Hey LGBTQ+ Pandas, How Do I Make Myself More Approachable To People Who Are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Or Transgender? (Closed)

Any tips on how to be a better ally?

Don't assume people's gender or sexuality.
If you don't know someone's pronouns, use they/them until you do. Ask if they have a partner instead of boyfriend or girlfriend. Say folks instead of ladies and gentlemen, and other stuff like that. Assuming stuff about people can be harmful, painful, and even just plain annoying.

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13points

charlie b

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Slime11IsSus 2 years ago

THIS

5points

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Personally, I'd say don't make a big deal out of everything. If someone mentions their spouse/gf/bf, why would it matter to you if the person is of the opposing gender or not. Don't make things awkward by going, "omg, you're gay, that's cool! Totally support!!" After all, whom I live with, in my own home, doesn't affect you in the least. If I'm sad about having broken up, it doesn't affect you if the person I lost was male or female.

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12points

Bored Retsuko

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Max Pasterski 5 months ago

Yes, this is kinda annoying when people point that out. I already know.

0points

Hmm. I would just support them wholeheartedly. When getting hassled or verbally assaulted, stand by their side, even if the hassler is someone you know and love.

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Final score:

9points

AsexualShrimp

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Don't stay quiet; being an ally doesn't just consist of respecting people's pronouns and their sexuality. Speak up against verbal or physical violence towards the LGBTQ+ community if you actually care. Even if it's not directed at you. Like how white people would stand up against racism for example. Or people who haven't been abused stand up against abuse. It's basic human empathy. If you were down in the dumps, you'd want someone to help you up. Don't sit back and stay neutral, and befriend bigots and the next day be nice to your gay friends. That's not how it works. You can't play both sides, and you can't sit on the sidelines.

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Final score:

9points

I don't like avocado

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Istax 2 years ago (edited)

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A grumpy perspective from an older gay guy. Those who prefer alternative pronouns are generally a little easier to identify as they don’t tend to conform with stereotypes, which is fine. “Gender bending” as it was referred to years ago, for better or worse. I get it - you don’t fit societal norms. So the proper thing to do is ask politely and respect their choice.

But for many, this new generation of asking about pronouns is a ludicrous irritant. The notion that there are 50+ genders out there is just beyond farce. Utter drivel. From a medical perspective, it can be downright irresponsible. I don’t care what you “wanna be”. But if you were born with ovaries or testicles, better damn well let me know ahead of a medical intervention, lest we accidentally cause harm. And as for your sexual preferences, totally your own business.

And straight colleagues who have to have their pronouns in an email signature drives me insane. It’s like people with different pronouns are suddenly in the vast majority. No… you have boobs or use a urinal. Sometimes even both. I’m gonna put my neck on the line and take a wild guess. 99/100 times, I’ll be on the money.

We are putting waaay too much emphasis upon this. It’s now creating a divide by categorising people like species. Best compliment for an LGBTQ+ person is not to give a damn, because it’s no more interesting than the colour of their eyes. Treat others as you wish to be treated and if you make an error, they’ll correct you, so just apologise and move on.

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Final score:

7points

Uncommon Sense

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Ozacoter 2 years ago

It is an over compensation jn my opinion. They mean well but they are becoming as dogmatic and categorical as the conservatives. Before we had box A and box B and you could not leave them. We started getting rid of the boxes but suddenly it went backwards. Now there are more boxes than A and B but we are back in the old stereotypes of what a man and a woman are. Its very sad.

4points

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Don't speak over the voices of queer people and tell us what is or isn't valid, and make sure you listen to us on what we want, not just what you think we want. Also, you're an ally, not an actual member of the community, so you can attend pride events and protests, but just remember that it isn't for you.

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Final score:

5points

basil (as in razzle dazzle)

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Nicole 2 years ago

I agree with listening and accepting what you need. I'm confused by then stating that pride parades are not for us as well? Seems conflicting to your opening statement. I may be misunderstanding this?

0points

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as a family with homosexual males and females, bisexuals and transgender, this question makes no sense. here's an approach 'Hello'. now if you're talking about approaching to discuss our ask questions about their sexuality, just ask. if they don't want to answer, they won't.

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Final score:

5points

Cynthia Black

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be friendly, dont question who they are, be open to talk abt their life style, dont introducee us as your "queer friend", and just be kind :)

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3points

yang jungwon stan <3

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Inform yourself on different sexualities/pronouns/flags read news about things that are happening, and don’t be weird about somebody in the LGBTQIAA+ community. Ex. “Wait you’re pan? I totally support and love that!! But, um can you not change in the girls locker rooms - it’s weird.”

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Final score:

3points

lib

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#10

If someone trusts you and comes out to you, especially if you are a parent and that person is your kid, never say “Well it might be a phase” or s**t related to that. It makes the relationship between you and them awkward, they won’t trust you anymore. NEVER pass it off as a phase or way of getting attention, unless they come out as dream-gender or something. Also never pressure someone to come out to others if you know their sexuality or gender identity.

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Final score:

3points

Mysteria

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Mysteria (Submission author) 1 year ago

I know I made this post a while ago I just wanted to clarify I meant dream-gender as in the dream Stan stuff.

1point

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#11

Always ask for gender and name and stuff like that. And if you don't know, use They/Them. And if you don't understand their sexuality or gender/pronouns, just ask!

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Final score:

2points

That midget Jo :)

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TKA 2 years ago

Hi my name is T. I am a female. I was born with a vagina. I am married to my husband who was born with and still has a penis. ?? I really hope this comment is talking about in the dating world because I’m not going to give out all that info if I was asked my name and I would never ask that much info when meeting someone new. I don’t see what the big deal is unless you are trying to get attention. I’m different too. I don’t make everyone acknowledge it and make it part of who I am. “Oh hey, there is T, that socially awkward introvert that likes to stay home all time” I’m just me. I don’t need to bring attention to myself.

4points

Jo (Submission author) 2 years ago

Um no. I'm talking about in general if you want to know someone's gender. I mean, you don't have to go up to people you don't know and ask them this but if you don't know but need too, ask. I know I really like it when people ask because it makes me feel better about myself that people want to know and stuff but that's just me.

2points

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I don't like avocado 2 years ago

That's....not even close to what the op stated. Hi, my name is [redacted], my pronouns are he/him. What is your name and what are your pronouns? Asking for sexuality or gender is weird and I definitely don't agree with op on that though. Definitely don't ask or tell people your genitals. And why even bring up your husband? It's a simple, straightforward introduction. I think you're slightly exaggerating.

0points

Jo (she/her) (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)

Well if you don't too, don't. Simple. But don't just assume gender. Use they/them instead. And I personally like when people ask but not right away when I first meet people. Plus, you should ALWAYS ask pronouns. It's the nice thing to do so you don't miss gender people.

0points

Ozacoter 2 years ago

Why do we making such a big deal of gender? I want a society that is not sexist. That treats all people equally, because we are all equal. People should not treat you differently because of your gender.

3points