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Choosing an outfit for a wedding can be quite a headache, especially considering the dos and don’ts of wedding attire: no white, unless told otherwise, typically no bright colors, and so on.
Such restrictions put a cloud over this redditor’s wedding, as his brother wanted to wear a rainbow-colored tux to the wedding. The groom-to-be didn’t think that was an appropriate option and fights ensued, resulting in the brother and his boyfriend being uninvited and some guests even uninviting themselves.
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People are typically expected to refrain from wearing something too bright to a wedding
Image credits: mrfabulousfox / Reddit (not the actual photo)
This groom-to-be uninvited his brother from the wedding because he wanted to wear a rainbow tux
Image credits: James Bold / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Yrboiduck
The OP’s brother seemed hurt by the groom-to-be opposing his idea of wearing a rainbow-colored tux
Image credits: THIS IS ZUN / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Wedding dress codes can be both a blessing and a curse; on one hand, they help narrow down the nearly limitless options you can choose from, but they can also restrict you from wearing what it is that you have your mind set on, as it was in the OP’s brother’s case.
The redditor’s brother, Sam, had chosen a rather colorful option, a rainbow tuxedo, which unfortunately clashed with the dress code on the invitation—black and white only. Sam’s reaction to his brother opposing such an idea showed that the choice was probably not an accidental one; he called his brother a homophobe, as the rainbow colors are internationally recognized as the symbol of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer pride.
The rainbow flag as a symbol for what was then referred to as the gay community was reportedly created back in the 1970s, when a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and the first openly gay man elected to public office, Harvey Milk, asked the artist and designer Gilbert Baker to create a symbol for said community. Baker agreed and together with the help of Lynn Segerblom—also known as Faerie Argyle Rainbow—designed the rainbow-striped flag featuring eight colors.
But the redditor in the story didn’t oppose his brother’s choice of attire because of the symbolism; he was seemingly against it as he didn’t want the tux to stand out, especially since the guests were asked to wear black and white only.
Some wedding dress codes entail quite strict requirements regarding one’s outfit
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A black and white dress code on the OP’s wedding invitation likely referred more to the color palette than the level of formality; though, the so-called white-tie and black-tie dress codes are known as the two most formal options in regards to wedding attire.
As pointed out in The Knot Magazine, while white-tie weddings are not that common nowadays, if you are invited to one after all, you are expected to bring your a-game. Such a dress code for men typically entails a dark tuxedo tailcoat with fabric extensions reaching the back of their knee, as well as a white piqué button-down shirt, a white vest, a bow tie, and a cummerbund—a broad waist sash.
When it comes to women and white-tie weddings, they are expected to show up in formal dress, too, which, according to The Knot, often entails full-length evening or ball gowns, finest jewelry, and sleek shoes to go with it all; a pair of elbow length silk gloves would also be acceptable on such an occasion.
As the second most formal dress code, a black-tie might not require the guests to abide by rules as strict as the white-tie, however, under such a dress code, people are still expected to dress rather formally, so yes, a tuxedo is a must in this case, too.
Other dress code options that one might see on a wedding invitation include black-tie optional, formal, and cocktail attire respectively (in regards to how formal the outfit is expected to be). The more casual options include beach formal, semi-formal or dressy casual, as well as daytime or casual attire.
It’s difficult to determine how formal the OP wanted his wedding to be, but the dress code he went with resulted in a rift between the siblings, as it didn’t line up with what his brother had in mind. Not only that, the situation seemingly split the internet community into camps as well, since fellow redditors didn’t see eye to eye regarding whether or not the OP was a jerk in the situation.
The OP shared more details in the comments
Some redditors didn’t think the OP was a jerk in the situation
Others believed he shouldn’t have cared for the color of the brother’s outfit
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What do you think ?
Zedrapazia 9 months ago
OP has to stop guilting himself so much. He didn't know that his brother had issues and wasn't trying to make him feel worse on purpose. Regarding bipolarity, I had someone like that in the family (she died of old age by now) and this is not how it is. One does not have a depressive episode because of not being allowed to wear a certain colourful outfit to a wedding. Paired with the fact that Sam apparently likes to be the center of attention at all times, this just screams of good old entitlement. I'm not denouncing that Sam might be bipolar, and that it possibly overlapped with his usual entitlement, but this is not an excuse from trying to steal the show of the wedding couple
Sonja 9 months ago
I completely agree with you. I hate the current climate of making excuses for bad behaviour based on mental or political issues. It doesn't matter if he's bipolar or gay or whatever. As sad as it is, his mental health issues are his problem to deal with. He can't expect everyone to press pause on their life and bend backwards, ruining their most significant milestones because he's struggling. This is not about him wearing a headscarf die to cancer treatment, or him wanting to wear a pride pun or a pride tie or even a dress while respecting the dress code, this is him trying to upstage his brother and stealing his one day of celebration and slandering his brother because he's not getting his way. And yes, I doubt this has anything to do with being bipolar. Even if the diagnosis is legit.
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KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
Lots of people not understanding that the rainbow tux IS the white dress in this context.
Zedrapazia 9 months ago
OP has to stop guilting himself so much. He didn't know that his brother had issues and wasn't trying to make him feel worse on purpose. Regarding bipolarity, I had someone like that in the family (she died of old age by now) and this is not how it is. One does not have a depressive episode because of not being allowed to wear a certain colourful outfit to a wedding. Paired with the fact that Sam apparently likes to be the center of attention at all times, this just screams of good old entitlement. I'm not denouncing that Sam might be bipolar, and that it possibly overlapped with his usual entitlement, but this is not an excuse from trying to steal the show of the wedding couple
Sonja 9 months ago
I completely agree with you. I hate the current climate of making excuses for bad behaviour based on mental or political issues. It doesn't matter if he's bipolar or gay or whatever. As sad as it is, his mental health issues are his problem to deal with. He can't expect everyone to press pause on their life and bend backwards, ruining their most significant milestones because he's struggling. This is not about him wearing a headscarf die to cancer treatment, or him wanting to wear a pride pun or a pride tie or even a dress while respecting the dress code, this is him trying to upstage his brother and stealing his one day of celebration and slandering his brother because he's not getting his way. And yes, I doubt this has anything to do with being bipolar. Even if the diagnosis is legit.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
Lots of people not understanding that the rainbow tux IS the white dress in this context.
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