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Hey Pandas, AITA For Choosing To Give A Personalized Gift For A Baby Instead Of Picking From The List? (Closed)
Last month a good friend of mine gave birth to a lovely little boy. I have a special relationship with the baby since I am the godmother. I wanted to do something special that would make a nice memory for the kid... So I spent about 15 hours embroidering a nice large new towel for him with his name and a symbolic plant. I asked her in advance what she wanted to be embroidered and what style/colors she liked. She had specific things in mind and while I didn't 100% follow her example it was very strongly inspired by it.
I was very proud of my gift, especially since in our family we all have such a towel. Now my friend let me know that she expected me to also buy one of the things she selected for her kid from her list. She did spend a long time selecting things for her kid and gave some hints in advance. But since she already bought those items, to me it felt like just handing money. So I gave her the towel and some other little things the day I visited them. She thanked me for the gift. But now a few weeks later she asked how I wanted to support them and stressed that being a godparent also is a financial investment.
She also said that she wants me to buy gifts that would be useful and that we would discuss. It is important for her to know what to expect and to have predictability and security. Especially since she was disappointed before in that regard. But she also said that she doesn't only expect gifts for birthdays, but also for Christmas and Easter.
It starts to look daunting for me, I feel I have little freedom in how I support the kid. I also feel like the financial part should not be the main focus of being a godparent... I told her I would be there as often as I could to babysit and make sure to go on day trips or longer trips with them/the kid in the future. This was what I loved most from my own godparent. Should I only buy gifts she approves of, or should I follow my own idea of what is good for the kid in this regard?
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#1
I've never heard that a godparent should be financially responsible for the child unless something happens to the parents. Do they want you to pay child support? Very strange. I think you should be able to buy gifts that you want to buy. This is more like buying gifts for the parents who are using their child as an excuse to get stuff from other people.
Final score:
85points
L.a. Williams 2 years ago
I actually believe these list have became demands what they want. I bought all my kids things. If I got gifts great if not I provided for my child. I have heard worse sadly
#2
When did this thing with people requiring or demanding gifts begin? I just can't even.
Final score:
71points
Susan Rand 2 years ago
Financial obligations as a GOD PARENT. hm you may need to resign. Mo. Is an entitled B@":h
#3
Being a godparent means you're an active participant in the child's life, but it's generally more of a religious role. A legal guardian, on the other hand, has one very specific role: Take care of the children if both parents were to pass away. I don't know what your friend expects? I recommend that you follow your heart ❤️ and use the memories of your own Godparents to guide your decision.
Final score:
65points
suelandress 2 years ago
Seems your friend wanted another source of income rather than a godmother.
#4
Your friend doesn't know what a godparent does. They severely misunderstood what it entails.
Final score:
63points
Dara Cathy 2 years ago
They (I hope) know what it entails, they're just trying to take advantage of OP.
#5
That's not what i thought a God Parent was. I thought they were like a special person in the childs life, like an uncle or aunt but closer since if something happened to the parents then they'd look after the child like theyre own? Someone that looked after an helped guide them in life yknow. Perhaps your friend has a different definition of being a god parent that you both need to discuss. My advice would be to provide for the child through your heart first and not the wallet and you'll kbow what to do. I find it particularly rude and offensive that the handmade gift youd spent so much time on and its own significance was so ill received. If someone made that for my kid id hug them so tight and be so touched, the fact that it wasn't enough or even noticed and then more "useful" gifts for every event have been demanded? You are the god parent, not the parent. Your friend helped create this life its only right she actually support it without guilting those around her.
Final score:
49points
Jamie Hall 2 years ago
I think your "friend" needs to look up the definition of God Parent & what it details. I have a strong feeling she will also abuse your title once the baby comes in other ways. I for one would be thrilled to receive such a beautiful gift & cherish it always ❤❤❤ Please don't allow her to take advantage of You.
#6
Honestly, growing up my godmother would ask my dad (single dad, godmother is his sister) if he was running low on something for me: books, clothes, what not. My dad was honest but always let her know that he never wanted her to go over X amount of money cause what mattered is her being there for me as a motherly figure. Best gift I ever got was a minion she crocheted herself for me, I still have it to this day. Your friend seems just too entitled. Honestly I get telling someone: hey, if you're getting something for my kid, I'm running low on diapers so onesies so if you could do that instead of a gift, I'm thankful but never make a scene about it.... A godparent is supposed to be there for the child as a support parental role on occasion but in no case it means you become a wallet!!!!!
Final score:
40points
Somewhat-Guilty 2 years ago
I'm my youngest cousin's godmother and I've never been asked for support like that. My aunt actually doesn't like it if I spoil him too much lol. I took him for a shopping spree to the mall on his birthday last year and we spent around $500 (not just buying things but going to an arcade, the theater and a restaurant)... She was not happy when we came home with several bags of clothes and games lol. She was very grateful but did mention that I shouldn't be spending so much on him. I have a great relationship with him and his parents. He even puts money together to buy me gifts in return. He's the sweetest kid ever!!!
#7
By godparent did your friend actually me spouse? Bc it sounds like she wants you to be the support for her baby. And didn't godparent mean you get the baby if the parents die? When did it become a full time job? And you can't tell someone what they have to get a person as a gift that just turns it into something else. They could ask you not to pick certain toys that they don't approve of but other than that it's a gift because it comes from your heart shouldn't matter what it is.
Final score:
33points
gookiefish 293 2 years ago
A godparent is supposed to support the spiritual life of the child. Nothing to do with guardianship or gifts.
#8
The role of a godparent is to provide spiritual and moral guidence for the godchild. It has absolutely nothing to do with money or gifts. I think its outrageous to be asking for gifts at all, let alone specific gifts from a list. I would have a serious talk with the childs mother and if this doesn't clarify your role to her, I would bow out of this "honor".
Final score:
33points
Joline Treanor 2 years ago
This!! This is the best comment of the whole list. This sums up everything beautifully.
#9
Definition of a godparent: a person who has pledged to help with the upbringing of a child, especially in a religious way. In some denominations of Christianity, when a child is baptized, they are sponsored by (usually two) adults who pledge to help in this way. I'm no way are they responsible to give gifts or money.
Final score:
32points
Mike Feinerman 2 years ago
If your fiend, I mean friend, a practicing Christian? If so, find out what denomination and ask a pastor to instruct your friend what their denomination's expectations for godparents are. I'll bet they don't include financial obligations. Some Jewish parents may also choose godparents but if that's the case, ask their rabbi.. If these parents are not practicing a faith themselves then the whole idea of "God parents" is bogus and they are just grifters.
#10
I believe a very important acknowledgement needs to be made; Godmother is NOT to be mistaken with FAIRY Godmother 😅
Final score:
25points
Carter Theothermichael 2 years ago
Great one sentence in a nutshell. Mom thinks a Fairy God mo is to supply her Wants. A God ( good orderly direction) Mother provides for what the child Needs, esp spiritual guidance
#11
I honestly think it's a little entitled to ever expect a gift. They should be happy with whatever you choose to give them, especially if you worked hard on it and put thought into it to make it special
Final score:
19points
Gwen Johnson 2 years ago
Have yourself a slew of kids and make her the godparent...honestly...what is with people thinking they should be showered with gifts when they do things that people have been doing forever...leave the lists for Santa Claus and let the rest of us give what we want to give...generally knowing from experience what new babies will need.
#12
You support your godchild the way you want and can. I would be disappointed only if you were completely absent from the kid's life. Being a godparent is about the kid, and even then it doesn't you should cater to the kid's every need, and it absolutely doesn't require you to cater to the kid's parents desires. The parents need a reality check.
Final score:
15points
Theresa Wise 2 years ago
A Godparent is a sponsor and are promising the child, parents, God and church that they will help and guide the child spiritually. They are not required to do anything else. If they are able to and want to do more, these are gifts and should be appreciated.
#13
Get new friends and have your own baby. She sounds awful, the worst.
Final score:
15points
#14
The towel is a lovely gift, but I think you should have also given her something from her list.
HOWEVER, this whole "godparent is a financial obligation" thing is ABSOLUTELY BS. That is not, at all, what being a godparent is.
Also, being expected to babysit all the time and go on trips with them??? That's not a godparent, either. That's a nanny. And they should be paying you for it.
It sounds like your friend is spoiled, entitled, demanding, and honestly not a very good friend.
Final score:
12points
#15
Since when is being a godparent a financial racket? And telling you what you can or cannot buy for/give to them should be your decision. Easiest way to fix it? Don’t give them anything. Maybe a gift card for Christmas… otherwise nada!
Final score:
12points
#16
The fact that godparents originated in the church and are meant to be more as "guides" in the upbringing of children anyway... do as you have done and continue to do so. Who does this entitled friend of yours think she is? Just imagine Mary holding baby Jesus... "Look kingy-poo, I know you MEANT well when you brought the gold... but that's not what 'I' told you to get him, okay?".
It seems as if this child will desperately NEED your guidance with their mother treating them like a payday to get what she wants.
Final score:
11points
#17
I don't know what is wrong with people. This demanding attitude is completely unacceptable. I would say, get a new friend.
Final score:
11points
#18
I make crochet blankets for the new ones In the family. I’ll get a gift card and send with it. People be asking for expensive baby stuff for their 2nd an 3rd kids. I can’t afford that. Not the AH.
Final score:
10points
#19
A godparent is supposed to be there to support the kid. If your friend thinks that she's entities enough to tell you to provide presents and all of that stuff that you mentioned then they're wrong. You should only do that stuff if you want to, not because you're "required."
You need to set that boundary with your friend other wise your friend is just going to walk all over you like she's doing.
Final score:
9points
#20
It's only been a month since the baby was born, and there are plenty of red flags here already.
What are these specific items on her list? Extra diapers, wipes, bottles, formula? Those are necessities, and they'll go through them quickly. However if her "list" contains unnecessary expensive or luxury items, she's barking up the wrong tree.
You claim she's already bought the items on the list, yet expects you to buy them anyway? Yeah, watch her also require you to provide the receipt, and pretend that it's just so she "knows how much cost it." I've heard this excuse way too much, to hide the fact that they're returning it for some quick cash. Like, you're the one who made your "list", you should know the cost.
She expects you to babysit daily or as needed, to go with them on trips short or long, with no regard for your own schedule. Meanwhile she's probably currently on maternity leave at work, if her job does have it. Within a few months, she's most likely going to go back to work, and expect you to have availability during all of her/her partner's working hours.
She demands and expects gifts for every birthday & holiday of every year for the rest of her son's life. This is mainly just an excuse so she doesn't have to fill that requirement herself/spend less on gifts for him.
Basically, your friend just wants an extra "grandparent" for the kid, regardless of your age. I'm not implying I think you are of "grandparent" age, I'm not assuming ages of anyone mentioned, besides the baby. She expects commitment from you. Time commitment, financial commitment, gift/present commitment.
You are in no way obligated to do what she wants, only what you want or what your godson needs/wants. Do keep in mind though, as he grows up, you'd need to gauge wether what he "says he wants" isn't really his mom manipulating, "tell your godparent you want this." Because quite frankly from what you're saying, all I'm seeing is that she's entitled, manipulative, and greedy. Using a baby as an excuse doesn't change that.
You want to buy a gift for your godson for his birthday or Christmas? That's your choice to make, not have it based on her entitled "need for free stuff" mentality.
Are you free to babysit on a specific day and not the other because of something mandatory, but she insists it has to be her way? Tell her you're sorry, but you have another commitment. She can either pay for a babysitter, see if her parents or in-laws can help, or take her son with her if it's not "work-related".
Final score:
8points
Kelly Blades 2 years ago
Just a heads up: Baby products are not allowed to be resold. That means that any of these "gifts" that get returned (everything from diapers to car seats...even with completely unopened packaging) HAS to end up in a landfill. Not resold, not donated...just tossed. If you are ever in a position where you are buying gifts for a new parent, just do gift cards and let them get what they need for themselves...
#21
Please inquire where she got such a ridiculous idea of what a godparent should be from.
Final score:
8points
Lois Frith 2 years ago
My kids have god-parents, though its really unheard off for my denomunation. I, however, had one growing up. I explained to them that their spiritual upbringing is my responsiblility (my husband deciding that hes not religious after all... another story), however i asked that if I died that they would have the role of asking where God is in their lives. To be a spiritual life-coach, if you like. Each child has two sets of god parents, and luckily each have 1 set that have really taken the time to get to know them. The ones my husband insisted on choosing have drifted away. I dont think your friend has any idea of what a god parent is. I think shes thinking of a 'fairy god mother'
#22
When did Godparents start paying child support?
Final score:
8points
#23
You need to let her know being a godparent doesnt make you financially responsible. Not sure where she got that from. If she and the father are financially struggling you can all discuss ways to help. But you shouldnt be required to buy gifts shes wants you to buy. You towel idea has actual meaning n is useful.
Final score:
5points
#24
The term "godparent" has religious origins which require no monetary entry fee. At all. You provide time and education to the child who isn't going to care if you bought anything or not. If you choose to it is your choice but there ain't no rule requiring this. Sounds like the parents need more education than the child does..
Final score:
5points
#25
NTA. Either she's taking advantage of you or she doesn't know what it means to be a godmother. And where's the father? Isn't he helping out financially with the baby?
Also, I'm having a baby and would be extremely grateful with any gift given to me and my baby by her godmother. I'm expecting my baby's godmother to be there for my baby by providing emotional support and just spending time together.
Final score:
5points
#26
I'm sorry, WHAT!?!? Do people actually think like this? Who WANTS to know what their kid is getting for their birthday. WHO CARES! If someone wants to get the kid a personalized gift let them get the kid a personalized gift! Sometimes parents are so entitled.
Final score:
4points
Stephanie Downs 2 years ago
I think if one wishes and is able to provide monetary support for a Godchild, great. I personally would start an account, letting the parents know, and put into it what I could, when I could. Then when the child wants or needs something as they get older, to attend summer camp their parent cannot afford, a car at 16, college money, senior trip, wedding…. Whatever, help them out. Even if the parents approached me and said they needed clothes or necessities when the child was still young, money could be taken from the account to help. At no point, however, would I just hand money over for the parents to spend as they wish. For some reason, it would be important to me for the child to know I, as their Godparent, contributed.
#27
Is she Haitian? Because that sounds like some Haitians' idea of what a godparent is supposed to do. It is very common for Haitians living in Haiti to "honor" a Haitian living in the diaspora with the godparent role. You are then expected to provide for the child for life. School fees. Uniforms. Books. Birthdays. Doctor's visits. Weddings. Funerals. You name it. To them, it means "child support" for life. This is especially true if you live in the U.S., Canada, France or some other "1st world" nation because, of course, you are rich./s
Final score:
4points
#28
NTA she's trying to capitalise in the baby. It's plainly stupid to have a gift list for your baby. I'm so happy that where I'm from people start to realise that giving an evening dinner is among the best gifts for new parents.
It's not like one can't give ideas for gifts, but in the end something personal has a way easier chance of giving life long memories.
Final score:
4points
#29
Where I come from (United States) a godparent is responsible in assisting with the spiritual and morale upbringing of the child. The only way it becomes financial is if the parents die and the godparent assumes guardianship of the child.
These people didn't choose you to be a godparent as much as they chose.you to be an ATM.
Final score:
4points
#30
You're totally right. Love does not = money.
Final score:
3points
Jennifer Sheppard 2 years ago
A godparent is someone who commits to fostering the child's spiritual growth. Godparents are not given custody if something happens to the parents anymore. That's an archaic tradition. The only was a godparent gets custody these days is if it's in the parents' will. Also, a wish list or gift registry isn't a guarantee you'll get those items. It's basically a suggestion to help those who don't know what to get or wish to get something the parents want. Those gifting are 100% free to gift something else. This person is incredibly entitled. Hasn't she ever heard "it's the thought that counts"? If it were my friend, I'd be breaking up with her. Does she even practice a religion? Are you members of the same church? If you answered no to either of those, then she should not have a godparent at all or should choose someone who can actually help with spiritual development.
#31
Last I checked a godparent was supposed to be a part of the child's upbringing, mentoring especially spiritual and religious aspects. I mean was there an actual baptism that you participated in? Does the mother and godparent regularly attend services? Not to put her on the spot, but if mom wants material things and financial support from you while she is alive, them she needs to have a talk with y'all's priest/pastor for a straightening out!! Maybe read a bit more of the Good Book instead of shopping catalogues. She's taking advantage of you, and that's not okay. Better to "politely decline" godmotherhood than to get trapped in that sinkhole. Imagine what she'll expect when kiddo goes off to trade school or college...a private scholarship, perhaps. If you still want to be the godmother, it might be a good idea for you, mom, and dad to all get guidance from y'all's church leadership so everyone can 1) have the proper information on boundaries, and 2) be on the same page regarding responsibilities.
Final score:
3points
#32
Heck no!!! Most of the expensive items and toys are not worth it. They are the list because they're cute. Not because they are multi purpose or time savers!!! I always go on my own or baby shower items! Personal and thoughtful!!! Something they will know is from me without spending$5 on a card!!! 😂😂😂
Final score:
2points
#33
A gift is simply that, a gift. You choose what you want to give.
If you don't know what to give a registry can give you some ideas.
Money is not a gift. It is an admission that either you do not care and/or know the recipient well enough to be giving a gift. Or that you are too lazy to be bothered to think through what someone you love may want or need.
Your gift sounds lovely.
Final score:
2points
#34
When I initially ssw the title I was going to say that I always buy from the registry in addition to a homemade gift. However, after reading it, that mom is being ridiculous. You're definitely nta. I don't know why she thinks godparents are required to financially help.
Final score:
2points
#35
What?! Oh hell NO...When someone takes the time to hand make a unique gift for one's child the decent thing to do is show appreciation. A couple of my friends handmade clothing for my children when they were born & these pieces are still stored in my home some 35+ yrs later. Red...Crimson red flags here & it's boundary time. Do not even open this stinky can o' mess by giving them money. Bday, holiday, christening gifts, yes YOU aren't the problem here
Final score:
2points
#36
Godparents are not responsible for financial support. Those parents have lost their minds. You also don't put stipulations on gifts, that reeks of privilege and selfishness.
Final score:
2points
#38
N.T.A For sure,but since when is " being a godparent a financial investment"? i feel like your gift is very sweet and heartfelt and your friend is being a bit ungrateful.
Final score:
2points
#39
Why the flying f**k should a godparent support your child? A godparent takes over when you kick the bucket and there's no one else for the kid. They're not your private bank account to pay for whatever frivolities you decide the child (read: you) needs. I hate people sometimes...
Final score:
2points
#40
She sounds entitled and not a good friend. Last I checked a God parent is someone who is there for the child, and cares for the child if something happens to the parents. No where does that entitle her to request money or gifts. I would reconsider being that child's God parent or your friendship with her.
Final score:
1point
#41
Is she Haitian? Because that sounds like some Haitians' idea of what a godparent is supposed to do. It is very common for Haitians living in Haiti to "honor" a Haitian living in the diaspora with the godparent role. You are then expected to provide for the child for life. School fees. Uniforms. Books. Birthdays. Doctor's visits. Weddings. Funerals. You name it. To them, it means "child support" for life. This is especially true if you live in the U.S., Canada, France or some other "1st world" nation because, of course, you are rich./s
Final score:
1point
#42
You teach people how to treat you every day. If this is how you want to be treated... Boundaries are healthy.
Final score:
1point
#43
Being a Godparent is not an obligation to the parents. You give a promise to the parents with God as witness, that if the parents perish away before the child is an adult you will make sure: That the child will be brought up as a good christian and be provided for. THAT'S IT! If you choose to spend your money and time on the child while the parents are still alive, it's up to you.
I would cut the friendship and tell them, that if anything would happen to them, they don't need to worry about their child. Because you would take care of it.
Final score:
1point
#44
Financial support is not a God parents responsibility. If the parents of the child pass away and there's no other family member to take said child then the God parent steps in that's when the financial support comes from a God parent. Also parents are supposed to set up wills so should something happen to them their children will be taken care of properly and the funds that they save to go toward their upbringing if something happens to them will be there.
Final score:
1point
Nicole Harnischfeger 2 years ago
To be honest, I couldn’t have explained it any better. You’re 100% spot on and I hope the OP reads your comment because it’s important she understands what her responsibilities are supposed to be versus what her entitled friend wants them to be 👌
#45
Godparent should be more of a spiritual and emotional support system...does God hand you gifts? No. Godparents should help with emotional support, be there for the child to talk to about things they don't feel like talking to parents about. It's basically an 'adopted' aunt or uncle. I have a sister who is not a sister, and the same for me, I have an aunt that is actually my mom's best friend. So without being a godparent, they both helped when they could. Emergency childcare for if someone has to go to the hospital, watch the kid while mom takes a break. Show them love and respect. Maybe buy the kid something but it's never demanded. My 'aunt' would maybe get me something but it was never something expected of her, same with my 'sis'. Don't let someone tell you what you should buy. Nudges and hints yes. But demanded gifts are not gifts.
Final score:
1point
#46
No your not, you worked hard on a gift for a family and its new member and the mum just wanted something off the list. She’s sounds a bit rude honestly. And your the godparent there’s more opportunities to get the kid a gift that he’ll like. You are the not the a*****e
Final score:
1point
#47
She should have listed her requirements before asking you to be a godparent. It sounds to me like she wants her own godparent, not for her son. I think you should be able to follow your own ideas of what would be helpful and enjoyable to the child but it sounds like you’re going to have to do both. Maybe save your special things for “just because” days and birthdays and follow her instructions on the other occasions. Hopefully she will see the difference soon.
Final score:
0points
#48
Perhaps you should make it clear where you stand and what you want to contribute. What you spoke of in terms of taking care of the child when you are able, building a strong relationship with the child and occasionally being there for special celebrations are hallmarks of being a god parent. As is helping guide them spiritually and stepping in if something happens to the parents. I’ve never heard of there being financial obligations if the parents are alive. Unless you are in a comfortable financial situation and want to be financially generous. It sounds like you’re being generous with your time and it’s not appreciated.
I’m 2 months pregnant and would be delighted with a handmade towel, especially if you spent 15 hours making it! Anything else would be a bonus. In my mind, if she wants specific things she should buy them herself without expecting anyone else to reimburse her. I hate to say it because it’s an honor to be considered a god-parent but it sounds like your friend has overblown expectations and is talking advantage of your good nature. I’ve been in experiences like these and the resentments on both sides cause a rift in the relationship. Perhaps you should tell her that while you’re honored that she asked you, you aren’t willing/ able to provide what she’s looking for as a god-parent and you understand if she needs to select someone else who is more comfortable helping in the ways that she’s interested in. She may have some hard feelings but you’ll be true to yourself and assertive in your communication and actions towards her. If she’s a good friend she’ll get over it.
Final score:
0points
#49
First off, I’m sorry you found yourself in this position. Being a godparent is a beautiful and loving role, but it sounds very frustrating and confusing in your case. It’s okay. I think there’s a chance to change that. The sense of ‘security’ that it’s supposed to provide your friend is that you’re promising in the event she is no longer capable of caring for her child (death, severe illness, etc)…you will be there to assume the role of guardian. Often the godparent will spend a little more time with the child and will create a unique bond do that if they assume the role of guardian, the child is already trusting and comfortable with that person. In the event this is the case, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to provide the child with their needs and wants using your love, affection, time, your home and your money. Until this is the case, you’re not typically REQUIRED to fiscally provide for the child while the mother is currently capable of doing so. That tends to be more of a choice the godparent makes themselves based on what they can and are willing to contribute.
I may not agree with your friend’s comprehension of what a Godparent’s role is (truthfully, I initially thought your friend was ridiculously entitled), I can respect that she feels strongly about what your responsibilities should be to her child. With this being said, it may be time for a sincere and thorough conversation.
Sit her down and explain to her what being a godparent means to you and what you thought your responsibilities would be. Explain that when you accepted the role, you imagined it differently than she did. Let her know that while you understand what she’s expecting of you is important to her, you have your own limits to what you can and can’t provide as a godparent. Explain to her the value personalized gifts have to you and how you plan on spending time with the child, creating a familial bond over time that is full of love and support. Tell her about what you plan on doing in the event she can no longer provide for her child. It’s so important that your friend understands the role you want to play as well as what your realistic capabilities/limitations are.
She may or may not initially budge on her beliefs of what your responsibilities should be, but at least now you’ve opened the door to discuss and address this very important issue. If she accepts the role you intended to play as enough, great! If she doesn’t, try asking her why her expectations are important to her. Ask her what she imagines your guardianship would look like in the event of illness/death. Maybe there will be a couple things you both can each bend on until there’s a reached a consensus.
She needs to know what you’re comfortable and capable of doing. Tell her if you can’t afford something or if you can’t commit that much of your time/effort. Only then can the two of you agree on the expectations of the role. You each can give in a little and take a little. For example, maybe she’ll accept you providing personalized gifts for most occasions while you’ll agree to provide money or a listed gift on one specific occasion. There’s still hope this set up can work, leaving everyone content with the role they’re playing.
The bottom line, neither of you are wrong for your thoughts and opinions. If she truly believes being a godparent means financially supporting her child to an immediate extreme, then even if we think it’s an absurd idea, it’s still very important to her. You don’t want to minimize her thoughts and emotions but she shouldn’t minimize yours either. The issue is that being a godparent means different things to each of you.
Now is the time to make sure you both understand each other’s definition of godparent, note where you two differ in expectations and try to redefine the role together. Once your both on the same page, it’s guaranteed the child will always have a guardian that loves and provides. That’s the ultimate goal. Best of luck to you!
Final score:
0points
Maureen T 2 years ago
Wow. You are not being realistic with both giving in a little. A discussion is in order. If the christening gas not yet occurred, I would consider declining the honor to be a hod paren. I winder if they told the Godfather the same info. I doubt it. Gifts for B’days Christmas and when they have a particular religious event are appropriate. Gifts of your choosing. Also in some religions there is no obligation to assume guardianship if something should happen to both parents. The only obligation is guidance for the child’s religious beliefs. Keep in mind that many parents choose another person to bring up their child. That is where you will be expected to help the child follow their religion. If both parents were to die in the next few months, do you really want to be the baby’s ‘parent’. I think there too you might want to make sure they name a family member as guardians. The role of god parent as guardian may have been assumed in some families because they were relatives.NOT
#50
To be honest, I think your friend is more than a little over the top about her expectations of what a godparent is. In the classic religious sense, the godparent is there only to augment the religious education of the child if the parents are unable or are neglectful of their duties. In the most extreme cases, the godparent might be expected to take the child in should the parents meet a tragically early end, but generally speaking.. I think most people just expect the godparent to act like a surrogate aunt/uncle.
Just be there emotionally for the child if they need additional support, offer encouragement and love/friendship. I have never heard of any kind of financial burden or even any real expectation of constant child care/baby sitting, etc. Certainly any and all of those things are fine if it's something you want to do, but as it stands.. it feels like your friend is taking harmful advantage of your kindness with her demands and expectations.
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#51
Frankly, this sounds akin to a Bridezilla situation. No one gets to decide what gift someone gives. Like all gift recipients, you thank the gift giver and that is it. In fact, if her attitude continues, that is enough for me to cancel the friendship. I am so sick and tired of people being rude, entitled, and all around awful person because someone does not do what they wanted.
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#52
People need to grow up and take care of their kids, without expecting other people to do it for them. I have read a lot of these stories lately and it makes me sick.
Let's just say I had a friend like that and when I couldn't do what she wanted ( i had a lot less money then they did) I was kicked to the curb and she spread rumors.
You provide what you can and want to. Don't let them guilt you, but be prepared it can go bad quickly.
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#53
You know what ... these "parents" just want a payout, unfortunately. My daughter is having my first grandchild next week, and she would never behave like this. A godparent is supposed to spiritually and morally guide the godchild, not jump thru the parent's hoops. Sounds like the child is gonna need you because his parents suck.
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#54
Ummm, f**k THAT! Buying from a register or a list provided by the parents is a gift for the PARENT, not the child. Tell them to buy their own overpriced s**t.
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#55
You need to resign, ask your friend to find a different godparent and you should find better friends. If you already have other good friends then ditch this demanding entitled b1t@h and focus on them.
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#56
Wow this is quite a bit to expect of anyone. Not to pry however I am curious as to what religion your friend is? I’m catholic, and my understanding of godparents is that for starters it is rooted in the catholic religion. The initial purpose godparents held within the religion, served no financial purpose but rather was typically a married couple who was held by the child’s parents in high moral regard. The purpose the godparents served was to offer spiritual guidance and hold a close relationship throughout the child’s life. The persons chosen as godparents should be trusted to raise the child, in the same or mostly similar way as the parents, should the child’s parents pass away. There has never been any form of financial responsibility for godparents, only moral and spiritual responsibility. Your friend is confused over the duties entailed.
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#57
1st, is your friend an adult? Because this sounds seriously immature for them to expect financial assistance. 2nd, she’s rude.
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#58
Bring a godparent is guiding the child spiritually through life, being there for them to lean on, for support. It's not a license for gimme gimme. That's almost like those brides who think a wedding is all about them, their dress, their cake, their decor etc., and not the joining of two people in love in a partnership.
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#59
Absolutely not
I really don't understand people who get upset about receiving gifts that are not in the registry
For both my kids I've made registries, but mostly because I was asked
In my culture, part of the gift giving process involves putting thought being the present
Buying something you know someone wants, or even worse just handing them money, is...... lazy
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#60
As I was reading this, the further I read the article the more I kept thinking 'this has GOT to be a joke.' I was the first of my friends/family members of my generation in my particular family to have a baby- I have 3 children, and between us all, as of November we have 60 children and we are all very close to each others families and children, sharing responsibilities of God Parenting depending in the child, for example Susie is Jax's God mother, and I am Susie's son's God mother, while another friend is her twins Godmother and my sister in law is my daughter's. That being explained, Out of SIXTY babies born over the last 16 years I have NEVER had anyone say this to me.. honestly it's never been said in any context by/to anyone. Maybe it's where we live? In the south a God parent is someone that yes, you know will have a closer bond with, but primarily, you are asked to be a God parent should something happen to you, that friend or family member is accepting the responsibility of raising your child or children. In the event that you are no longer able to (or your partner). Thr audacity to tell someone that they have a responsibility financially to YOUR CHILD, is absurd. If that's the case you might as well involve them in the conception of said child. And basically demanding specific gifts and telling the God Parent they expect gifts for their child on certain holidays blows my mind. What. in. The. world. I have asked for financial help from my FRIENDS before, but they've been paid back almost immediately, and anytime it's been in dire circumstances, but never demanded. I'd say turn that convo around on her when she wants to have her talk and let her know that her expectations were never mentioned when she asked you. And maybe she should ask someone else. Bizarre.
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#61
You are SO NTA. My favorite gifts for my kids were things that my mother's friends made. Christmas stockings, personalized blankets that fold into pillows, Christmas ornaments. I feel sorry for your friend that she can't appreciate a real gift from the heart and instead views you as a present/money machine.
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#62
You did the right thing in getting the parent(s) involved in the design and gave a thoughtful gift. This ensures the gift is used and the parents do not already have the gift. My wife and I made a baby registry as guides for people that wanted to buy us things so we did not end up with multiples of similar items and with items we did not need. The main reason we made the list though is so we could purchase the stuff with the Amazon completion discount as we intended to buy everything ourselves. Our friends went off list and we ended up with about 6 monogrammed blankets and more infant toys than 1 baby needs. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but just illustrate that the lists are not always demand lists but are used as a helpful tool to reduce clutter in what will undoubtedly be a full household. Secondly the list also fits into their parenting style. I have a friend who wants to raise her child in a batteryless environment yet her family came to visit with a bag of electronic toys in tow. She felt bad telling them this after they had gotten the toys so she let it slide until they left and now the toys are stored away only to be seen when they visit again. In OPs case though it seems thr parents feel a bit too entitled and their list is not made for the purposes I highlighted above but rather to get free stuff they would otherwise not spend their money on. OP is the Godparent not the sugar parent
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#63
God parent here for my niece. I help decorate for birthdays and holidays. I'll help wrap presents for the same. I am never expected to buy anyone gifts because I'm told being there is important, but I do anyways. Also... We do this together. I am a single parent myself but I understand it takes a village to raise a child. I have never been told I HAD to buy anything. Personally I'm always there because IF, big if, something happens to her parents I want her to know who I am and how I am; not think I'm a stranger, you know?
A lot of the other comments are 100% correct. It is not a financial title (that's guardianship) and it's not one where you babysit all the time for free. I would set boundaries with this friend. Without saying what everyone has, gifts are meant to be special and from the heart... thats why it's called a gift... not a donation.
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#64
So much creepy red flags! And I think many other people have said it already. You're NTA. And you should have a good talk about boundaries with your friend. Tell her what you are and aren't willing to do for your godchild. And that you expected a bit more gratitude for a gift that was given with love. I think this talk should have happened before you signed up for being a godparent though, maybe some advice for other people who get asked to be godparents. Always ask the parents what they expect if you are to take on this role and express whether or not you can agree with that and share what you are willing to do and what not. But it's never too late to have this conversation. And I think you really need to have that conversation. And if she can't except your point of view and say "thank you" for what you actually are willing to give and keeps insisting on using you financially, then sorry but she's a terrible friend.
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What do you think ?
Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
Everybody pretty much summed it up I have a few God children and I help when mom needs it. Did have one parent that thought I was a bank had to nip that in the bud quick. U can appreciate what I do or find another God parent.
Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
Everybody pretty much summed it up I have a few God children and I help when mom needs it. Did have one parent that thought I was a bank had to nip that in the bud quick. U can appreciate what I do or find another God parent.
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