Hey Pandas, AITA For Saying No To My Mother Spending Our Wedding Night With Us? (Closed)

I've been in AB Canada for 14 years, moved here when I was 19. I graduated from university here. My family has never once visited me. My partner and I just got married. When I asked my mother to attend our wedding she first proposed an ultimatum, her attendance or a gift. I told her the ultimatum was not appreciated but that her attendance would be preferred. She then told me that she would need to be picked up 2.5 hours away (instead of flying into town) and that she would be staying at our house. I asked her to please fly into town and get a hotel room. My husband was working out of town leading up to the wedding, I was preparing for the wedding and we don't have a spare room.

She and her sister then got very angry with me and said that I shouldn't be asking anyone from out of province to attend when there is no DJ or alcohol being served. That I should go to a hotel for my wedding night and let my mother stay in our house with her bf and my daughter. Then went on to say, it wasn't worth the cost to attend. They suggested that I get married in Mexico in January instead. Oh, BTW I'm pregnant and our second baby is due mid January.

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Definitely NTA. Your mother and her sister are the a$$holes!

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4points

Tofu

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Nta. Sounds like your family is entitled if that's the right word im looking for.

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Final score:

3points

Moonerdizzle

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NTA. Red flags with that woman. Also does your husband support you in this situation?

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Final score:

3points

Amity Blight (Se/Sem/Sers)

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Claire Parent 2 years ago

My husband is amazing and super supportive!

1point

Absolutely not. That request is disturbing and ridiculous.

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Final score:

2points

deanna woods

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100% NTA. Your mother doesn't deserve to have a daughter who is kind and considerate enough to even question for a moment if she is a jerk in this situation. You are completely valid here, and she is just absurd.

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Final score:

2points

Hyper-fixated-Panda

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Abso-friggin-lutely NTA!!!!
Is she kidding????? Her attendance or a gift???? Screw that...tell her where you're registered and call it a day. You are absolutely under no obligation to host them in your home if they come in to town for your wedding. I am assuming that all of your other guests are making their own travel and lodging arrangements, she can as well. It would ve a different story if the two of you were close, but from what you have described, it doesn't seem that way. NTA NTA NTA NTA......and did I mention, NTA?

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Final score:

2points

Jynxiecat

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Claire Parent 2 years ago

We helped all of our guests from out of town find close hotels, but yes, they otherwise all made their own arrangements and ALL guests from out of province even asked how they could assist us on our big day! 🥰

1point

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Uh... No! You are 100% NTA. That's so weird! What is her reasoning for suggesting that you stay at a hotel on your wedding night while she stays at your house? Do you mean the night before your wedding, or your actual wedding night? I'm just curious, it doesn't matter. Either way you are not in the wrong. It's your wedding. If you don't want alcohol or a DJ, that's fine. She sounds horrible and entitled, sorry if that's harsh but I think you should brush her off. You invited her to a wedding. Your mother can choose to come or not. Besides, your requests are hardly unreasonable. I hope this doesn't affect your wedding day, try not to let it. Congratulations on getting married! Best of luck to you and your spouse!

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Final score:

2points

Bonesko

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Claire Parent 2 years ago

She didn't want to pay for a hotel room, period. So, if we were uncomfortable having her sleep outside our bedroom on our wedding she wanted us to go to a hotel.

1point

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When your mother gave you the ultimatum of her attendance or a gift, you should have said 'You know what? Nevermind.'

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Final score:

1point

Matt C

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Claire Parent 2 years ago

Honestly, that probably would have saved a headache or two, or three...

0points

Wow! Your own mother? Sounds like getting off easy only having to get a motel room for a night. Traditionally the brides parents pay for the wedding and since she is such a cheapskate I doubt she is. She should want to do whatever is necessary to attend her own daughters wedding. NTA!

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Final score:

1point