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There are so many things we wish our children would grow up knowing. However, separating the wheat from the chaff, the wisdom from the illusions is always a tough thing to do. And some things that our kids end up learning do more harm than good, don’t you think, dear Pandas?

Well, the parents of Reddit have been pitching in and sharing their takes on what harmful things are being taught to children in a viral thread over on r/AskReddit. From advice on how we should always be double-checking information to embracing failure instead of running away from it, some of these tips and tricks are spot-on and help kids grow into healthy, happy adults. (And don’t tell anyone this, but some of us adults could use a handful of these tips, too.)

Have a read through them below and upvote the ones you agree with. Got any additional tips on what things children should and shouldn’t be taught? Be sure to share your thoughts with all the other Readers in the comment section.

I reached out to Lenore Skenazy to learn more about how to overcome the passive mindset that kids are taught to embrace in school and to be actively driven by curiosity into adulthood. Lenore is the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement and the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit organization that fights overprotection, promotes independence, and makes kids ‘future-proof.’ and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. You’ll find her insights that she shared with Bored Panda below, dear Readers.

#1

Little girls get told all the time that boys are bullying them because they like them

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#3

Making children hug or kiss someone (usually a relative) that they are uncomfortable with is not good. The child may just be grumpy and or not wanting to show affection or their warning bell sensors could be going off and they do not know how to communicate that. Plus forcing them to hug/kiss sends mixed messages about personal/physical boundaries and affection itself

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Modern schooling, if left to its own devices, generally has the unwanted effect of making kids far more passive than we’d like them to be. School tends to reward following orders and compliance more than independence, active curiosity, and drive. And that’s an issue that can have far-reaching consequences, one of which is the fear of doing what you want or trying new things.

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“When a seventh-grade teacher friend of mine asked her students—aged 12 and 13—what new things they wanted to do on their own, but were still a little hesitant to try, the responses were rather shocking to me,” Lenore, the founder of Let Grow and the Free-Range Kids movement, shared with Bored Panda.

“One kid wanted to walk the dog—but was afraid it would get off the leash. Another said he wanted to go to the store—but he’d never been inside one without his mom, and he was worried about being surrounded by strangers. A few said they wanted to take a bike ride or even climb a tree, but they were afraid of hurting themselves.”

#4

What to think instead of how to think

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#5

That they shouldn't question an adult

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Aurelia!
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES if we don't question adults, oppressive systems will stay THE SAME we will just pass them down and never make any progress.

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#6

That failure is bad. Failing should not be considered as an obstacle but a step in the learning process. Demonizing the failure and stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail.

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Lenore explained that “our catastrophizing culture” has scared parents so much, they’re anxious about letting their kids do pretty much anything and everything. While there are exceptions, of course, many parents veer sharply towards being overprotective and overbearing because they fear for their munchkins’ safety.

Ironically, the result is the opposite of what they want. “The result is not safety, it’s anxiety—kids who absorbed the message that everything is too much for them to handle. When you’re anxious, a simple slip-up doesn’t seem so simple. It seems huge—even life-threatening. How can you avoid those awful threats? That part is simple,” Lenore detailed. “You avoid doing anything.”

Doing nothing is exactly what the seventh graders that Lenore mentioned up above ended up doing. That fear spread to other parts of their life in the classroom, from taking tests (“what if they got a bad grade?”) to asking the teacher which side of the page they should write their name on (“they wouldn’t dare just choose their own!”).

#7

Nobody cares about children’s/teens issues. “Well it’s only going to get worse from here”. “You think school is hard? Have you ever paid a f**king bill” “You’re just a kid you can’t feel this way”.

It breeds an emotional disconnect from parents and their kids. And makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles, that nobody cares because they’re not adults and they don’t have “Adult Problems”.

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Toko Danganronpa
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. People often have bad assumptions of teenagers, but they have myriads of issues they don't talk about.

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#8

It seems like forcing kids to eat everything off their plate is pretty harmful, it doesn't matter if they're full, they have to clean off their plate and they can't leave the table until they do

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Erihapeti Swampwitch
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree, this doesn't allow children to self regulate and know when they are full. It me years to unlearn this behavior.

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#9

That you can be anything you want in life.

Sorry but this just isn't correct. Poor Eddie who can't grasp basic division isn't going to be an astronaut

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with this 100%. I also hate the saying that everything is possible if you put your mind to it. Umm no, not everything is possible for everyone.

Ozacoter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. I feel that this is a big problems that milenials had. We were raised with the "if you work hard you will acomplish anything ". Now that most of us have a crappy life (no matter how hard we worked) ot brings all kinds of insecurities and frustration.

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Hans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a bit divided here. Realism is important, but so are aspirations. I tell my children that they can STRIVE FOR becoming what they want.

Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My mother told me that I could be anyone I wanted to be! Turns out, identity theft is a crime. Huh."

Caroline
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Money and connections will lead you anywhere. Intelligence and hard work can only take you so far. Harsh but true.

John C
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

lazy comment. i grew up poor, didnt use it as an excuse, got my doctorate. if you had said underprivileged i would have agreed with you - i can easily see a non-white counterpart of mine not finding the same college opportunities which makes me sad and enraged at the same time.

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Zophra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Saw a quote somewhere: "Follow your heart, but don't leave your brain behind."

Stille20
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes and no. But the reality is deluding yourself may actually help you achieve things they seem unlikely. (They is actually a study on this focused on Olympic athletes) Keeping your gaze on average, the best you can do is average.

Rod Egret
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was born one-eyed and as a kid I dreaming of becoming a pilot. Imagine if my parents had told me that I can be one...

Donkey boi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I only heard a slight variant of this, 'You can do whatever you want with the right tools. As soon as you learn that you don't have the tools, you try to find them'. I don't see any reason why Poor Eddie couldn't become an astronaut, you need different people with different skill sets and while he may be lacking in one area, he could excel in others. Poor Eddie could be the best pilot in the world and the ideal person to guide a shuttle back into the atmosphere!

Maureen Matthew
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same with follow your passion. Sure it might work out but better to be employed full time and follow your passion on weekends. That way you get to eat, have a roof over your head AND enjoy your passion.

Miss Cris
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's worse for everybody who has worked hard all life but without having great success. It's not their fault. American dream is a big lie. A person can work hard and be poor , not having a job, be sick, whatever, AND IT'S NOT HIS/HER FAULT. People don't get what they deserve. It's unfair but our society is unfair today. We could change it, but we cannot tell unsucceful people that they deserve it because it's false ( money, contacts, etc.)

CowboyHank
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel bad for Eddie. It sounds like you gave up on him. Tell Eddie to keep working hard. I don't know if this is a myth or not, but I heard Einstein wasn't a great student.

ADHD McChick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Biggest lie my mother ever (unintentionally) told me. Goes hand-in-hand with the American workforce ideal of "if you only work hard enough/learn enough/show them how loyal and devoted you are, you'll get the raise/promotion/be safe from layoffs/etc". Dreams and aspiration are fine. But if they're not tempered with reality, it can set a person up for a lifetime of disappointment and frustration. I just try to encourage my son to be the best HIM he can be. That he doesn't have to be perfect, or the best, at anything. That I just want him to be happy. And that, in my eyes, equals being successful.

Carrie Roettger
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We always told our kids to try everything they wanted to bit realize that you're not going to be amazing at everything. If you truly love something you'll try harder to become good at it.

M Kate McCulloch
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my autistic son with a temper wanted to be a cop - nope. how about fireman?

backatya
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they should change it to try to achieve something you like, but if you can't it's not the end of the world. It doesn't make you a failure. Just keep trying in life.

Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree about this one. Poor Eddie should get basic division if education system would stop jugding a fish on his ability to climb in trees. Poor Eddie has to swim in order to understand basic division. Not climbing trees. The teacher should find a new way of explaining, so Eddy CAN grasp basic division.

John C
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not sure I agree. I failed 6th grade algebra, had to retake. I suppose those that agree with this would have started unchecking career choices for me. By the time I was in college I was the strongest student among 70 other grad school students in pharmaceutics (math for dose calculations) and lead review sessions. Don't be so quick to write people off.

Nikki Sevven
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd add that if you do have the talent, you still have to practice to acquire the skills.

pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's a little early to say they can't be something. There were things I was terrible at, which I am now excellent at. However I understand that the message may be a bit harmful. Perhaps it should instead be "maybe! Do your best and find out"

Silvia John
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It would be much more important to recognize what talents the child has and then encourage the child to use those talents in their later career.

Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Years back, I read an amazing essay by Augusten Burroughs - "How to Ditch a Dream": https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/articles/201205/two-minute-memoir-how-ditch-dream

Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another issue to consider: some people blossom a little later or under different circumstances. A colleague told me that her daughter was not a good singer, but wanted singing lessons. She actually became good at it. The discipline from her passionate hobby was later put into another field where she can make a living.

Don't Look
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's actually caused the (mis)understanding that people can get better jobs than they can.

Annamagelic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, I don't agree. There is absolutely no reason to go stomping on a child's dreams and telling them to give up. Especially if it is what motivates them to keep working on skills that don't come easy.

Chelsea Winters
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But people who can't spell or use basic grammar seem to be landing some pretty good jobs. I've had several bosses who couldn't compose a simple email that didn't look like it was written by a first grader.

Cee Mor
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think kids should be exposed to more jobs...what happened to parent job day? Kids don't know what's out there, besides YouTuber or Influencer..lol

frangee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or instead we could teach them that they'll only get there if they try really hard. That way we aren't crushing their dreams, but we aren't getting their hopes up either.

Ozacoter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then you are teaching them that if they dont get there its their fault for not being good enough

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Kira Okah
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If Eddie can't grasp basic division then investigating why is important. They might just not understand how you're explaining it, might learn a different way, have dyscalcula.

Col BatGuano
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless Poor Eddy has a defective brain, he can grasp basic division if he is instructed correctly. Don't think that your ignorance is the final answer to everything.

Keyy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this one is stupid .. you CAN be whatever you want in life .. you just have to work extremely hard at most things .. AND there ARE dyslexic and autistic and learning disabled astronauts

FloridaMan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yes but im teaching myself euclidean geometry at the age of 9 and yes i understand and i dont mean geometry

Simon Cataudo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is for everyone. The best advice for life is ‘it’s who you know, not just what you know’

Luka Hamer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And then feel bad when you don't excel in school or a particular subject and feel like a loser even though you're great at something that isn't taught in school or youre just regular and that is great too we need everyone in this world. But regular is almost as bad as well being actually bad at something these days. So regular is good, bad is good, good is good.

Plane Lover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t know if I agree or not. Eddie could get better at division.

Nadine Debard
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have mixed feelings about that. I think it depends on the context. In some countries, going to university is very affordable and it counts a lot when looking at a child's possibilities. But what I think most important is to learn your children not to be afraid of trying. People are afraid of failure, so they don't even try.

elStiJneriNO
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor Eddie got into a boyband and became f*****g rich Eddie and Will be going into space next year

Anggi Santika
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree with this. As a parents we need to encourage our children to try to be anything they want to be in life as long as it's positive. Can't let them say "i want to be like Dexter because it's cool". If poor Eddie can't grasp basic division but he wants to be an astronaut, it's the parents job to help him to do better in math. If after a while he can't improve, then it's the parents job to say "maybe you might want to reconsider".

Nicholas Kraemer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, writing off Eddie because he learns or thinks differently. Classy

D. Pitbull
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This just needs to be adjusted to "You can be many things, but you have to work for it"... that last bit is so often left out. It just irks me to no end how many people I've encountered who b**h and whine every day that "this is impossible" and "this is rigged" and "Well, they're cheating me" - then finding out they made a minimal effort *ONCE* and then got angry when riches and success didn't just RAIN down on on them.

Katie Johnson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should be... you can be anything you want if you put the time and effort in. Still not 100% true but for many it can and will be!

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“The teacher told one girl who came to class late and hadn’t had time to get lunch, ‘That’s ok—just go grab something from the cafeteria and come back!’ ‘By myself?’ the girl asked. She was afraid to walk down the halls of her safe school, in a safe neighborhood, in suburban New York. Everyday life is seen as filled with risk.”

This passivity isn’t making children any happier, Lenore put it bluntly. Instead, kids are kept deep inside their comfort zones fully believing that it’s all that they can stand and that this is all that life has to offer. Fortunately, the students that Lenore mentioned had an awesome teacher who didn’t want them to go into high school and then adulthood with so much fear in their lives.

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“She wanted to break the shell growing thicker around them every day. And so she assigned The Let Grow Project—a homework assignment that tells kids to, ‘Go home and do something new, on your own.’ At last, the kids were given a push to get out of their comfort zone—and so were their parents. After all, now school was telling them to let go of their kids and give them a little independence,” Lenore said.

#10

“No “tattle tails” or “snitching”

How many kids are abused or bullied and won’t come forward because of this?”

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Rakjell Hanwell
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The best way to 'deal' with a kid who is constantly snitching on others for minute things, in my experience, is to take them seriously and if it is possible (which with small conflicts between children it normally almost always is) to tell them to resolve the conflict on their own, by talking. Or, if the snitching kid actually was the one causing the conflict, to show them that you are aware of who actually started it ('Sarah was mean to me!' 'That is not nice, but I also saw you taking away her stuff. Could it be that she wasn't nice to you because of that?') Snitching becomes much less exciting, when there is no adult who goes berserk on the one your snitching on (or if you get caught doing something 'bad' yourself)

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#11

"If he's mean to you he likes you" It just teaches little girls (mostly girls) to expect violence from people who love them

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GirlFriday
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, this comes from people thinking girls are easier to control. "It is easier for us to teach the girl that she likes being hit than it is for us to teach the boy to stop hitting."

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#12

My son’s preschool has a strict “you do not have to play if you don’t want to” policy. No one has to play with anyone they don’t want to play with. They say that no one has to to hug or touch anyone or be touched if they don’t want it. No one has to share their toys or other school supplies if they aren’t done with it. In fact the preschool teacher will go over and referee and say “is Bobby done with the toy car? No? Then Mikey, you have to wait until he is done.” It’s pretty refreshing. I wanted to let you know there are new philosophies and my son’s preschool really strongly teaches body autonomy. Your body is your own and no one can touch it or make you do anything with it without your permission

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, I'm not totally fine with this. Sometimes some guidance can be refreshing too for that kid that has a hard time connecting or little Bobby has been hogging that car the whole day. Small children totally act on instinct. Helping them look at other angles isn't going to hurt anyone. Just don't force anything. Hugs and physical contact? Totally agree. Although I feel this is more of an American thing?

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“You can see the results in this 2-minute video. That teacher made them do twenty Let Grow Projects. And the result was kids blossoming like crazy—riding their bikes, joining sports programs, piercing their ears, making dinner, walking to town with their friends, and discovering how great it is to do rather than to hide.”

Lenore stressed that any school can do The Let Grow Project and all of their materials are available absolutely for free. You’ll find the project right here and the Independence Kit right over here.”It works for kids aged 5 to 14 or so. And by the way, if you or your school do The Project, drop me a note—I’d love to hear about it! You can write to me via Info@LetGrow.org,” Lenore added, saying that she wants you, dear Pandas, to reach out to her.

#13

Being wrong is bad. That's why many people don't change their mind when they were given trustable sources, they don't want to be wrong

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Katherine Boag
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's more than that, it's that being wrong will get you made fun of. Being wrong makes you an idiot.

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#14

Abstinence only sex education. This is more of what they're not being taught. Proper sex education is important.

Edit: For anyone interested I'm posting a link to a John Oliver segment on Americas sex education system. Its very informative but also quite funny.

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Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am just curious but do any other countries do abstinence based sex education or is it really only America?

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#15

My mom would often punish me for something, and whenever I asked why or what I did I was told “I’m the adult and you are the child” or “because I said so” or “you shouldn’t need a reason”.

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Marianne
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can punishment have any positive effect when the child has no idea what they did wrong?

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In an earlier interview with Lenore, the president of Let Grow, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, told Bored Panda about how kids can keep their curiosity burning and their desire to learn bright and well-honed as they grow.

"I’ve been wondering this myself: How to stay curious when hit by 'the blahs?' Next to Covid (and in great part thanks to Covid) the blahs are the most catching virus around. You get tired and bored by being tired and bored, talking about being tired and bored, and succumbing to them,” Lenore said about how the pandemic is making all of us feel less energetic, physically and mentally.

“Unfortunately, the whole thing is self-reinforcing: A feeling of listlessness leads you to scroll through your social media of choice, which makes you feel more blah, leading you to scroll some more, etc."

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#16

Doing the right thing will sometimes make others hate you. Be prepared for that.

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#17

That complaining is the same as not being grateful. Can’t count the number of times growing up when adults basically told me to shut up whenever I was complaining about something and that I should be grateful that I was born where I was. Like sure, I’m glad I wasn’t born into some starving African family, but that doesn’t mean everything is perfect over here and that we shouldn’t try to improve things here as well.

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Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes I hate this. People even say it to adults. We are entitled to our feelings, doesn’t matter if someone has a worse life than us, everyone copes with things differently.

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#18

No is a 'bad' word. It's a strong word but not a bad one.

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Aurelia!
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true - it is important to understand what 'no' means and to take it seriously, but also be able to use it when it is needed. Teach them early, and consent won't be an issue.

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Lenore put it bluntly: if we want to be curious about life again, if we want to be constantly learning, we have to start off by getting off the couch. “Force yourself out the door. Why? Because beyond your four walls, things are never exactly the same. Weather, animals, people, sounds, smells, clouds—they’re all swirling about."

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She continued: "Ask yourself to start noticing new things. I did that this morning with a friend. We took a walk around our neighborhood and started looking for interesting details in the homes and buildings we passed. It went from a walk down streets we’d seen a million times to a sort of treasure hunt. And the big thing we were really hunting for? Curiosity! When you’re curious, you’re alive again—noticing, thinking, making connections. You can’t do that if there’s no new information coming in. So your first step is to force yourself out of a rut by leaving the house (harder during the pandemic, but not impossible)."

#20

"No backtalk." Many adults use it as "you're not allowed to challenge what I have to say." Makes sense if it's a cranky toddler being negative for negativity's sake, but suddenly older children can't question things or raise valid points of their own.

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Raine Soo
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Growing up, I was all about the backtalk. My father found it amusing that I was a wise-ass. My mother hated it because it was so unbecoming of a young lady.

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#21

That you shouldnt hit a woman. Dont hit anyone! (unless its self defence) If my child is being hit by a woman, and bullied...equal rights equal fights

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If you look at the pandemic from a different perspective, it might motivate you to start learning new things. For instance, think about what you’d wish you’d learned or a skill that you’d like to have honed by the end of the pandemic.

“Think of something you’d like to be able to say you’ve been working on, especially once life returns to normal: 'Well, I wasted a lot of that free time I had, but at least I started...' Or, 'At least I learned…' For my sister, she’s taking ballet online. For my husband, he’s learning film editing. For me, it’s… oh God! I better come up with something fast! Um…let’s say I will learn how to create a Clubhouse program. Ok?" Lenore quipped that even the best of the best can struggle with this during the lockdowns.

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#22

That the news is completely reliable

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sweety, even your own eyes deceive you. Always be open for changes to your reality.

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#23

Happened to my son in middle school, a kid sucker punched my son. My son then fought back and pinned the kid against the wall ( he has long arms) and punched him a few times. The school called me and my wife and told us our son was suspended. We went to the school and they said even though multiple witnesses as well as the kid said he threw the first punch that the school had a zero tolerance policy so our son would be suspended. We asked what the school believed our son should have done and they said he should just walk away. We told them that he would not be receiving any punishment at home and that the policy was f**ked up.

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Caroline
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always tell my kids to never ever start a fight, but I will always be on their side when they retaliate. I am allowing them to defend themselves anyway they can, regardless of school rules. The attacker should be the one being punished not the defender.

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#24

I think what we're not taught is more harmful. For example the fact that we never learn (at least in my country) how to fact check things.

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Aurelia!
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so true, here in the US, our education system is MESSED UP we need to rethink how and what we teach our children

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Even leaving the house to get your blood flowing is a great step toward learning a new skill. What’s more, feeling envy toward someone who’s good at a particular skill or particularly learned is a good way to get yourself motivated to strive for more.

“Do not worry if you are taking that first step as simply something you’re doing thanks to social pressure, or for someone other than yourself. Change is change—the motivation doesn’t matter,” Lenore told Bored Panda.

Lenore believes that we should always be questing to learn more about the world while verifying whether or not something is actually true. That means navigating the world of false claims and fake news.

#25

That everybody is a winner. No. Losing and disappointments are part of life and they are integral to your growth both emotionally and socially. We have a lot of people who enter the real world who have been told they are deserving of things just because and cannot take rejections and losses in their personal and professional lives with any grace whatsoever. This is also resulting in mediocrity being accepted as a norm cos nobody wants to call out ineptitude. While the hard work and dedication being put in by people who do end up in good positions are being played down. It's a little harsh but it's true. Kids gotta learn how to lose before they can truly start to win. That's the only way being gracious in victory will ever come about.

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troufaki13
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Participation trophies may lead to giving no effort at all in my opinion. Why would someone try if they're going to get praised anyway? Embrace failure, learn from it and if you want to succeed you can try harder next time :)

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#26

Kids are starting social media so early these days, and I think that’s very dangerous because it puts a lot of pressure on the kid to attribute their worth to their social media success. I also think parents are way too open with their social media when it comes to their kids, and it’s totally a violation of the child’s privacy, of which some parents will never admit

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Rakjell Hanwell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My 'favorite mum was the one who wouldn't allow the nursery school I worked in to take any photos of their child (making her child the only one who didn't get a memory book and learning portfolio) and screamed at me, because I (a man) was helping her daughter get dressed after she peed herself (she never objected to me doing so in advance and knew, that was one of my duties). She herself then proceeded to post hundreds of pictures of her daughter, including nude swimming pool photos, on facebook.

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#27

Bullies are only bullies because they feel insecure about themselves and you should sympathize with them. **k that, if someone is being s****y to you then they don't deserve your sympathy.

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Beeps
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was always told that “bullies are only jealous of you” - whilst that may be true, it doesn’t help with the problem and kind of puts the blame on the victim for somehow doing too well.

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"When you’re reading an article that seems to be so shocking that you’re amazed this is the first time you’re hearing about it, take a short phrase from the piece and Google it. If something strikes you as fishy, go fishing," she said.

"As for whether or not your fishing will lead you to disinformation rather than the truth, try not to fish blindly. If you’re curious about crime stats, for instance, look these up on a government website, not some random blog," she explained. Checking websites like Snopes to see if some shocking stories are real or not is a good move.

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#28

Not owning up to their mistakes or blaming them on others.

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Caroline
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of children nowadays are not accepting responsibilities. It's always someone else's fault. It makes me mad, especially as it's not just kids who do this, but society in general.

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#29

Children do learn about sex at a young age, it just isn’t usually in a productive way. I know I did.

My own experience: questions like this are why I believe in being infinitely clear with my kids….”you are going to hear total [nonsense] from other kids. If you hear something you don’t understand, come talk to me. You can ask me anything and expect a decent answer.” And I would give examples of the total [nonsense] I had heard as a kid, most of which would result in pregnancy.

Son, age 6. Daughter, age 7. Riding home from school: daughter says “Tiffany said she had sex with my brother.” Which left me a grand total of 3 minutes to gather my wits before we got home.

OK, do you guys know what sex is? Blank looks. Sex is when you take off all of your clothes and rub privates together. You can make babies that way. Looks of shock and disgust. Do you think your brother had sex with Tiffany? Nooo! I think she was using a really bad way of trying to say she likes him, and maybe she watches the wrong TV shows where if people like each other they always have sex.

Were my kids really ready for a sex talk? No, not really. They didn’t care. Did we really need to have one about then? Yep. My job as a parent is to be there to put things that come up in context for them, not run around after them deciding what and when they need to know things.

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nanashi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe when a kid starting to ask about sex, no matter what age, you the adult should explain it age appropriately. don't avoid it. don't mix with fantasy/myth/BS. just use the language level that they would understand.

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#30

How to internalize stress and implode as teens and adults.

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Siah avis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And teach them how to let someone know they are uncomfortable. Like how to approach someone in a position higher than you to tell them youre not ok with something.

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#31

“She’s younger than you, just let it go.” “Can’t you be more compassionate? Your the older one here in this situation" “ She’s a little child, she doesn’t know any better”

Absolutely hate this information that was drilled into me since I was a kid

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Siah avis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my good friends has a little sister who is a brat. She made my little brother cry with her bullying. The mom teaches the above to the kids and never EVER admonishes the girl. She has no limits, no boundaries and no idea of consequences.

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#32

Teaching them to respect authority instead of learning to freely question everything

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about understand authority and its use and still question everything, also your own desire to question it. Like for instance, what will it bring me or the world if I have this discussion about something arbitrary just because I don't accept your authority as a cashier at Walmart just doing your job versus how many stupid things can one president do before I accept that he is not fit.

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#33

The lie that life is fair and things happen for benevolent, valid reasons.

Then we let them get burned and figure it out themselves.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate that some schools, sports events etc no longer have winning or losing teams and only give out participation trophy’s, ribbons etc. Fact of life is that some people are going to be be more successful. Awarding everyone just for participating isn’t going to build resilience in these kids to deal with the real world.

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#34

You do not have to play with everyone. There is a total lack of social accountability. If Laura is always cheating at tag it’s okay to not let her play. If Little Billy throws sand in the sand box Little Timmy does not have to play with him. Laura and Billy need to learn how to play appropriately.

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True. Still good to talk to Laura and Billy about their behavior. As the adult supervising. That's the thing with supervising. If you see things getting out of hand, you help them out by showing the how it's done. Forcing others to play with kids like that is just enforcing unwanted behavior. And that will take some time. But don't think shutting out Billy and Laura is the way to go. They too need your help.

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#35

Going too far on the "find your dream job and it'll never feel like work" stuff.

Really messed me up when I wasn't "excited" about uni assignments and thought I had to change degrees

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if you do find your dream job doesn’t mean you will excel at it or like it forever.

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#36

School is the only way to be successful and college is a requirement.

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Honu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, if we're talking "success" as making enough money to be secure, I don't think a university degree is necessary, but it's pretty difficult to get a good job without finishing high school and having some post-secondary education. It doesn't have to be university, but getting some sort of trade or professional education after high school is definitely an easier path to a living wage job.

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#37

This is more at a highschool level, but that trade schools or learning a trade is a lessor option compared to a standard college degree.

Trade schools and learning a skilled trade need just as much emphasis as a college degree.

Along those same lines, collage (or trade school) show be treated as a busy investment. Time should be taken for kids/teens to examine how long it will take to repay their schooling and if that degree is worth the money. Especially now with previous generation living longer and staying in the job market longer. Combined with more and more people graduating with degrees, there is more supply and the demand is not growing evenly in all areas of expertise.

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Aurelia!
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It takes people with all kinds of skills to make the world run properly!

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#38

You show me respect first because I’m an adult and have authority then I choose whether I should show you respect no other way!

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Katherine Boag
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes people confuse respecting people as a person and respecting people as an authority, and they say 'respect me as an authority or i wont respect you as a person', and they think they're being fair, but they aren't.

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#39

History from a single perspective. I am a history teacher and I firmly believe one of the most damaging things schools do is teach history from a single perspective, especially a euro-centric one. It just isn't how history works and causes lots of issues for any person/group who doesn't share that single perspective.

P.S. teaching what I call "great man" history is almost as bad. History was made by more than presidents, inventors, and celebrities. Teaching only about significant figure after significant figure minimizes the impact of the 99.99999999% of the population that isn't super famous.

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#40

Political views, at ages that children are really too young to understand them. They just spout off their parents thoughts

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, Edward is a troll! Sorry, his comment was removed, but it finally dawned on me ;)

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#41

Being discouraged to speak up about illness's because it makes them weird/ somethings wrong with them. They talk about like, You need therapy, which isnt a bad concept and you probably do need it, but they picture it in such a bad light.

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#42

Generally just overprotecting them from the outside world. Kids that are raised in such a way have a hard time when they go out into real life.

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Stephanie IV
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents are in a quandary. They’re blamed for quite a bit. I understand the need to try and be perfect, protective, assertive, liberal, friendly etc.

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#43

In a nasty divorce, the parents may only talk about each other’s bad qualities and the kid(s) may have an issue/issues with their parents.

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Siah avis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even when parents are together. Have issues? Deal with each other. Don't let your kid be your psychologist or arbitrator.

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#44

“The issue is that kids are told what’s important, not how to evaluate what’s important.

Are grades important? Sure, but why do they care? You don’t need a 4.0 from a crippling pricey college to get a good job that will allow you to live the lifestyle you want.

Is money important? Sure, but what so you need money for? You don’t need to work yourself to death to save for retirement and live a lifestyle that makes you happy.

Are friends important? Sure, but you don’t need to be a social butterfly with huge parties every weekend. If you’ve got a few people you like to spend time with, don’t worry about it.

Are material things important? Yeah, at a certain point, you do need some stuff to lead the lifestyle you want. But you don’t need the nicest car, newest phone, most exclusive clothes, or the best-decorated apartment.

The key is decide what life you want to live, and wrap your choices around it unapologetically, and that’s a tricky thing to figure out, and it has to be personal. No one can make that decision for you, even if they can give you valuable advice on how to get there."

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Arctic Fox Lover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've already completed this--I know that I want to be an author, so I make all of my educational and major life choices based on that. XD

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#45

Basically all those s**t social media influencers that teach young people that it's all about money and brand names

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#46

If you have a different opinion than someone, you hate them and that's wrong.

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh. I've thought about this one. Most people mostly feel things. As in what's right or wrong. So if they take a subject and actually start to reason about it and maybe come to a conclusion because of that, they still feel like everything is connected. So if you reason beyond that and disagree, they feel you disagree with everything you feel. When in fact it's merely this actively reasoned point. It takes some practice to get over that

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#47

I personally hate when I hear parents telling their kids white lies to stop them from doing something

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Fives
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well parents often tell white lies to protect their kids from situations they might not be able to get out of.

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#48

Giving the kids anything they want without them working to get what they want. Also, telling the kids all their problems will magically go away in time, without them doing nothing.

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FloridaMan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i guess i agree with this because if you do that it will make them spoiled but dont neglect them. sure give them gifts on christmas or their birthday give them food and water but the rest they do on their own thats my childhood

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#49

that its ok to take your anger out on other people

and that everyone should have social media and compare themselves to those who look "better"

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chi-wei shen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A former co-worker once told me whenever she had a frustrating day at the office she goes grocery shopping before going home and takes her anger out on some supermarket employee. Then she is relaxed when arriving at home. She was an adult woman in her forties and didn't understand what's wrong with this behaviour.

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#50

That the world outside your house is a scary and dangerous place. In the United States, it is largely not. Let them explore without fear.

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Aurelia!
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on who you are...sadly. Of course, living in the US, myself and the people around me are so privileged and have so much, but still, the US can be quite dangerous (I'm thinking racial violence, violence against women, etc.) and teaching children a certain amount of fear is a necessary step to keeping them safe :(

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