Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“Just Had Their Baby Shower”: 35 Times “Just A Friend” Was Actually A Lot More Than That
Trust is about being vulnerable with someone, but unfortunately, that means they can take advantage of us.
Trying to learn more about the warning signs, Reddit user BigMcLargeHugeGrande asked everyone whose partner told them "not to worry" how their relationship evolved after they found out that the person who was supposed to be just a friend turned out to be much more than that.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Me and my ex (a nurse) had been together for 5 years. 4 years in we began to look at houses together in Manchester, UK as she was successful in interview for a higher paid position within Manchester Hospital. Manchester has really good Media production opportunities and I had worked in film production there before picking up a safe and tidy job in Higher education teaching Production technology. I was willing to give this up to go back into industry based in Manchester to support her career.
At the time we lived in smaller towns. She had a friend in Manchester who I’d been aware of for years. Guy had a family and happily married and posed no threat.
At every opportunity we would liaise with old friends/colleagues in Manchester to house hunt, lodge etc sometimes as a couple and sometimes separately based on work schedule.
She went a lot more than me as her sister was also working at Manchester University and would stay there for weekends.
We had spent a year trying for a baby and she was 5 months pregnant. I gave up my job, served my notice and helped recruit my replacement. We had also secured a house (of which about 50k was my own savings towards the deposit) and I had new work back in the film industry though much lower paid than what I had got previously.
We celebrated by going on holiday abroad to Morroco for some sun and a time out where I had also planned to propose in the Sahara desert where the hotel staff had set up a desert tent and picnic etc including hot air balloons to get there and camels to come back.
2 days prior to proposing my exs sister called me to tell me she had found out through mutual friends that the baby was likely not mine but this Guy friend. My ex had been sleeping with him for the last 6 months during her trips to go house hunting.
It came about when my ex’s sister was confused when I asked how their weekends had been as I was under the impression my ex had stayed with her sister and her sister had no idea what I was talking about.
Needless to say I cancelled the engagement plans. I waited until we were at the airport before confronting her but she knew something was up as I became exceptionally withdrawn for the remainder of the holiday. Her paranoia was the guilty verdict.
The baby was indeed her male friends and he denied all involvement and remains with his wife whilst my ex birthed a fatherless baby.
I also lost my deposit after selling the house and just about paying off the loan. I’d lost my secure job in higher education and had been lead to believe a 7 month pregnancy was to be my child.
I really spiralled after that and ended up in an abusive relationship about 2 years after where I was assaulted by a manipulative narcissist girlfriend.
Only recently started dating again after 2 more years.
RELATED:
#2
Found proof my wife was cheating while looking for a s*****e note/clues after she died.
#3
My ex had cheated on me with multiple other girls, the day I found it I went to one of our mutual friends to vent and cry, asked her if she know anything and she said no. Turns out she was one of the girls who he’d got with behind my back. So yeah that was a fun thing to find out.
#4
My ex had this female friend that he was super close with. He claimed that it was just a platonic friendship, nothing more. She sometimes hung out at our place and acted friendly towards me. We lived an hour from his workplace. His parents lived closer to his job. When the weather got bad in winter, he told me he was just going to stay at his parents house. Guess who else lived close to his workplace? Come to find out from his mom, he rarely stayed at his parents place. It turned out that he was staying with his "just a friend " and they were f*****g the whole time.
#5
"Don't worry it's not weird if this coworksr offers me gifts and confessed he kinda liked me".
Yeah, sure, apparently it was weird. Quite a lot actually lol.
#6
First girlfriend of 4 years cheated with our mutual best friend, second cheated with 'just a colleague '
Third cheated with 'just her boss'.
Needles to say my head is pretty f..ked up.
The Starsong Princess 3 hours ago
Your picker is the problem. Unfortunately, you have a type and until that changes, you’ll continue to have the same problem.
#7
Lmao. This happened twenty years ago so I’m not pissed about it anymore and it’s kinda hilarious. Her “he’s just a friend” ended up proposing to her in such a way that it made the local newspaper! That’s how I found out they were f*****g.
#8
2 weekends ago on IG, one of her cousins posted that my ex and that guy I wasn’t supposed to worry about just had their baby shower lmao.
#9
When my ex and his child's mother, who he had left years prior because he was so depressed he was s******l as she was so awful to him, started 'getting on better as coparents.' Long story short he broke up with me one night, telling me he wanted no part of our 3 week old daughters life and went directly to ex's house so they could 'be a family'.
#10
My first out of high school boyfriend. I went off to college, and he wasn’t going to school, and got together with him the summer after my senior year of high school. He was such a sweet guy, and I thought we were so happy. But after I left for school, he got a new job and moved in with his mom a few hours the other direction from me. Our 2 hour trip to see each other just became 5 and neither of us had a car. I made it up there a couple more weekends, and the last weekend I was up there, we went to the nearby gas station where he was heavily flirting with the cashier. I asked him what that was on the way back and got “oh that’s just the normal cashier there. I don’t know her outside our gas station talks.”
Now, I figured out later that week when I was back at school that he had logged into his Facebook account on my phone and saved his password out of his habit with his old phone, so when he sent me a Facebook post, my phone auto logged back into his account, where he had a message waiting for him from the cashier at the gas station. The message said “luv u 2 bb” and that’s how I figured out he was cheating on me with the gas station cashier.
Lila Allen 2 hours ago
These are just so frustrating. Just break it off with the person. Don't lie and drag it out.
#11
Dated three years. Lived together. She started getting “busy” with work and then gaslit me for three months about how it was insane I expected to see her more than two hours a week. She forgot her location sharing was on, saw she was hanging out at an unknown house. “Just a friend, you’re being intrusive,” she said. I bought it for months.
Kicked her out once I realized what was going on. She insisted they were just friends. A month later she’s dating the guy.
She’s still with him! Congrats, J, you can have her. You landed a real winner, the borderline personality, abusive serial cheater. Good for you, spider.
#12
She was my best friend since elementary school. We stopped talking for a few years after high school as life just went into different directions. Well we reconnected and my now ex husband started acting extremely weird. He would get in my face and scream at me saying she’s just a sister, he even had me get on medication because I was acting crazy for thinking about him cheating on me. Turns out he’s loved her since high school ( we all went to school together and we were high school sweethearts ) he moved her in when I went to visit my grandma. When I returned home he told me I was just a placeholder for her and he never loved me. Turns out she always hated me, she now goes around telling people she rescued him. She will learn later on that he’s a narcissist.
#13
Technically he said “she’s just a coworker.”
But he never wanted me to drop him off at the front of the store (I worked there briefly, I knew it was normal for our coworkers to get dropped off at the front). Eventually I started looking at the schedule and noticed he only put in effort into his appearance when he worked with her. His friends said they were a little too close.
It was my first relationship and so I once thought it would be kind of s**y to ask what he fantasized about and instead of coming up with something we could do, he told me he fantasizes about his coworker. When I cried, he told me I was kink shaming him and that “sometimes (he) just wants a fat latina a*s.”
Took two more years for me to walk away. Things got way worse. I’d honestly say the above is one of the least hurtful things he has said 😂
Moral of the story: if “your person” isn’t treating you right, LEAVE. Don’t wait two d**n years. Nothing is gonna change.
#14
Yep, wife would take our kids and spend the night with her best friend and her kids. Once a month became every other week, then almost every weekend. Turns out she was having an affair with her best friend's husband. What's stupid about it was it was alright with her friend after our divorce.
#15
Oof. This thread makes me sad and opens old wounds. But my story was that I actually showed up to my girlfriend’s work to pick her up (she knew I was outside) and as I walked up I saw them through the window, he pinched her a*s and she just giggled. That’s how I knew. We broke up a few weeks later because a friend of mine told me they were f*****g. And also that he was f*****g her too. She was a mess.
#16
I was dating a coworker which is already a big no-no to many people. Especially since we worked on the same team in the same department. We were LDR. He in London and me in the US. He also was a prominent up and coming YouTuber at the time. He uploaded a video with this influencer woman. Told me not to worry about it, but she was definitely smitten with him and they both were eye-batting in his video. Turns out he was cheating on me with her. He promised to call it off. We got back together and he cheated again with her. He's now become a Christian, given up his YouTube, but still appears in all her videos because she's now a big YouTube influencer full-time.
ॐBoyGanesh 10 hours ago
Believe people when they show you who they are. He cheated. He’s a cheater. How did she rationalize that he wouldn’t do it again? It scares me people can delude themselves this much about relationships. It makes me worry & wonder just what else they’re willing to overlook or rationalize.
#17
He got a marriage license with his “sister”. He said sister, but it was his ex wife’s sister. I asked if she was his sister, half sister, or sister in law. He said sister every time 🤢 some people are just completely disgusting and can’t be trusted.
#18
Ex and I were together six years. Gay marriage wasn’t legal here yet, so we weren’t married.
Bought a house. Beautiful little ranch in the country. I was working a lot of hours so we could afford to cashflow some new landscaping. I was busy. Three weeks after we closed on the house, one of his employees started hanging out. I didn’t think anything of it. We d**ked with cars, hung out and drank beer. He was a cool guy. Claimed to be straight.
Turns out he wasn’t straight. Also turns out that he was banging my boyfriend while I slept in the next room. Also turns out that they were officially dating three weeks after we closed on the house, and they both took off and stuck me with the mortgage.
He’s bald and overweight now.
#19
I would need an Excel spreadsheet. My ex-husband (who is also the reason I have refused to ever get married again) had a constant parade of "just a friend"s. Us getting engaged didn't stop him, but surely getting married would, right? BZZT! Wrong.
There were honestly too many to count. He was a bigwig in a highly specific branch of STEM in which there are hardly any women, yet somehow he would always manage to recruit college girls as "his" summer interns.
And he discovered early in life that most of the boys who did community theater were gay, so hey! More girls for him! Never mind that he couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. They were always desperate for boys and men and he was always there to sample the cute young girl buffet.
Oh, he knew the spiel by heart. I was the one he *married* and they were all *just friends* honestly! I want to vomit looking back on my marriage. Anyway, he got old like everyone else, and weighs approximately the same as a VW Beetle, so he's finally realizing that those "just a friend"s aren't nearly as easy to come by these days.
#20
My ex started an affair with a co-worker/friend while I was pregnant. We'd moved to a new country so we didn't have family or many friends there. The affair continued even after our baby ended up dying suddenly from SIDS at 6 weeks old. My ex abandoned me about a month after our son died (I was not aware of the affair) so I was left isolated and bed ridden from grief in a totally new country, far away from my family. Our mutual "friends" all gravitated to my ex because he was able to be "fun" while I was a grieving mother. I had lost everything except my dog who was my only reason to get out of bed. I couldn't eat, I lost lots of weight, my body was still trying too produce breastmilk which was traumatic.. I could barely drag myself of bed to shower. I basically just fed my dog, and maybe managed to walk her before going back to bed and crying myself to sleep and relieving the PTSD nightmares.
I thankfully got into contact with a support group who helped me survive that time. It was certainly no thanks to my ex who gave me hot and cold behaviour the next 3 years until he finally confessed to his affair and I finally divorced him. I then did IVF immediately with a s***m donor and I now have another son as a solo mum by choice.
#21
She was his best friends gf. He would tell me they were just friends. Nothing more. She would tell me that too when I would express my feelings. Fast forward a few years, we ended up breaking up after having our 2nd baby. I find out he went on a trip with her to another country and they got matching tattoos.
StumblingThroughLife 2 hours ago
I usually go by my gut instinct with people, and so far, it's worked for me. I wouldn't risk having kids with someone if I felt it the way this woman did. It wouldn't be fair on them.
#22
He broke up with this girl like a year or something before we dated, she was in his friend group and she was his “best friend”. She was a total b***h to me during our entire relationship, and he always took her side. I don’t think he ever actually cheated on me with her, but that was almost as bad.
OzzyTheMano (They/Them) 50 minutes ago
reminds me of some of the songs from Olivia Rodrigo's songs from her guys (spilled) album.
#23
My ex boyfriend had girls on Instagram that were" just friends".
I ended up finding out they were all his ex's and still sleeping together.
There were like 3 of them,I knew better than that which is how I eventually found out .just sucks that I had to do my own investigating because he was a liar from the beginning.
#24
She was f*****g the new underage volunteer at the firehouse. I had nothing to worry about because, "He's just a kid".
Michael Largey 12 hours ago
He is just a kid. What she just is constitutes an entirely different matter.
#25
My best friend of 10 years since the start of high school got together after a several "events" brought us much closer together than what we already were (such as loosing a good mutual friend and helping her with what I discoverd to be her abusive ex-bf). I have always struggled with life and being alone but after we got together for the first time in my life things seemed to be getting better and for once I looked forward to tommorow.
Over the corse of the time we were together I was still struggling but did not want her to know, I lost several people who were close to me and I was incredebly stressed from university but I was somewhat managing and I tried the best I could. She was also struggling but I helped her by introducing her to a makers-space which she then joined and met a 40-ish year old amatour engeneer (about twice her age), and she started getting close to him (texting, seeing eachother every few days, etc).
I honesly thought nothing of it because being the only woman on a computer science and engineering course she also significantly struggled to make friends, I was just happy she was happy, plus there was nobody I trusted more. (You can see where this is going)
Well one day after she seemed slightly distant for a few weeks it happened, I did not fully comprehend what was happening but after it set in I realized I had lost everything that ever matterd to me.
Since then for various reasons I lost the last of my friends, my coach passed away (which as an athlete put and end to it), as well as family (which also resulted in loss of transportation), I lost my job (I have since found another minimum wage dead end job), and I am currently failing university after having already gotten so far. I had a good well paying career lined up but have since lost the opportunity. I then was in an "accident" that left me with scars and pain in my leg, I was supposed to graduate one year ago but with all that was going on I just couldn't and the uni gave me some extra time, dispite that its very unlikely I will make it.
After she left, I lost everything and everyone, a part of me died. I had never met anyone like her, even just as a friend, and ever day is a nightmare (just incase I didn't already get them).
Beleve it or not the detailed version gets worse but I don't think anyone wants to read all that.
Crystalwitch60 8 hours ago
If it helps you thru it op yes we do want to read it .your clearly not in a good place at all if you do read this per chance n i can help in anyway get back to me im a 60 yr old mum with a 20 yr old son that suffered with mental health he’s on track at the moment so I can listen and understand blessed be x
#26
We were Peace Corps volunteers together, but she was from an earlier class so she left country before I did. I was worried about her reintegration and having support from someone who “gets it” so I convinced her and a fellow volunteer to room together. He and I lived close together and I liked and trusted him, and they had served together for two years and nothing romantic had ever happened.
Found out a few months after we broke up that she had been cheating with him from about the time they moved together. I don’t regret convincing them, and I sometimes think that their getting together was the ultimate proof that I was right and she did need someone nearby who “got it”. I think I did the right thing as someone who loved her and the wrong thing for me and our relationship. Wouldn’t take it back.
Victoria Harin Park 8 hours ago
You are undoubtedly the best one for anyone, she was lucky to have you and stupid for letting you go. You prob have the best mindset I could ever even imagine for someone who broke up with someone. Bless you.
#27
We were together for seven and a half years. She was a friend we played games with in discord almost every night.
We played ffxiv and I accidentally stumbled upon them cuddling in gridania. I was told it was nothing.
He broke up with me, a week later he went across the country to meet her and a week later he moved her across the country to be with him.
It’s been 8 months and I log in to keep my house but still can’t play the game….
#28
My first serious girlfriend. Loved her dearly and thought I’d actually marry her. Every love is different and I’m happy with my current relationship, but it is different. This was a very special thing, or it was to me at least.
There was a guy in our friend group that she admitted to me she had feelings for around the same time she realized she had feelings for me. Didn’t love that information, but I felt comfortable in our relationship and I wasn’t going to give her some weird ultimatum to end that friendship (she had known him for years from school.)
Turns out, that guys roommate also had feelings for her (another guy I knew through friends) and told her and her mom about it. This infuriated me as this guy that I was acquainted with didn’t respect my relationship at all and was professing his “love”to my girlfriend. And now there’s a dude who wants my girlfriend and a guy that my girlfriend admitted to having feelings for in the past living together and wanting to host friend gatherings. Drove a wedge for sure and eventually her and I split up just from growing apart and poor communication. Not two weeks after breaking up was she f*****g the guy that she admitted to having previous feelings for. Made me wonder how long she had been mentally checked out for.
In hindsight it’s also wild how many dudes in that friend group wanted to f**k my girlfriend.
#29
All in the span of like 4 months. My marriage to this a*****e was barely holding together.
1. “I met a new friend Lexi”
2. “She’s just a friend, don’t worry”
3. “She’s like the sister I always wanted. We’re so connected”
4. “Lexi and I have this soul connection, you can’t understand”
5. “Lexi told me she has feelings for me and wants to be with me. I also have feelings for her. She talked to her boyfriend and he likes me too so we’re gonna all be together.”
6. “You need therapy so you can join us and it’ll make our marriage stronger”
7. Divorce.
#30
Look, I ain’t the jealous type, because, if you want to cheat, no matter what I do you will find a way…
So, my son’s father had all the freedom in this world with me, wanna grab a drink after work ? No problem, wanna go see a film I have no interest in with your female colleague ? Don’t care…
But that B, came to see my baby when he was born, did eat at my table, gave gifts to my son… and she had a crush on him before I was even in the picture but I didn’t know
That MF lied to my face multiple times, and is still lying (really bad liar btw) because I didn’t tell him that I know about her….
#31
Together for seven years. Through my cancer diagnosis and recovery. Love of my life. She had “just a friend” in the UK she’d talk to daily. Never made a big deal about it even though it did feel weird in my gut.
She left me with no explanation.
Then come to find out she basically left the USA to the UK to go be with him.
You think you know someone. Still tears my heart apart each and every day. Listen to your gut.
Lila Allen 2 hours ago
The minute someone invests more time and energy into a relationship that isn't with their significant other... that's when you should worry. It's normal to have friends and spend time with them, but the second they consistently prioritize the friend over their SO. It's always cheating.
#32
I was with my ex for about 2 and a half years and she became friends with a male coworker. He was “just a friend” and I had nothing to worry about.
We bought a house together and 1 month before we were able to move in she went on an overnight work trip. She came to me the next day saying they slept in the same bed together fully clothed but nothing happened outside that.
I was pissed but didn’t know what to do about the house situation. I said I was gonna tell the coworkers girlfriend of 9 years what he did, the coworker called me up threatening me if I told his girlfriend. He blamed everyone else but himself for his actions. A true narcissist.
My ex blocked him and I focused on trying to repair what she broke. Less than a week later I find out she never blocked him and they met up and had s*x. She broke up with me to be with him, he supposedly left his girlfriend of 9 years for my ex but never really did. I moved into my house alone and spent the next 6 months trying to sell it.
I only spoke to my ex about finances and the house but we eventually sold the property. She called me up one night to apologize for what she did. I guess in those 6 months he was cheating on her, being verbally abusive, made her work life hell, they broke up and got back together to repeat the cycle of abuse. Got so bad I guess he was stalking her and tried to break into her apartment, she had to call the cops on him twice.
So she blew up her reputation with friends, family and coworkers, had to leave her job, lost a lot of money, lost a house, and lost a boyfriend that loved her more than anything.
I miss the person I thought she was, I loved her dearly. But the person she turned into can go f**k herself, it’s still has me f****d up 1.5 years later.
Lila Allen 2 hours ago
Glad OP gets that it's the person he thought she was not who she is. Who she is deserved everything she got. She wanted the drama and romance of the affair and it cost her.
#33
We were married less than a year, got divorced due to lack of trust regarding his close girl friend (among other things). They had a child together a few months after our divorce was finalized and are now married.
#34
Partner had a "just a friend" ex, ok, whatever, it had been a number of years since they were together and seemed nice enough when we'd met. Cheated on me while I was out of town, now they're married. Ended up happy for all of us, relationship didn't have staying power even without the cheating.
#35
My wife had a long time friend I never met, knew him for over 15years.
I thought, it's nice she had her own friend and let her do whatever. Problem, It was a group of friends, that never saw me, so they didn't think much of me and pushed my wife into the arms of their buddy...
She was of course at fault too. She cheated, took a long time I therapy to understand the hurt she brought me.
So huh, I've never wanted to be jealous, like so many guys that hound their girlfriends, but huh, I should have been a bit more cautious.
We had 12 years together. And a kid.
Life sucks sometimes.
Note: this post originally had 59images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
Poll Question
How do you typically feel when your partner says 'not to worry' about someone?
Reassured
Suspicious
Indifferent
Curious
What do you think ?
Neopet22 9 hours ago
I have one but it involves me not cheating lol. My first boyfriend at 24, we weren't even together for long but I think I was in that period in my younger 20s where I wanted to date around since it started dating later in life. He was a great guy but we had some minor issues that could turn bigger. I had a fairly new co worker I really found attractive (this was towards the end of that relationship) and I felt like I might cheat on my boyfriend as my hormones were raging near that co worker. I ended the relationship. Never cheated and yes I did hook up with that co worker and we had an on and off situationship for a few years until I left that company. So if you feel like you might cheat,do your partner a favour and end it with them first. My ex is now married and honestly he deserves the best. I did hurt him a lot by breaking up with him but I knew that we wouldn't make it long term.
Pittsburgh rare 12 hours ago (edited)
I see your "it's just a friend" and raise "it's just a student" (adult student, only 3 years younger than him, otherwise I'd have put his cheating a*s in prison)
Neopet22 9 hours ago
I have one but it involves me not cheating lol. My first boyfriend at 24, we weren't even together for long but I think I was in that period in my younger 20s where I wanted to date around since it started dating later in life. He was a great guy but we had some minor issues that could turn bigger. I had a fairly new co worker I really found attractive (this was towards the end of that relationship) and I felt like I might cheat on my boyfriend as my hormones were raging near that co worker. I ended the relationship. Never cheated and yes I did hook up with that co worker and we had an on and off situationship for a few years until I left that company. So if you feel like you might cheat,do your partner a favour and end it with them first. My ex is now married and honestly he deserves the best. I did hurt him a lot by breaking up with him but I knew that we wouldn't make it long term.
Pittsburgh rare 12 hours ago (edited)
I see your "it's just a friend" and raise "it's just a student" (adult student, only 3 years younger than him, otherwise I'd have put his cheating a*s in prison)
You May Like “My Marriage Seems To Be Over”: Man Admits To A 6-Year Affair, Learns Truth About Wife Woman Wants Nothing To Do With Ex’s Affair Child, He Starts A Smear Campaign Against Her Wife Confronts Husband About His ‘Work Wife,’ He Loses It
Mantas Kačerauskas
Gabija Saveiskyte
Gabija Saveiskyte
Related on Bored Panda
