Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Man Gets Accused Of Being Possessive And Controlling For Referring To His Wife As “My Wife”
304

Man Gets Accused Of Being Possessive And Controlling For Referring To His Wife As “My Wife”

ADVERTISEMENT

Now, before you start reading today’s story, I’m going to ask you just one question: “Who was the weirdest dude you’ve ever met?” You know, the conversation was completely fleeting, but the memory of it remained for years and years.

And while you’re reminiscing, let me introduce the user u/FatFaceFaster, who, many years ago, unexpectedly took heat from a random guy simply because during small talk he called his wife… well, ‘my wife.’ So let’s move on to the story itself.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post once went to a tree nursery for work purposes and encountered a rather strange guy there

Image credits: Vera Arsic / Pexels (not the actual photo)

While having a walk across the nursery, the man asked the author how he came to this business – and our hero was being quite talkative

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: FatFaceFaster

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Navigator / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The point is, at the time of the story, the author owned a small gardening business with his wife – and he told everything to that dude

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: FatFaceFaster

Image credits: Greta Hoffman / Pexels (not the actual photo)

At one point the man just wondered why the author kept calling his wife ‘my wife’ and not by her name, and literally called him out for ‘being possessive’

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: FatFaceFaster

The author says that this situation happened years ago – but it’s forever ingrained in his memory

So, the Original Poster (OP) says that the situation he described happened years ago, but every time he remembers it, he can’t help but react like “What the hell was that?”

ADVERTISEMENT

The author of the post and his wife owned a small retail garden business at the time. The lady, whose name is Julia, knows her way around flowers, and her spouse, being a golf course superintendent by trade and having a horticultural science degree, is a great complement to her in all things lawn-related.

Our hero told some random dude about all this and much more when he came to the tree nursery to pick some plants by hand. During small talk, the guy asked how he and his wife had come to this business, and the OP, being a rather talkative person, was only happy to tell their story in detail.

Of course, the tree nursery guy didn’t know the author’s wife, so every time he mentioned her, the original poster said just “my wife.” And since the wife’s role in their business was so important, it’s not surprising that this phrase appeared a couple of times in his speech.

And so, at some point, the interlocutor muttered to our hero: “You say that all the time – ‘my wife,’ as if you own her. Why not call her by her name?” The OP was taken aback – he reasonably believed that if he had said ‘Julia’ in his speech, the guy would hardly have understood who he was talking about.

ADVERTISEMENT

However, after that, the OP specifically called his wife by name for the rest of the convo with this strange guy. The conversation, however, as you probably already guessed, didn’t go well after that – so the original poster tried to quickly finish his business and leave, feeling surprised, to say the least.

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Well, I guess the key to understanding here will be two things: should the use of possessive pronouns be considered an exclusive designation of ownership, and should the author’s interlocutor be considered a weirdo? As for the first question, the answer is unequivocal – no.

First, possessive pronouns indicate not only ownership, as the Duolingo blog claims – but also a close level of relation or communication with someone. For example, if you say that yesterday you went to ‘your barber’ or nail artist, does this mean that they are in your possession? Of course not.

Secondly, when applied to relatives, it’s not so much a possessive pronoun as a conditional word that ‘cuts off’ a lot of other people who fit the basic definition (mom, dad, wife), but who don’t have a close relationship with you (your mom is also a mother, but she’s not my mom). As for the second question, let’s turn to the opinions of the commenters under the original post.

ADVERTISEMENT

And they are almost unanimous in their belief that the original poster encountered a really strange dude. “What a weirdo. That woulda brought out my sarcasm,” one of the responders wrote. “Some weirdos call everyone by name even when you have no idea who the [hell] they’re talking about,” another person added.

And, of course, people in the comments absolutely agree with the OP that using possessive pronouns doesn’t make you some kind of insatiable owner. “I think it’s pretty clear that English speakers use ‘my’ in ways that do not suggest possession,” here was probably the best verdict from the commenters. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this opinion?

People in the comments cracked up at that weird guy, and assured the author that he’s not ‘a man of property’

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Ic_polls

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Share on Facebook
Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Read less »
Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

What do you think ?
Add photo comments
POST
Kangaroo
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister does the opposite of this. We live in separate cities and I don’t know her friends, but she’ll start going off about “Lisa and I want to go shopping,” or “John’s coming over later,” as if I’m supposed to just know who those people are 😂 it’s mildly annoying

Ottawa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But I don't want to go shopping. Oh wait...she's talking about "HER friend Lisa" 😂

Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just can't read this without hearing Borat's voice when reading "my wife". But as long as you can say it without doing the voice, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Ben Aziza
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait wait wait hear me out here... If my wife called me "my husband" with a Borat voice my appreciation and love would increase CONSIDERABLY... Depending on how good her impression is of course! No amateur s**t!

Load More Replies...
TheBlueBitterfly
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds more like he was talking up his wife's (oh no, I said it too!) skills and awesomeness at all things plants and downplaying his degree. Like "yeah she's got the practical skills, I just got a stupid degree that doesn't count for much in the real world." Also sounds like the hippie was overcompensating his offense at the term "my wife" for sone reason?

elmortero
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, "my wife Janet" so you don't confuse her for my wives Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita

Traveling Lady Railfan
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like it when people use the word "the" in front of a person or even pet (The wife, The kid, The dog...) because somehow that sounds impersonal and dismissive like the water heater, the microwave, the compost pile. Using the possessive of my wife, my kid, my dog, I don't think there's anything wrong with that unless you're repeatedly using that term. If it's a brief conversation and the other person is mentioned maybe once or twice, nothing wrong with that. If you were having a slightly longer conversation, you might want to say my wife, Katie...(And then maybe refer to Katie after that). I don't like it when people jump right into using someone's personal name when I have no clue who that person is and that person is not there. Dan did this and Bob did that. I don't know who Dan and Bob are! Oh well Dan's my father-in-law and Bob's my son. Well how am I supposed to know that? Can't you just say my father-in-law and my son? Or is that too possessive?

StarCrossedFriday
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister and I have a mutual really good friend, who happens to share the same name as her current boyfriend. It leads to endless ‘oh, you mean *your* Martin, I was picturing *our* Martin’, and frankly neither of those denote actual possession either. OP is right, sometimes there’s no other way to say it.

Hphizzle
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get perturbed when people (grown adults) refer to their parents as mom and dad in conversation. Example: talking to me, a non-family member. “So dad sent me some money. Mom is coming to visit next week.” This is a point we’re using ‘my’ would be a good idea. Perfectly fine when talking to siblings, but kinda weird with non-relatives.

Joe
Community Member
Premium
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MY husband called me by my first name once and I thought it was the weirdest thing. I asked who he was talking to. :s

Tabitha
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I have a handful of different pet names for each other. Sometimes I actually forget what his first name is because I’ve just been calling him honey and sweetie (amongst other pet names) for over 23 years.

Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Geez, 1st world problem! But seriously, if you were writing this conversation like a script, you'd probably say "my wife Julia" and then "Julia every time after that. Why wouldn't the conversation be the same? That said, the other guy was overly sensitive to "my wife".

Papa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is not a "first world problem." That's just a random idiot.

Load More Replies...
Michał Osiecki
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Must be murica the home of both MAGA and oversensitive left that tell me what can I wear because of cultural appreciation etc

Roberta Surprenant
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

guess he was just supposed to refer to her as "The" wife? As I sometimes refer to my spouse as "the hubby"?

Insomniac
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rather love it when I'm in a relationship and my partner calls me "my girlfriend" or "my fiancee." I mean, the engagement didn't pan out, and that's fine, but it makes me feel cozy and loved to know that am special to someone in that way. And I am WAY hardcore feminist, will never change my name, don't shave my pits, love protesting for women's rights, etc. But it's nice to be reminded of your special position in people's lives. I also am happy when someone calls me "my friend." I'm loved.

Margaret Shannon
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh good grief! I remember a letter to an agony aunt, the woman complained that *her* husband referred to her as “the wife” when ordering meals in restaurants. Strange what will set people off.

Karl der Große
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I taught at a public college once (Arizona, USA) where they told us not to say "my wife," "my husband," etc. because it creates a sense of exclusion to those people who don't have that. They said we should just use their name if we need to tell a story, "I was talking to Carla the other night..."

Trisec Tebeakesse
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sometimes sardonically refer to Mrs. TriSec as "My First Wife". It's not wrong. It confuses people though, we only got married once (to each other). 28 years!

Danielle
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'Julia Giulia' comment was making a reference to The Wedding Singer. I don't know why they did it though!

R Dennis
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about: "That person that occupies part of the house I occupy and the life I experience".

My O My
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See, I always just say "my husband" as his name is so popular in our generation that I could mean anyone

Papa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I enjoyed the last reply to the original story above.

tom oneill
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should've just left when they show how stupid they really are.

Ben Aziza
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmm i noticed the controlling pattern in ppl that are too far out..."Hopefully not an irrational prejudice" so i will do my best to explain...What i mean by controlling pattern that is. Like These types of ppl they focuses too much on the form and ignore the content of the conversation and the intent behind the words... To the point of snapping at anyone deviating by the tiniest of degrees from how THEY THINK THE WORLD SHOULD WORK. What words should be used for what. As soon as i detect that culty behavior i start being cautious. How did they become so controlling like that? Weirdly enough i see it in the super "conservative" religious folk and the super "liberal" hippy folk ALIKE. It is the same "effect" i notice. I don't know how else to describe it.

Caitlin
Community Member
4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can see from the updates that he’s not lying about being a tangential talker 😂

Gary Bale
Community Member
1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Hiring a hacker to monitor someone’s iPhone and deleted text messages is not as difficult as it may seem. There are many hackers who offer these services for a fee. If you’re looking to hire a hacker to monitor someone’s iPhone or deleted text messages, you can mail to Reliablehacker06ATgmailDOTcom to get any kind of services

Helena
Community Member
1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I've noticed a pattern at my work. I work with mostly guys. When talking to them, if I don't know the name of their wife because they always just say 'my wife' at some point their marriage ends up being in trouble. If I don't know your wife name, usually within 3 years I'm hearing tales of woe how she's leaving you or you're in a rough patch, or how she's a total b***h. Couldn't speculate why, but there is a definite pattern.

Helena
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whats with all the downvotes? It was just an observation not a condemnation.

Load More Replies...
Kangaroo
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister does the opposite of this. We live in separate cities and I don’t know her friends, but she’ll start going off about “Lisa and I want to go shopping,” or “John’s coming over later,” as if I’m supposed to just know who those people are 😂 it’s mildly annoying

Ottawa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But I don't want to go shopping. Oh wait...she's talking about "HER friend Lisa" 😂

Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just can't read this without hearing Borat's voice when reading "my wife". But as long as you can say it without doing the voice, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Ben Aziza
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait wait wait hear me out here... If my wife called me "my husband" with a Borat voice my appreciation and love would increase CONSIDERABLY... Depending on how good her impression is of course! No amateur s**t!

Load More Replies...
TheBlueBitterfly
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds more like he was talking up his wife's (oh no, I said it too!) skills and awesomeness at all things plants and downplaying his degree. Like "yeah she's got the practical skills, I just got a stupid degree that doesn't count for much in the real world." Also sounds like the hippie was overcompensating his offense at the term "my wife" for sone reason?

elmortero
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, "my wife Janet" so you don't confuse her for my wives Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita

Traveling Lady Railfan
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like it when people use the word "the" in front of a person or even pet (The wife, The kid, The dog...) because somehow that sounds impersonal and dismissive like the water heater, the microwave, the compost pile. Using the possessive of my wife, my kid, my dog, I don't think there's anything wrong with that unless you're repeatedly using that term. If it's a brief conversation and the other person is mentioned maybe once or twice, nothing wrong with that. If you were having a slightly longer conversation, you might want to say my wife, Katie...(And then maybe refer to Katie after that). I don't like it when people jump right into using someone's personal name when I have no clue who that person is and that person is not there. Dan did this and Bob did that. I don't know who Dan and Bob are! Oh well Dan's my father-in-law and Bob's my son. Well how am I supposed to know that? Can't you just say my father-in-law and my son? Or is that too possessive?

StarCrossedFriday
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister and I have a mutual really good friend, who happens to share the same name as her current boyfriend. It leads to endless ‘oh, you mean *your* Martin, I was picturing *our* Martin’, and frankly neither of those denote actual possession either. OP is right, sometimes there’s no other way to say it.

Hphizzle
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get perturbed when people (grown adults) refer to their parents as mom and dad in conversation. Example: talking to me, a non-family member. “So dad sent me some money. Mom is coming to visit next week.” This is a point we’re using ‘my’ would be a good idea. Perfectly fine when talking to siblings, but kinda weird with non-relatives.

Joe
Community Member
Premium
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MY husband called me by my first name once and I thought it was the weirdest thing. I asked who he was talking to. :s

Tabitha
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I have a handful of different pet names for each other. Sometimes I actually forget what his first name is because I’ve just been calling him honey and sweetie (amongst other pet names) for over 23 years.

Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Geez, 1st world problem! But seriously, if you were writing this conversation like a script, you'd probably say "my wife Julia" and then "Julia every time after that. Why wouldn't the conversation be the same? That said, the other guy was overly sensitive to "my wife".

Papa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is not a "first world problem." That's just a random idiot.

Load More Replies...
Michał Osiecki
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Must be murica the home of both MAGA and oversensitive left that tell me what can I wear because of cultural appreciation etc

Roberta Surprenant
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

guess he was just supposed to refer to her as "The" wife? As I sometimes refer to my spouse as "the hubby"?

Insomniac
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rather love it when I'm in a relationship and my partner calls me "my girlfriend" or "my fiancee." I mean, the engagement didn't pan out, and that's fine, but it makes me feel cozy and loved to know that am special to someone in that way. And I am WAY hardcore feminist, will never change my name, don't shave my pits, love protesting for women's rights, etc. But it's nice to be reminded of your special position in people's lives. I also am happy when someone calls me "my friend." I'm loved.

Margaret Shannon
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh good grief! I remember a letter to an agony aunt, the woman complained that *her* husband referred to her as “the wife” when ordering meals in restaurants. Strange what will set people off.

Karl der Große
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I taught at a public college once (Arizona, USA) where they told us not to say "my wife," "my husband," etc. because it creates a sense of exclusion to those people who don't have that. They said we should just use their name if we need to tell a story, "I was talking to Carla the other night..."

Trisec Tebeakesse
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sometimes sardonically refer to Mrs. TriSec as "My First Wife". It's not wrong. It confuses people though, we only got married once (to each other). 28 years!

Danielle
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'Julia Giulia' comment was making a reference to The Wedding Singer. I don't know why they did it though!

R Dennis
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about: "That person that occupies part of the house I occupy and the life I experience".

My O My
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See, I always just say "my husband" as his name is so popular in our generation that I could mean anyone

Papa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I enjoyed the last reply to the original story above.

tom oneill
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should've just left when they show how stupid they really are.

Ben Aziza
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmm i noticed the controlling pattern in ppl that are too far out..."Hopefully not an irrational prejudice" so i will do my best to explain...What i mean by controlling pattern that is. Like These types of ppl they focuses too much on the form and ignore the content of the conversation and the intent behind the words... To the point of snapping at anyone deviating by the tiniest of degrees from how THEY THINK THE WORLD SHOULD WORK. What words should be used for what. As soon as i detect that culty behavior i start being cautious. How did they become so controlling like that? Weirdly enough i see it in the super "conservative" religious folk and the super "liberal" hippy folk ALIKE. It is the same "effect" i notice. I don't know how else to describe it.

Caitlin
Community Member
4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can see from the updates that he’s not lying about being a tangential talker 😂

Gary Bale
Community Member
1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Hiring a hacker to monitor someone’s iPhone and deleted text messages is not as difficult as it may seem. There are many hackers who offer these services for a fee. If you’re looking to hire a hacker to monitor someone’s iPhone or deleted text messages, you can mail to Reliablehacker06ATgmailDOTcom to get any kind of services

Helena
Community Member
1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I've noticed a pattern at my work. I work with mostly guys. When talking to them, if I don't know the name of their wife because they always just say 'my wife' at some point their marriage ends up being in trouble. If I don't know your wife name, usually within 3 years I'm hearing tales of woe how she's leaving you or you're in a rough patch, or how she's a total b***h. Couldn't speculate why, but there is a definite pattern.

Helena
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whats with all the downvotes? It was just an observation not a condemnation.

Load More Replies...
You May Like
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda