, before you decide to take it a step further.

Dating to find a partner is weird the more you think about it. The majority of the time you're getting together is when someone is dropping money on treats and being more romantic than you both would any other time, and that's it. You're not getting to meet each other's friends and hang out, you haven't met each other's families, you haven't been around each other when you haven't been trying so hard to impress each other all the time.
jmho

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#3

As other users said, the friendzone is not a real thing. People are allowed to not feel attracted to others, as you probably are not attracted to many others. You confessed your feelings and she/he said no. Now you can do two things. You can stay friends (not to try to get in their pants but because of genuine friendship) or drift apart. But do not pretend to be their friend with the idea of keep insisting about dating. Thats not friendship.

It sucks to not be liked by your crush but you need to let it go.

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#4

You need to move on, and accept that they just don't like you back. If they're not interested, don't even try getting them to like you because you can't change the way a person feels about you in that way.

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#5

Be yourself and let them be theirselves :)

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#6

We all get rejected at some point. You're young and I promise it will get easier. Try to see it as an opportunity to seek out other relationships and I promise you'll move on from her and even laugh someday that it affected you so much. And be sure to tell yourself to always be the best version of yourself. Don't sit at home doing nothing- go to the gym, be healthy, make friends that you can socialize with. When she sees what a catch you are, and that you are not interested in her, she'll might think twice. But it's not her job to be interested in you. There's an old quote that girls are not machines that you put kindness coins into and sex falls out. I don't think you are being as drastic as that but...you can be as nice and caring as you want but sometimes people just aren't interested. It might not have anything to do with you. Maybe it does but you may not ever know it. But a lot of guys think they are 'owed' something because they were nice. If she is a quality person, then the only thing you are owed is her being nice back. But even then it's dependant on your approach. Some guys think they're being nice and they're actually being weird or creepy. I always tell my guy friends to imagine if a gay man was pursuing you the same way you pursued her... would anything they do change your mind? If you truly weren't interested in him then he shouldn't keep pushing it and just move on and not make you uncomfortable. Same with you and her. Trust me, there's nothing more attractive than someone who is happy so go find someone else and don't let her see that it bothers you at all.

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Mike Jacobs
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not exactly pushy... I mentioned it once, they say no, I never mention it again. I still do exactly what I did before I mentioned it. Just saying hi, email/discord conversations, giving gifts on holidays, etc. Nothing changed between us, but stuff changed in me.

Mike Jacobs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dislike the notion of "seeking out another relationship" mostly because it seems kinda weird to have the mindset of: "If this person fails, I have more people to pursue."

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#7

Translation : "How do I force someone to love me?"

Answer : you don't. Get over it. Give up. Love is a myth anyway.

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