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Unfortunately, breast cancer has been running in my family for a couple of decades. My grandmother and aunt passed away from it, and although my sister had it, she has been in remission for a couple of years now.

We all knew that my sister had something, but since she didn't mention it, it was kind of a taboo subject.

Two years ago, when my second child was under a year, I was experiencing excruciating pain while breastfeeding. After a couple of tests, I found out that I had stage 2 carcinoma in my milk ducts. I was only 27 at the time. While undergoing chemotherapy, I was very vocal about telling all the younger people in my family that they should get tested because, contrary to popular belief, it does happen to young people. Among those people were my sister's daughters, who were in their early twenties. (My sister is a couple of decades older than me.) Initially, she didn't say anything, but after a while, she admitted that she was upset with me for revealing her secret, and that it was her prerogative to tell her children. As an under 30 something person trying to spread awareness, I'm wondering if I did the right thing.

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#1

I don't think it was wrong to tell your nieces to be vigilant and get tested given your family history. It seems like you were telling them because of what happened to YOU. In that case, I don't think you were wrong. They are adults, you can speak to them about your issues and warm them about their potential problems. Did you tell them that their mother had it? While I don't understand or think it should be a secret, if you did mention about their mothers illness, I can understand her being upset. Even if that's the case, I would very gently say you were wrong about that, but definitely not everything else. You should continue to raise awareness. I didn't realize that you could get it that young, so you've made me aware. Best of luck to you and your family.

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Bonesko
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but I hope someone else's medical history wasn't shared. I know family who had cancer but did not want that information shared or spread around

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#2

NTA. If they're legal adults then I see nothing wrong with warning them to BOLO.

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Green Shoe Laces
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#3

I never flat out told my nieces that their mother had it, but since we had the same illness they kind of filled in the blanks since they already knew bits and pieces.

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Kiki P.
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#4

I can’t make out your story if you also told your nieces their mother had breast cancer too. I think you definitely did the right thing for telling your nieces that it is running in the family. They should be prepared get tested and check themselves regularly (everybody should do this). If you told your nieces that their mother had breast cancer in the spreading awareness story you should apologise to her. Even tho I think you did the right thing and you think you did the right thing it was your sister’s story to tell or not to tell. If you only did spread awareness without the information about their mom. You surely did the right thing. They are 20 and should be prepared for what sound like will come to them in their future.

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Maartjemoo
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#5

NTA! I am in the same boat. You are helping them potentially save themselves and their children!

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Deborah Coalter
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#6

NTA If they DO have something, it's better to catch it earlier, when it won't be as severe. If they catch it later, there may need to be more extensive surgeries, etc.

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MicrowaveGoddess
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#7

Family history (especially cases with younger women) is one of the most reliable predictors when it comes to breast cancer. I’m glad you told your nieces. If sis isn’t willing to help protect her own adult daughters, I’m glad you took the initiative. Could potentially save their lives.

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Ima Manimal
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#8

Your sister should be grateful you are spreading awareness because I know firsthand what it feels like to lose someone to breast cancer. I have my own opinion, but I think you’re NTA.

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MiniGinny
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#9

Their mother should have already made them aware. It's family medical history and they should have been able to inform their own doctors at this point so they could be proactive. I think you absolutely did the right thing. They should know that they have a high risk so that they can make informed decisions about what to do.

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BarkingSpider
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#10

I don’t think it was wrong to let them know of the history bc that’s a possibility they should be prepared for. I know of 4 people in my family that had cancer, 3 of whom had the same type. I’m not an adult but i feel better knowing in advance that it’s something i should keep an eye on. Same goes for other things, a huge amount of people in my extended family have or had a type of diabetes. I feel that if a health condition that runs in you family and is a concern, it’s good to educate.

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SavvyScribbler
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#11

NTA. Honestly it could save their lives.

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the_avenging_knight (her/she)
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#12

We're all A-holes. No point in ranking ourselves.

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Buck Up
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