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Haha this should be fun. Try to make it sound nothing like the actual job while still being accurate. Extra points if you can guess the job people are referring to. Good luck!
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#1
make sure a flying thing doesn't turn into a not flying thing.
Final score:
36points
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#2
You are forced to take care of like 30 children for little money which is basically like babysitting. You have to teach them while they stare at a wall, pass notes, talk, and sneak food. And by the end of the week you are ready to crack.
Final score:
30points
#4
Looking at nude corpses
Final score:
22points
#5
Try to make it to Friday evening without crying and/or screaming.
Final score:
21points
#6
I help Pandas
Final score:
19points
#7
Putting someone in more pain than they were previously to apparently make them feel better in the long run.
Final score:
19points
#8
Teach children and sometimes adults to hit each other, but in a safe way.
Final score:
17points
#9
Purposely leaving out details as to not distress the public.
Final score:
15points
#10
You take a thing and turn it into a better thing
Final score:
14points
#12
they let karens in
Final score:
12points
#13
Look at your computer so that people find entertainment
Final score:
10points
#14
i move wiggly light into your eyes and you like it
Final score:
10points
#15
I stick sharp objects in you mouth and torture your mouth
Final score:
10points
#16
Enter an unknown home, Stab a stranger, and leave with a souvenir.
Final score:
10points
#17
Trying to keep somebody alive or fixing something while knowing if you mess up even in the slightest way possible you might kill somebody.
Final score:
9points
#19
Take a year planing for a single day by stressing everyone out and making them hate dresses and cake.
Final score:
9points
#20
After the kid tells me it hurts, I push on it harder and ask if it hurts.
Final score:
8points
#21
Up to 300 conversations in 8 hrs all while keeping a polite tone regardless if they are rude or not
Final score:
8points
Sue Mullen Andersen 3 years ago
Telephone Customer Service - I would be fired on my first day.
#22
I give people drugs
Final score:
7points
#23
you slam the table with a hammer and decide, ether a person will go to a room or not
Final score:
7points
#24
I give drugs to people then arrest them for taking said drugs
Final score:
7points
#25
Giving people stuff that they will probably not like.
Final score:
6points
#26
Imagine being a cop, except you are only assigned to a gated neighborhood and everyone that lives there is trying to kill you and you have to keep them safe with no weapons, no way out, no vehicle. Armed only with your wits a pen and maybe some pepper spray that doesn't do anything. And you also have to keep them alive and you alive and everyone around you alive. And if you're like me, on top of all of it you actually care about other human beings even if they treat you like dirt so you try to make sure they are mentally ok too but you're not a mental health professional. You are told to be security, mental health, banker, patrol, parent / guardian and with minimal pay.
Final score:
6points
#27
When grow up I want to cut people open and mess with their insides :)
Final score:
6points
#28
you forced to shove food in a cardboard box and put a toy in the box and you dont even get to taste the food
Final score:
6points
#29
Working for a CEO that was never originally their idea. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see the movie. It's called "The Founder." I hate that man
Final score:
5points
#30
Being forced to sit in front of a computer all day working on stuff that we will never need irl for 8 hours trying to escape but can't.
Final score:
5points
#31
Instead of telling someone they're healthy, I give them a $500 bill with bad handwriting.
Final score:
5points
#32
Put people into vans and electrocute them until they reach a building with more of the same people.
Final score:
5points
#33
I was a "sh.t umbrella". I was paid to deal with sh.tty things and sh.tty people and sh.tty situations. I was a mayor's chief of staff.
Final score:
4points
cassiushumanmother (Submission author) 3 years ago
The sentence "see that with my collaborator" still haunt me. That was like a sh.t catapult.
#34
Legally cutting up dead bodies
Final score:
4points
#35
sitting on the couch helplessly watching your children make a mess and wait for them to go to bed so you can clean it and repeat this tomorow
Final score:
4points
#36
you make a fool of yourself on a raised platform in a place full of mildly poisoned people so they can laugh and get more poisoned.
Final score:
4points
#37
Try to get at least 'B's so i can have a bright future
Final score:
3points
#38
Human welcome mat
Final score:
3points
#39
Doing endless paperwork and subsisting on a diet of ramen and coffee so you can get the achievement of the first letter of the American lexicon.
College student. I'm not one....and now I want ramen.
Final score:
3points
#40
Working for ego-maniacal rude and crude South Africans that take senior positions in companies. Their mentality is three fold;
1. I am better than you and will shout the loudest when I am always wrong, so it looks like I am right.
2. You will always do as I say, and do it NOW!
3. If you not do as I say, nor do you correct me then you will be rewarded with cringe-worthy ‘shout outs’ that put 1970s workplace straight back on the map.
Any company with links to SA, DO.NOT.GO.THERE.
Final score:
3points
Billy The Kid 3 years ago
I dont know but i know this - job or not i would have to shout back!!!
#41
Make the workplace boring, people hide when you do walk throughs, enforce unpopular policies and procedures, and hold meetings to explain why they are important.
Final score:
3points
#42
(I'm not old enough to have a job but-) Teaching tiny midgets stuff they don't need to know for when they're older.
Final score:
3points
#43
Extracting your fluids to run tests on them and never return them.
Final score:
3points
#44
Writing lies, and selling those lies. Everyone knows they are lies. They like it.
Final score:
3points
#45
You have to look for books that the visitor describes as 'a blue cover', know how tho find a specific subject in 100.000 books, lend them to a stranger and hope you get them back in good condition.
Final score:
3points
#46
Mixing stuff until your arm hurts, make precise measurements or else everything will explode, and smile while people criticize your work in an awful ways.
Final score:
3points
Jennifer Welch 3 years ago
The "explode" part is what's throwing me. :) Without that, I'm thinking a baker....but if you mean "explode" in a literal way, then maybe a chemist?
#47
Make sure people get into vehicles which can shake them and turn them upside down which can make them throw up. Do this the whole day long.
Final score:
3points
#48
you wear new clothes and people look at you wear the clothes. some pictures of you will also be taken.
Final score:
3points
#49
leaving earth to get some "space "
Final score:
3points
#50
Makes sure the adults dont kill the children theyre supposed to get paid for.
Final score:
3points
#51
Organize thin slices of trees on thick pieces of trees while shushing humans
Final score:
3points
#52
Hours of working hard to keep everyone calm, often while covered in bodily fluids. In the end, a new person enters the room stark naked and screaming, and everyone is elated!
Final score:
3points
#54
middle level executive in a company who is responsible for liability management
Final score:
2points
#55
Organizing, inventorying, and safely storing truck loads of dusty letters and documents which are several hundred years old so people can eventually access them.
Final score:
2points
#56
Teach people that are jobless for years basic everyday knowledge they heard from you half a year before (and still tend to ignore). Repeat again in about half a year, cause they refuse job offers that are more than 5 miles away from their current residence. ;_;
Final score:
2points
#57
Kiss babies/empty promises so I can fill my pockets with expenses & family/friends' with taxes
Final score:
2points
#58
Organize books in the most gated of gated communities, try not to get involved in various fights because the weapons are makeshift and often smell but still have to break them up occasionally. Once have a community member tell you if he says don't come to work, DON'T COME TO WORK, before the promotion to book arranger.
Final score:
2points
#59
You have to talk to people. Listen to people cuss you out. Crappy Team leaders.
Final score:
2points
#60
You heat up food in a fancy way.
Final score:
2points
#62
They break into people's cars... and get paid for it
Final score:
2points
#63
Trying to get through said job until you leave it
Final score:
2points
#64
You stare at a screen all day pushing key combinations but when those keys don't work you dry slightly different combinations over and over until you find a combination that works. Then someone who makes more money than you sells what you made for profit and rarely gives you credit.
Final score:
2points
#65
You teach children how to put their fingers in balls, then how to throw those balls right into 10 standing pins in hope to knock them down. And clean shared shoes.
Final score:
2points
#66
you sit down for 8 hours a day and complain why your computers an idiot
yup, a programmer
Final score:
2points
#67
the thing a karen always wants
Final score:
2points
#68
My mother looks at dead people and guesses their name
Final score:
2points
#69
Human Welcome Mat
Final score:
1point
#70
I listen to people talk about horrible problems on one of the worst days of their life and decide whether their rights should be taken away.
Final score:
1point
#71
Now Hiring. Must be willing to endure air conditioning in the winter, heating in the summer. Also must be able to accept that you will be developing bad knees, have multiple back injuries as well as frequent trips to the emergency room for stitches, exposure to deadly chemicals, the threat of heavy equipment injuries, lung problems from exposure to toxic gases. Finally be prepared to spend over $150,00 on tools during your career. Ask to speak to the hunched over guy with one eye.
Automobile repair technician.
Final score:
1point
#72
Keep animals asleep with drugs while another person fixes their insides
Final score:
1point
#73
You vividly hallucinate and create a scenario with completely made up people most of the time and then spend what could be years turning that scenario into words on a dead tree.
Final score:
1point
#74
not exactly a job but you have a lot of work and do not get paid
Final score:
1point
#76
haha number go brr. haha super fly thing goo blooooooooooosssssshhhhhhhooooommmmmmmmm. haha photo go brr
Final score:
1point
#77
You literally chop people open sometimes but most of the time it helps them. Sometimes you chop off their arm or let and sometimes you pull a LIVING BEING out of them.
Final score:
1point
#78
Make vulnerable strangers get undressed before I give them drugs.
Final score:
1point
#79
Instruct tiny chip to do things without moving
Final score:
1point
#80
go to a weird building, get tortured by paper, go home, repeat
Final score:
1point
#81
Make promises to a bunch of guys in suits as to when the work will be done as they threaten you with unemployment unless you compress the timeline and budget to the breaking point, after which you go speak to the people that you need to perform tasks and try to cajole them into working unpaid overtime to complete them. Then you play "let"s not and say we did" with the suit guys and give them an after action report so they can berate you over what went wrong. And you get another assignment to add to the 5 or 6 you already have.
Final score:
1point
#82
Take people's jobs with money and turn their lifelong dreams into garbage that nobody likes and then dispose of them after 3 years. Repeat until you run out of jobs to destroy.
Final score:
1point
#83
I push buttons for lazy people to help them make millions.
Final score:
1point
#84
I make awful movies look good, at least for 30 seconds.
Final score:
1point
#85
they look into ur eyes so you can put something in front of them
Final score:
0points
#86
it's like playing Sims, but with no cheat codes and have to actually adhere to the laws of physics.
Final score:
0points
#87
I give up my youth, happiness, free time, and money in exchange for an almost-daily amount of practically useless information and debt.
Final score:
0points
#89
Convince people (usually children) who do not know how to swim to submerge themselves in water.
Final score:
0points
#90
Have to answer every review with "I will certainly talk about this with my supervisor" Seriously I couldn't care less if you think the bed was to soft or to gard or the chair didn't fit or you didn't like the decor. No one cares.
Final score:
0points
#92
Oh I'm not buying it, I just wanted to see the sizes so I can order it online (probably from your competitor)
Final score:
0points
#94
I look after my nations treasures, and occasionally point visitors to toilets.
Final score:
0points
#95
I fix your errors and on top of that I even fix your stupidity when you click on that link from the Nigerian prince who has billions of dollars to smuggle out of his country. I won't fix that 30 day stay at a Zambian resort, free drinks, unlimited food and 24 hours of sunshine each day for less than $10 a day, though.
Final score:
0points
#96
Oh I'm not buying it, I just wanted to see the sizes so I can order it online (probably from your competitor)
Final score:
-2points
What do you think ?
Draco Malfoy (Post author) 3 years ago
wow i'm quite surprised so many people saw this haha. your entries are all hilarious!
Will Cable 3 years ago
It reminds me of a guy who had to fish vomit out of a blocked sink with his bare hands, clean up doodoo and urine, get abused by some and ignored by others, then get blamed for things not their fault..........nope, not a nurse but a coach and bus driver. That doesn't even include when people throw objects at the vehicle they are driving.
TexasWoman 3 years ago
Put my leopard geckos on my grandma's face and/or let her dogs lick em lol
Draco Malfoy (Post author) 3 years ago
wow i'm quite surprised so many people saw this haha. your entries are all hilarious!
Will Cable 3 years ago
It reminds me of a guy who had to fish vomit out of a blocked sink with his bare hands, clean up doodoo and urine, get abused by some and ignored by others, then get blamed for things not their fault..........nope, not a nurse but a coach and bus driver. That doesn't even include when people throw objects at the vehicle they are driving.
TexasWoman 3 years ago
Put my leopard geckos on my grandma's face and/or let her dogs lick em lol
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