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I'm "friends" with this kid in social studies class who when we were working on a project, noticed my pride pin.

"Oh, you're still doing that whole lesbian thing. How about you stop being a gay loser and join the rest of us in the real world?" That is what he said to me, and it stung. I raised my hand and asked the teacher to move me, which she did, and when I told her why, the kid got sent to the office. I think I'm TA because we're buddies and he probably didn't mean it. But on the other hand, it felt like an attack.

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#1

The "real world" is full of people of all genders, sexual preferences, colours, intelligence, etc. I don't think you're an a$$hole at all. Of course it felt horrible and I hope this never happens again. It might be a good idea to have a good talk as this is your friend. You be YOU and I'm sending a hug.

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Caro Caro
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    #2

    NTA. I'm glad you told the teacher. If you hadn't did that he would think it is acceptable to be homophobic. It would be good for him if he improves. Also buddies don't hate , they elevate. Your buddie should lift you up not make you feel hurt.

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    Chuckle Demon 19
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    #3

    HARD NTA. As a retired teacher myself, I'd have moved the person who said this to you, allowed you to keep your seat, then pursued the most I could against the child who said this: phone call home, parent conference, write-up to dean of discipline for hate speech, conversation with the kid. Let the kid know that what they said NOT remotely okay in any known universe, and there are consequences.

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    Katie A.
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    #4

    NTA, even if it was a joke, you don’t make jokes like that. If he tries to apologise, let him but mention that jokes like that aren’t funny.

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    Autistic apricot
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    #5

    NTA. He said something mean. You didn't want to deal with that. Maybe try talking to them, and hey it's possible he really did not mean it! But he still acted in a homophobic way without thinking. He still said what he said and needs to think about it.

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    Error 404 (He/They)
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    sarahjane_monk avatar
    Sarah Monk
    Sarah Monk
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even if he ‘did not really mean it’ it is still homophobic, a friend accepts you as you are whether they agree with all that you are or not I have friends and we have disagreeing views but we respect each other and still protect each other’s right to have those views. Not all of my friends are from my relic. Or culture but none of us are disrespectful, friendsarent

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    #6

    NTA whatsoever. You did the right thing.

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    lapis lazuli
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    #7

    NTA.As a mother of a Pan dating a transgender person I have heard a lot of these "jokes ".I always ask for the joke to be explained .I never get it so they have to keep explaining until they shut up. Sexual orientation is no one else's business and not a joke

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    Kezz
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    wisterialacoss-arnold avatar
    Anonymous Panda She/Her/Hers
    Anonymous Panda She/Her/Hers
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Upvoteing for the no one else's business thing. People need to understand that there are things we won't be able to understand and we need to just accept that and move on.

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    #8

    NTA. he said something insulting and it made you uncomfortable. You had every right to tell the teacher. Your friend will one day need to grow up and realize that people different from him exist

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    IDRK
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    #9

    NTA. That is not something to joke about. That also sounds like one of those "jokes" that get made that is exactly how they feel but when you're offended they gaslight you by saying they were just joking.

    You felt attacked. That's it. That's all. You are allowed to act on that. You are allowed to feel what you feel. He can survive a trip to the principal. He needs to learn a lesson.

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    Stormcrowe
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    #10

    NTA. Put it this way. If you have to put "friend" in quotes like that. he ain't your friend.

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    Jack S
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    #11

    Yeah, no. NTA, and your “friend” can stick his head up a rat’s a*s (seems like his brain is small enough to fit). It was absolutely an attack and he absolutely meant it. Dump him.

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    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
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    #12

    NTA

    Nobody jokes about that unless they are homophobic, and nobody means it unless they are homophobic.

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    Happi doggi (all pronouns)
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    #13

    NTA
    He was definitely being rude and a jerk. Tell his buddies that it didn't matter if he meant it or not it still HURT YOU and that's what matters

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    Chickens are fluffy
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    #14

    Nta “friend” was being an a*****e and a bad friend.
    Hope things get better at your school

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    Nathanael aka the American one
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    #15

    You are not an (insert a word, I don’t want to get downvoted) because, that dude should’ve stopped, and got a lesson. Like the real world has a LOT of diverse kinds of people ♥️ he should learn that though.

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    G҉A҉C҉H҉A҉ A҉L҉E҉X҉
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    #16

    NTA. Being homophobic is not okay.

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    green penguin / isabelle
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    hazellegrone_1 avatar
    Lizard Queen
    Lizard Queen
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. And even if it was a "JoKe" It was still offensive, disrespectful, and harmful.

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    #17

    As a fellow gay person 1. I'm sorry this happened to you 2. You weren't wrong you did the right thing because in the world we live in now nobody should hide how they feel and if they don't hide it good because then people will have to learn to accept us and they can't change us so no what you did was the right thing I would have done the same thing!🏳️‍🌈

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    Jtheslay (he/them)
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    #18

    NTA, you are who you are , and your "friend" was an absolute ahole. i hope your alright, and that the teacher did move your spot

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    ⊑⍜⌿⟒
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    #19

    You’re definitely not the a*****e here. Some people are going to be rude about things like this but they’re not right. You were for telling the teacher, because belittling brats like your “friend” are causing so much pain in the LQBTQ+ community.

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    ️‍ saturn the furry (she/they)
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    #20

    NTA. Even as a joke, it’s hurtful.

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    Bubblegum Witch
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    #21

    nta obviously

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    dxisy xo
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    #22

    There was once a young boy who had pet dog that he loved with all his heart. One day, his best friend urinated on his dog.
    The boy told his parents and his friend got in trouble. The boy felt bad because his friend got in trouble. He sat in his room feeling sad. After a while his dog came and comforted him and made him feel better.

    NTA. Your "Friend" was pissing on something you care about and faced the consequences. Don't feel bad for them.

    It is possible to be friends with someone that holds completely different opinions and beliefs, but when those opinions get them into trouble, it's down to them to deal with it and be accountable for.
    My best friend and I have very different opinions on things like sexuality, immigration, welfare, and so on. All those beliefs, despite our next closest friend being a gay immigrant!
    I told him once that I would kill for him, but I wouldn't die for him. Does that make sense?

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    Donkey boi
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    poxesiv348 avatar
    Your Average Lesbian
    Your Average Lesbian
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly I love the way you write this comment. And thank you, by the way.

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    #23

    NTA but that FrIeNd of yours is.

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    Jahnavi Rekhapalli
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    #24

    He’s the one who needs to stop being a loser and join the rest of us in the real world

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    Goth Mouse (he/they)
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    #25

    NTA. That is not your friend. Friends don’t put each other down. Ditch him. Don’t look back or feel bad. Hope things work out for you

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    Artistic Cat (he him)
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    #26

    NTA. Your "friend" said something to hurt you. Idk if he was raised like that or is an a*****e on his own, but get away.

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    ForThePeople he/him
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    #27

    NTA. And oh the irony... Did the guy sleep through the class? Cause he definitely has misunderstood the meanings of Society and the diversities society involves.

    He was rude and hurt your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you feel and you acted right by asking to change seats. Time for the guy to learn that some topics are not socially acceptable as jokes. Cuddos to you for standing up for yourself. Stick to real friends that accept you as you are without judging things like your sexual orientation.

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    Mary
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    #28

    OH HELL NO!! NTA. Even if it WAS a joke,that's an awful joke to make. Joking at someone else's expense is hurtful. And if it's just played off as a joke when they meant it,that will cause a lot more problems

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    Jude Fire
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    #29

    Definitely NTA, if they're upset that they got "tattled" on they would've known what they were doing something wrong.

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    Okie (she/her)
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    #30

    That…doesnt sound like a joke. Just sounds super homophobic. NTA at all

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    Leina
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    #31

    NTA, It's literally people like that that make others feel horrible in their own skin (my family would always say it was just a stupid phase and I should just get a boyfriend) it really doesn't matter if it's a joke, as it's something that shouldn;t be joked about like that in general.. I really hope it doesn't happen again.

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    Ella Oliver
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    #32

    Don't you DARE think that!!!!! There is LITERALLY NO POSSIBLE WAY you're the a*****e here. You didn't "snitch", either, since snitching is when you tattle about something that's not harmful. That was harmful. And what does this kid know about the REAL WORLD anyway? If he's gonna be a HOMOPHOBIC LOSER, you don't need to be his buddy. Who would do that to their friend anyway?

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    girlsrock4ever
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    #33

    NTA, you did the right thing and I hope that he comes around and improves himself. Otherwise, I'll infiltrate his house and rub cinnamon into all the couch cushions so he smells like Christmas year-round.

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    Pumpkin Spice
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    #34

    NTA

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    I am an Alien
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    #35

    NTA. It's hard enough being a teenager without your friends being jerks. I would have done the same thing when I was a teen. Now, as an old Boomer, if someone says or does something that rubs me the wrong way I will say to them, "I'm asking you nicely not to say/do/call me that." Recently someone was joking around, giving me a hard time which I'm normally ok with but this time I said, "you know, that's not anywhere near as funny as you think it is." He dropped it and there were no hard feelings.

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    Bob La Capra
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    #36

    ABSOLUTLY N. T. A. As a young girl who has a gf, i get it. The looks, comments. He obviously has no idea what hes talking about, "join the real world" like hun no YOU join the real world where you can love who ever you want.

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    Just A Bagel :3
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    sarahjane_monk avatar
    Sarah Monk
    Sarah Monk
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well said, as an old girl who doesn’t have a girlfriend, I’m heterosexual lol and 68 I think you should never suffer disrespect, you are to be valued and are not unworthy nor are you a ‘joke’ even from a so called friend. Well done for being strong enough and brave enough to deal with this sort of disgusting behaviour, I hope you have a lot more peaceful times ahead x

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    #37

    NTA, girl. NTA. If I was there, tho, he would have suffered a punch to the nose. good job, anyway

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    Pansexual Child of Hades
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    #38

    NTA. You stood up for yourself because the other kid was being a jerk. He was being a homophobe and was trying to make you feel like being gay is some kind of disability (sorry if that is not the right wording). NTA. Good job!

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    that one ace lesbian genderfae
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    #39

    NTA. What they said was really out of pocket.

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    Just Chilling
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    #40

    Probably an unpopular opinion but you're not going to make a difference putting people on blast. Throughout my life I've been very good friends with people who have been homophobic, ableist (funny because I'm disabled in a leg from the army) racist and so on. Point being if they are willing to be friends with you despite you not having their extreme opinions you have an opportunity. Nobody can be saved by being harassed (yes I know they probably harass people with their extreme beliefs). It has not happened often, but I can say I've helped mend people who have these hateful pasts simply by being kind to them despite them not being kind to others. You're not going to change the world by hating the haters. It takes listening, patience, and understanding. Everybody says nobody is born racist right? So listen to them and understand. Something has made them think that way. Do you really think you're going to help them by belittling them? That's the same as them. They think they can convert you by harassing you.

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    Sekrets
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