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Headlines! They ought to be short, clear, and to the point. Ideally, they’ll also have a dash of humor or a cheesy pun thrown in to keep us entertained. Considering the massive amount of information each and every one of us is bombarded with on a daily basis, we prefer to get our news bite-sized and easily digestible. Who has the time to read everything cover to cover, anyway? And those of us who find the time for long-form content really want to know what kind of story we’re getting into. Some headlines, however, totally catch us off guard and make us do a double take.

So much so that we can’t help but sink our teeth into the story because of how dystopian it sounds. Bored Panda has collected the weirdest news story headlines out there that were probably meant to sound super wholesome and cheerful, yet are actually anything but. Tone-deaf and miserable? Yup, yup. Feel-good and heartwarming? Nope, nope.

Once you think about it for more than two seconds, you realize just how messed up the stories really are. Like features about coworkers donating their time off to a seriously sick colleague. Or people teleworking from the hospital. Or posts about kids starting up businesses to pay off someone’s debt. It really makes you think that these acts of kindness wouldn’t be needed if society prioritized different things.

If you have any faith in humanity left, we suggest you lock it up tight somewhere safe, dear Pandas. Where we’re going, we’ll only have unfairness and outrage as our companions. Share your opinions on these headlines and stories in the comments. And be sure to check out Bored Panda’s chat about the news, clickbait, and being overwhelmed by negativity with Ariane Sherine. She is the editor at ‘These Three Rooms,’ is super media-savvy, and has published a whole bunch of awesome books. You’ll find the full interview below.

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    #2

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    MoggyBee Report

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    The Scout
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To quote Wikipedia: "The United States, Papua New Guinea, and a few island countries in the Pacific Ocean are the only countries in the United Nations that do not require employers to provide paid time off for new parents."

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    Writer and editor Ariane shared her insights about how to make a headline stand out from the crowd and why clickbait works.

    “Work out what in the article people want to know most, and then write a headline that suggests they'll learn that if they click on it—but ensure the payoff is just as good as the headline promises,” she shared some of her journalistic expertise with Bored Panda.

    #5

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    nokia621 Report

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    Laura Ketteridge
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The work done on the robotic bees will be applicable to all sorts of other areas too. It is not wasted research.

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    #6

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    meidasjordy Report

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    Jyri Hakola
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or it depends if she wanted to walk to show an example to grandkids or if she were forced to walk without any alternatives. Many of these headlines are clearly horrific but this would need the article text to judge

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    “Clickbait works because people are desperate to know the 'one weird trick that doctors don't want you to know!' or similar. When it turns out that the trick is actually something really mundane, readers feel cheated," she said, adding that this probably won’t stop them from clicking on future clickbait headlines. In short, clickbait works, but you really don’t want to mess with your readers’ expectations. You’ve gotta make it worth their while.

    #7

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    yashar Report

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    Caro Caro
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes I wish I was so disgustingly filthy rich just to be able to help kids like this little girl.

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    #8

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Notintheface1 Report

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    Michael Sanders
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let’s add the context. The woman normally lives in Michigan. She was staying with her son in Illinois and then when Covid started she stayed there. She requested an absentee ballot, but she wanted to do early voting so she didn’t wait for it to come. She asked her son to drive her to Detroit to vote. Gerrymandering and voter suppression happen but this story is not the result of it.

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    #9

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    George Floyd did not sacrifice his life for shit, he was murdered by a racist cop in a racist system

    reddit.com Report

    According to media expert Ariane, from the UK, bad news tends to be a lot more dramatic than good news. And, well, drama really makes for a more entertaining read, no matter how miserable the story might be.

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    “This instinct towards drama and not empathy doesn't show humanity in its best light,” she said.

    In her opinion, people read negative news for the same reason why they gawp at car crashes. “They want to ogle at what's happened because it's dramatic and entertaining and scary, but it's also a warning of what could happen to them if they're not careful.”

    #10

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Public_Citizen Report

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    Jyri Hakola
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The whole concept of sick days as something that is counted and could be donated is mindbogglin

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    #11

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    A child can’t stay on the transplant list, solely because he’s homeless.

    livfenty Report

    #12

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    LEBassett Report

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    Rod
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In what kind of country does a 89 year old man still needs to deliver pizza to be able to make a living?

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    We can easily become overwhelmed by all the negativity on the news and on social media. The truth is that life isn’t as horrible and evil as it’s presented: there’s a lot of beauty and good to be found, too.

    Writer and editor Ariane shared her advice on what to do if you feel like you’re drowning in all the drama and awful headlines.

    #14

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    BelleAriel Report

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    Péter Rózsahegyi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    '...so his friend can afford to eat without going into debt.' No. He paid the debt that was already made. If they eat again, they will go into debt again. He is a hero but to solve the problem is well over his power.

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    “Turn off the telly or computer and immerse yourself in the good things in life. Pet a dog, spend time with the kids, run a hot bubble bath, read a lighthearted rom-com, speak to a cheery friend you care about, or go for a walk in the sunshine. It won't mean there aren't bad things in the world anymore of course, but shifting your focus will mean you soon feel a bit brighter and happier.” Any advice that involves petting dogs is 100% accurate, according to our local doggos and pupperinos.

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    #17

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    throwaway8902929383 Report

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    The Scout
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Five paid days off are very generous, of course, seeing most european countries mandate between 20 and 30 of those by law...

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    #18

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    jentrification Report

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    MyloXyloto
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's sad that she'd be in this condition, but in a way, it was probably her decision, and it's sweet that she cares for the students enough to do this.

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    Quite a few of the wholesome-but–actually-awful news stories that come out from the United States have to do with the mess of a healthcare system that’s in place. We’ve covered why the system doesn’t work before, but in short, there are a lot of funds wasted on administrative costs, competition is scarce, and insurance providers care more about keeping costs down than patients healthy.

    #19

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Aww it's so cute, he is so rich he has no idea about life at all, yet he has so much power

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    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure this has anything to do with his wealth....I have absolutely no clue what pizza rolls cost. I'm assuming Bill Gates doesn't eat pizza rolls, so he'd have no reason to know the price.

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    #20

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    WrittenByHanna Report

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    Random Anon
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While there are some "earn" that amount on his paycheck every minute doing absolutely nothing.

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    A while back, Bored Panda spoke to Dr. Andrew Carroll, the head of Atembis LLC, about how healthcare providers have a clear financial incentive to keep the system as it currently is.

    "It will be very difficult to reduce the administrative costs without overhauling the payment system altogether," he told us.

    #22

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    JoshuaPotash Report

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    Rod
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This was on the news in France and everybody finds this so sad....

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    #23

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    deepwatermike Report

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    Tamra
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A civilized country would make sure no child has such a ridiculous thing such as "lunch debt" - feed them all! At no cost to them or their families! But then, you don't give a damn whether they have to defend against a shooter, so why the f**k would you care if they can eat or not, eh? I apologize for the rant, I am so disgusted with my country lately.

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    #24

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    People Incarcerated by State Do More Fore Student Than State

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    "Unfortunately, these payers tend not to have altruistic intentions towards their members. They cater to the advantage of the employers paying for the benefits, who want to try and spend the least amount of money they can,” Dr. Carroll said.

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    "Employers that pay for benefits will need to demand more of the companies providing the benefits or patients will need to file class-action lawsuits to demand that benefits due to them are not unduly restricted, as they are today."

    #25

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    speechboy71 Report

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sure there is someone, somewhere moaning that if the kid worked harder, he could have paid for his own wheelchair /s (ish)

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    #26

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    johnogpdx Report

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    Random Anon
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Next up, Random Mathguy wins $$$ for his Physics 101 class material. Coming up next, teenagers getting injured doing random stunts.

    Meanwhile, media expert Mike Sington, from LA, shared his thoughts about our shortening attention spans.

    "Our attention spans have been reduced to mere seconds at a time because that’s the way information and entertainment is fed to us now. People get tiny bite-sized bits of news by scrolling a Twitter feed, they entertain themselves by scrolling quickly through Instagram and TikTok. It’s creating a habit that doesn’t have to be,” he explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview.

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    #28

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Voodoo_Pork Report

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    Jyri Hakola
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or there were no public transportation to use.. owning a car and paying all related costs should not be the 1st priority for a single parent even if the wages would be better.

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    #29

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    feather_of_charcoal Report

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    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    An American friend of mine lost her job, and I blithely said hey why not go back to university and get an advanced degree like I did when I was looking to switch careers for something that paid better? She said not possible because she can't afford the student loans, and I said oh but you just pay those off once you can afford it, which is also what I did. She told me no, here you have to pay it off immediately. I, the naive Australian, couldn't think of anything to say other than "WHAT??"

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    #30

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    A very cruel and efficient system

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    The Scout
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is not only limited to the military. The US are probably the only country that permanently uses debt as a means of control. Medical debt, student loan debt, lunch debt... To quote Hamlet: "it may be madness, but there's method in it..."

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    "The good news is there’s plenty of long-form entertainment and news available, you just have to seek it out. I believe the benefit is worth it. I’ve discovered it improves your ability to focus, it’s more calming, you retain more information, and it gives you a more balanced and nuanced view of the world,” he advised people to try and change how they consume the news.

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    #31

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Work till you’re dead

    TheBakerification Report

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    The Scout
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one might actually not really belong on this list, as the reasons are different. Japan has a demographic problem with an aged population. More than a quarter of the population is over 65, over 15% are older than 75. There also is the problem of a different work ethic (people won't stop working until they absolutely become unable to, regardless of their financial situation), and they have been battling labour shortages for decades. Their restrictive stance on immigration has worsened the problem. Working longer is an unpleasant but unavoidable necessity in this case.

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    #33

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    jules_su Report

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    Tamsin Far
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly.. having trouble at some time with organizing child care can happen everywhere. Free childcare services does not guarantee that this service is available at any given moment for everyone, especially not since 2019.

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    #36

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    socializm_ Report

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    Suzanne Tilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So child labour is legal if it's cute and by white kids ( I say this because a non white kid would be in handcuffs)

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    #37

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Multigenerational wars are a good thing, right?

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    Suzanne Tilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fighting in the same old war so that old men can cash in on the deaths of the young

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    #40

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    JustSayXtian Report

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    duck
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    no. ACAB is wrong. the bad police are the ones who are racist, homophobic, and overly violent. fix our justice system, not create little hateful abbreviations for it

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    #44

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    wsvn Report

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    Suzanne Tilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The bare minimum the government could do and they're busy doing voter fraud

    #45

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    I don't even have words, this is just [messed] up. 

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    #46

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    GravelInstitute Report

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    #47

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    mdsign Report

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    Rebekah Krause
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The saddest thing about this- this child was already very well off. Tragedies like this happen daily to kids are are not blonde haired, blue eyed white kids just a bit south in the city without $1 raised and barely having the shirts on their backs. They go into the system. They raised almost $3million for this baby with loving grandparents willing to take him in among other assets.

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    #48

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    it's honestly just a black mirror ripoff at this point

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    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Follow-Up article: Robot Dog Smashed By Persons Unknown And Sold For Scrap. Local Homeless Mysteriously Able To Afford New Shoes.

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    #50

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Peak late stage capitalism

    RusskiyDude Report

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    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Instead of, say, doing something crazy like donating that money to the people who are so desperately poor they've resorted to digging through the garbage. Right.

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    #53

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it

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    #54

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    WindyGrado Report

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    Al Jameson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For context, the median income in West Bloomfield Township, MI, is $106,102. That's the MEDIAN.

    #55

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    We live in a backwards society where we allow the elderly to attend college for nearly nothing when thousands of students are struggling with school debt

    fluffyolives Report

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    TrickQuestion
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Screw the entitled boomers. Offer those classes to people who are actually going to USE them their whole lives.

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    #56

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    NHS staff is overworked and hospital are missing 12k doctors and 50k nurses - but yes, if you stay you get a free BBQ served to you by volunteers

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    Minath
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm amazed the staff had time to get to the bbq, there are plenty of staff on the wards I end up on that work through with no break because they are so busy. The Government and NHS high up managers really need to sort out the bed crisis and staff shortages.

    #57

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    $2.3 billion fire planetary life support, $37 billion for new cop toys to use against commoners. Regardless of your political affiliation, it should terrify everyone when a president with a 39% approval rating announces a gigantic, sweeping police budget increase.

    KingApologist Report

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    Suzanne Tilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It could be worse. It could be Trump paying off 13 year olds to not testify/jk

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    #58

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Gritty20202 Report

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    Minath
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not heartwarming but well done to those students anyway

    #59

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Soundwave_47 Report

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    CaptainDinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's worth investing in a meat thermometer to make sure your billionaire is cooked throughly.

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    #60

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    We’re really at that point

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    #62

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    DeanIsDear Report

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    Tamra
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is what keeps me awake and raises my blood pressure. One of the richest men in the world gets government money, while school kids have to worry about lunch debt. I do not want to be here anymore.

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    #63

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Great success for homeless studnets

    venona Report

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    Terry Tobias
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was 19 I was homeless for awhile and I had to sleep in my car in a parking lot behind a department store. I washed in a nearby restaurant's bathroom. I was working two waitress jobs and trying to save enough for the first month's rent and security deposit for an apartment. I was scared every night.

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    #64

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Public_Citizen Report

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    #66

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Because selling your childhood for your mother to afford a car should be a thing to brag about.

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    #67

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    SteveFrench12 Report

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    Alma Muminovic
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They probably couldn’t afford to protest more days without pay so they settled for 1 day off a week.

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    #68

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    Seen in Brooklyn. This isn’t clever, Doordash. Just sad

    elliemcgregor Report

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    digitalin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought it said "eat your neighbors" for a second.

    #70

    Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

    I'm sure the workers didn't need that money anyway

    eberndt9614 Report

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    Bender Bending Rodríguez
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am sure after he spent money, he felt shame for what he did; so he spin it to doing it for employees and may be will get tax deduction for it now.

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