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If you were lucky, you had a lovely childhood where things just made sense. Life seemed fair. Everyone was treated equally. Good behavior was encouraged and rewarded, and as long as you worked hard, respected others and tried your best, everything would just magically work out!
As adults, we’re well aware that that’s a very naïve way of looking at the world, but to avoid raising cynical, pessimistic children, we often allow little ones to view life through rose-colored glasses. “Eventually, they’ll figure out the truth for themselves,” we think. But unfortunately, even if someone is an adult when they receive a reality check, the harsh truths of life can be extremely challenging to accept.
Reddit users have been opening up about the brutal realities of life that hit them the hardest, so we’ve gathered some of their most eye-opening and heart-breaking responses below. If you’re struggling with any of these ideas too, know that you’re not alone, pandas. Remember to upvote the pills that have been particularly hard for you to swallow as well, and keep reading to also find an interview with Louisa Davis, editor for The Mind's Journal. Then if you’re interested in diving even deeper into this topic, you can find another Bored Panda article featuring a similar discussion right here!
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#1
That just because I was an abuse victim for 20 years it doesn't mean that things are automatically going to start getting better without me trying. A winning lottery ticket, or my dream job, isn't just going to fall into my lap - I'm not owed a good future just because I had a s**t past
Dan Padgett 1 year ago
Can't upvote this more. People being shïtty and using the past as an excuse are doomed to fail. Learn from the past, good or bad, it made you who you are. Find strength in it and don't let your abuser win.
To gain some more insight on this topic, we reached out to the team at The Mind's Journal, and Editor Louisa Davis was kind enough to have a conversation with us. First, we wanted to know what Louisa considers some of the hardest realities to accept and if she has personally struggled with any of them. "The harsh realities that I would consider hard to accept are: failure; you can’t rely on anyone; you can’t control everything in life; expectations lead to disappointment; no one can completely understand you; betrayal in a relationship," she told Bored Panda.
"One of the realities that was particularly hard for me to come to terms with is - 'Expectations'," Louisa shared. "The pain of high expectations of others is very deep. Hoping for an outcome I desire, thinking about what others should or shouldn't do, and then feeling overwhelmed when things don’t go as expected always undermined my relationships and happiness."
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#2
No matter what earth-shattering, soul-wrenching event has happened to *you*--the death of a loved one, a scary diagnosis--the rest of the world will keep moving even though yours has been rocked. Life goes on.
Dan Padgett 1 year ago
This is where empathy comes into play. Realising that someone's world has stopped and giving them space and compassion to process that.
#3
Cutting ties with toxic family member is necessary, it doesn’t matter if their blood you have to do what’s best for you
We also asked Louisa why it's so common for people to have a hard time accepting reality. "People find it hard because the truth is extremely uncomfortable, which is why most people live in denial," she explained. "Also, people fear that accepting reality means accepting that their values or beliefs or their actions and decisions were wrong. Accepting mistakes makes one feel guilty, whereas self-pity and self-victimization offer comfort, while drifting you away from reality."
#4
My girlfriend isn’t coming back.
I was 30, she was 27, she died. I had all these hopes and plans for a life together. It sounds ridiculous, but the realisation that she is dead and never coming back took me a long time to fully accept. I kept having dreams where she was alive, only to have to wake up and realise it was only a dream. I’m not superstitious, but I kept hoping she would come back in some form, even just for ten minutes, so we could talk.
#5
You can't be anything you want. You can be whatever your skill level, intellect and money will allow. So that means I am too poor to be president, too clumsy to be a trapeze artist and too number dumb to be an astronaut.
Louisa also shared some advice for anyone out there who may be struggling coming to terms with harsh realities. "Please be open minded and learn to see things in life from a broader perspective," she told Bored Panda. "Some more helpful tips are: take responsibility; develop high self-awareness; practice self-love; seek constructive criticism; pray daily; meditate daily; practice the law of attraction."
Louisa also opened up about how praying has helped her accept some of life's harsh truths. "I pray for wisdom and the power to take the right actions because I believe in the law of cause and effect," she shared. "The mantra that helps me most is 'I am responsible for everything that happens to me and everything that I attract in my life'. Aside from that, I am practicing the law of attraction to manifest what I want. Prayers and meditation have helped me connect with my higher purpose in life."
#6
You can try your best with 100% effort and things still may not work out
OnlyMyOpinion 1 year ago
This! I really hate it when people who have succeeded at something say "If you really want it, put your mind to it and you can achieve it." Fact is, not everyone get the outcome they want, no matter how hard they try.
#7
You can be do your best to be as nice and considerate of the feelings of everyone you meet, and still end up hurting people.
Not even from doing anything *wrong*.
Just from people being complicated.
Finally, Louisa added, "I deeply believe that spirituality is important to be able to accept and deal with the toxicity around us and the harsh realities of life. Being spiritual helps one experience positive emotions and take charge of their relationships, happiness, health, and overall well-being."
If you'd like to hear more words of wisdom from the team at The Mind's Journal, you can find their website right here and an article on this same topic right here!
#9
For me, personally, it was accepting that I would always be abnormal, due to having dwarfism. It will be a social barrier in life for many people I meet, it will no doubt impact how people perceive me, my personality and my abilities, and it is something that many people will find hard to get past, mentally. There will be things I am physically incapable of doing, and people will patronise me. I will always get unwanted attention on a daily basis, and will struggle romantically, due to people equating me with a child.
The reality of all these things hit me when I was about 12 years old, which was a lot to process. I got very angry and bitter about my lot in life, and it kind of dominated my teenage years.
But I *have* accepted it, and I'm pretty cool with my life now. I wouldn't change it for the world. It made me who I am, and I love who I am. It was hard to come to terms with when I was young, definitely, but I feel so secure now, as a result. People tell me they envy that about me.
#10
When people you love get dementia and waste away. You mourn them while they’re still alive
#11
Even if you are truly sorry for what you have done, people do not have to accept your apology and sometimes you will never be forgiven for your actions.
#12
Friendships come and go.
It's a luxury to be friends with anyone for an extended period of time, let alone into adulthood.
Yeah, you get lucky with certain people who you're still friends with, but then you get people who just couldn't care less about you when you drift apart (as it will happen to just about anyone). It sucks, but that's life.
#13
This is going to get buried, but: I wish someone had told me earlier that being good at something doesn't mean it'll make you happy. It took six years of theatrical carpentry and entertainment design for me to get this before I realized I wanted to go into the medical field.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
In highschool careers class, I vividly remember the teacher telling us about a guy he knew who was in real estate and incredibly good at it - best in the business, hands down. The moment he had made enough to retire on, he quit. When people asked why, he finally came out and admitted that he freaking hated working in real estate.
#14
Some people are just c***s.
I used to be naïve and believed that people would generally try to do the right thing. Nope.
Now I’m a cynical f**k and it’s much better.
I’m not a bitter person - the opposite actually. It’s better to be sceptical than be overly trusting and get f****d over.
LK 1 year ago
No, no no. I will always react first with kindness and empathy. If someone takes that and twists it, or abuses my trust that is on them, and not on me. It's better to be optimistic and kind, to have your kindness and trust thrown back at you from time to time, than to be sceptical and make people prove themselves before helping them. It leads to a much happier life.
#15
That it doesn't matter how hard you work, you will have some a*****e manager with zero skills earning more than you.
#16
Sometimes, being an adult means sucking it up and doing a job you hate because the pay isn't too bad and the benefits are pretty decent.
#19
My parents are getting older. No, that's not it. They're dying. Sure, we're all getting closer to the day we die. But the decline in them is scary.
It's hard enough as it is, but accepting that you're next is something that I haven't been able to do yet.
AJay 1 year ago
My grandmother is losing her mind to Alzheimer's disease and my grandad is her full time carer. Every time I see them it kills me to see that the witty, intelligent grandmother I once knew is being replaced by a disease that is mentally aging her back to a young child, and that my grandad who used to look so tall and strong now looks so old and feeble from the pressure of caring for her. I think that she still recognises me, but soon she might not even be able to recognize her sons and husband, and that makes me so mad that there is nothing that can be done to fix her, or give her back her freedom. And I know that I will probably have to see and experience all this again when my parents get old. Sorry to dump that on you Pandas, but it feels so much better to have been able to say that, even if no one sees it.
#20
There isn’t someone out there for everyone. Some of us are just destined to be alone. Yay
#21
It’s very difficult to come to terms with the fact you’re not as smart or cool as you thought you were. That you’re really nothing special. But once you accept that, it gets a little easier. I don’t know about you, but to me there’s something kinda liberating about not being anything special. You’re free to be your own person and do your own thing.
John Louis 1 year ago
I can't say I agree with this one. Asking what is or what could be unique and excellent in your life and working toward it is not a bad life plan. I hold down a job that I am the only one who does it (as far as I know) It gives me a certain sense of accomplishment.
#22
There is a big portion of the world who hates me for who I am, but hating myself too doesn't help anything.
Mahayana 1 year ago
I was helping translating a Tibetan monk during a lecture and somebody in the audience ask how to stop hating yourself. And he didn’t understand the question. So I tell him how do you stop the voice in your head that tells you horrible things. He looked at me completely shocked and said : you do this??!! What is the benefit?? And I was shocked. There is no benefits. And that day I learned that self hatred was not in the basic human nature but part of our culture. Please stop hating yourself. No good can come from that.
#23
Just because someone loves you and you love them, doesn’t mean it’ll always work out.
#24
No matter what you do, Someone will *always* hate it.
I hated hearing this for the first time and it put it into perspective for me.
Mohsie Supposie 1 year ago (edited)
I always think of picture of the man, the wife, the donkey and the critics.
#25
That everyone you love will die and you will always regret not spending enough time with them.
#26
You can never really know someone. The closest friends and family can keep the darkest secrets. Trusting someone doesn't mean that they are trustworthy.
#27
There is no justice.
Sometime, people will be d***s, and everything will work out for them. You can generally teach someone a lesson (by kicking the c**p out of them), but only once, because you will probably go to jail for it.
#28
Sometimes you just need to let dreams go and accept that your life is going a different direction.
#29
Some people don’t want actual solutions, they just want to complain.
Edit: I’m all for a good round of aggravation-venting catharsis for some one-off frustration. I’m thinking more of repeat offenders with a very solvable problem they just aren’t willing fix (ex: 3 months of on-and-off complaining about a specific problem... offer to brain-trust some viable solutions... they reply something along the lines of ”it’s unsolvable” ...future date, same topic, more complaining... offer simple, viable, and specific potential solutions you’ve thought of ... they follow with essentially “no, that would never work” but offers no potential solution in its place.... repeat ad nauseam. 🙄 I’m solution oriented. If you present a problem to me (and not specify that it’s just a vent session) then I’m gonna try to help you solve it so that I don’t have to see you suffer frustration, anger, sadness, or disappointment.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
I knew a guy who was like this. 95% of our conversations were just him endlessly complaining about everything under the sun, and it soon became clear that he was not the least bit interested in any suggestion of mine for fixing his problems. He just wanted a pair of ears to b***h and moan into.
#30
That for a lot of people, facts, logic and objective truth are far less important than the first emotional response they had to the situation.
devotedtodreams 1 year ago
And then there's those who let cold logic and rationality dictate their lives to the extent where they don't (or can't) show empathy. Became a whole new red flag to me.
#31
I'm not going to win the lottery and I'm not going to magically become filthy rich.
#32
The "what are you going to do about it?" Will always be more important than who's right or wrong.
Dan Padgett 1 year ago
Solutions are more important than blame. Once the problem is solved, then you find out wtf happened and make it not happen again.
#33
Other than a small group of people, no one gives a s**t about me.
#34
Adults are not all knowing. Stupid kids sometimes become stupid adults. The worst kid in class in bed school might still become a doctor.
Your parents, your heros, your teachers- all just people. Usually doing the best that they can, even if it isn't always enough.
#35
That life happens. After a 400 dollar electric bill and paying to fix a sink both within 3 days it finally dawned on me that this s**t happens. Life doesn't give you a free pass just because you are struggling.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
Somehow it seems worse when you're struggling. I know it's because you're struggling it seems like that but damn it always feels like everything is against you.
#36
Love is not enough. A relationship dying because of things external to love, is such a horrible thing to embrace, given that we are taught love conquers all.
It can barely conquer a 2hr drive.
Ches Yamada 1 year ago (edited)
Love sometimes is not enough. But the quote "it can barely conquer a 2hr drive"? I beg to differ, my husband and I lived a few hours' *flight* away and we still dated & got married.
#37
Not everyone will agree with me on everything, my opinion is not always fact, and sometimes compromise is necessary
#38
Some people are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again, and there's nothing you can do to stop them.
John Louis 1 year ago
Some people never learn, but they are responsible for their own actions.
#39
I cannot depend on long-term remission, because it simply does not reliably exist for treatment-resistant depression, I've never had remission, and I'm a lot more treatment-resistant than the average.
That means if I want to get anything done, I have to learn to function how I am and not wait for a day when I'm better. There isn't a better. It doesn't matter who I am when I'm not depressed, because "not depressed" is not an option and it very well might never be an option.
I know that must sound really depression, but it was actually a really important realization. I can't control whether or not I'm miserable, or do anything I'm not already doing; but if I'm going to be sick then I may as well do something instead of lie in bed all day.
#40
People will care about you as long as you’re useful or convenient for them. After that, you’re on your own.
#41
My soon to be ex wife is a lying, cheating, narcissist. I literally had two years of depression including a suicide attempt. Once I figured out that she didn't care about anyone but herself, my mental health improved quickly.
#42
Life isn’t fair
We watch films, read books, listen to music where the good guys generally win or things sort themselves out for the better but in reality this rarely happens.
On the plus side, once you accept this as a truth it makes it easier to accept than always trying to force the right outcome
#43
That clinics and hospitals exist to make money. Helping people get better is secondary.
#44
No matter how much you’re there for someone if they decide not to be there for you there’s nothing you can do about it. People will take advantage of you if you let them, you can’t make someone be who you want them to be
XenoMurph 1 year ago
True but it's not always meant to be reciprocal. I helped a friend out a while back when he was homeless, he barely calls me now. But he's still depressed, still struggling. So I can't really expect him to fully "repay". It's not taking advantage if they fully need the help.
#45
That there’s no break. You may go on a vacation, but you’re always working to keep your life from automatically failing making sure you always have all necessities.
You can’t just have a summer in which you worry about nothing. You’d be lucky to have a winter “break”, but even then you still have to work at life, especially if you have people to care for.
You can’t just go away and retire to your room for a week if you’re feeling overwhelmed as it will just get worse and worse.
However, this responsibility is cut in half (hopefully) if you have a great partner to do it with (which I am very lucky to have).
Aidan Campbell 1 year ago
Even on holiday, i have to make the most of where i am. Even sightseeing can be quite stressful. That is when we are lucky enough to be able to afford a holiday.
#46
'Life isn't fair' is something that people who are in a position to make life more fair love to say.
John Louis 1 year ago
I agree. I have heard people say, "You can't save the world." That is an excuse for doing nothing.
#48
Outside of a handful of really close friends and some family, nobody really, truly gives a f**k about me.
If I died tomorrow, people would come to my funeral and act sad. Some of them would actually be sad. But most of them would go home and move on with life and barely think about me ever again.
I'm not upset by this...that's just the way it is. It's the way it is for pretty much everyone.
#49
Sometimes you won’t get closure. And your mind will f**k with you for months because you don’t have that golden answer of why your old friends abandoned you because they won’t even respond. I had a hard time accepting that and I still do. Because I feel like the bad guy when deep down I know I’m not the only one that should be sorry, especially when they knew I was battling a lot of mental issues. It still hurts, it still sucks, but I have learned that life may never give you answers and you just have to accept that and let go.
#50
Most people only want to associate with you if it benefits them.
What do you think ?
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
Knowing when to quit is just as important as persistence. Even a project you're really passionate about can sometimes be, at the end of the day, simply not worth sticking with. Example: I spent an entire decade working on a book series I was deeply, deeply invested in. Realising it was never going to fly and abandoning it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago (edited)
100% agreed. Also...I hope one day you can finish your book series. I too hope to be able to write one before I die.
Load More Replies...
Sonja 1 year ago
One size fits all doesn't exist. Theres always an exception for every rule or a situation where something doesn't work even if it worked all the other times. Never assume anything without proof, and even with proof, realize that we'll never have the whole truth, only a subjective truth.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Love me some ruin porn though, so I am ok with being a wreck.
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Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Here's a couple I have learned. 1. Not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay. The world isn't going to end, and you needn't lose sleep over it. Focus on the people who do like you. 2. The sooner you stop giving a cr@p what people think of you the better. If the aforementioned people dislike you because you're weird, who cares?? Find your tribe, they're weird too.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I found it quite practical and non-depressing. Once you realise (a) you're on your own, and (b) a lot of life is up to chance, you pretty much can just stop stressing about certain things like (a) who likes you and (b) why you are broke. My discoveries are that (a) is resolved by not thinking. At all. (b) is resolved by hanging out at bars where rich people hang out and making friends with them. Networking in other words.
Load More Replies...
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
How about: "Just because you disagree, doesn't mean you have to downvote."
Octavia Hansen 1 year ago
Life is "What are YOU going to do." Everything else is guessing, wishing, reacting. Do what you're going to do. And just about everyone and everything is WWWAAAYYYYY too serious about everything. Do what you can do, the rest will just have to play out. It's selfish in a way but you deserve to be FIRST in your own life. And if you can ever learn to let go and move on, you feel bad at first and then that, too, falls away. I think there's a song, a book or a movie in all this . . . if not, go make up your own.
Rowan_the_raging_raven 1 year ago
You are a tiny speck of dust compared to the universe... you are an atom... you are not special and in the long run no matter what you do you won't matter and will be forgotten forever
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
The three stages of learning these realities: (1) NO, that can't be true! (2) OK, I guess it is true (3) probably better off that way anyhow.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
You're not the star, and that shouldn't really matter. Luke Skywalker blew up the death star, but most of the people in that battle died, and they were all necessary.
Dan St John 1 year ago
Who and what you are today, doesn't mean that is who you will be tomorrow or next week or next month or even next year.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
Knowing when to quit is just as important as persistence. Even a project you're really passionate about can sometimes be, at the end of the day, simply not worth sticking with. Example: I spent an entire decade working on a book series I was deeply, deeply invested in. Realising it was never going to fly and abandoning it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago (edited)
100% agreed. Also...I hope one day you can finish your book series. I too hope to be able to write one before I die.
Load More Replies... Sonja 1 year ago
One size fits all doesn't exist. Theres always an exception for every rule or a situation where something doesn't work even if it worked all the other times. Never assume anything without proof, and even with proof, realize that we'll never have the whole truth, only a subjective truth.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Love me some ruin porn though, so I am ok with being a wreck.
Load More Replies... Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Here's a couple I have learned. 1. Not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay. The world isn't going to end, and you needn't lose sleep over it. Focus on the people who do like you. 2. The sooner you stop giving a cr@p what people think of you the better. If the aforementioned people dislike you because you're weird, who cares?? Find your tribe, they're weird too.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I found it quite practical and non-depressing. Once you realise (a) you're on your own, and (b) a lot of life is up to chance, you pretty much can just stop stressing about certain things like (a) who likes you and (b) why you are broke. My discoveries are that (a) is resolved by not thinking. At all. (b) is resolved by hanging out at bars where rich people hang out and making friends with them. Networking in other words.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 1 year ago
How about: "Just because you disagree, doesn't mean you have to downvote."
Octavia Hansen 1 year ago
Life is "What are YOU going to do." Everything else is guessing, wishing, reacting. Do what you're going to do. And just about everyone and everything is WWWAAAYYYYY too serious about everything. Do what you can do, the rest will just have to play out. It's selfish in a way but you deserve to be FIRST in your own life. And if you can ever learn to let go and move on, you feel bad at first and then that, too, falls away. I think there's a song, a book or a movie in all this . . . if not, go make up your own.
Rowan_the_raging_raven 1 year ago
You are a tiny speck of dust compared to the universe... you are an atom... you are not special and in the long run no matter what you do you won't matter and will be forgotten forever
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
The three stages of learning these realities: (1) NO, that can't be true! (2) OK, I guess it is true (3) probably better off that way anyhow.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
You're not the star, and that shouldn't really matter. Luke Skywalker blew up the death star, but most of the people in that battle died, and they were all necessary.
Dan St John 1 year ago
Who and what you are today, doesn't mean that is who you will be tomorrow or next week or next month or even next year.
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