Nothing wrong with a pot luck dinner! That way, all the cooks can show off their favorite sides or main courses or baked goods. But, instead of charging those who don’t cook, tell them that bringing something from the bakery or deli (or something) is great too. That way you’re not shaming people who aren’t great cooks or simply don’t have the time to whip up a casserole or pie to bring.

Yeah the $20 was a tad bit much. Asking for everyone to bring a dish is perfectly fine.

Sounds like the guy went about it the wrong way- was too demanding and strict, and putting the price on it was definitely ahole-ish. His tone, especially in the comments, is also pretty rude- the ask was not wrong, but his expectations and wording sure were

I don't get the YTA comments. My work did a potluck last month. I've been to some. There are etiquette rules for potluck. One being: If you don't bring a dish/drinks, you don't eat. I guess telling guests if they don't contribute they need to bring their own food would counter the non-contributing guest's plans, thus not making sense. It would be more rude to tell them they can't eat if they forget. So the $20 thing is reasonable. Guests can bring something if $20 is too dear. Idk what OP makes, but $200 on entrees is insane to me. Does she use truffles and caviar? Potluck x-mas's are common and sometimes expected. 6 out of 27 people declining is not bad. Enjoy the time with the ones who come.

You had me until you wanted to charge them if they didn't bring a dish- tacky. There's nothing wrong w/ opting for a potluck- those that don't cook could easily bring something from the deli/ market. Asking & demanding are 2 very different things. Kinda YTA.

Very tacky to request an admission fee. $400-$500 is a very fancy meal for home cooking for that many people (I know because it is about what I spend for New Year's Eve for about the same number). You can provide plenty good food for your acceptable budget of $200. No one is going to shame you. Sure, an especially fancy meal is a nice-to-have, but the important part is gathering together for the holidays. (Side bar: do any of your friends offer, unprompted, to bring something? Many of my invitees for various parties make this offer, even though I refuse time after time (we do a BYOB is all). If none of your friends do, out of 25, they are a generally a tacky group as well.)

Potluck is great idea. If your providing the main dish just let them know your providing the meat, utensils, ice, and other things. Let them know: salads, deserts, veggies, chips & dip, drinks, sauces, etc are needed. If the invite is through email or text do a group and let them sign up for their desired contribution. Those who don't cook could bring treats they pick up. Or they could offer to go in with someone and share the cost of ingredients for a dish. I promise you there will be more than enough food. Is there a theme for the evening? Potluck was great idea it was just the tone that dampened the festivities.

I don't know how anyone could think this person is NTA. I can tell by thr way it is written that the way they went about it lacked tact and was entitled. Easily could've just said the party was a potluck and that if anyone couldn't cook or bring a dish that items like ice, utensils, etc. would be appreciated. Otherwise, don't host a party if money is that tight. Sounds all around just entitled to me

The way OP responded to the first comment seems a little rude to me...

Christ… this sounds like a pretty bog standard do in Australia. The concept of turning up to a party WITHOUT bringing something to contribute is more out of line than the reverse. My Bestie and I have sat down for many a planning sesh to work out what we want to cater and for how many… then we will send out the invites and what we want people to bring. IE: We’re supplying the meat… so… Bob & Carol can you get the bread rolls Ed & Shelley, can you whip up a salad Deena can you grab some soft drink Todd & Ang… fancy making your famous Pav? If anyone can’t for whatever reason bring something generally people will throw some cash into the ‘pot’ for any last minute additions

The way OP skipped over the entire point of the 1st comment and was a bit rude about the plates and napkins part, makes me think YTA

Asking everyone to bring a dish is fine. Asking people for money is not. If you can’t afford to host then you shouldn’t host, it’s as simple as that.

27 people were invited. Of that number, 6 people questioned this decision. And by question, it looks more like a burst of entitlement, for a lack of a better word. ONLY 6 declined! Tell me what the other 21 people said about paying $20 fee for NOT bringing a Potluck dish? Seems to me you could bring a $5 Pastry or a few bottles of soda to forgo the fee. It's NOT Humiliation to ask for help! For some reason, we all need help!

That could have been handled so much better, so yeah YTA - you don't tell guests to bring food or money. You let everyone know you will be doing pot luck this year and ask them to bring a dish to share. In my family, the host makes the main entree and then requests dishes for the rest of us to bring: ie: brother cooked the turkey and makes a nice salad & sauteed green beans, I bring deviled eggs, mashed potatoes & stuffing (and usually one or two other things because I love to cook), stepmom brings the homemade pies with vanilla ice cream and heavy cream for whipping, homemade cranberry relish and usually a fruit salad, sister brings her homemade yeast rolls and any vegan foods they want (tofurkey, for instance). No one complains and no one EVER goes hungry.

I don't think your motive and/ or thinking was wrong... but I do think your execution of it was. I think what I would have done is just inform everyone that you would not be hosting the party this year due to rising costs etc...and when everyone complained - you then could suggest a potluck and see if they wanted to go that route. BONUS- Then you can see if they really wanted to get together with you or if they wanted to be fed. HOWEVER.... charging for a plate is distasteful.

People don’t realise how much it costs to host a party. Not just money but the time and effort it takes for a large amount of people to be entertained. The alcohol alone costs hundreds. We have a pot luck style boxing night party but it still costs a lot. That said the same people come to us on New Year’s Eve and we foot the lot and now it’s become expected even though the numbers have grown but we are expected to pay for all food and alcohol, including breakfast when loads still over. With the costs of living being so high I would love it if people chipped in more. If someone was offended by the wording then pick up the phone and talk about it, don’t just ignore it when they’ve hosted many times before. Agree that the money thing was distasteful but I do understand their frustration. I would like to scale ours down but my other half refuses so I just have to accept that we will spend several hundred pounds hosting others over the holidays!

I honestly can't imagine getting together with friends for a meal/party WITHOUT a potluck. Whether it's a Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Solstice, New Years, or just a bunch of professional colleagues, friends, or musicians (where I live there's a big musical community), we ALWAYS have potluck. I would fell weird, in fact, to go to a place where someone provided all the food themselves. A very different culture from what I'm used to. The only problem with OP is that clearly he and his SO aren't used to having potlucks, and worded the invitation awkwardly and possibly rudely. But if I were one of the potential guests, I'd have contacted them and asked what they'd like for us to bring.

Your tone makes YTA, both in the original post and in your brusque answers. It's never ok to ask guests for money or to demand they bring something. Just calling the event a pot-luck would have implied the expectation to bring something. No need to be so heavy-handed in the invitation. Instead of buying the paper plates, ice, and drinks yourself, you should have saved those for the pot-luck guests who cannot cook, or who live in an apartment that is just too small to produce a side dish that serves 27 people. You could also ask for volunteers to help with cleanup in lieu of cooking something. At the very least, you should have very nicely asked people to call you to discuss what they should bring so that you don't end up with 25 people showing up with mashed potatoes. You could even set this up on social media, using a Facebook poll to list the items you need for the party, and each person could click on the poll selection to reserve the thing they want to bring.

We're having potluck with our girls this year bc it's easier. You know what? It's not about the food.

Another option would be to invite less people

I think they're victims of their own success: Once the party goes a few years, people expect a free meal of a certain standard, and all the effort. If you change it to pay-or-potluck it's suddenly random food from less experienced cooks (plus money or effort to attend)... so all the freeloaders are unhappy. They've kind of worked themselves into a corner. Asking for money is very reasonable (be upfront with costs), but it's a bit awkward to stamp it onto the invitation.

I'm amazed at all the people that said "YTA" and told him he was rude when they never actually read the invite. I didn't read it either, since he didn't post a copy of it, but as long as he was upfront about it being a pot luck dinner then people should expect to bring something. My response would be to ask what was needed and explain my cooking skills, or lack their of. Having a cash option for people that can't cook or don't want to doesn't seem bad. And if the idea of not getting a free meal bothers you then you just decline the invite.

Cheap and tacky. If you can’t afford to throw a party, then don’t.