Hey Pandas, Create A Fictional AITA Post For Others To Guess (Closed)

AITA posts are funny, but fake ones are even funnier. Write an AITA post from a fictional character's perspective and let others guess.

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Hey Reddit: AITA?
I (M57) am a high school professor teaching chemistry, and I have a favorite student. He is very hardworking, intelligent, and he buys me my fave snack (sugared pineapple slices) all the time. However, recently he asked me how to become immortal, and I told him that he must murder someone. But he won’t do it, right? Right???
Then my favorite student proceeded to become a serial killer, organize a cult, and I retired immediately in case someone finds out and kills me. So, AITA?

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Final score:

8points

HelluvaHedgehogAlien

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MadameMalfoy 1 year ago

Horace Slughorn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heheheheehehrh

6points

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Hey Reddit, AITA?
For context, I (M) won an election into a very corrupt government that couldn’t get anything done. Slowly I started getting myself more power in order to help the government do things quickly. I started a war just so people could see how weak we’d become and why it needed to be stronger. Eventually we won the war and because everyone agreed I’d been a good leader, I took away all power from the Senate and decided that I’d be the one deciding things, because the Senate was too slow and corrupt to get things done. But now people are blooming me for genocide and being an evil emperor, but back then the whole corrupt Senate agreed that me being emperor was best. AITA for trying to restore order?

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Final score:

5points

Tiramisu

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RedPepper 1 year ago

"I started a war just so people could see how weak we’d become and why it needed to be stronger": sorry, Palpatine, but starting a war just to prove a point is a horrible idea. Yes, YTA.

7points

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Hey Reddit! AITA?

So I was outside last week, and I saw my neighbor in the front yard. He’s a jerk to everyone. Including me. He stole all the mailboxes on our street once. I can’t prove it, but I just know it was him. Anyway, I got really annoyed at him that day. When he drove away to go to work, I gathered my menagerie of pets and set them free in his house. I let them have free rein of his house all day. I took them back to my house before he got home. There’s no way for him to know it was me. He told me today that the damages caused while he was away would cost him his elderly mother’s soul.
AITA?

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Final score:

3points

Kaz (they/them)

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Kaz (they/them) (Submission author) 1 year ago

This isn’t from anything btw I just made up a ridiculous story

5points

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Hey reddit, AITA?
I (M) used to work for a spy organization, but I was actually a secret agent for the other guys. I got into an elite special force team, with great teammates. I slept with one of them and then kissed another one after that. In fear of being discovered, I had to kill an agent who loved lanyards. I dragged him up a vent and kept him there. After being discovered, I had to kill a few more agents in order to save my father figure. I also threw two of my old teammates into the ocean where one of them suffered brain damage due to lack of oxygen. After that I tortured an agent, killed my girlfriend, mistaking her for someone else, and I was killed on an alien planet by my old leader After having my chest caved in by his prosthetic arm. There I was inflicted by an alien parasite that makes me the leader of all the inhumans. My power is to release parasites that turns humans into crispy fried chicken, BLOOD red colour. So basically I'm like a psycho before and after death.

So tell me reddit. AITA?

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Final score:

2points

aashi chaudhari

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Hey Reddit: AITA
I (17M) moved to a very bad city when I was 9 with my older brother where we got scammed and ended up homeless and sick. My brother and I were thought to be dead so we were piled onto a boat of corpses, me being too weak to protest. I was dumped into the canal and I used my brothers corpse to stay afloat and not drown. I am now severely traumatized. The man who pretended to be our friend conned us and took all of our money. I grew up a street thug, built up a gang and business empire as well as a reputation of a cold blooded killer. I love a girl who is in my gang but I am physically sick at the thought of physical touch due to the trauma of feeling of brothers corpse. I will finally got part of my revenge when I made him believe I buried his son alive. I said I'd tell him where his son is if he tells me my dead brothers name. He begged at my feet and I sent him to a random field. (His son is safe at home) He was tortured by imagining all the ways his son can be killed. So yeah AITA?

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Final score:

2points

PickleDragon she/her

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Kaz (they/them) 1 year ago

HELLO YES I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED

3points

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AITA for framing my boss’s bodyguard for a crime?

There’s a lot of context for this story so I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. About two years ago, I (50) noticed how the poorest people in the city were just… ruining the economy y’know? Idk how else to phrase it. But anyway, I got a couple rats infected with a disease and introduced them to the poor districts in the city. I was only trying to kill off the impoverished citizens but it got SO out of control.

So for the past two years we were trying to fight it off. That was when the empress (32) I work for sent her bodyguard (39) to get help from the rest of the empire. He was gone for 6 months. During that time, I’d planned an assassination for the empress (I even hired the most infamous assassin in our city!) and kidnap the empress’ daughter.

So, the bodyguard came back a few days early! Like the day we planned to assassinate the empress! Thankfully, after the assassination, the bodyguard got blamed for the murder and the kidnapping (he didn’t even say anything to defend himself which was kinda weird tbh). Because of my power in the system, I took over as temporary ruler. It’s been another 6 months and I’m still ruler rn.

I got drunk one night and confessed this to my servant. She got super freaked out and tried to tell people, but thankfully they called her crazy and she was executed. But her reaction has me thinking; AITA?

TL;DR Introduced plague to city, empress’ bodyguard gone for 6 months to find help, he came back the day we assassinated the empress and he got blamed for it.

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Final score:

2points