Hey Pandas, Have You Ever Had Depression? (Closed)

#1

Honestly I don't think "had depression" is right because its always there in the back of your mind even when you are at your best. Anyway I have been having depression since I was 13 and I've overcome the bad stuff I haven't had a horrible round since I was 17 but it's still kinda there. The thing that got me through it was literally cartoons and pushing myself to do things which is really hard when your brain is motivated but not your conciousness. Anyway I've gotten better and I hope people who feel this way can eventually overcome it just like I did.

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MustardLemon

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#2

Had it for a year and a half. Cut on January 5th, 2020. Went to the hospital that very day. Never did it again. Still depressed, but I am getting better.

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Julia King

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#3

I've been dealing with depression for over 2 decades now. It's like as soon as I turned 12, my brain decided I'd had enough serotonin and cut me off completely.

It was hard being that young and not knowing what was going on or why I felt sad all the time. It was harder because my parents didn't believe me when I said I thought I might be depressed and wanted to talk to a psychiatrist. I was told things like, "it costs too much" (it's covered by our provincial health care plan, so doesn't cost anything out-of-pocket) or "what will everyone think if they find out you want to go see a shrink?" The first few years I was so depressed and ashamed. I felt like I was a freak. I told my best friend and when my mom found out, she screamed at me. It was all about appearances at the beginning.

I had my first suicide attempt at 14. My parents started taking things a bit more seriously after that. They found me a psychiatrist. I was put on medication. But it never really worked that we'll, and the side effects were unpleasant. I remember my mom telling me I was getting fat (a common side effect of antidepressants) and it made me feel even worse. It was still a huge secret, something I was supposed to be ashamed of, especially since now I was on medication. I felt so isolated and broken.

Another issue was the chronic nature of the depression. Everyone, the doctors included, seemed to think it was a phase that I would pass through. I'd never had a chronic illness before. Being 14 and suddenly being told that you have to take medication every single day is daunting. I forgot a lot of the time, and my parents never tried to guide me or remind me, since this was something that was taboo and wasn't talked about. My mom would pick up my medication from the pharmacy for me, but it was useless if I didn't remember to take it. It was a huge responsibility for me at that age, and I didn't get the help I needed. I don't even know if I fully understood that I needed to take the medication every day.

I got through high school with my marks dropping in my final year. I went to the university my parents wanted me to, and failed my first year because I was too depressed to go to lectures or do the coursework. I remember one morning when I was 18, my mom woke me up screaming because I had failed. I was in bed crying, and she struck me. More than once. That was probably one of my lowest points.

My parents wanted me to go back to university on academic probation, but I said no and I took a year off to work and decided what *I* wanted to do. When I was 20, I moved away to college and earned a diploma. I met my husband about a year after I graduated.

Things were better in my life, but the depression wasn't. After being on dozens of medications for about a decade and no improvement, I asked my psychiatrist to refer me to a specialist for electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). It was honestly the first treatment that worked for me, and the side effects were manageable - just some nausea from the anesthesia, and I experienced some memory loss as well. But it was the first time since childhood that I felt "normal" again.

The next five years were good. I was still on some medication after the ECT, but it wasn't a lot. Unfortunately, I had to come off that medication in order to start a family, and I got very depressed again. I had very severe post-partum depression too, and needed ECT again. My son is almost 5 now, and although things are better than they were while I was pregnant, it's still not ideal. Being locked in a house for months on end hasn't been helping either. I'm just hoping that life will regain some semblance of normalcy soon, and hopefully my mood will improve with it.

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3points

Scarlett Fox

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Viviane 3 years ago

You've had along struggle. I'm glad you found treatment. Several of my friends (one has depression and anxiety) have been having a hard time with it. They don't have children, so they're able to go for walks to alleviate that somewhat. Are you able to talk to people online?

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#4

I had long periods of depression when I was 16, 21, and 25. Sometimes I had shorter, more manageable periods. Now I think I have it under control, but my experience tells me that it's not a thing that just magically goes away, and will remain in some form for quite a while.
The hardest thing about depression is how subtle it is. Once you get used to it, you don't even see how it reflects in your life.

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Titas Burinskas

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saesha has depression 3 years ago

i´ve had depression for awhile now and im used to it i´ve had it since i was 11

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#5

I have Depression. I was born with it as it runs in my family but I don’t think it really kicked in until I was about 8 years old. Finding out what Depression was and what causes it helped me understand my mental illness a bit better. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. I know I’m going to have it for the rest of my life, it doesn’t just go away, but some days are more manageable than others and I’ve found ways to help me cope with the severe darkness wrapped around my mind.

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E Bytes

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saesha has depression 3 years ago

i know how u feel

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#6

To be honest with you. I don't know if I have depression. I think I might do..

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he)

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Lauraine Zhou 3 years ago

I feel the same way sometimes.

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#7

I have depression right now actually I had it before where it got really bad but the I recovered but a recent loss has kinda brought it back out

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AliceInWonderland?

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saesha has depression 3 years ago

how did u recover from depression

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#8

i´ve had depression since i was 11 because i had an abusive family and ex

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tsu

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Viviane 3 years ago

I hope you're able to manage it. For me, I used therapy when I need it (I found a good match with my present therapist) and anti-depressants.

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#9

I spent around 8 years in a deep depression when my fiance broke of our engagement. When I came out of the depression colors were literally more warm and vibrant.

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deletemyaccount

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saesha has depression 3 years ago

at least ur happy now

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#10

Saesha, this is the third post you have made asking about depression. Are you trying to self-treat?

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Truth Monster

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1776... New York City 3 years ago

Kind of. I’ve never got a diagnosis but I have severe symptoms such as suicide attempts, self-harm, and obviously, feeling sad for long periods of time. But I don’t really know of its depression or not because yes, I always feel sad, but it kind of comes and goes.

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