Hey Pandas, Could You Create A Funny Imaginary Petition? (Closed)

#1

Petition to allow all retail workers to slap one Karen per calendar month. Two if its their birthday.

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Final score:

88points

Sarah Barker

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Ian Reynolds 3 years ago

Seems fair, could be a position of bargain - I haven't used my slap yet!

11points

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#2

Petition to change the name of ‘Fire Ants’ to ‘Spicy Bois’

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Final score:

67points

Lawless

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your socially awkward cousin 3 years ago

im allergic to spicy bois

18points

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#3

Petition to Cap the Gap. Owners, CEO, mangers can only earn a certain percentage above the lowest paid employee in the entire corporation. Includes all forms of income, shares, benefits, kickbacks, retreats, bonuses.

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Final score:

67points

Rider

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Eppe 3 years ago

This post is about funny, imaginairy petitions, not ones that make complete and utter sense.

33points

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#4

A petition that anyone who refuses to wear a mask in public receives a small electric shock when they enter a building of any kind. Nothing to do damage, but enough to let them know there is a cost to their decision.

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Final score:

64points

Robin Roper

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Linny H 3 years ago

That would be the only cost to their decision. Except the hate from the folks that confuse politics with science.

6points

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#5

I need signatures so we can make Taco Tuesdays a fundamental human right.

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Final score:

57points

Thorfin Wolfsbane

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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

Where do I sign?

15points

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#6

Petition to have a whole month where the students teach on whatever they want. Movies, games, books, doesn't matter. snacks are involved too

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Final score:

56points

your socially awkward cousin

POST

Chloe 3 years ago

That’s actually not a bad idea

13points

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#7

I would like to make it obligatory that men must wear a hat in public. I’m not talking about baseball, I’m talking proper hats, bowlers, top, fedoras etc and they must doff them when greeting a lady.

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Final score:

55points

Steve Barnett

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SentimentAndBadJokes 3 years ago

And they say chivalry is dead?? I would low key love to see this happen, but sad to say it probably never will.

14points

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#8

A petition to make all politicians undergo a full battery of psychological and intelligence test before being able to run for office, so the people know exactly who they are voting into office

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Final score:

52points

Unwelcomed Guest

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

Would that make a difference?. I know of one stupid idiot who was known to be stupid and all the stupid voted for him anyway. Hmmmm

19points

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#9

I need signatures to make it absolutely illegal to have spammers call and "check on my auto warranty"

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Final score:

49points

Ozymandias73

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Terilee Bruyere 3 years ago

Absolutely! Can we make this one a reality? I swear I've blocked at least 8 of those numbers just this last week.

7points

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#10

I would like a petition for every congress-person or senator to have every corporate sponsor tattooed on their face.

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Final score:

48points

Colin L

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Colin L (Submission author) 3 years ago

There is a danger: some senators would be probably wearing blackface, which would be offensive on several levels.... wait... if it deterred people from voting for them... nevermind, I withdraw my objection.

16points

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#11

Signatures in here for free cookies every day

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Final score:

40points

Chloe

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Muff_Fluff 3 years ago

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST ONE

10points

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#12

Petition to award USD$10 billion to the person who can make a less believable fiction story than the reality of 2020-21.

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Final score:

37points

Jeff Diamond

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Thorfin Wolfsbane 3 years ago (edited)

"Once the pandemic hit, Trump became a completely different person. He advocated for scientifically recommended protocols and did the best he could to save as many lives as possible. His change of heart to selflessness earned him re-election to the presidency and he was given a Nobel Peace Prize" End story. Get in touch with me and I will tell you where to send my money.

33points

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#13

Petition for a law where people have to say/do at least one nice thing for someone else every day.

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Final score:

37points

Deutschland Mädchen

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Arthur Waite 3 years ago

Oh, that's already installed in my heart.

11points

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#14

(Saw this on the internet but still love the idea of it)
Petition for there to be one day a year where we turn off all of our lights at night in our time zones so we can stargaze and see everything

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Final score:

37points

PjandBolt

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Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 3 years ago

Yes!!!

6points

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#15

Petition for those who forbid women to have an abortion to adopt these children, pay for insurance, healthcare and college fees.

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Final score:

35points

Caro Caro

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Valley Girl 3 years ago

You can count on my signature and the signatures of all my dead relatives!

9points

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#16

A petition to change the homophobic people’s minds. I don’t wanna hurt them, just wanna love unoprressed

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Final score:

30points

Pansexual fnaf weeb

POST

VeninTheNonBinaryRogue 3 years ago (edited)

YES. change the transphobic people’s minds to pls

14points

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#17

A petition that any organization or person questioning the legitimacy of an election must pay 10 times the cost of the recount if proven wrong.

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Final score:

29points

Kona Pake

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Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

Good plan!

4points

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#18

A petition that politicians must not lie otherwise they will incur a $100,000 fine per instance.

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Final score:

28points

Kona Pake

POST

Caro Caro 3 years ago

CaroCaro (And give that money to the poor).

6points

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#19

I petition that when parents divorce the kids stay in one house and the parents have to stay on their weekends or weeks then go to their own house instead of the kids being bounced back and forth.

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Final score:

28points

Ronda Schmidt

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Joanna Werman 3 years ago

Absolutely

2points

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#20

Yes or Yes?
A: Yes
B: Yes

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Final score:

27points

Titas Burinskas

POST

Steve Barnett 3 years ago

Don't know which Yes to choose, can I suggest C: Unsure?

14points

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#21

Make America Grate Again!

Ban Pre-Shredded Cheese!

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Final score:

25points

Bacony Cakes

POST

your socially awkward cousin 3 years ago

BUT ITS GOOD TO EAT WITH A SPOON A 2:30 IN THE MORNING

17points

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#22

We should have a petition to let us have a robot of our favorite animal for a pet (if it’s wild) and if it’s domestic then we legally get one (unless allergic then you would get robot) and you have to take care of it or it gets taken

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Final score:

23points

Kai Scadden

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your socially awkward cousin 3 years ago

That's actually a really good idea, I would definitely get one

4points

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#23

Petition to change everyone who is named ‘Alfie’’s name to ‘Stormageddon Dark Lord of All’ ?
I need 50 signatures. :D

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Final score:

21points

Unnamed Hooman

POST

404 Panda Not Found 3 years ago

Is your name alfie?

11points

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#24

A petition that bacon be officially renamed "the candy of meat"

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Final score:

21points

Chich

POST

Hoinu..hoi 3 years ago

This sound right.

5points

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#25

PETITION TO BAN PETITIONS!!!

1.______________
2.______________
3.______________

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Final score:

20points

Rebekah Tracy

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Eppe 3 years ago

Come on Rebekah, think! You'll put us in an endless loop. Your petition will succeed, all petitions will be retroactively invalidated including yours, we'll have the petition again, ad infinitum.

14points

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#26

A petition that men must wear an undergarment or shirt to cover their breasts at all times like women have to in public. An also an amendment that no body hair is acceptable in public on any body part except top of head (ie hair styles) and brows. (Let that upkeep cost sink in for beauty standards.)

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Final score:

20points

Mad Mar

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ShriSha Kamboj 3 years ago

yes n eyelashes shall b allowed too......n dont u dare show those darn shoulders

2points

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#27

A petition that adoption be mandatory for right to lifers in states that ban abortions.

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Final score:

20points

Kona Pake

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Johnny U 3 years ago

And have them damage another generation.

2points

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#28

A petition to go back in time to the 90’s and have a do over

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Final score:

19points

Unwelcomed Guest

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Muff_Fluff 3 years ago

Then we can evacuate the twin towers. But wait… if we redid the 90’s they probably wouldn’t even attack at that moment. Nvm.

2points

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#29

Petition to rename Barry uk to Florida 2

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Final score:

18points

Cat the rat queen

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Ian Reynolds 3 years ago

No, please no, I live about 20 minutes from Barry Island and it is not a place of dreams, more of nightmares and depression.

3points

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#30

Czechs demand access to the sea!

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Final score:

18points

Aron Brown

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Muff_Fluff 3 years ago

Cry yourself a river.

15points

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#31

Petition that all dogs all over the world would have a loving home.

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Final score:

18points

Dog Lover

POST

Autumn 3 years ago

All pets should, as well as people

1point

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#32

That all cats receive royal titles

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Final score:

16points

Unwelcomed Guest

POST

Kristie Jones 3 years ago

They have them — you didn’t notice?

11points

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#33

Im creating a petition to make everyone like pineapple on pizza. Its good people

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Final score:

15points

The Average Human

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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

I agree

6points

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#34

Petition to forever eliminate handshakes. Instead the person to initiate the hello will bow and the second party will curtesy.

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Final score:

15points

Anna Wu

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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

I like that but what about people in a wheelchair or otherwise unable to do so

9points

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#35

petition for every houses backyard to come with a bird feeder and birdbath. (unless there is a bird disease in the area)

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Final score:

14points

𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚘𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚖 !

POST

Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

The birdbaths need to be emptied and cleaned every other day.

5points

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#36

In the spirit of equal rights, I petition for men to have menstrual cycles, breasts, and be able to give birth.

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Final score:

14points

the two youtz

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SilentBob731 3 years ago

The breasts part is already a thing, it's called middle age. ;-)

12points

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#37

y'all know the St James center in Edinburgh put googley eyes on it

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Final score:

13points

niegrzeczny polak

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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

Really big ones

8points

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#38

A law creating a political report card and annual vote of confidence. A non-partisan group is formed that creates a simplified report on what the politician has done, how they voted on issues, what the issues were and who benefited. Then, every year a vote of confidence is held where those politicians have to pass to stay in office. Advertising is not allowed and those that failed are prevented from ever holding office again and connect take jobs, either directly or indirectly, working for groups that have benefitted from laws or rules they introduced. Immediate family is also disqualified.

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Final score:

11points

Jerry Mathers

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#39

There’s a real petition to bring back the 2008 Pumpkin Kitty at build a bear on Change.org. Definitely recommend signing it.

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Final score:

10points

TTCA Gravity

POST

Kinslee the witches apprentice 3 years ago

That sounds cute. Everyone sign it

4points

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#40

Petition to make people sign a petition saying we have to make cats sign a petition to make dogs sign a petition to make birds sign a petition to ban petitions

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Final score:

10points

The Witch Doctor

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Kristie Jones 3 years ago

Cats everywhere just yawned and wandered away.

6points

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#41

Petitions to:

Make the word "scrimpled" an adjective meaning the grooved effect on butter when spread onto bread by a serrated edge knife

Ban all negative miserable soap operas like Eastenders.

Make illegal the religious education of children until after age 8 to put an end to indoctrination.

Make Bored Panda a regular TV show.

Make the date of the first moon landing an international day of celebration.

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Final score:

9points

Zak Rasten

POST

Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

I like the last one. It was an amazing feat and I can remember watching it in real time.

4points

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#42

Petition for passing lane drivers that won’t yield or drivers that ride in that lane. When someone is caught doing this, they have camera and software installed in their cars that prevent them from ever driving in that lane again. If they are caught disabling or other circumventing the software, a lifetime ban from ever entering the freeways.

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Final score:

9points

Jerry Mathers

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#43

A petition to outlaw the use of The phrase, “you know”.

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Final score:

7points

Kona Pake

POST

Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

And “like” as conversational filler.

5points

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#44

Ok. Serious here. I would like to petition Someone to explain the extra letters after LGBT(Q)+. I get the original 4. Q not so much, because I thought calling someone queer was an insult. And I'm just unclear as to what the other letters represent. (No cable, not on social media, tend not to socialize much, home is where my heart is)
I have no trouble accepting people for who they are or how they identify. But I also don't want to make random strangers uncomfortable by asking personal questions. And knowledge can lead to better understanding in general. And maybe it will lead to some people who are not accepting to understand better and be more accepting. So, can someone help with that? Thanks Pandas!

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Final score:

7points

H.L.Lewis

POST

Troux 3 years ago

Not sure why you got downvoted for an earnest question, maybe because it's more of a question than a petition. Basically queer is used as an insult only by people who intend for it to be insulting, but it has innocuous meaning beyond that - same goes for 'homo,' 'gay,' or 'Jew' for that matter. Queer (lit. outside the norm) means anything outside of straight and cisgender. It's meant to reflect how people may change over time. Some people who were gay were first bi. Some people who were trans were once gay and cis, etc.

6points

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#45

Petition to legally allow people to bury or cremate anyone who says "I'm dead." If they say "I'm literally dead," then you are also legally entitled to 50% of their will.

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Final score:

7points

[]

POST

TheHappyBookCat 3 years ago

*claps enthusiastically*

0points

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#46

Offically recognize Bleen as a hew number between six and seven

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Final score:

6points

iblowsheep

POST

Lucky 3 years ago

The same Bleen Kelly Bundy invented?

2points

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#47

Petition to require any person who refuses to let another parent/guardian in the car line (alternating of course) to be made to go to the end of the line. It takes a split second to be a decent person, don't keep people waiting on the highway.

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Final score:

6points

Terilee Bruyere

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Miguel justino C 3 years ago

Nailed it.

1point

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#48

A petition to add claws to stoplights. If you haven’t moved when the light turns green (checking your phone, eating, looking for things in your car, etc), the claw picks you up and won’t set you back down until the road at that light is empty.

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Final score:

6points

Jerry Mathers

POST

Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

What would the physics of this be?

0points

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#49

I petition that we do away with two party politics. They are as bad as each other.

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Final score:

5points

Kristen Welch

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Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

There are more than two...the others just don’t have nearly so many people

3points

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#50

A petition to force all influencers to never be in public anywhere!

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Final score:

5points

Frisinator

POST

Whawhawhatsis 3 years ago

Amen!

0points

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#51

Join me in signing a petition that deters customers from spewing that god awful joke “ well it must be free!”. With your signature, these super unfunny dad joke extraordinaires will be forced to wear the cone of shame around their necks, sending a message to the rest of the flock every time that vitriol leaves their lips.

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Final score:

5points

Amy Face

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#52

Sign up here for men to have mandatory vasectomies once they become sexually mature and mandatory sexual education classes on what consent is and self control is.. You know instead of blaming women for everything and forcing them into staying in an unwanted pregnancy because it is no one else's damn business what a woman's decision on her body is.

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Final score:

5points

Danse Macabre Cat

POST

Joanna Werman 3 years ago

And burkas, no more burkas ( is that with a q?)

0points

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#53

a petition to increase the taxes on companies that dont pay the living wage to the workers. why should the rest of us have to pay for them just being effin greedy

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Final score:

5points

les

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#54

A petition to eliminate daylight savings time in the U.S.

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Final score:

5points

Vasha

POST

Shadow_TheArtistDemon 3 years ago

YES!

1point

reply

#55

This is a story but it’s really good!
I went to Montessori from 3yrs old-2nd grade. You could go anywhere you wanted as long as you did handwriting, reading, and math. So someone didn’t like handwriting and made a petition against it. So everyone did, like all 274 kids did. Im just going to give a few examples of what I saw.
Primary (3-6)
“Let me poop freely”
“Make more than just biscuits!”
“Don’t make me wear Cody’s underwear”
Elementary (6-11)
“LGB and no t”
“Don’t listen to the other person”
“No more muffins”

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Final score:

4points

Happi doggi (all pronouns)

POST

404 Panda Not Found 3 years ago

Everything here is funny apart from the LGB and no T.

11points

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#56

I want a petition to end the office of the president. It’s now just a overblown popularity contest for both sides. All the other side does is override the other once in office. It’s becoming an endless stalemate. My side vs your side at this extreme is disgusting. The answers are in the middle.

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Final score:

4points

Mik J

POST

Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago

This, too, shall pass...

1point

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#57

Petiton to create more cg5's and jt music's in a lab.

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Final score:

4points

Ravenkingofaplanet

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lil_gremlin 3 years ago

yes

0points

reply

#58

Petition to get mods for life. Such as: Hogwarts Mod. Go to Diagon Alley and get your wand today!

Bonus petition: cheats for life. Start out with 20k if you like. Start your job at level 5. Cheat your relationship to 100. Cheat pregnancy to in labor. Can you tell I play the Sims?

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Final score:

4points

Muff_Fluff

POST

#59

Anyone over the age of 16, regardless of gender, nationality and status who steps off an escalator and immediately stops or blocks any ways because of stupidly standing around scratching his head, "checking" his phone or spontaneously forgetting how to walk should receive a punishment as described:
1st offense: MASSIVE kick in the ass by anyone offended by this behavior
2nd offense: three months in prison
3rd offense: Forced to stay at home for at least 1 year, because of being to stupid to walk in public.

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Final score:

4points

Alex the awful German

POST

Whawhawhatsis 3 years ago

Seems reasonable enough.

0points

reply

#60

A petition to make it mandatory for all dogs who want pets, get pets.

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Final score:

3points

I am so tired

POST

Peg luvz Al 3 years ago

I got my pets pets. My dog (Albert) got a kitten (Deakin) and when Deakin grew up, he got a kitten (Ivy Parker).

2points

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#61

I petition that all cars come with a huge spatula on the right side that way you can flip the car driving slow in the passing lane

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Final score:

3points

Kaleb

POST

Peg luvz Al 3 years ago

Picturing this in my head and p*ssing myself laughing

0points

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#62

A petition to have all food that is thrown away after an hour from convenience stores, fast food, etc donated to food banks, or give it to the needy at the 59 minute mark. SO much waste, it's crazy!!!

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Final score:

3points

Donae Sommerfeld Lugo

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#63

A law that every person - male or female - receives compulsory, yet reversible, birth control implants or surgery at puberty. It can not be reversed until each person proves to an examination board they are financially and emotionally stable enough to provide a decent, secure home to raise a child. (As people who wish to adopt must do.)

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Final score:

3points

Vasha

POST

H.L.Lewis 3 years ago

So this smacks a lot of "1984" and big brotherism. But seriously, it would be nice if people would take more responsibility for their actions. Of course more than just abstinence should be taught in sex ed.

3points

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#64

A petition to require COVID-19 violators be substance to community service at hospitals.

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Final score:

3points

Kona Pake

POST

Kona Pake (Submission author) 3 years ago

“ sentenced to”

2points

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#65

A petition to stop calling everyone bro or brau …

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Final score:

3points

Lucky2BAlive

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#66

A petition to make "Living in America" by James Brown the office anthem of the U.S.

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Final score:

2points

Hotrobot

POST

Miguel justino C 3 years ago

Funny

1point

reply

#67

petition to force donut shops to give out free samples of full-sized donuts to everyone, but especially homeless people. all food anywhere is free for homeless people.

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Final score:

2points

Sylvanticx

POST

Joanna Werman 3 years ago

And always have plain munchkins for dogs

1point

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#68

Now collecting signatures to remove the Insert key from QWERTY keyboards.

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Final score:

2points

Sarah

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Joanna Werman 3 years ago

Huh?

1point

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#69

Petition so that if a kid gets bullied more than three times and tell a teacher who doesn’t do anything then they have rights to punch the teacher who’s letting it happens.. teachers would stop letting bullying happen real quick

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Final score:

2points

malenchki

POST

malenchki (Submission author) 3 years ago

Forget that ignore me

2points

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#70

Petition for writers to make Tumblr stuff actual published stories
Imagine the crazy

Have you heard of the gay Island post

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Final score:

1point

Carmen Sandiego

POST

Vintage_Misery_Business 2 years ago

that would be CHAOS. i love it. you have my signature, Ms. Sandiego.

1point

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#71

A petition should be made it is hasn't to make Sean Lock's Nazi Island a real TV show, if you haven't heard of this google it.

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Final score:

1point

Ian Reynolds

POST

Peg luvz Al 3 years ago

RIP Sean Lock

0points

reply

#72

A petition that requires any person running for public office must have served in the military

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Final score:

1point

Kona Pake

POST

Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago (edited)

I think the intention of this is a noble one, but I think the actuality of it would be terrible. This would exclude all sorts of people who don’t have that option (i.e., wheelchair-bound), and would have the effect of funneling an even greater percentage of our budget to the military, which already receives a lion’s share. I would be for a modified version of this if people had an alternative like joining the Peace Corp or the current incarnation of VISTA (Volunteers In Service To America), which is a domestic version of the Peace Corps, or Habitat for Humanity, etc.

9points

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#73

That Lucky Charms makes an all marshmallow cereal.
Would it be cereal?

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Final score:

1point

Mik J

POST

Michael Payne 3 years ago

They have that already.

4points

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#74

Petition to change Post's Malone's first part of his rap name to Eye. Eye Malone. Im alone

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Final score:

1point

Outlawzen

POST

#75

1. Petition to make anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, etc. pay for the healthcare of those who can't afford it.
2. Make arks in places and spread the news that vaccines are given inside them (not just COVID, but they'll probably make you pay for them). People who have been confused by anti-vaxxers can be given proper information in it. People who refuse to listen to reason can be left out. Then we flood the areas.

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Final score:

1point

RandomX123

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#76

Petition to take back the Holy Land

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Final score:

0points

54

POST

Arthur Waite 3 years ago

You mean 'take back' as in 'trade in for a refund'? I'd support that.

5points

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#77

I hereby petition that every horror movie must, prior to obligatory sex scene, that a male partner must completely undress and flash the audience before the sex act begins. Also ask his partner if he/she likes what he/she sees. #Equality

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Final score:

0points

Tamsyn Dalton

POST

Miguel justino C 3 years ago

I’m kind of confused by this one. Aren’t any actors consenting, working adults? And now it’s ok for a man to flash if the woman thinks it will embarrass him? #HUH

7points

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#78

A petition to require game show and reality show producers, writers and directors compete against each other on TV prior to the shore going into production. Because, if it’s good enough for them to compete it’s good enough for the public to compete.

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Final score:

0points

Kona Pake

POST

#79

petition please funny classes

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Final score:

0points

Tan

POST

Tan (Submission author) 3 years ago

Please howndo I delete this I cringe

1point

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#80

Petition for iPhones to give you a 3% battery reminder. I’m just not worried enough when it’s 10% and the next thing I know my phone is shutting down. I call for change!

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