What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It’s a pain in the neck.

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Headless Roach

Headless Roach

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2 years ago

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I only know that seals kiss by a rose

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Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?

They have no body to love.

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How do mummies tell their future?

They read their horror-scope.

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What does a panda ghost eat?

Bam-BOO!

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How do you know you've been ghosted?

The poltergeist doesn't text you back.

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How do ghosts send letters?

Through the ghost office.

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Why don’t mummies take time off?

They’re afraid to unwind.

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What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?

Wrap music.

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite.

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Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

No body.

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What do you call zombies in pajamas?

The sleepwalking dead.

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What brand of shampoo do zombies use?

Head and Shoulders.

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What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love?

A zom-com.

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How do you get rid of demons?

Exorcise a lot.

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Who's the scariest body builder of all time?

Dr. Frankenstein.

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What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

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What did the fisherman say on Halloween?

"Trick or trout."

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Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

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The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn't in it.

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Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

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TheElementalGod️️

TheElementalGod️️

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1 year ago

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I don't get it. can someone explain?

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What room does a ghost not need in a house?

A living room.

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Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?

He couldn’t spell.

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What do you call two witches who live together?

Broom-mates!

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What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?

I don't know, but it's not working.

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Where do ghosts go on vacation?

Mali-boo.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!

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How do you know when a ghost is sad?

He starts boo hooing.

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Why don’t mummies have friends?

Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.

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What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?

A Pharaoh Roche.

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Why did Dracula take cold medicine?

Because he was coffin too much.

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Know why skeletons are so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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What do skeletons order at a restaurant?

Spare ribs.

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Why can't skeletons play church music?

Because they have no organs.

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What kind of art do skeletons like?

Skulltures.

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What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?

She flew off the handle.

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What do you call a witch with a rash?

An itchy-witchy.

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Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared?

Because it had no guts.

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What did the pumpkin say to its carver?

"Cut it out!"

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Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands?

They eat their hands separately.

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What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaains!

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I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.

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Why don't I like Dracula?

He's a pain in the neck.

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Why don't werewolves ever know the time?

Because they're not whenwolves.

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Why does a witch ride a broomstick?

So she can make a clean getaway.

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Boo!

Boo who?

Don't cry, it's only Halloween.

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What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist?

The house was repossessed.

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Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift?

Because she had bad blood.

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What is in a ghost’s nose?

Boo-gers.

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What's a ghost's favorite dessert?

I-Scream!

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What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?

"Fasten your sheet-belts."

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What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?

Ryan Gauzeling.

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What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?

Vein-illa.

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Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?

Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.

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What's a skeleton's favorite song?

"Bad to the Bone."

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What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A trom-bone.

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What do you call a witch’s garage?

A broom closet.

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What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

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What's a witch's favorite makeup?

Ma-scare-a.

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Why was Cinderella bad at football?

Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

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Why did the pumpkin take a detour?

To avoid a seedy part of town.

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How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch.

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What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?

Hollow-een.

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What's a pumpkin's favorite Western?

The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly.

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How do gourds grow big and strong?

Pumpkin iron.

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Why don't zombies like pirates?

They're too salty.

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What's a zombie's favorite weather?

Cloudy, with a chance of brain.

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Why did the zombie become a mortician?

To put food on the table.

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Why aren't zombies ever arrested?

They can't be captured alive.

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What sea do zombies swim in?

The dead sea.

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What's a zombie's favorite cheese?

Zom-brie.

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What kind of bread do zombies like?

Whole brain.

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What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

Neck-tarines.

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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?

Candy. It's good for business.

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Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?

The crossing gourd.

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What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?

Candy corneas.

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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?

They have a lot of spirit!

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What does the vampire's Valentine say?

"You're just my blood type."

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Ivana!

Ivana who?

Ivana suck your blood!

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Orange!

Orange who?

Orange you glad it's Halloween?

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Figs!

Figs who?

Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Witch!

Witch who?

Witch one of you has my candy?

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Ice cream!

Ice Cream who?

Ice cream every time I see a ghost!

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Where do fashionable ghosts shop?

Bootiques.

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How do you know vampires love baseball?

They turn into bats every night.

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Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?

Because a dog was after his bones!

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What do skeletons fly around in?

A scareplane or a skelecopter.

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How do ghosts search the Web?

They use ghoul-gle.

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Why didn't the zombie go to school?

He felt rotten!

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What type of plates do skeletons like to use?

Bone china.

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What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?

"Let’s stop in for a cool one!"

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The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.

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How do vampires start their letters?

"Tomb it may concern..."

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Why do ghosts go on diets?

So they can keep their ghoulish figures

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Why did the ghost go into the bar?

For the Boos.

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Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?

It didn’t have a haunting license.

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Why did the ghost starch his sheet?

He wanted everyone scared stiff.

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Why did the ghost quit studying?

Because he was too ghoul for school.

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What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?

"Get a broom!"

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What's a ghost's favorite play?

Romeo and Ghoul-iet.

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What kind of horse do ghosts ride?

A night-mare.

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Why did the headless horseman go into business?

He wanted to get ahead in life.

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Why did the vampire read the newspaper?

He heard it had great circulation.

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How do vampires get around on Halloween?

On blood vessels.

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What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?

A grave problem.

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How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?

All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

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Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?

They hate stakeholders.

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Why are vampires bad at art?

They are only able to draw blood.

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What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?

He didn't have the guts.

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What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?

A numb-skull.

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Where did the skeleton keep his money?

In the crypt-o market.

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What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

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Why did the witch take a nap?

She needed to rest a spell.

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What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?

Candy corns.

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How does a witch style her hair?

With scare spray.

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What's the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

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How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?

She witch-hiked.

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What's a pumpkin's favorite genre?

Pulp fiction.

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What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?

Your teeth.

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Why was the gourd so gossipy?

To give 'em pumpkin to talk about.

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What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Squash.

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Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road?

The crossing gourd.

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Where does a pumpkin preach?

From the pulp-it.

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Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school?

Someone scooped his brains out.

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What's a zombie's favorite treat?

You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.

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Where do zombies live?

On a dead-end street.

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How do you know if a zombie likes someone?

They ask for seconds.

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What is a zombie sleepover called?

Mass grave.

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I dropped my pumpkin yesterday.

Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!

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How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal.

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What was the chicken ghost's name?

Poultrygeist.

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Iguana.

Iguana who?

Iguana eat all your candy.

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Phillip!

Phillip who?

Phillip my bag with candy!

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Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Eddie!

Eddie who?

Eddie body home? It's Halloween!

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What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?

Spooktacles.

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Where do ghosts go on holidays?

The Boohamas.

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.

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What did the bird say on Halloween?

"Twick or tweet."

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What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?

"Buckle your sheet belt!"

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What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?

A monster laughing its head off!

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What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?

A cornfield!

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.

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Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?

They're LUMBARjacks!

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Who do monsters buy cookies from?

Ghoul scouts.

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Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?

Because there are so many plots there!

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What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?

A night mare.

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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?

Because they have spirit.

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How do monsters like their eggs?

Terror-fried.

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