It's that time of the year again when skeletons come out of the closets, pumpkin sales go booming, and taking candy from strangers becomes socially acceptable. Whether you are attending a Halloween shindig, DIYing your kid a costume, or taking advantage of candy sales, there's no better time to indulge in some Halloween jokes and ghostly humor than now.
When the days get shorter and evenings get darker, it's a grave idea to lighten the mood with some funny Halloween jokes! And if you are not a particular fan of horror films or ghost movies, don't worry! There's no need to be a phobophile to enjoy some skeleton jokes, as they are not scary or creepy. But surely hell-a punny and deadly contagious!
So while we Pandas bring ourselves some bam-boo, get yourself a bag of candy corn and delight yourself in some corny humor with our collection of Halloween jokes. Found a Halloween joke you will send your ghoul friend? Let us know! And once you're done reading through these ghost jokes, check out our recent posts featuring even more scary jokes and morbid humor!
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
Report
Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love.
Report
How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope.
Report
What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO!
Report
How do you know you've been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
Report
How do ghosts send letters?
Through the ghost office.
Report
Why don’t mummies take time off?
They’re afraid to unwind.
Report
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music.
Report
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Report
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Report
What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Report
What brand of shampoo do zombies use?
Head and Shoulders.
Report
What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love?
A zom-com.
Report
How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot.
Report
Who's the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein.
Report
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
Report
What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
"Trick or trout."
Report
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
Report
The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn't in it.
Report
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
Report
What room does a ghost not need in a house?
A living room.
Report
Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell.
Report
What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates!
Report
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
I don't know, but it's not working.
Report
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
Report
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
Report
How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing.
Report
Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Report
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche.
Report
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much.
Report
Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Report
What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Report
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Report
What kind of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures.
Report
What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle.
Report
What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy.
Report
Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts.
Report
What did the pumpkin say to its carver?
"Cut it out!"
Report
Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately.
Report
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains!
Report
I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
Report
Why don't I like Dracula?
He's a pain in the neck.
Report
Why don't werewolves ever know the time?
Because they're not whenwolves.
Report
Why does a witch ride a broomstick?
So she can make a clean getaway.
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
Report
What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist?
The house was repossessed.
Report
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood.
Report
What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
Report
What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
Report
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
"Fasten your sheet-belts."
Report
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling.
Report
What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
Report
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Report
What's a skeleton's favorite song?
"Bad to the Bone."
Report
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Report
What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
Report
What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
Report
What's a witch's favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a.
Report
Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
Report
Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town.
Report
How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
Report
What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Hollow-een.
Report
What's a pumpkin's favorite Western?
The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Report
How do gourds grow big and strong?
Pumpkin iron.
Report
Why don't zombies like pirates?
They're too salty.
Report
What's a zombie's favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
Report
Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table.
Report
Why aren't zombies ever arrested?
They can't be captured alive.
Report
What sea do zombies swim in?
The dead sea.
Report
What's a zombie's favorite cheese?
Zom-brie.
Report
What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain.
Report
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
Report
What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It's good for business.
Report
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
The crossing gourd.
Report
What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Candy corneas.
Report
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit!
Report
What does the vampire's Valentine say?
"You're just my blood type."
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood!
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Figs!
Figs who?
Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Witch!
Witch who?
Witch one of you has my candy?
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice Cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
Report
Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques.
Report
How do you know vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
Report
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Report
What do skeletons fly around in?
A scareplane or a skelecopter.
Report
How do ghosts search the Web?
They use ghoul-gle.
Report
Why didn't the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
Report
What type of plates do skeletons like to use?
Bone china.
Report
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
"Let’s stop in for a cool one!"
Report
The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.
Report
How do vampires start their letters?
"Tomb it may concern..."
Report
Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Report
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.
Report
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license.
Report
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff.
Report
Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
Report
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
"Get a broom!"
Report
What's a ghost's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
Report
What kind of horse do ghosts ride?
A night-mare.
Report
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
Report
Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
Report
How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels.
Report
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
Report
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
Report
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders.
Report
Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood.
Report
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper.
Report
Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn't have the guts.
Report
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
Report
Where did the skeleton keep his money?
In the crypt-o market.
Report
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
Report
Why did the witch take a nap?
She needed to rest a spell.
Report
What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?
Candy corns.
Report
How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray.
Report
What's the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
Report
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
Report
What's a pumpkin's favorite genre?
Pulp fiction.
Report
What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.
Report
Why was the gourd so gossipy?
To give 'em pumpkin to talk about.
Report
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.
Report
Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road?
The crossing gourd.
Report
Where does a pumpkin preach?
From the pulp-it.
Report
Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school?
Someone scooped his brains out.
Report
What's a zombie's favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
Report
Where do zombies live?
On a dead-end street.
Report
How do you know if a zombie likes someone?
They ask for seconds.
Report
What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave.
Report
I dropped my pumpkin yesterday.
Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!
Report
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal.
Report
What was the chicken ghost's name?
Poultrygeist.
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Iguana.
Iguana who?
Iguana eat all your candy.
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!
Report
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Eddie!
Eddie who?
Eddie body home? It's Halloween!
Report
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
Spooktacles.
Report
Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas.
Report
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
Report
What did the bird say on Halloween?
"Twick or tweet."
Report
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
"Buckle your sheet belt!"
Report
What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?
A monster laughing its head off!
Report
What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?
A cornfield!
Report
What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A fence.
Report
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
Report
Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Ghoul scouts.
Report
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
Because there are so many plots there!
Report
What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?
A night mare.
Report
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit.
Report
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terror-fried.
Report
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
Report
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
