Hey Pandas, Can I Hear How You Came Out? (Closed)

I'm pansexual, and my GF is bi and trans. She was forced out, and I haven't come out yet to my parents, so I'm looking for ideas. Or maybe I'm just looking for success stories. My parents are super religious and pretty intolerant by the way.

This post may include affiliate links.

I have not yet come out to my parents for my sexuality, because I don’t know what it is, but my dad knows that my pronouns are she/ they.

One day, I don’t know how it happened, but my dad asked me how I fit in with my queer and trans friends. I was a bit scared , I didn’t know how he would react to me being queer/questioning, but I told him that I use they/them pronouns along with she/ her. He was pretty chill. He still doesn’t get what non-binary means. He still argues that they/ them refers to multiple people, but he didn’t make a big deal out of it. :P

On another note, I have this feeling that my family KNOWS I’m queer, but I can prove it without coming out. I have two pride stickers on my mirror that’s on the inside of my closet door that I know they’ve seen. One of them is a rainbow heart-shaped sticker and the other is also heart-shaped but nonbinary. One day my mom (who is a bit transphobic and homophobic) decided to look in my room to see how messy it was. When I walked in my room, the closet door was wide open and she stood up next to it and looked in. There was NO way she could have missed those stickers…

Anyway, hopefully a time will come when you can tell your parents, and they will be super supportive.

Report

Final score:

6points

Nico Roby (She / They)

POST

I've come out twice. Once for sexuality, once for gender.

When I came out the first time, it was to my mom. I told her I was queer. She simply said 'I know', and life moved on. Looking back it was pretty obvious I wasn't straight. I was lucky that my family was accepting.

The second time is much more recent. I came out as trans. I think it was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. I told them that I'm a boy, and that I wanted to go by Harvey. They were mostly fine with the whole 'boy' thing, but it was my name they got stuck on. They said it was 'an old jewish man's name', which isn't something that bothers me, as that is what I will someday be. It's taking time to fully accept me as I am. But I hope that one day they'll be able to love me as Harvey.

Report

Final score:

6points

Harvey

POST

PiscesInTheWild 1 year ago

I'm sure they will! They're your parents and they love you no matter what.

4points

I knew consciously for four years before I came out (ages eleven to fifteen), and was coming to a point where it was going to explode out of me. I decided to give myself a month and then do it, but that same night when I was a home, I was obviously, visibly miserable. My sister went upstairs and my mother asked me what was wrong. I said I had something I needed to tell her, so we sat down and I steadied my breaths before telling her I was gay. She sat and cried with me, not because she had a problem with it, but because she didn’t want me to have a harder life. Then she ordered me pizza and I went upstairs to tell my sister. She said ‘Yay!’ And we sat and listened to pop songs while she talked about how great and cool it was that she had a lesbian for a sister (not performative—she meant it. It made it easier for her to come out as pan a few years later).

A week later, I was sitting in the car with my father, and he was talking about my future. He said ‘Someday, when you have a house and a husband…’ and I said ‘Daddy, I’m gay.’ Without hesitating, he said ‘Okay, someday, when you have a house and a wife…’ That was the best reaction in theory, but after four years of building it up, it felt so anticlimactic that it was actually super depressing. Like such a huge deal for me meant nothing to him. He’s amazing, though, and has always been such an incredible ally. I love him very much. He’s on this app and will recognize this if he sees it. So if he does, thanks.

But yeah, here I am eleven years later, living with the love of my life, still so lucky to have an amazing network of supportive, accepting people.

Report

Final score:

6points

ThreeAngryLlamas

POST

Nico Roby (She / They) 1 year ago

That is honestly so sweet of him. Shoutout to your dad!

6points

Crazy Cookie 1 year ago

Your dads reaction was so smooth. I’ve had friends come out to me and I’m like so awkward. He did great , and congratulations for you

2points

beethebi (formerly urbibestie) 1 year ago

aww that makes me want to cry :)

1point

Weirdest Bi You’ll Ever Meet 1 year ago

Tbh, it’s scary coming out as (originally gay, maybe pan) bi and I’m still thinking through my sexuality and my gender. It’s been two years sense I’ve came out to my mom and dad but I have yet to come out to the rest of my family. I’m a little nervous to and I’m not sure how to tell them.

0points

View more comments

Last year, I knew I wasn't straight. But I wasn't sure what I was. I have since figured out that I am, in fact, a lesbian.

I texted my mom that I was bi, but I haven't yet told her I am a lesbian. I'm not sure if my dad knows though. That is an awkward conversation to have

Report

Final score:

5points

S. L. W.

POST

GreythatEnby 1 year ago

For a while I was bi- until I realised I wasn’t into men, I just wanted to look like them.

2points

When I came out to my mom as transgender, she said it’s a phase, but I have always felt like I was born the wrong gender, but when I told her that I prefer to be called Charlie, she supported it. When I came out to my parents as gay, they supported me. I wish I could say that for my grandmother who found out today that I have a boyfriend, she said “well I guess you aren’t non binary anymore because you have a boyfriend.” I felt like saying that I identify as a male, but I kept my mouth shut, and I was so embarrassed that my mom said that I have a boyfriend.

Report

Final score:

4points

Charlie Spring Fan (He/Him)

POST

Begrudgingly Basic 1 year ago

Nice! (and ps i love Heartstopper)

3points

Me: Mom, i like boys and girls.
Mom: ok

Report

Final score:

3points

wergchvjgbhj,nj,khb tygvg

POST

Begrudgingly Basic 1 year ago

lol i wish

4points

i never really got to come out, at least to my parents. they deep searched my phone and found my pinterest where i would dm my gf at the time (it was actually right after we broke up) and they confronted me about it. we haven't talked about it in 6 months and they like to pretend i'm straight. for my friends it was way easier. for the first friend, she already kind of knew, so i confirmed it with her. for another, we were texting and i just slipped into the conversation, "oh btw i'm gay" and he was like "cool" lmao. but for most of the other friends i just mentioned my (ex)gf and they didn't even really seem surprised. they all took it well except for one super religious friend but she's come around to accepting it. so yeahh. good luck!

Report

Final score:

2points

beethebi (banned)

POST