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Stepmom Vents To Friends About Raising Stepkids, Husband Sees Her Messages And Loses It
Somewhere in a perfect world, we probably find a person with whom it’s so easy and comfortable to walk hand in hand throughout life, live a long and happy life with them, raise children and calmly leave when our time comes. But this world is in no way perfect – so divorces and remarriages are common. And where there are remarriages, there are stepchildren.
The heroine of our story today, the user PointToItOnThePage, says that one day, in a group chat with her friends, she shared her thoughts about raising her stepkids – and was stunned when her husband read these messages and took offense at them. So, let’s just move on to the story now.
More info: Mumsnet
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The author of the post has 2 stepkids and she says she does her best to be a decent stepmom for them
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, in a recent discussion in a group chat with friends, the woman opened up that sometimes it’s hard to love them since they’re ‘not hers’
Image credits: PointToItOnThePage
Image credits: karlyukav / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Soon after, the woman found out that her husband had read these messages on her phone and was absolutely indignant at her words
Image credits: PointToItOnThePage
Image credits: Alex Green / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man took offense at his wife’s revelations and called her out – but she thinks he overreacted here
Image credits: PointToItOnThePage
So the woman decided to seek support online, even despite the fact that snooping on her phone was actually inappropriate
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a stepmom to 2 kids, and one day, in a group chat with her friends, when the conversation turned to another woman’s teen stepkids and the mess they cause at home, our heroine also decided to share her point of view.
The woman wrote that her stepchildren are really good kids, but sometimes they can be really difficult. And that anyone who is able to love them like their own children after that is definitely a saint. But the OP, alas, is not a saint herself.
Later, when the chat participants discussed the problems of raising stepkids, the author also wrote that when a child isn’t yours biologically, it definitely grates on you more. At the same time, as the woman herself admits, she really does her absolute best in raising her stepkids. And she considers herself a decent step-parent to them.
However, soon after this discussion, the OP found out that her spouse had read her messages on her phone – and was incredibly indignant at these words. As a result, a real quarrel broke out. The husband considers the very fact of such statements unacceptable, and the wife believes that, firstly, she didn’t say anything seditious, and secondly, it’s 100% unacceptable to read her texts behind her back.
So the woman decided to take it online to find out what other people thought about how correct she was to write these words in a group chat. As as for the husband’s behavior – that, as the OP claims, is a completely different story.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, the problem of relationships between stepmoms and stepkids is as old as the world, and we have actually been faced with this issue since childhood, reading old fairy tales about Cinderella and the like. However, the world has come a long way since the time when Cinderella was written. And since then, a lot of good advice has been written on how to improve relationships with stepchildren.
“We see them through the lens of responsibility first and love second, which means their flaws are visible to us at all times,” this dedicated post on Stepfamily Solutions website claims. “It’s normal not to like your stepchild. And when that happens, go for kindness and respect first and foremost, and let the pressure you put on yourself to have specific feelings. The feelings you have are always valid.”
In the comments to the original post, the author wrote that she had never talked to her husband about her attitude towards his kids before – but now that they also have children together, there is still a certain difference for her. But at the same time, she still tries not to make any distinctions between her biological kids and the stepkids.
People’s opinions in the comments to the original post were actually very divided. Some do believe that the author, when marrying a man with children, should have foreseen such a development of events. “You must have known you’d be in this position,” one of the commenters wrote. “You sound very selfish to be honest.”
Also, some readers think that the father was really upset after reading such revelations from his wife. “I don’t think he is overreacting,” another person supposed. However, other people believe that in any case, the man shouldn’t have been snooping on the wife’s phone. “You’re correct that it’s a private conversation and perhaps he will think twice next time,” the responder reasonably added.
However, all people are different – some are capable of sincerely loving their stepkids, and some still draw a fine line between their biological kids and the children of their spouse. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this situation? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
People in the comments were very divided: some of them told the author she should have foreseen this before marrying a dad of 2, and some claimed that people are actually different
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What do you think ?
Sunny Day 3 months ago
The main problem with being a step parent is your spouse. They expect you to take care of the children as if they are your own, but if you offer a differing opinion on something, you get "they arent your kids!" A step parent has all the responsibility but none of the autonomy. They are basically unpaid hired help who have to keep the bosses happy. It's hard to "love them like your own" when you only get a snotty attitude in return.
Acruss 3 months ago
Yeah, like Op said in the comments. The husband is more defending of the stepkids and is questioning his wife authority over the stepkids, but at the same time he REQUIRE of her to treat and love those kids like her own...
Load More Replies...
Ge Po 3 months ago
Being a stepparent, like being a foster parent, means having (partially) traumatized children throw in your lap, without the benefits of having bonded with them at a really young age. This means that if the other birth parent is still alive or if they have known this other birth parent, you will never be her/him. If the other birth parent is no longer alive, you will never be able to replace her/him. There will be trauma no matter what. This makes it hard to develop a bond with a step/foster child and yes, it's hard. And yes, it's good and necessary to be able to talk about it with others in a similar situation. It does not make you less lovingly and it does not mean you hate the kid(s). It just means that you have some struggles and it is better to be honest about it that to swallow it away and let it fester.
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 3 months ago
I did love my step kids like my own but husband needs to take a step back and shush. Being a step parent can be an incredibly thankless job. It's often all of the responsibilities (and sometimes sacrifices) with none of the agency. And yes it is easier to tolerate your own kid being an AH or annoying sometimes because you get the agency to do something about it.
Sunny Day 3 months ago
The main problem with being a step parent is your spouse. They expect you to take care of the children as if they are your own, but if you offer a differing opinion on something, you get "they arent your kids!" A step parent has all the responsibility but none of the autonomy. They are basically unpaid hired help who have to keep the bosses happy. It's hard to "love them like your own" when you only get a snotty attitude in return.
Acruss 3 months ago
Yeah, like Op said in the comments. The husband is more defending of the stepkids and is questioning his wife authority over the stepkids, but at the same time he REQUIRE of her to treat and love those kids like her own...
Load More Replies... Ge Po 3 months ago
Being a stepparent, like being a foster parent, means having (partially) traumatized children throw in your lap, without the benefits of having bonded with them at a really young age. This means that if the other birth parent is still alive or if they have known this other birth parent, you will never be her/him. If the other birth parent is no longer alive, you will never be able to replace her/him. There will be trauma no matter what. This makes it hard to develop a bond with a step/foster child and yes, it's hard. And yes, it's good and necessary to be able to talk about it with others in a similar situation. It does not make you less lovingly and it does not mean you hate the kid(s). It just means that you have some struggles and it is better to be honest about it that to swallow it away and let it fester.
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 3 months ago
I did love my step kids like my own but husband needs to take a step back and shush. Being a step parent can be an incredibly thankless job. It's often all of the responsibilities (and sometimes sacrifices) with none of the agency. And yes it is easier to tolerate your own kid being an AH or annoying sometimes because you get the agency to do something about it.
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