Hey Pandas, Am I A Terrible Friend? (My Friend Is Depressed And I Need Help. Please Read The Whole Description)

My friend just told me that she SHs and drinks alcohol because she’s depressed and I don’t know what to do. With the way she describes it, she does it so that she doesn’t need to feel sad or any other negative emotions. I asked her whether I should get her professional help or not, but she says she’s not comfortable with it so I agreed not to do anything she doesn’t want. I’m trying to encourage her to stop with the alcohol (we’re fourteen. It’s just beer, and she never gets drunk, but I don’t want her to become addicted especially because we’re all already struggling in a highly competitive school), because she recognizes it’s a problem but says she might do better with quitting now that someone else is there to hold her responsible. I don’t know whether to be more worried about the SH part or the beer part, because she doesn’t seem to cut too deep but doesn’t clean her knife thingy or dress her wounds.

I do bring those little alcohol pads and am trying to hunt down some Neosporin and bandaids (she puts her watch over the wounds to hide them, but idk if that’s a good idea), as well as some post its and things for her to make cranes and paper stars with, as I’ve felt it helped me when I was depressed, but I don’t know if I’m doing it correctly because I dealt with it in a very different way than she is right now. Should I be getting her these to distract her? I also taught her a therapy technique thingy I found online but I don’t know if it’s any help at all. Everyone’s stressed and another friend of ours is harassing her over a stupid thing. I don’t know if this will end up to be too much for me to handle, but there’s no way I’m ditching her to deal with this herself. Is there anything else I can do to help her? Is there anything I’m doing wrong? I know I should find her professional help but it’s only been a day since and she hasn’t done anything yet. I would also feel like I’m betraying her, and wouldn’t want her to spiral because she doesn’t feel she can trust anyone. Am I a terrible friend? Please give me some advice.

THINGS I NEED TO KNOW:

- How to take care of cutting wounds (A simple step by step if you can. I tried searching it up but I have difficulty understanding a lot of medical terms—while I am fluent in English it is still my second language and I don’t know a lot of words outside of conversation or recreational reading)

- How to clean a blade without rusting it (my other friend says alcohol wipes will rust the blade and that she should burn it??)

- Coping methods

- How I can support her

- Should I get her a therapist?

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Here's the answers you asked for! It's a bit long, sorry abt this :')
TO CLEAN A CUT:
Make sure your hands are clean (eg wash them or something), if it's still bleeding then put pressure on it for a minute or something (however long it takes for it to do its thing). Wash it with some water to clean it—you don't need to use anything big, like different antiseptics unless you think she's at a risk. Then put a plaster/bandaid/bandage on, and ta-da! You have yourself a clean cut.
TO CLEAN A BLADE:
Wash it with antibacterial soap (eg dish soap) and then use a household lubricant (WD40 is great for rust removal/prevention!). Scrub the WD40 on the blade to get rid of rust. Last thing to do is to dry it, et voilà. I do think burning works too, but this is what I do for my Swiss knife after using it for stuff, like cutting open stubborn food packages.
COPING METHODS:
I'm not super good at helping those in need (I'm in a stalemate myself, knowing several of my friends selfharm but not bringing it up bc they'll then ask me, and I'm not telling them I cut/have cut). One of them mentioned in a roundabout way that an alternative is drawing on your skin helps. I, personally, tear up A4 paper on a daily basis (I have no pages left in my copy) bc some destruction is being done, but it's not permanent/longlasting. The oragami is a great idea! Not only is she learning/getting better at a skill, but it could help distract her from self-harming. Another thing would be if you text her often, like at times she would be alone and have the opportunity to cut. Don't be too overbearing with the contact, just check in on her when she's alone.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT HER:
You seem like your super kind and supportive. I'd say be there for her, don't make every conversation abt her habits,, and continue your friendship as before.
ABOUT ALCOHOL:
You should encourage her not to drink, since it's bad for her health. You're more likely to become addicted to alcohol when you drink it from a young age than after 18. Ask her if she could at least cut down on the amount she consumes.
SHOULD YOU GET HER A THERAPIST:
8 honestly don't know. I think you should leave it for now, but introduce the idea to her again when you're both more comfortable talking abt it.
ARE YOU A TERRIBLE FRIEND:
Absolutely not! You're being very considerate and caring. Keep being your amazing self.
You seem quite self-sacrificing, so just remember to take some breathing space and time for yourself, aswell :)

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By Deleted User

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me myself and i (she/her) 1 month ago

Thank you. Thank you so much you have no idea how much this helps. I’ll be trying to mention some of these tips in appropriate conversations. We do text a lot but her parents are strict—and I’m trying introduce alternatives such as sparkling water or diluting her alcohol rather than drinking it outright. Again, thank you so much for the advice and the help ❤️❤️

2points

I don't know her situation but honestly the best thing I did for my sister was telling my mum about her self harm. It took a while for her to find a therapist she liked (who didn't tell mum most of what they talked about) but she has found one who does cognitive behavioural therapy and it really helped. She is now more than 5 years self harm free. You are already doing a great job supporting her but it is a tough gig to do all on your own at 14! If her parents aren't going to be helpful I would talk to the school wellbeing/guidance counsellor if they have one. It's hard to see a psychologist where I live without parent's consent because of payment, but there are drop in places or phonelines if needed. Self harm can quickly get more serious if untreated so the root problem needs to be attended to.

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Huddo's sister

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me myself and i (she/her) 1 month ago

Thanks for the advice! I’m encouraging her to go to a counselor but she’s had some pretty bad experiences with therapy. She’s thinking about it though, which is progress.

1point

Hey Pandas, Am I A Terrible Friend? (My Friend Is Depressed And I Need Help. Please Read The Whole Description)

me myself and i (she/her)

me myself and i (she/her)

Diana Lopetaitė

Diana Lopetaitė