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Helicopter parents are moms and dads who pay extremely close attention to their kids' activities and schoolwork in an effort to not only protect them from pain and disappointment but to help them succeed. Helicopter parents are known for constantly hovering over their children and being overly involved in their lives.
To get a better picture of them, a now-deleted user posted a question on the platform, asking: "What is the most extreme example of helicopter parenting that you have ever witnessed?" and people flooded the comments with all sorts of real-life examples. From escorting their son to a job interview to forcing college students to befriend their daughter, here are the most memorable ones.
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#1
I know helicopter parenting is funny from afar, but...
My mom was a helicopter parent. She controlled who my friends were, what sports I played, and even the classes I took in high school.
For anyone dealing with a helicopter parent that requires absolute control, that praises you for your successes (much more than warranted), but punishes you for shortcomings (also more than warranted). Please cut them out of your life.
A personality disorder develops because of this. It is most prevalent in males, but can also be in females. When you're a child and your primary caregiver causes your emotions to constantly go from love, warmth, and trust to guilt, hate, and worthlessness, which are all constantly present emotions with a helicopter parent. You don't develop emotional trust, which in my mind is the most important human aspect.
When this happens to a child, a quite clever thought process take place. "If I can't feel, I can't get hurt." A child suppresses their emotions and chooses not to experience them.
As someone who took this route. It doesn't give you happiness. It gives you nothing. I constantly experience emotions, but on the inside. I despise people for showing theirs, but am truly jealous instead. I can't hold relationships or friendships.
I'm 21. It took me four years of my life to get to the root of my problem and its going to take me even longer to get better.
If you're someone who has experienced the unfortunate psychological abuse of helicopter parenting, remember, everything you learn, you can unlearn. It just takes more effort. Start reinforcing your behaviour that you enjoy about yourself and stop focusing on the bad. Your parent focused on the bad and only what they considered to be good. It is your turn to live.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
This one is brilliant and important and should be at the top of the list.
RELATED:
#2
My brother was injured pretty badly while training in Lebanon. (Israeli army). The base commander (equivalent to a captain in the us army) refused to send him to a hospital because he was partially to blame for the accident and asked the camp nurse to take care of him.
The nurse, after pumping my brother up on morphine, contacted my mom. Mom, who was a military police colonel at the time, proceeded to commandeer a chopper, fly up to the base, tear the commander a new a*****e and evac my brother out.
I mean, she literally took a helicopter. I don't think it gets more helicopter parent than that.
To be fair, she's a good mom and never really tried to control us too much. If s**t gets serious though, she'll happily take out anyone who threatens her family.
#3
Till I was 18 years old, I wasn't allowed to listen to anything other than classical or country music, I wasn't allowed to wear baggy clothes (think 1997 when baggy jeans were the thing to wear) and I wasn't allowed to wear any style of skater shoes, or any brand name shirts or any band merch. My mother would go through all my stuff when I was at work, snap CD's, cut up shirts and jeans into a load of pieces and throw them away, and replace them with her approved items. 5 days before I turned 18 my girlfriend at the time took me to do my driving test, and my mom cut it up when she heard me on the phone telling my friend that I had passed it.
Flash forward to today, I'm 36, moved to England, got married, quite a severe case of misanthropy, no interest in having kids, I'm covered in tattoos, got a great job, and most importantly, an amazing wife who had a completely opposite upbringing but the same outview on everything as I do, also an awesome job. We told the family to mind their own business and got married in Vegas 6 years ago and will live happily ever after with our cats. :)
#4
I worked at a science museum that had hands on for kids.
The aim of the game was for the child to solve a problem by themselves. Like "can you get x to do y", they make something, test it, and figure out how to make it better.
One day a woman comes in, practically dragging her five year old son. She sits him down beside me and starts poking me on the shoulder and I'm talking to another family.
"Tell my son what to do," she says, standing over him. I tell the family to hold on a sec, as I explain the challenge to the newcomer. The whole point is to work autonomously, so it was alright, and I was used to working with a few rude/pushy parents so I wasn't surprised. I tell the kid the prompt, tell him he had a wide range of materials...
But no. The woman wants me to tell him every step of the process. "Tell him the answer! Tell him the answer!" she says repeatedly, grabbing his hands to make him fold paper, or reaching for my own.
I start getting mad. "Ma'am, the goal here is to learn the scientific method. Make a hypothesis, test it, make conclusions and try again."
"But you already KNOW the answer," she says, "tell my son! Or I'm calling your manager!"
I don't even have a manager. In the mean time, the poor kid is looking so embarrassed. Ever time he tries to start something for himself, his mom reaches for his hands and tells him to wait for me to tell him what to do. The woman was so afraid of him failing when the whole point was to learn from one's mistakes. I'm so worried about how he'll deal with mistakes growing up, with her around.
Kenneth McCartney 2 years ago
If a kid "knows all the answers" they'll never truly learn anything in the real world.
#5
As a kid, my sister had a friend and went over to her house quite a bit to hang out with her. The friend lived in a very nice, quiet neighborhood.
After a day of hanging with her friend at her house, my sister told me that her friend’s parents had placed cameras in her room. The camera was also equipped with a microphone to not only hear what was going on in her room, but also to speak to the child.
My sister told stories after coming home about the mom calling into the room to sometimes tell them to stop doing an activity or to be a little more quiet. THIS WOMAN WAS WATCHING THEIR EVERY MOVE AND LISTENING TO THEIR EVERY CONVERSATION!
I feel bad for the girl, honestly. To me that’s a huge invasion of privacy, as well as it is extremely creepy in general.
Pandamonium 2 years ago (edited)
Poor girl. If this is intended to keep her from getting into any mischief, I guarantee it probably had the opposite effect whenever she did get to be away from her psychotic parents.
#6
I had a mother turn up at my workplace accusing me of racism [because] I didn’t hire her daughter. We’re a very multicultural practice, and myself and two other people are white English, six Indian staff, two Greek, two Nigerian, three Chinese, and three Pakistani.
I took her to our photo wall of staff and asked her why she thinks I was racist, and she said that her daughter “looked more Indian than the other staff”... Her daughter, who was more than qualified, didn’t get the job for a couple of reasons:
1) She refused to put her phone away during the interview in case her mother phoned.
2) Her mother phoned more than 10 times and she answered every call.
3) She asked if she could keep her mum on the phone to listen [in on] the interview in case she needed help to answer my questions.
How could she run a practice if she needed to have her mum help her at the interview?
#7
Working summer orientation for my old community college, and we have new students register for classes towards the end of the session. Counselors are there to help with class selection.
This one mom was literally hovering over her son telling him which classes to choose and completely ignoring the counselor's advice, when she had [her son] stand up. She proceeded to sit down, and she herself started registering her son for his classes.
I tried to intervene, letting her know that we ask that the student [to] register themselves, and that he'll be doing online registration for the rest of his college career. I was told to f**k off.
Later, I pulled him aside and told him to change his password and swap into a class more appropriate for his placement exams.
It was this incident that triggered us to design a parent orientation to keep them away from their kids.
Connie Bonneville 2 years ago
Parent orientation to keep them away from their kids is a genius move
#8
Had a mother call me to find out why her son didn't get the job.
He's 40.
And an attorney.
#9
I was homeschooled from the second grade to the 10th grade due to difficulties with shitty teachers.
- Wasn't allowed to wear tight fitting clothes. Everything had to be a size or two too big because Mom didn't want me "profiling".
- I couldn't be at friends' houses or parties without my mother being there.
- Couldn't listen to anything other than gospel music and disney songs (yes, even well into my teens). Mom explicitly banned non-gospel music on Sundays, not even allowing me to have my ipod on the way to church.
- No sex ed. Mom bought some christian girl talk book, but grounded me for a month when she caught me flipping through it without her consent.
- If I were going to hang out with a friend, Mom had to know who would be there, where we were going, and what we were doing, even to the point of asking for peoples' numbers. She only really ever let me hang out alone with one person. Ironically, the one person was the one who helped me sneak around to hang out with other people.
- Wasn't allowed to watch movies above PG, read/watch anything with magic or witchcraft (aside from disney movies because f**k if I know), or play video games outside of like, Legend of Zelda. I also wasn't allowed to be on the internet half the time since we had dial-up.
- No sex. I came home from college and Mom about shat herself when she found my Depo shot reminder that had fallen out of my purse.
- No pills or therapists. My parents let me see a therapist and start taking Prozac since I was 23 and they were legally unable to stop me, but they let me know just about every week how much they're not okay with it. I'm supposed to be praying the depression away, dammit!
- Inviting themselves to my therapy appointments. As in, calling me at 8pm the night before, long after the office has closed, to tell me they're coming with me to my appointment. Which also f***s up my therapist's schedule.
- Constantly berating me about my spending habits. I know I have a shitty handle on spending. I'm currently attempting to budget, and I do not need to drive down to the house 45 minutes out of my way to be lectured about it.
- Whenever they have some kind of beef with me, they won't tell me what it is. All I get is, "you need to come to the house tomorrow, I'm not in the mood to talk about it right now" if I even as for so much as a preview of what's going on. After spamming the hell out of my phone with calls.
- I'm not allowed to be angry with them or anything. If I express any kind of objection, it's "talking back" or "being a smart alek." I speak in a VERY monotone voice when I'm around them, because I don't feel like being snapped at to "watch my mouth" if I offer any kind of inflection.
Basically my life. I'm still moved out, but they still tend to act as if I'm still living with them.
#10
I was a manager of a bagel store. Had an interview with a kid, I think he was about 16.
His dad came to the interview, and basically answered every single question I asked the kid.
At the end of the interview I turned to the dad and said "You're hired.", look on his face was priceless. The kid laughed his a*s off.
edit:
Since quite a few people have asked. The kid came back for an interview on his own a few days later, and I hired him. But ultimately it didn't work out.
He was a nice kid, and reasonably smart, but had absolutely no work ethic. And couldn't perform even simple tasks really. I have always assumed that this was due to his parents pampering him. He only lasted a short time (I think it was about 2 months).
1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago
Well he’s at least managing to go to interviews on his own, so that’s a fair start to independence. As a victim of helicopter parenting I am rooting for him!
#11
I used to teach/lecture at a university. I had one poor homeschooled student who's mother insisted on attending the university with him. She enrolled in the same course and used to follow him around to observe his social interactions, and dictate to him who he should be friends with etc. He had limited social skills as it was, and this made it much much worse. In the end I put them in different lecture streams so that they had to attend separate lectures and labs. She spat the dummy and took me before the Dean to change them into the lecture streams, but the Dean was pretty happy with what I had done. A few weeks later the student came and thanked me personally.
#12
I had a friend in high school whose mom was terrible. Every time there was a party (and, mind you, most of my friends were Mormon so they were supervised, appropriate parties) she would come just to make sure her daughter wasn't getting into trouble. She wouldn't let her watch pg-13 movies (even at 17), had a strict curfew, and became a constant and judgemental fixture at every social event. One time she called me a s**t because she saw me kiss a boy at a school dance (she wasn't chaperoning, she was just there to watch her daughter). The best story though was one time my friends and I went to my house to watch a scary movie. Sheltered friend comes. Helicopter mom shows up. My dear mother distracted her in the kitchen so my friend could have a little peace and just be a teenager. My mom later said she had no idea what to talk to her about so they talked about cats for 2 hours. My mom is a saint.
#13
Military recruiting - the helicopter parents who would try to have us recruit their kid without their consent were staggering. Parents would call to make appointments for testing, and were furious when we said we had to speak to the kid. If the kid is a minor, the parents have to sign a waiver, and at that point we can no longer give any information to the parent, so some parents would call and pose as their child in order to get test results, book appointments, and so on. Some parents even tried to attend the testing with their child and were furious when we said no.
Then, invariably, when little Johnny got turned down for being a s**t pump with no initiative, we'd get an earful from Mommy about how their child is the most special human being on the earth. Those were the fun times when I could say "have you stopped to consider that Johnny isn't getting a job because he has no initiative or desire to be here based on a parent pushing him into a career he doesn't want, rather than him being allowed to make his own choices?" Usually didn't go over well, and then I'd hang up.
Pandamonium 2 years ago
Perhaps these parents believed that pushing their children into the military would allow them to develop some type of life skills? Even if that's the case though, forcing a child into an occupation they have no interest in robs them of their ability to gain independence and genuine happiness in whatever path THEY choose. I'd imagine it also leads to a lot of resentment on the kids part.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Not to mention taking a child who has been so hovered over their entire childhood and pushing them into a regimen that is considered overly harsh and traumatic for kids who are well grounded and capable of taking it. You can only imagine how it could cause a psychological breakdown for kids who have none of that kind of inner strength and grit. The DI is going to assume they’re not following orders on purpose, and get terrifyingly right in their faces, when that’s not the case at all. Kids like that simply do not know how, because they’ve been conditioned to wait for their parents to hover over and practically do everything for them. Most kids like that probably already get screened out anyway—-and I would guess some of them manage to develop strength of mind and actually end up doing well in that kind of structured environment—-but I do feel for the ones who squeak by, get accepted, and do not do well at boot camp.
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Yugan Talovich 2 years ago
You mean the military which goes to fight battles, kill and be killed? "If you want to shoot me, you need my mother's permission."
Janet Graham 2 years ago
It must be kind of nice to be in that position to tell the parents that they have messed up their kid!
to old to care 2 years ago (edited)
I was floundering right out of high school, did not know what I wanted to do with my life. My father tried this on me - brought the recruiter and paperwork to the house. The recruiter left once he realized what was happening and my father was dead to me from that day forward. Me - female 1976
enohPilivE 2 years ago
Please know the law. 17 year olds are allowed to join the military with parental consent. Otherwise potential enlistees must be 18.
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🧶𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕂𝕟𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣🪡 2 years ago (edited)
I can't imagine the gall of these people! At that point, they're basically just trying to ship their kids off instead of actually doing the job of parenting 🤦🏻♀️ Speaking of the ASVABs, we had a recruiter who worked at the school I attended every day 😑 We could get out of class if we agreed to do the aptitude testing so I said "fück it" and went. I scored really high marks, like, so high that the recruiter's boss came to speak to me personally to try and get me to enroll in the Navy in their cryptology unit. But, I was young & in love, newly married at 18, & declined. I didn't want to go to Iraq for an unjust war or leave my husband. I wish I'd gone now, though. It might have changed my whole life.
les 2 years ago
i dont think ptsd is something you'd want to live with, or the complete lack of support for the thousands of american soldiers that have serious illnesses from the burnpits
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Denise Lewis 2 years ago
my son in law was a drill sergeant he had to teach one guy how to tie his shoes.
Rob Williams 2 years ago
Imagine how proud they'd feel as their child rolls off the plane in a body bag…
Vasana Phong 2 years ago
I’ve seen multiple reasons parents do this, some good some bad, some is like a last resort wake up call
PPPanda 2 years ago
Why do people still talk about Little Johnny and Little Sally? No one gives their kids those names anymore.
Dilly Millandry 2 years ago
Surely not a bad thing if it isn't a name people would identify with. Look at how the use of the name 'Karen' for a certain type if person upsets people who are called Karen. 🤷♀️
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#14
Girlfriend's father was terrible. In addition to being emotionally abusive, he demanded to know every detail of where she was going, who with, and when she would get there. He basically said she was a child who couldn't do anything on her own and needed him to whip her into shape because that's what his parents did to him. He was also a bible thumper when it benefitted him and his strict rules.
My girlfriend got kicked out on her 18th birthday without so much as a "call your mother to pick you up" she had 5 minutes to pack as much as she could in a trash bag and get out. I got a call at 12:30 at night from her and had to go pick her up.
Years of abuse had taken a major toll on her. She had major self esteem issues and body issues, and some health issues that the doctor said were stress related. She had major trust issues with men because of her "father approved" boyfriends who would fake love until they slept with her, then leave her. I was the first guy she ever really trusted and the first she told any of this to.
She lives with her mom now and is doing much better. She's even going to college now for social services because she doesnt want anyone else to suffer like she did. We're currently looking for a place together and i'll be proposing next September on our anniversary if everything keeps going like it has been. I'm excited
#15
An acquaintance of mine getting yelled at by her parents when she decided to get an apartment for herself. She was 30 at the time.
Alexia 2 years ago
That sounds more like abusive, toxic parents. I know because I grew up in such a family. After years of trying to please them in order to get along, I decided to leave. My father yelled and insulted me, and my mother told me that I'd surely come back begging them to get me back. I didn't. I own my apartment now. I speak to my parents like, once or twice per year. I haven't visited them since before the pandemic.
#16
I work at an admissions front desk for a university, so I get helicopter parents all the time over the phone, but I had a mom that had me laughing over the phone because of how ridiculous she was. Let's call her Susan for reference.
At first, she was normal, asking about general admissions processes and what are the requirements.
However, where she messed up was when she admitted [that] she did the application for him because, "He is a boy, and you know how boys can be, so I just did it for him."
Then she started to fly off the walls. She asked if the campus was open because she wanted to visit her son EVERY SINGLE DAY since they live 15 minutes away from the main campus. Susan tried making herself not sound crazy by sliding in her bringing him baked goods and home-cooked meals, but I know she just [wanted] to pester her child.
There was another talk about how she wanted to get access to his student account to see his grades. I told her that she was not going to be allowed to get that access because her child will be considered an adult, and the student has to give her permission by [filing] a FERPA form. She wanted to know how and where to get those documents ASAP.
As far as social life, Susan asked if there were parties on campus. It's a college, of course there are going to be parties. The worst part is that she asked if they are supervised... by PARENTS!
This is where I couldn't help but laugh because why did she think that this was a high school setting? Susan then followed up with, "Well, how will I know where he is going or if he gets in trouble?" and I said, very casually, "Ma'am, if your student decides to do something illegal and gets caught by campus police and gets arrested, you'll be getting that phone call."
And she had nothing else to say
Sheila Stamey 2 years ago
I currently have a friend ,a dad, who cannot understand, that yes, the family has a shared phone plan, ( both adult children pay their portion) that it's an invasion of his adult childrens ' privacy to track them on GPS, and to Google every phone number he didn't recognize. Both adult offspring are over 25 and in Graduate school. Neither is currently speaking to Dad, only their mom, who is very cool. ( Not me thank goodness).
#17
I was at college orientation, and one parent came up to my friend and said, "That girl over there is my daughter. You go up to her and introduce yourself to her and be her friend." It wasn't done in a cute way. It was semi-threatening.
Hill Branda 2 years ago
That would automatically make a kid NOT want to be friends with the girl, since her mother is a freaking psychopath.
#18
While working at new student orientation in college, I was told a story from a previous year. The parents who attended orientation were housed separately from the students. One mom wanted to stay with her daughter and took the bed of another student. The mom told the student she can find somewhere else to sleep.
The student, not knowing what to do, ended up sleeping in a chair in the common area of the dorm.
#19
Fifth grade overnight trip to nature center. A kid's mom went (was only parent that wasn't a teacher to go) and had a complete meltdown when she was told that her kid would be sleeping in a cabin with other kids and not her... She was told this before [the] trip as well. Four teachers per cabin, basically overnight school. She basically spent the entire night outside watching the cabin, really creeped everyone out...
Man, the rants she went on [on] Facebook... at least her friends and family called her out on her nonsense. [I] imagine quite a few people got blocked that day
#20
My wife, being a teacher, had to deal with this on a regular basis. Usually, she would have that parent do menial tasks so they would not bother the class.
One parent became so overbearing (demanding to see lesson plans, making my wife take class time to re-explain subjects), my wife deliberately left a quiz out. This parent took the quiz and slipped her kid the answers. Knowing the kid was not a good student, my wife got the parent to fess up to taking the test and passing the answers. This went to the principal, and he banned her from the class.
The parent made multiple complaints, even going to a district meeting. The school board [upheld] the ban
Kate 2 years ago
My mom had parents who would come to her classroom to pick up their kids after school, except school wasn't out yet. She just kept the door locked, and when some parent would start pounding on the door ten minutes before the bell, she'd just call campus security. Happened multiple times, too.
#21
More extreme in the duration than the act itself: my 71-year-old grandmother still phones my 51-year-old mother three times a day demanding to know where she is and what she's doing.
Cecily Holland 2 years ago
Got a mother in law like that and she wonders why she don’t live here in my home anymore. That and smoking inside after being told not to
#22
My first roommate in college had a helicopter mom. She would:
* He was born deaf, [but] she never allowed him to learn sign language because she would "always be there to protect him," and "he needs to live a normal life, not a deaf life" (her words, not mine). He was pretty good at lip reading and could vocalize remarkably well given how profound his hearing loss was.
* She pulled me aside and very seriously asked me to inform her any time he talked to a girl... She said he [had] "problems" with girls trying to take advantage of him.
* Insisted he say goodnight to her every night, which meant he had to be on instant messenger (deaf, so he couldn't call without using a specialized typing phone) with her for at least an hour every night, or else she'd call our room phone in a panic looking for him.
#23
Went to school for animation and one kid in my school was absolutely obnoxious. His parent apparently homeschooled him and groomed him to be "master animator". One of our earliest assignments was to animate a bouncing ball and the professor gave him a "B" saying how he drew a bowling ball but it bounced like a tennis ball. The next day the kid came with his parents and uncle who was a physicist to prove to the professor that the bowling ball would bounce the way it did when dropped from the height his beloved nephew dropped it from and demanded that they gave him an A. After they left the professor grabbed the student and yelled at him saying if his ridiculous family members ever stepped foot in his classroom again, he would fail and kick him out of the department.
#24
My brother had it pretty bad. He ended up being locked in his room for the summer because he went to his high school grad party without permission. (He could leave for food, or to use the bathroom) He decided "f**k it" and went to college far away. He's doing extremely well for himself now. He's in a fraternity, and interning as an actuary.
#25
When I was a kid I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone without my mom or grandmother listening in from another phone in the house. If i wanted to send a personal letter they had to read it before it went in the mail, and of course they opened anything that came addressed to me. I also had to write in a diary daily which they were allowed to read. Schoolwork I had to let one of them read before I turned it in and then when it was graded, show them the comments the teacher had made. My mom would even go through my trash and if she found something - a note from a friend, a phone number jotted down on a notecard, etc- she would iron out the paper and make me explain it.
For a while, I wasn't allowed any toys that weren't educational. When i was 5 my grandpa bought me a Transformer and before i was allowed to play with it he had to make a 2 hour defense to my grandma that the transformer was not only a pretty accurate model of a real military jet, but also a puzzle and having it would foster patriotism and an interest in technology and otherwise improve my mind. In the end I got to keep it. She didn't know it was from a tv show or it would've gone right in the trash.
Going to see movies wasn't a matter of "hey mom can I have money for a movie?" I had to cut an ad for it and a review out of the paper, highlight the parts of the ad and review that made me interested in the film, and present these to an adult at dinner. The adults in the house would then debate the pros and cons of me seeing the movie, and sometimes i would be allowed to go- supervised, of course.
#26
My best friend in high school, and I kind of helped her dodge her father the best she could. So, like, I became the crazy, Satanist, lesbian heathen even though I was, like, none of those things.
She wasn't allowed to talk to people not of their religion (she did anyway). She wasn't allowed to own fiction books (I hid them for her). They didn't want her drawing or writing because her imagination was dangerous (we had art parties). God forbid she go to college or get a job because where would they be without her (I smuggled her to a community college to put in an application).
Unfortunately, she now lives with her parents still despite the fact she's bordering 28, never finished her degree, has never had a job, and spends most of her time babysitting. We've fallen out of touch because, well, I couldn't keep fighting for her forever. I still worry about her a lot, though.
I'd contact her if there was a reliable way to do so.
#27
My sister is a freshman in college, and her roommate has an absolute psycho helicopter mom.
They're both on the cross country team and very good students. My sister said the roommate never drinks or goes out, but her mom tracks her through phone GPS and will text her constantly asking why she's at such-and-such place.
My sister said one time they were at Walmart getting groceries, and her mom called her to ask why she was at Walmart at 9 pm. Another time, they drove to my other sister's (she lives in the same town) apartment to pick something up, and the girl's mom called and starts yelling and asking why she's been sitting in a parking lot for 20 minutes. My sister said she'll constantly have to send pictures of them at the library to her to prove they're actually studying.
Whitefox 2 years ago
I was a good kid and a decent student. When I started college, I was a full time student and had 3 part time jobs. My mom was on my bank account and would monitor every transaction. This was before cell phones and GPS. If my study group decided to go to the taco bell across the street from the Carl's Jr I mentioned we'd be studying at, she would tear me a new one for not finding a phone to call and let her know. I was a photographer on the school paper (Pre-Digital era) I explained that I would be on campus with the journalism class getting the paper ready to go to print till at least 3am. Campus PD locks us in the building for safety. At 1:30am they come up asking for me to tell me my folks were downstairs. Never have I ever been so embarrassed. They thought I was lying and at a party. I moved out shortly there after.. I just couldn't anymore.
#28
15-y.o. genius girl arrived on our small liberal arts college campus. Her parents made her check in by phone every time she got back from classes, randomly called during the evening to make sure she was still there, had the RA spying on her every move, and picked her up Friday at 2 PM. She said that dad paid the phone bill so he could see every call she made (this was before cell phones or the internet).
She loved poetry. We had a poetry slam on Wednesday nights at the student union cafe. She wanted to go, but they feared she would become too passionate in public. She took a risk and went anyway; they happened to call five minutes before she got back, and then kept calling until she answered. She told them she'd been in the bathroom, but then they started calling her friends (they'd made her highlight names in a campus student directory) and in just a few minutes they got a well-meaning fellow student to admit she was at the poetry night.
Her mom and dad showed up before midnight to move her back home. We never saw her again.
#29
I teach high school and occasionally college. [In] one teacher-parent meeting for a high school student, the mother mentioned her other kid was enrolled at a local university, and that she (the mother) was also enrolling in the same classes to ensure her daughter did her work.
#30
A guy at my high school last year wrote some college application essays, and after his parents read them they kicked him out of his own account, changed the password, and rewrote them entirely.
#31
My parents tracked my phone (this even continued in college), read my texts, emails and social media, searched my room weekly and sometimes my body. Theyd take my door often. I was a straight A student that never did anything wrong before they started that. Started acting out some and developed really bad anorexia because it was the only thing I had control over in my life. My dad was also abusive but this was their helicopter side. Now I can't wait to move across the country next summer and be far away from them.
Edit: just to clarify. I am not sick anymore. My anorexia went away when I left the house and went to college
Edit: wow I thought this would be a minor case compared to others. Apparently not
Gemma jones 2 years ago
Yeah my dad always had something to say about my weight. Became anorexic still am a bit.
#32
I remember this one private that showed up to his first duty station with his mother in tow. She came along to help get him settled and make sure everything went smoothly and ensure his sergeants were nice to him. I remember first formation she was behind him in the parking lot telling him to stand up straight, etc, wanted to speak with someone about diet and sleeping schedule.
So kid gets assigned to my squad and First Sergeant tells me to deal with it. Long story short I smoked the s**t out of that kid. Like absolutely wrecked him making his mom watch the whole time. She's crying and threatening me "just you wait until so-and-so finds out what you did, I'm friends with random-name-drop." I kept telling her I'll stop scuffing up Jr as soon as you leave and never come back. She apparently sold her house and purchased one near the base expecting Jr to come live with her. Application for off post housing denied. We never banned mom from coming on post but there was a standing order that if anyone in the platoon saw Jr's mom I would smoke the s**t out of him. Finally she got it into her head that she was f*****g up her kids life and moved back home.
I can't even imagine what that kids life would have been like if he'd gone to college first. Where would he be if he hadn't had a caring and compassionate NCO such as myself?
Edit: I tracked Jr down on Facebook. Look's like he made it up to E5 before his contract ended and didn't reenlist. He declined to move back home with mother. He's now married with a kid on the way.
#33
My ex girlfriend. When we first started dating her mom would call and text her every 15 mins to see what we were doing. If she didn't answer immediately she'd text me to see what we were doing. We went swimming once and she had to leave the pool every 10 mins to text her mom. Her parents were almost inconsolably crying the week leading up to her 18th brithday. Her mom had told me she didn't plan on letting her move out until her late 20s and when she did move out she'd have to call everyday and visit her 5 times a week. My gf had been bullied severely in high school and her parents were more than happy to let her drop out so she could be at home more. When I encouraged her to get her GED and helped her study her parents were upset because getting her GED meant she might be able to go to college and move out (she did pass her GED). Her parents cleaned up after her, made all her meals, and religiously tracked her money even after she turned 18. They made sure she couldn't do basic household tasks like laundry so that she couldn't move out. Once at my house we were watching a movie and neither had our phone on us. Her mom showed up at my house to check on us. They even monitored her food. She'd get her steak well done and I once had her try it medium rare to see if she liked it. She did but her parents scolded her for it. I ended things with her becuase although I loved her I couldn't handle her parents and just couldn't ever see myself married to her in the future with parents like that.
#34
When I was 15 the parents of a kid in my school year drove 7 hours to save their pride and joy from watching Casino Royale on the coach's on-board DVD player driving back from a school trip. The best part about it is that he must have asked our teacher what the film was in advance and then told his mum.
dream of delusion 2 years ago
i- just why.. waste of gas over something that really isn’t that serious..
#35
One lady we had over was shocked that my (at the time) 9-year-old younger brother could dress himself and brush his teeth.
Claiming that he was “so mature” and that her daughter, age 9, couldn’t do anything like that.
My mom immediately realized it was helicopter parenting and had a long talk with her. I hope that little girl has learned how to dress herself and do lots of other basics now...
#36
In my first college course there was a 16 year old in my class and their parent sat through the entire lecture next to them. The professor expressed his concern about her taking up a seat for a student and the mom immediately snapped at him about how she was paying his salary by enrolling her kid there and she deserved "respect". Poor kid made no friends in that class.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
That's also not how professors' salaries work. College education isn't a goddamn Burger King Whopper, you don't always get to have it your way, because you're not a customer buying a product.
#37
When I was 14, I helped my sister film a project for her and her teammates when they were in the 6th grade. They had to do a music video and switch the lyrics of a song to have it be science related, so they chose Survivor's "The Eye of the Tiger" and turned it into "The Bones of our Body".
Everybody came to our house and we shot the music video in one shot in our garage. One of the teammates was this REALLY quiet kid, but still made the effort to sing along. When everybody's parents came to pick them up, Shy Guy's mother INSISTED on watching the video. It wasn't ready of course, I still had to edit it. But nope! She ended up seeing the whole thing damn thing through the camcorder screen...and she didn't like it. She told me to film it again and to make sure Shy Guy came out more (when some of the teammates left already!).
So everybody had to return to our house and film again because of a crazy lady. Oh yeah! And she stood behind the camera to make SURE that Shy Guy came out. WTF! She was a known psycho, so we figured it was best to do it again to shut her up.
Mosheh Wolf 2 years ago
Ummm, why? If some other parent told my kid to re-do a project in highschool , I would have told them to f**k off. Unless it's the teacher, they are not going to tell my kid what to do, unless they want to be charged with harassing or assaulting a minor.
#38
I knew a girl in college whose mother would frequently drive 11 hours to the campus to clean her dorm for her. I remember having a conversation with the daughter where she mentioned she's never held an actual job before. I raised my eyebrows and said something like, "Wow, really? Not even at McDonald's or something like that?" And her mom got defensive with me and said, "She's only 19!" Her mom would build her up like she was gonna do great things after college and it carried into the girl's ego that she was special, but she didn't know how to do the bare minimum of taking care of herself and was still playing with children's toys at 20 years old.
EDIT: Well aware that sometimes teens don't get a job until college for multiple reasons: want to focus on schoolwork, theater rehearsals or sports practices, can't get access to a place to work, etc. This was none of those. She was bragging that she never had a job because I was exhausted from a long day I had had at my internship that day. Side note: her mom was being snarky at me about my having an internship, and I had told her "it's in our curriculum that we need at least one to graduate." Her eyes got wide and she starts yelling at her daughter why didn't she mention that? She probably could have helped her find an internship, and the girl just rolled her eyes and gave some answer along the lines of "because I don't wanna."
And the thing about the children's toys: it wasn't like someone playing with Lego or play doh as a break from class work. This was someone that would shirk schoolwork altogether because she wanted to play with her dolls on the floor. Sorry for thinking that's a little odd.
#39
I have a younger cousin who at 15, had still never been allowed to take a sex ed class, go to a highschool dance, eat school lunch, have friends over, go to a friends house, or take part in after school activities. For example, The step mother (not my real aunt, I refuse to aknowledge her as family even), heard my cousin watching the Big Bang Theory. Some character says the word "procreated" and the sod flys off the handle about what a filthy show it is. Cousin started dating a guy against her step moms wishes, and due to literally not understanding how sex worked, got pregnant and is going to have a baby. My cousin is mentally maybe 11 or 12, still watches barbie movies, wears princess dresses, and is having a child. Literally helicoptered over until it absolutely backfired.
Manuel Perez 2 years ago
Here, at the end of this series of posts, I want to add: My mother telling me that she feels that living with me is not correct because she's one of Jehovah's Witnesses but I'm gay - which she has known since I was a teenager - and a few days ago I told her that I'm living an active sexual life like any normal adult, so I have to quit "sinning" or move out. Of course I'm not moving out! The house is mine, everything in it was purchased with my money, and I am still paying the mortgage!! And I'm 50!! Haha
#40
When my friend took her sons to a nursery, the mother of a 6-month old baby had provided them with a multi-page manual of how to care for him. I can't quite remember the details, but she had either written out different types of crying phonetically with a chart of what each type "meant," or may have stood in the office giving her own demonstration of each cry.
It did have the benefit of making my friend, who had felt a bit guilty about returning to work, feel like an entirely normal and reasonable mother by comparison.
#41
Took my son to the playground and there was a mother actually squatting inside a tiny plastic playhouse, monitoring her five year-old. He looked absolutely mortified.
#42
My wife's mother/my MIL. We were passing through the state (as adults) and had the stupid idea to stop by since my wife wanted to see her grandma, who lives there. MIL found out it was going to rain that night while we were driving so she poisoned me and I ended up hospitalized. Yay
#43
Back when I was in Boy Scouts, we had this really weird family in our troop. Let's call the kid Joe for reference.
We held game/movie nights once a year in the winter for everyone to come to. Joe's parents were homeschooling him, and apparently didn't want him watching and movies rated above PG-13 (Even though EVERYONE including Joe was 14 or older), and disallowed him from playing any games rated above E (Everyone).
We ignored the parent because he was a real s**t nugget and brought teen-rated games and PG-13 movies, because we wanted it to be fun. The parents flipped s**t and yelled at the parents who hosted it, saying that it was inappropriate.
He eventually threatened to take us to court and requested that we never spoke to him again. I checked up on Joe last year, and apparently his parents never let him use the internet (This whole fiasco happened in 2008). They also prohibited him from getting his driver's license because they feared him getting into trouble.
He was a decent kid though, too bad his parents were batshit crazy.
#44
This is a story about a guy I grew up with; I remember him as the whiny kid who cried a lot. I only know this story because our moms are friends.
Anyway...he was still living at home at 23 and hadn't been out on his own yet. He decided to go visit his sister for a few days, I think his parents had brought up the idea in an effort to nudge him out of the nest. I'm not sure exactly how far away his sister lived, but he only made it to Boise, which is about a 5 hour drive from our hometown. Once he got to Boise, he called his mom and dad crying about how he was homesick and tired of driving.
His parents then decided to drive up together so that they could pick him up and drive his car home for him! He slept in the backseat while he waited for them. A five f*****g hour drive to rescue their poor little boy!
At 23 years old people! Don't helicopter parent your kids; they'll never grow up.
#45
Probably an acquaintance of mine. I have posted about it on Reddit before a couple of times but he is pretty bad, so I'll share it again. This guy knows that his son is going to be a great NFL quarterback. The kid turned 10 recently and is a decent player, but his father has him work with different trainers and spend hours each day practicing. He takes vitamins, has a special diet, and isn't allowed to play other sports because his dad wants him to focus completely on football and doesn't want to risk an injury playing another sport that would sideline him for football. He can't have sleepovers or do any normal kid things. I know for a fact that the kid has told his father that he doesn't want to play anymore, but the dad doesn't care. He says that as a parent, he has to do what is best for his kid. My sons play sports too and they don't always want to go to practice, so I understand making them stick with something they signed up for. My kids know that they have to finish out a season, but I am perfectly fine if they don't want to sign up the next season. I just don't understand why someone would continue to sign their kid up for something they clearly do not want to do. It's a situation that I can't see ending well.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Sounds like Daddy is hoping his kid will make it to the big leagues so he can cash in.
#46
Went to college with a young lady who's parents immigrated from India, and every day I would tell her she's allowed to do whatever the hell she wants in this country. Her parents never let her do anything, and even punished her for being late getting home from work (we work in restaurants). Second year, I went from "do what you want" to "f**k them, they're controlling and abusive."
#47
Friend of my sister's (sister has kids I don't), mother flew a drone to follow her kids to their neighborhood park the first time they went alone.
#48
I worked at a small community library. A kid lived in the building across the parking lot from the library. He would leave his building, walk the ~150 feet to the front door of the library, come to the desk, and use the courtesy phone to call and report to his mom that he got to the library safely.
I remember the day that he didn't do this, she came flying into the library like five minutes later FREAKING OUT that her son had been kidnapped and we needed to find him.
#49
My old roommates mom called me and basically asked me to parent him for her because i was the girl roommate
#50
This woman at my work, her son just got a job there as well and I overheard her discussing his schedule with the hr department, talking about his availability and which departments he can work.
What do you think ?
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Well that was a depressing read. At least it made me pause to thank my lucky stars that my parents aren't like this.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
My parents, at least, were "free range" parents. They let me pick my friends (and learn the hard way that sometimes you "friends" are manipulative jerks), my hobbies, my music. I could walk and even bike around the neighborhood as long as I stayed within a certain range, and was allowed to cross a big street when I demonstrated sufficient maturity. I abhor helicopter parents, because they do not prepare their children for the real world.
Load More Replies...
UpupaEpops 2 years ago
My mother called me to tell me that she expects me to be at home no later than 23:00 and expects pics as proof. At the time, I was 29, living 3000km away I a different country. 🤦🏻♀️
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
Are you still living 3000km away in a different country?
Load More Replies...
NsG 2 years ago
There is so much more going on here than the BP article wording lets on. Helicopter parents don't have children, they have possessions they have to control at every point. Some copters might be driven by fear, but it's still more fear of how *they* will be perceived/be forced to react should something happen to their child, or if their child behaves in a way "other" than what is accepted - it's a reflection of the parent, obviously! And goddess help the child who wasn't born absolutely insta-perfect (whether that's disabled or simply not as outgoing and entertaining and charismatic as the "ideal" offspring), because this is where you get "You! Be friends with my daughter!". It's all child abuse, but really it's never about the child and 100% about the parent.
Patti Vance 2 years ago
have raised my grandson since he was 3 months old and he is autistic. (his mom passed away at that time.) he's high functioning and it makes parenting very interesting. it is a balance of trying to figure out when you need to be there and when to let go. so, i have always described myself as a helicopter mom who hovers at high altitude, meaning that as he has grown i let him be and try only to swoop in when he needs guidance. as he has grown i have been honest with him as to my health issues and that he needs to learn life skills. he has surprised me sometimes with knowing some of those skills that have nothing to do with taking care of himself on the physical level. and, my personal mantra is this: it is important to know when to speak up but more important knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
I just discovered there is a parenting style like that called Hummingbird Parenting. He's lucky to have you as a parent
Load More Replies...
carlita 2 years ago
I thought my mom was a helicopter parent but after reading this, I’m glad she isn’t as bad as these people.
Lollipop Girl 2 years ago
When one of my friends applied to university a while ago to study Architecture (?), she had to present a model of a building/house designed by her. Her helicopter mom wanted to do it herself!! Ugh 🙄 Luckily, my friend got in college on her own and with her own efforts, so happy ending lol
Marion Lizette 2 years ago
Must of those are examples of parents (Mums mostly) with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, where the child doesn't have an existence of their own outside of the mother's mind -and any threat to this symbiosis is perceived as an attack on the mother, who feels justified in retaliating. "Helicopter parenting" is a watered down, socially acceptable way to disguise the abuse and the suffering of all involved. The damage on children is long lasting (as several posts have illustrated), as without external help the only way to survive is to play along, and/or escape and build one's version of the world based on what the parent warped beliefs told them, either following the same path or going extremely in the opposite direction, but without nuance and certainly not a healthy relationship to oneself and others...
Penny Lost 2 years ago
This post (article...? anthology...?) gave me a headache. Most of these stories are downright awful.
(They/Them) weirdo-panda 2 years ago
If parents do everything for their kids how are they supposed to grow up and function on their own? my parents were never helicopter parents but they didn't just leave me and say "figure it out yourself". balance is crucial.
Chich 2 years ago
Went into work late one night to pick something up. A co-worker and his wife were there. Not uncommon as this was before home computers were a thing and we were allowed to use the work PCs after hours. Asked what they were up to. They were writing their son's term paper. Met him only once or twice. Wasn't the cowed littel boy, more a blossoming insufferable twat.
BonnyDK 2 years ago
Last school I taught at was middle class to upper middle class. We had to stop assigning homework because the parents always did it. It was so obvious. If a child got a 98 on a report card they would demand a parent conference to get the teacher to change the grade to 100. Not kidding.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
Perfect is the enemy of good. Keep demanding absolute perfection of kids, and they will grow up to be neurotics with low self-esteem, or "unalive" themselves.
Load More Replies...
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
This thread reminded me of a former colleague, so not ready for the real life... One morning, she came in and threw away an empty cola can and packet of crisps. The office snoop asked why. Well, she was left home alone for one night (she was 26) and sneeked the cola and crisps in but her mother could not find the empty packaging or she would be in trouble. She was not allowed to date but she was allowed to work overtime and walk alone to the bus in a not so safe area in the city. I don't think they realized how bad it was and were proud of her working overtime. Reality however was that despite all the overtime, she couldn't do the bare minimum and was fired after some costly mistakes.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
I worked with a woman whose son tried to escape by going to university on the other side of the country. This woman and her husband quit their jobs to move five minutes away from his dorm.
zovjraar me 2 years ago
had an employee who was around 25 make it half the day. he left for lunch and never came back. we all wondered what had happened. it's an office setting, so you can go to lunch and take little breaks pretty much whenever you want. you just have to get your job done and not be a slacker. well, the guy's mum calls about 3 days later and says she doesn't think this job is going to work out for him because he can't work after lunch. because... he doesn't want to. >.<
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Well that was a depressing read. At least it made me pause to thank my lucky stars that my parents aren't like this.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
My parents, at least, were "free range" parents. They let me pick my friends (and learn the hard way that sometimes you "friends" are manipulative jerks), my hobbies, my music. I could walk and even bike around the neighborhood as long as I stayed within a certain range, and was allowed to cross a big street when I demonstrated sufficient maturity. I abhor helicopter parents, because they do not prepare their children for the real world.
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 2 years ago
My mother called me to tell me that she expects me to be at home no later than 23:00 and expects pics as proof. At the time, I was 29, living 3000km away I a different country. 🤦🏻♀️
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
Are you still living 3000km away in a different country?
Load More Replies... NsG 2 years ago
There is so much more going on here than the BP article wording lets on. Helicopter parents don't have children, they have possessions they have to control at every point. Some copters might be driven by fear, but it's still more fear of how *they* will be perceived/be forced to react should something happen to their child, or if their child behaves in a way "other" than what is accepted - it's a reflection of the parent, obviously! And goddess help the child who wasn't born absolutely insta-perfect (whether that's disabled or simply not as outgoing and entertaining and charismatic as the "ideal" offspring), because this is where you get "You! Be friends with my daughter!". It's all child abuse, but really it's never about the child and 100% about the parent.
Patti Vance 2 years ago
have raised my grandson since he was 3 months old and he is autistic. (his mom passed away at that time.) he's high functioning and it makes parenting very interesting. it is a balance of trying to figure out when you need to be there and when to let go. so, i have always described myself as a helicopter mom who hovers at high altitude, meaning that as he has grown i let him be and try only to swoop in when he needs guidance. as he has grown i have been honest with him as to my health issues and that he needs to learn life skills. he has surprised me sometimes with knowing some of those skills that have nothing to do with taking care of himself on the physical level. and, my personal mantra is this: it is important to know when to speak up but more important knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
I just discovered there is a parenting style like that called Hummingbird Parenting. He's lucky to have you as a parent
Load More Replies... carlita 2 years ago
I thought my mom was a helicopter parent but after reading this, I’m glad she isn’t as bad as these people.
Lollipop Girl 2 years ago
When one of my friends applied to university a while ago to study Architecture (?), she had to present a model of a building/house designed by her. Her helicopter mom wanted to do it herself!! Ugh 🙄 Luckily, my friend got in college on her own and with her own efforts, so happy ending lol
Marion Lizette 2 years ago
Must of those are examples of parents (Mums mostly) with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, where the child doesn't have an existence of their own outside of the mother's mind -and any threat to this symbiosis is perceived as an attack on the mother, who feels justified in retaliating. "Helicopter parenting" is a watered down, socially acceptable way to disguise the abuse and the suffering of all involved. The damage on children is long lasting (as several posts have illustrated), as without external help the only way to survive is to play along, and/or escape and build one's version of the world based on what the parent warped beliefs told them, either following the same path or going extremely in the opposite direction, but without nuance and certainly not a healthy relationship to oneself and others...
Penny Lost 2 years ago
This post (article...? anthology...?) gave me a headache. Most of these stories are downright awful.
(They/Them) weirdo-panda 2 years ago
If parents do everything for their kids how are they supposed to grow up and function on their own? my parents were never helicopter parents but they didn't just leave me and say "figure it out yourself". balance is crucial.
Chich 2 years ago
Went into work late one night to pick something up. A co-worker and his wife were there. Not uncommon as this was before home computers were a thing and we were allowed to use the work PCs after hours. Asked what they were up to. They were writing their son's term paper. Met him only once or twice. Wasn't the cowed littel boy, more a blossoming insufferable twat.
BonnyDK 2 years ago
Last school I taught at was middle class to upper middle class. We had to stop assigning homework because the parents always did it. It was so obvious. If a child got a 98 on a report card they would demand a parent conference to get the teacher to change the grade to 100. Not kidding.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
Perfect is the enemy of good. Keep demanding absolute perfection of kids, and they will grow up to be neurotics with low self-esteem, or "unalive" themselves.
Load More Replies... Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
This thread reminded me of a former colleague, so not ready for the real life... One morning, she came in and threw away an empty cola can and packet of crisps. The office snoop asked why. Well, she was left home alone for one night (she was 26) and sneeked the cola and crisps in but her mother could not find the empty packaging or she would be in trouble. She was not allowed to date but she was allowed to work overtime and walk alone to the bus in a not so safe area in the city. I don't think they realized how bad it was and were proud of her working overtime. Reality however was that despite all the overtime, she couldn't do the bare minimum and was fired after some costly mistakes.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
I worked with a woman whose son tried to escape by going to university on the other side of the country. This woman and her husband quit their jobs to move five minutes away from his dorm.
zovjraar me 2 years ago
had an employee who was around 25 make it half the day. he left for lunch and never came back. we all wondered what had happened. it's an office setting, so you can go to lunch and take little breaks pretty much whenever you want. you just have to get your job done and not be a slacker. well, the guy's mum calls about 3 days later and says she doesn't think this job is going to work out for him because he can't work after lunch. because... he doesn't want to. >.<
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