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Anything funny you want to petition? Well, here's your place to be. You could hold a petition to rename hand sanitizer "paper cut finder 2000."
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#1
Petition to allow all retail workers to slap one Karen per calendar month. Two if its their birthday.
Final score:
88points
Ian Reynolds 3 years ago
Seems fair, could be a position of bargain - I haven't used my slap yet!
RELATED:
#2
Petition to change the name of ‘Fire Ants’ to ‘Spicy Bois’
Final score:
67points
#3
Petition to Cap the Gap. Owners, CEO, mangers can only earn a certain percentage above the lowest paid employee in the entire corporation. Includes all forms of income, shares, benefits, kickbacks, retreats, bonuses.
Final score:
67points
#4
A petition that anyone who refuses to wear a mask in public receives a small electric shock when they enter a building of any kind. Nothing to do damage, but enough to let them know there is a cost to their decision.
Final score:
64points
#5
I need signatures so we can make Taco Tuesdays a fundamental human right.
Final score:
57points
#6
Petition to have a whole month where the students teach on whatever they want. Movies, games, books, doesn't matter. snacks are involved too
Final score:
56points
#7
I would like to make it obligatory that men must wear a hat in public. I’m not talking about baseball, I’m talking proper hats, bowlers, top, fedoras etc and they must doff them when greeting a lady.
Final score:
55points
SentimentAndBadJokes 3 years ago
And they say chivalry is dead?? I would low key love to see this happen, but sad to say it probably never will.
#8
A petition to make all politicians undergo a full battery of psychological and intelligence test before being able to run for office, so the people know exactly who they are voting into office
Final score:
52points
#9
I need signatures to make it absolutely illegal to have spammers call and "check on my auto warranty"
Final score:
49points
Terilee Bruyere 3 years ago
Absolutely! Can we make this one a reality? I swear I've blocked at least 8 of those numbers just this last week.
#10
I would like a petition for every congress-person or senator to have every corporate sponsor tattooed on their face.
Final score:
48points
Colin L (Submission author) 3 years ago
There is a danger: some senators would be probably wearing blackface, which would be offensive on several levels.... wait... if it deterred people from voting for them... nevermind, I withdraw my objection.
#11
Signatures in here for free cookies every day
Final score:
40points
#12
Petition to award USD$10 billion to the person who can make a less believable fiction story than the reality of 2020-21.
Final score:
37points
Thorfin Wolfsbane 3 years ago (edited)
"Once the pandemic hit, Trump became a completely different person. He advocated for scientifically recommended protocols and did the best he could to save as many lives as possible. His change of heart to selflessness earned him re-election to the presidency and he was given a Nobel Peace Prize" End story. Get in touch with me and I will tell you where to send my money.
#13
Petition for a law where people have to say/do at least one nice thing for someone else every day.
Final score:
37points
#14
(Saw this on the internet but still love the idea of it)
Petition for there to be one day a year where we turn off all of our lights at night in our time zones so we can stargaze and see everything
Final score:
37points
#15
Petition for those who forbid women to have an abortion to adopt these children, pay for insurance, healthcare and college fees.
Final score:
35points
Valley Girl 3 years ago
You can count on my signature and the signatures of all my dead relatives!
#16
A petition to change the homophobic people’s minds. I don’t wanna hurt them, just wanna love unoprressed
Final score:
30points
#17
A petition that any organization or person questioning the legitimacy of an election must pay 10 times the cost of the recount if proven wrong.
Final score:
29points
#18
A petition that politicians must not lie otherwise they will incur a $100,000 fine per instance.
Final score:
28points
#19
I petition that when parents divorce the kids stay in one house and the parents have to stay on their weekends or weeks then go to their own house instead of the kids being bounced back and forth.
Final score:
28points
#21
Make America Grate Again!
Ban Pre-Shredded Cheese!
Final score:
25points
your socially awkward cousin 3 years ago
BUT ITS GOOD TO EAT WITH A SPOON A 2:30 IN THE MORNING
#22
We should have a petition to let us have a robot of our favorite animal for a pet (if it’s wild) and if it’s domestic then we legally get one (unless allergic then you would get robot) and you have to take care of it or it gets taken
Final score:
23points
your socially awkward cousin 3 years ago
That's actually a really good idea, I would definitely get one
#23
Petition to change everyone who is named ‘Alfie’’s name to ‘Stormageddon Dark Lord of All’ ?
I need 50 signatures. :D
Final score:
21points
#24
A petition that bacon be officially renamed "the candy of meat"
Final score:
21points
#25
PETITION TO BAN PETITIONS!!!
1.______________
2.______________
3.______________
Final score:
20points
#26
A petition that men must wear an undergarment or shirt to cover their breasts at all times like women have to in public. An also an amendment that no body hair is acceptable in public on any body part except top of head (ie hair styles) and brows. (Let that upkeep cost sink in for beauty standards.)
Final score:
20points
ShriSha Kamboj 3 years ago
yes n eyelashes shall b allowed too......n dont u dare show those darn shoulders
#27
A petition that adoption be mandatory for right to lifers in states that ban abortions.
Final score:
20points
#28
A petition to go back in time to the 90’s and have a do over
Final score:
19points
Muff_Fluff 3 years ago
Then we can evacuate the twin towers. But wait… if we redid the 90’s they probably wouldn’t even attack at that moment. Nvm.
#29
Petition to rename Barry uk to Florida 2
Final score:
18points
Ian Reynolds 3 years ago
No, please no, I live about 20 minutes from Barry Island and it is not a place of dreams, more of nightmares and depression.
#31
Petition that all dogs all over the world would have a loving home.
Final score:
18points
#32
That all cats receive royal titles
Final score:
16points
#33
Im creating a petition to make everyone like pineapple on pizza. Its good people
Final score:
15points
#34
Petition to forever eliminate handshakes. Instead the person to initiate the hello will bow and the second party will curtesy.
Final score:
15points
Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago
I like that but what about people in a wheelchair or otherwise unable to do so
#35
petition for every houses backyard to come with a bird feeder and birdbath. (unless there is a bird disease in the area)
Final score:
14points
#36
In the spirit of equal rights, I petition for men to have menstrual cycles, breasts, and be able to give birth.
Final score:
14points
#37
y'all know the St James center in Edinburgh put googley eyes on it
Final score:
13points
#38
A law creating a political report card and annual vote of confidence. A non-partisan group is formed that creates a simplified report on what the politician has done, how they voted on issues, what the issues were and who benefited. Then, every year a vote of confidence is held where those politicians have to pass to stay in office. Advertising is not allowed and those that failed are prevented from ever holding office again and connect take jobs, either directly or indirectly, working for groups that have benefitted from laws or rules they introduced. Immediate family is also disqualified.
Final score:
11points
#39
There’s a real petition to bring back the 2008 Pumpkin Kitty at build a bear on Change.org. Definitely recommend signing it.
Final score:
10points
#40
Petition to make people sign a petition saying we have to make cats sign a petition to make dogs sign a petition to make birds sign a petition to ban petitions
Final score:
10points
#41
Petitions to:
Make the word "scrimpled" an adjective meaning the grooved effect on butter when spread onto bread by a serrated edge knife
Ban all negative miserable soap operas like Eastenders.
Make illegal the religious education of children until after age 8 to put an end to indoctrination.
Make Bored Panda a regular TV show.
Make the date of the first moon landing an international day of celebration.
Final score:
9points
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
I like the last one. It was an amazing feat and I can remember watching it in real time.
#42
Petition for passing lane drivers that won’t yield or drivers that ride in that lane. When someone is caught doing this, they have camera and software installed in their cars that prevent them from ever driving in that lane again. If they are caught disabling or other circumventing the software, a lifetime ban from ever entering the freeways.
Final score:
9points
#43
A petition to outlaw the use of The phrase, “you know”.
Final score:
7points
#44
Ok. Serious here. I would like to petition Someone to explain the extra letters after LGBT(Q)+. I get the original 4. Q not so much, because I thought calling someone queer was an insult. And I'm just unclear as to what the other letters represent. (No cable, not on social media, tend not to socialize much, home is where my heart is)
I have no trouble accepting people for who they are or how they identify. But I also don't want to make random strangers uncomfortable by asking personal questions. And knowledge can lead to better understanding in general. And maybe it will lead to some people who are not accepting to understand better and be more accepting. So, can someone help with that? Thanks Pandas!
Final score:
7points
Troux 3 years ago
Not sure why you got downvoted for an earnest question, maybe because it's more of a question than a petition. Basically queer is used as an insult only by people who intend for it to be insulting, but it has innocuous meaning beyond that - same goes for 'homo,' 'gay,' or 'Jew' for that matter. Queer (lit. outside the norm) means anything outside of straight and cisgender. It's meant to reflect how people may change over time. Some people who were gay were first bi. Some people who were trans were once gay and cis, etc.
#45
Petition to legally allow people to bury or cremate anyone who says "I'm dead." If they say "I'm literally dead," then you are also legally entitled to 50% of their will.
Final score:
7points
#46
Offically recognize Bleen as a hew number between six and seven
Final score:
6points
#47
Petition to require any person who refuses to let another parent/guardian in the car line (alternating of course) to be made to go to the end of the line. It takes a split second to be a decent person, don't keep people waiting on the highway.
Final score:
6points
#48
A petition to add claws to stoplights. If you haven’t moved when the light turns green (checking your phone, eating, looking for things in your car, etc), the claw picks you up and won’t set you back down until the road at that light is empty.
Final score:
6points
#49
I petition that we do away with two party politics. They are as bad as each other.
Final score:
5points
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
There are more than two...the others just don’t have nearly so many people
#50
A petition to force all influencers to never be in public anywhere!
Final score:
5points
#51
Join me in signing a petition that deters customers from spewing that god awful joke “ well it must be free!”. With your signature, these super unfunny dad joke extraordinaires will be forced to wear the cone of shame around their necks, sending a message to the rest of the flock every time that vitriol leaves their lips.
Final score:
5points
#52
Sign up here for men to have mandatory vasectomies once they become sexually mature and mandatory sexual education classes on what consent is and self control is.. You know instead of blaming women for everything and forcing them into staying in an unwanted pregnancy because it is no one else's damn business what a woman's decision on her body is.
Final score:
5points
#53
a petition to increase the taxes on companies that dont pay the living wage to the workers. why should the rest of us have to pay for them just being effin greedy
Final score:
5points
#54
A petition to eliminate daylight savings time in the U.S.
Final score:
5points
#55
This is a story but it’s really good!
I went to Montessori from 3yrs old-2nd grade. You could go anywhere you wanted as long as you did handwriting, reading, and math. So someone didn’t like handwriting and made a petition against it. So everyone did, like all 274 kids did. Im just going to give a few examples of what I saw.
Primary (3-6)
“Let me poop freely”
“Make more than just biscuits!”
“Don’t make me wear Cody’s underwear”
Elementary (6-11)
“LGB and no t”
“Don’t listen to the other person”
“No more muffins”
Final score:
4points
#56
I want a petition to end the office of the president. It’s now just a overblown popularity contest for both sides. All the other side does is override the other once in office. It’s becoming an endless stalemate. My side vs your side at this extreme is disgusting. The answers are in the middle.
Final score:
4points
#57
Petiton to create more cg5's and jt music's in a lab.
Final score:
4points
#58
Petition to get mods for life. Such as: Hogwarts Mod. Go to Diagon Alley and get your wand today!
Bonus petition: cheats for life. Start out with 20k if you like. Start your job at level 5. Cheat your relationship to 100. Cheat pregnancy to in labor. Can you tell I play the Sims?
Final score:
4points
#59
Anyone over the age of 16, regardless of gender, nationality and status who steps off an escalator and immediately stops or blocks any ways because of stupidly standing around scratching his head, "checking" his phone or spontaneously forgetting how to walk should receive a punishment as described:
1st offense: MASSIVE kick in the ass by anyone offended by this behavior
2nd offense: three months in prison
3rd offense: Forced to stay at home for at least 1 year, because of being to stupid to walk in public.
Final score:
4points
#60
A petition to make it mandatory for all dogs who want pets, get pets.
Final score:
3points
Peg luvz Al 3 years ago
I got my pets pets. My dog (Albert) got a kitten (Deakin) and when Deakin grew up, he got a kitten (Ivy Parker).
#61
I petition that all cars come with a huge spatula on the right side that way you can flip the car driving slow in the passing lane
Final score:
3points
#62
A petition to have all food that is thrown away after an hour from convenience stores, fast food, etc donated to food banks, or give it to the needy at the 59 minute mark. SO much waste, it's crazy!!!
Final score:
3points
#63
A law that every person - male or female - receives compulsory, yet reversible, birth control implants or surgery at puberty. It can not be reversed until each person proves to an examination board they are financially and emotionally stable enough to provide a decent, secure home to raise a child. (As people who wish to adopt must do.)
Final score:
3points
#64
A petition to require COVID-19 violators be substance to community service at hospitals.
Final score:
3points
#66
A petition to make "Living in America" by James Brown the office anthem of the U.S.
Final score:
2points
#67
petition to force donut shops to give out free samples of full-sized donuts to everyone, but especially homeless people. all food anywhere is free for homeless people.
Final score:
2points
#68
Now collecting signatures to remove the Insert key from QWERTY keyboards.
Final score:
2points
#69
Petition so that if a kid gets bullied more than three times and tell a teacher who doesn’t do anything then they have rights to punch the teacher who’s letting it happens.. teachers would stop letting bullying happen real quick
Final score:
2points
#70
Petition for writers to make Tumblr stuff actual published stories
Imagine the crazy
Have you heard of the gay Island post
Final score:
1point
Vintage_Misery_Business 2 years ago
that would be CHAOS. i love it. you have my signature, Ms. Sandiego.
#71
A petition should be made it is hasn't to make Sean Lock's Nazi Island a real TV show, if you haven't heard of this google it.
Final score:
1point
#72
A petition that requires any person running for public office must have served in the military
Final score:
1point
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago (edited)
I think the intention of this is a noble one, but I think the actuality of it would be terrible. This would exclude all sorts of people who don’t have that option (i.e., wheelchair-bound), and would have the effect of funneling an even greater percentage of our budget to the military, which already receives a lion’s share. I would be for a modified version of this if people had an alternative like joining the Peace Corp or the current incarnation of VISTA (Volunteers In Service To America), which is a domestic version of the Peace Corps, or Habitat for Humanity, etc.
#73
That Lucky Charms makes an all marshmallow cereal.
Would it be cereal?
Final score:
1point
#74
Petition to change Post's Malone's first part of his rap name to Eye. Eye Malone. Im alone
Final score:
1point
#75
1. Petition to make anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, etc. pay for the healthcare of those who can't afford it.
2. Make arks in places and spread the news that vaccines are given inside them (not just COVID, but they'll probably make you pay for them). People who have been confused by anti-vaxxers can be given proper information in it. People who refuse to listen to reason can be left out. Then we flood the areas.
Final score:
1point
#76
Petition to take back the Holy Land
Final score:
0points
Arthur Waite 3 years ago
You mean 'take back' as in 'trade in for a refund'? I'd support that.
#77
I hereby petition that every horror movie must, prior to obligatory sex scene, that a male partner must completely undress and flash the audience before the sex act begins. Also ask his partner if he/she likes what he/she sees. #Equality
Final score:
0points
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
I’m kind of confused by this one. Aren’t any actors consenting, working adults? And now it’s ok for a man to flash if the woman thinks it will embarrass him? #HUH
#78
A petition to require game show and reality show producers, writers and directors compete against each other on TV prior to the shore going into production. Because, if it’s good enough for them to compete it’s good enough for the public to compete.
Final score:
0points
#79
petition please funny classes
Final score:
0points
#80
Petition for iPhones to give you a 3% battery reminder. I’m just not worried enough when it’s 10% and the next thing I know my phone is shutting down. I call for change!
Final score:
0points
#81
For Caitlyn Jenner to change her name to Trans. Trans Jenner. Transgender.
Final score:
0points
#82
Petition to ban people from telling me no.
Final score:
0points
RandomX123 3 years ago
This will be a double-edged sword. Try asking people if you're stupid, or something like that, once this is put in action
#84
Petition to stop comments about one-ply! There are people who like one-ply and we will defend our right to use it!
Final score:
0points
#85
I'm petitioning to ban frivolous petitions. Hurry up and sign it while you still can.
Final score:
0points
What do you think ?
Kona Pake 3 years ago
A petition that adoption be mandatory for right to lifers in states that ban abortion.
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
It sounds perfect but I wouldn’t wanna be raised in that household. And then the indoctrination begins. Then we are stuck with more crazy aholes. We would be feeding the beast!
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Kona Pake 3 years ago
A petition that adoption be mandatory for right to lifers in states that ban abortion.
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
It sounds perfect but I wouldn’t wanna be raised in that household. And then the indoctrination begins. Then we are stuck with more crazy aholes. We would be feeding the beast!
Load More Replies...
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