30 Green Flags You Should Look For In New Relationships As Shared By People In This Online Group
Relationships are something people won’t ever get enough advice on. Just like humans are complicated creatures that will never stop being the focus of numerous psychological, sociological, and other studies, such is and always will be the case for relationships as well.
Not too long ago, Bored Panda has recently covered red flags in relationships—you know, indicators that he or she is not the one. Well, now it’s time to switch it up and consider green flags in relationships.
Reddit user u/CircleBox2 went to r/AskReddit to ask the question what are some green flags early on in dating that the relationship should become serious? The post soon went viral, gaining nearly 70,000 upvotes with over 8,500 responses from people sharing advice and personal stories.
Bored Panda gathered the best responses and turned them into a list which you can check out below. And while you’re at it, why not comment and vote on the submissions you found most useful!
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I asked my then-girlfriend to hand me a screwdriver. She asked "Flathead, Philips or Vodka?" It was then, I knew she was the one.
When my relationship was brand new, my boyfriend came over late one night to relax after playing a show. It was storming/down pouring outside and we were cracking open some whiskey. Suddenly, my cat started yowling as if he was in pain and making frequent, unsuccessful trips to the litter box. He has a history of kidney issues and I thought he may have had a stone lodged in his urinary tract - a pretty emergent issue! I apologized and said I needed to run him to the animal hospital ASAP. Our cozy night in is over “I’m so sorry, you can stay here if you want but I totally understand if you want to go home.” My boyfriend didn’t miss a beat, refused to leave our side and helped me get my cat into his carrier. I was really upset/crying (my cat is elderly and the thought of him having an emergency procedure was so scary at the time!) but he treated both of us so gently and was a huge source of comfort. He even took his overshirt off and covered up my cat’s carrier so he wouldn’t get rained on on the way to my car, getting soaked in the process and not acting like he was bothered or inconvenienced. I was completely taken aback and deeply touched - this was the moment I began to fall seriously for him. It’s been 3.5 years now and he continues to show deep compassion for people/animals in need, and is so helpful, comforting and wonderful in dark/stressful times. ... Also, my cat was absolutely fine - the vet said he was just having an “off” day. A $400 “off” day. Cats.
My husband and I have endless conversations. There's nothing we can't talk about. Nothing. The first time we ever chatted on the phone we talked for 6 hours.
We've been together for 15 years and STILL talk every day, several times a day. We love our breakfast time because we chat after eating and really enjoy each other's company. We love talking no matter where we are. And since he also works from home, we work together. There's lots of times we're saying nothing, just enjoying being around each other.
But I love that we can talk about anything we want and it doesn't descend into an argument.
I knew my boyfriend was "the one" when I asked him how an internal combustion engine actually works. All my life I had been dismissed when I asked cause I just wouldn't understand. He immediately pulled the car over and explained the entire engine from crank to carb! I totally understood and was grateful he saw that I was genuinely interested and he had the respect to take the time to explain. We have been together for over 40 years and working on our project cars is still one of our favorite couples past time Also, he leaves the crunchy French fries for me even though they are his favorite too :)
When my now-wife and I were dating, we started having “introvert dates” where one of us would come over and we’d just craft or work on projects in the same room, sometimes talking, sometimes putting a show on in the background. It was so cozy and domestic, like we already lived together.
Traveling together in general is a great test of a relationship. My boyfriend and I have travelled internationally together three times now. Twice while dating and once before we got together.
Packing, airports, cabs, foreign languages, etc. Being able to navigate all the potentially stressful aspects of traveling and still have a good time together is a huge green flag in my opinion.
About 4 months into my relationship I got injured. There was a chance that I wouldn't be able to walk again. My then girlfriend now wife said "don't worry it's going to be okay, we can figure this out either way." I'm okay now, but just knowing she was going to stay with me no matter what was huge.
We've been together 8 years now. We have our challenges but at the end of the day we both know we're there for each other.
The cook at the cafe where I worked in my 20s was a trick bike enthusiast. He had just started dating a wonderful gal when he did a trick and crushed both his elbows. She moved him from his third floor walk-up into her ground floor apartment, and when his lease was up, moved all his things into storage. She took care of him for most of the year. Most of that time because of the huge cast, he didn't fit in a car, so they were isolated. He asked, "Do you think it's too soon to ask her to marry?" I told him he owed her a diamond ring either way for wiping his butt and handling his urinal all those months. She said yes, by the way.
That made me smile, if Mrs Voice ever had an accident or anything, I would look after her for the rest of our lives, and I'm pretty sure she'd do the same for me.
I worry that after 16 weeks of dating, there is an expectation on either side that a woman has some moral or emotional obligation to become a carer to someone disabled, just because.
I don't see where he said there was an expectation, only that it was a big deal to him that she said that.
Load More Replies...Trust me, as a person with a serious disability who knows many others with disabilities, many people run as fast as possible from someone who becomes disabled. There are also wonderful people (both sides of the equation) who either stay with a disabled partner or meet someone with a disability and fall in love for a lifetime.
On my 2nd date, before I was supposed to move states, we got stuck in a parking garage cause of an accident for 45 minutes.
We watched a non subtitled foreign film on my phone, enjoyed talking with one another, and we connected despite being done with what we had planned to do and were stuck in a car.
I ended up canceling my move and marrying the woman.
Edit: just realized today was the day I proposed to her 3 years ago. Odd that it coincided with the post lol.
The one that surprised me the most was being upset and telling my bf how I needed them to do XYZ (help me with chores, walk the dog every once in a while, etc) because I was overwhelmed and frustrated and he just responded "okay, I didn't know you felt like that. I'll try to do better but please remind me if I forget" and that was that. And he did. It seems small and obvious, but holy crap I don't think I had ever felt more heard.
That's something about my husband that I'm really grateful for. In past relationships I would express frustration with something time and time again and I might get an apology but the behavior itself never changed. My husband actually listens, internalizes, and then makes an effort. It was such a refreshing change - and really highlighted how low the bar was set by my exes.
If their friends are all great people. Our closest friends are a reflection of ourselves - you can tell a lot about who they hang out with.
Also: how well do they treat other people they don't know (waiters, bartenders, janitors, etc).
I feel like this is the most universal one on this list. Also, the way said friends talk about the person.
One time I was with my partner; I got up and started pouring myself some water from a filter and the lid came off. Water went absolutely everywhere- all over myself, the kitchen counter, and the floors.
I started to panic and immediately began apologizing profusely. I grew up in a, well, not great home, and a similar mistake there would’ve resulted in a shouting match and me ending up on my hands and knees scrubbing the entire kitchen.
My partner looked up when I spilled it, paused, then started laughing their ass off. They came over to me, stepping over the water, and gave me a hug, saying “It’s okay! Accidents happen. Come sit with me, the water will evaporate.”
That was the moment I knew I wanted to marry them.
So nice to meet someone who will help you not stress the small stuff
My husband and I back country camped on our second date. He was a pro so I trusted him abs he says he was impressed at my willingness to be bold and do something adventurous.
We spent several hours hiking in to spot with only conversation and the woods. We set up camp and cooked together. The feeling was peace. Just at peace to be with each other, work as a team and comfortable with the quiet and fire. I knew he was the one that night.
I always thought love at first sight would be a powerful rush or energy. Turns out it feels like coming home.
When your soul feels at peace, that’s a green flag my friends.
How good is their company during a drive, or when there is nothing to do?
My future wife and I found that we loved just spending time together. We could talk for hours in a car during a drive. Sometimes the drive was more interesting than where we were going.
A few weeks into our relationship, we went through a drive-through and she spontaneously unwrapped and rewrapped my burger so I could eat it while driving with clean hands. I knew I was going to marry her. Just over a week from now it will be 23 years!
When they don't mind doing the boring stuff with you and make even that seem fun. The morning of my first date with my now-fiance, my glasses got a massive scratch on them. Any of you fellow glasses-wearers know that this means a trip to the store right then and there. I told him hey, I can't hang out for lunch right now (we had a brunch date), because I had to get all that sorted first. He offered to go with me and made the journey fun. We told stories on the way there and ended up spending the entire day together, morning to night. Then did it again two days later. Then the day after that... then a few days after that... we've been inseparable ever since :)
This recently happened to my sister.
She'd been chatting with this guy for a while and it was finally safe for them to meet in person. She went out with him and ended up eating something that didn't agree with her (deep fried pickles are a "never again" food now, apparently). She asked him to take her home and he did. As they were walking to the car, she puked. He ran and got her a bag and she ended up puking all over his shoes.
Not only did this not scare him off in the least, he started building a care package for her - her favourite tea, Gravol, a bucket and some other stuff. It's seriously the sweetest thing I'd ever heard of.
If he's going to do something like that for a girl he's met in person all of twice, imagine what he'll do to someone he's super committed to (they're officially together now).
We just celebrated 15 years together and I believe being ok with spending time apart is the single most important part of us being happy together for that long. We're both hobby and career driven individuals that have our own workspaces at home where we like to escape and do our own thing. We also often chill in the same room while doing our own separate things and just enjoying each other's company. Respecting each others needs to do things alone and not needing to do absolutely everything together is really the key to our relationship working as well as it does.
Relationship goals for me! Keeping your own personality instead of fusing together.
I was preparing to move to a new apartment and had a ton of stuff going on in my life, including trying to coordinate moving out with expensive heat treatment for bedbugs that my a-hole landlord refused to be involved with. I was super stressed and drained and when I was cleaning the fridge one of the shelves inside literally shattered. I was basically beside myself and so frustrated because I knew that said a-hole landlord was going to screw me on my security deposit now after all I put up with. So I vented to my husband (then boyfriend) and was basically just like I give up, everything is the worst.
The next day he let me know that he had looked up my fridge model, found the shelf as a standalone piece and ordered it and it would be there in two days (or whatever). I cried. I was so, so grateful. I was so overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted over the bedbugs and moving and everything else and the fact that he saw that and just took something off my plate and handled it was such a relief. It showed me what a supportive partner he could be and it was just what I needed.
Yep. Listening and responding to people’s needs makes them feel great!
Early in our dating days, I was on a train with my now-husband. The inspector was checking our tickets while we were about to pull away from the station when my husband spotted a woman come running down the platform. He pointed this out to the inspector, who stuck his arm out the window and held the train until she got on.
My husband was so casual about it, didn’t think anything of it really, and it was a small action, but one that likely made her day better.
I thought it said a lot about his character, that he’d help out a stranger who didn’t even know it.
I was right, he is still that kind of guy!
My wife and I both pride our relationship on our handling of our disagreements. If either of us starts to get angry, we stop separate for a while then come back with cooler heads and iron it out. The adage don’t go to bed angry I hate cause sometimes that cool down period helps. But you still have to be open and communicate what it is you are feeling and why.
Agreed. I can get very emotional if I feel hurt and WILL end up crying. So I try to let a day pass until I can talk about the matter in a reasonable fashion. That’s also a good advice for jobs, btw: If you‘re ticked off because of some crap at work and plan to tell your boss, write a respective email to yourself first. Then the next day, edit the text and send it to your boss (or talk to them). Even if you stay respectful and polite, it SHOWS if you‘re angry. In some situations, that might be necessary for your boss to understand how desperate you truly are, but most times, you want to handle things without feelings running high.
u/TheMeta40k:
You genuinely enjoy one another's company during dull moments. Life's full of them and you are going to want a partner who you can enjoy them with.
u/boulomai_mathein responded:
I think silence is underappreciated in relationships in general, not just in romantic relationships. There's an oceanic feeling when you're with a good friend just quietly taking in the whole world around you.
Super this! life with another person can't be all about action; you have to know how to deal with eachother in silence, too.
Noticing the other does not take themself too seriously. In the very very early days of dating my now-husband, we took a long road trip for a romantic getaway in Boston. The first night in town, expensive dinner in a famous seafood restaurant. The server brings the bill and takes my date's credit card. Server comes back with the news that the credit card was declined. Both he and I burst out laughing at the same moment. That was my green flag!
If you can laugh at yourself, and each other without judgement, it's a great fit! Humor is the way my husband and I get through the good and the bad. Partners since 1990 and still going strong:)
u/FrogInSnow:
He/she remembers small details from your conversations. It means they pay attention to you and what your interests are.
u/scarrlet responded:
Every year at Christmas for at least the first five years of our relationship, my now-fiance got me at least one little gift he called a "listening gift." The first year it was a Kindle case--I had told him offhand I had an embarrassingly ugly fangirly Kindle case my mom had gotten me off CafePress, but I felt obligated to use it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings when it was a well meaning gift. So he got me a Kindle sleeve and said, "There, now you can tell her you have to use this one because your boyfriend got it for you." One year it was, "Four months ago, you mentioned that your family's copy of Jurassic Park was one that was taped off of TV in the 90's so it had 90's commercial breaks, so I got you Jurassic Park on DVD." It was really sweet and the listening gift was always my favorite, and also the hardest to explain to people when I gushed about it ("No, you don't get it, he got me a Kindle case!").
He is still very thoughtful but we've been together so long that I don't think he feels the need to prove he listens to me with one specific gift every holiday. He's still an awesome gift giver.
This is a really good explanation of good gift buying without a wishlist
u/BeachTimePlz:
Encouraging growth, but doesn't try to change your foundation.
u/awomanhasnoname666 responded:
My (now) husband is 100% the reason I decided to go to college at 25. He believed in me and encouraged me so much or I’d have never done it... I kinda just did it on a whim too. It ended up being a quick decision over the summer. I’ll be a senior next semester and applying to law schools and he has been so supportive, encouraging, and helpful this entire time. Honestly, had I had the support from my family I’d probably already have been through college. I’m lucky I found him.
I have a similar story. When we met I was almost twenty, the first year of university. Failed that (for many reasons), had a gap year, tried again, failed again (this time due to balancing school and part-time work). Now I'm 26, have a full-time job and am just about to finish my bachelor's degree and I can say with absolute certainty that without his support through the tough times (you can imagine I have had some serious mental blocks about the whole thing) I would definitely not get here. And I'm taking this cue to go back to my work on my bachelor's thesis that I've been having panic attacks about (also - immensely grateful for having him by my side during those). Studying later in life is very hard, good luck to everyone going through that!
On my first date with my future spouse, we had planned to spend some time together, then go get a bite and be done by evening. When the date was supposed to end, i invited her for a walking tour of my campus. When that was supposed to end, she invited me on a tour of hers. When that was supposed to end, she asked if I'd ever walked a pretty nearby neighbourhood, and we walked there. It was now about 11pm, i offered to walk her home. I went to walk home, she invited me in for tea. We sat in her living room, sometimes in long stretches of blissfully relaxing silence just smiling, and i wasn't on my way home until 2 am, 8 hours after the date was meant to have ended.
Yall were comfortable enough with each other to trust each other fully, and especially given the hours. That's amazing!
u/Alonso81687:
Being weird together after only a couple of dates. It has taken me forever with most. But if I'm able to open up and be silly then I know it's a really good sign as I'm an introvert and incredibly shy around someone new, especially someone I see as a partner.
u/browniestastevgood responded:
Only a few people outside of family know the true depths of my silly. Whenever they meet my other friends they get a bit confused about why people would think I'm a serious no-nonsense type of person. Or the other people are so very shocked to catch a glimpse of me goofing off.
i'm the exact opposite. If I'm comfortable enough to be serious, that's a big deal.
They're curious about you. It's not just about the flow of a given conversation, it's about having genuine, enthusiastic interest in you and the things you care about. It doesn't mean they have to like the same things you like, but they should be able to engage with you even when it's not their "thing".
They have their own people. They don't need to rely on you completely for emotional support, because they have other meaningful relationships they could turn to. They do rely on you often, but they know when to give you some breathing room when they know you're having a tough time and turn to someone else for support.
u/literallynorealplan:
They don’t push their preferences on you and pressure you to maintain them
u/sohcgt96 responded:
My wife and I have... about 20-30% crossover in our tastes in music.
Neither of us try and change each other's minds, we'll show each other cool stuff in the crossover area, but the outside areas get left alone. She won't subject me to stuff I find sleepy or nauseating and I won't subject her to things she finds terrifying and overstimulating.
me and my partner have like... 1% crossover in our music but that's okay because i get to annoy them with my music and they get to annoy me
u/Random1name9:
Did they return their shopping cart to the cart return after grocery shopping? I stand by shopping cart theory as a good indicator of a person's moral compass.
u/cuticle_cream responded:
I recently moved to South Florida. No one - and I really do mean no one - takes their cart to the corral or back to the store. I’ve locked eyes with people as they just push them into an empty parking spot. It boggles my mind. I always get thanked by staff when I bring my cart back.
I ask the Lord to send me a good Christian man for a husband. When he finally came around, I learned he had asked for the same quality in a woman. We were married for 40 years when he passed away. I miss him every day.
u/RNN2734:
They get your humor and laugh at the jokes you tell.
u/UnsettlingAura responded:
My boyfriend and I have a dark sense of humor; I used to be super sensitive but I've lightened up a lot after dating him. The other day he and I were washing dishes together and his mother mentioned that his sister was on antidepressants. My boyfriend, who had attempted to kill himself in the past, and neither his sister nor mother knew about it, responded that that was understandable. I whispered to him in my best James Franco voice "first time?"
Yes, I have a really dark sense of humor, and I can’t let it show around my family at all, but when I’m around my boyfriend I can let it all out. He makes me happy :)
u/PM_Me_UrRightNipple:
If you set a boundary and they respect it.
If you say that you are more comfortable meeting them at the date location after they offer you a ride they shouldn’t insist on picking you up.
u/sunbear2525 responded:
I met my husband on a dating app. I was using a very obvious pseudonym. He asked me if that was my real name, I said "No, I have a very unusual given name and finding me IRL would be very simple. " his reply was "That makes sense" and did not ask or bring it up again. So many men got frustrated or would just keep asking.
I did tell him before or first date and now or cat is named Artful in honor of my former identity.annoyed with each other.
Three weeks into dating, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no idea what the journey was going to look like but I didn’t want to place that burden on a new relationship. So we had an open conversation where I gave him “an out”. And let him know that it was okay if he didn’t want to be part of the mess. He grabbed my face with both hands, looked me in the eye, and said, “Nice try. Not a chance. “. He’s my best friend. We’re13 months cancer free and getting married on May 1st.
Congrats on the remission, and getting married. I'm sure we're all sending good vibes your way.
Load More Replies...I knew he was a keeper when I arrived at his house to spend our first Christmas together. We got to the door and he asked me to wait outside. He went in briefly and then invited me in. He had got a real tree, decorated it and the house, so that it looked like a Winter Wonderland. Still together 27 Christmases later !
My guy has given me so many green flags. A big one was last December I had a bad seizure in front of him (I'm epileptic), it was the first one he's seen and he ran to catch me too late and I smashed my head off a chair, blood everywhere. When I came to he was so concerned, and went through all the steps I had already prepped him on. Had already called an ambulance. As I was on the way to the hospital he called my mom to inform her, she told me he was in tears. Ended up staying there for 9 days after having a second seizure and again hitting my head. He visited every day for as long as he could, even when I was put out cause I needed a ventilator in the beginning. Also, music. He hates metal but put two metal staions on his xm radio in his car for me. (I accept his EDM in return lol)
I knew my significant other was the one when we were talking about pets we had when we were growing up... I started to tell him that I had a rabbit named "Pasquale" when I was in middle school.. I started to tell him that I got the rabbits name from a comic strip I used to like reading growing up, and he says, " Yeah, Pasquale, the little boy from the Rose is Rose comic"..... No one ever got that.... and it's been 8 years, going strong.
I love that kind of thing. My fiancé got drunk with me one night and I called him a Hemingway and he got it. We vibed.
Load More Replies...Interesting collection of posts. Some of these are like "my standards are so low that anyone who doesn't treat me like s**t is great". That makes me so sad. Most of them show that kindness, compassion and humor really matter, and that the unmeasurable issue of compatibility is a big one, but you just can't figure that out ahead of time.
That's a hateful thing to say, you don't know what someone has been through to make them feel that way. To them, Prince Charming may just need to be kind.
Load More Replies...Why does it always sound so easy? After the end of a 20 years long marriage (10 great years, 10 not so good at all), I still feel unsure, so unsure. My new bf is nice and we have a wonderful time but he is not interested in books at all, he is not talking but holding my hand...and I have no idea where this is going to. How can people be so sure? I wanted to grow old with my husband and stay together for life. Now I am back to field one with a new man. Sometimes I wonder if books& movies make us think it should be like in one of those happy-couple-montages.... laughing together, cooling, talking, making love, running on the beach, going dining together...Like one person is RIGHT and the world to you and you are his. But reality is that I can't discuss politics with him -but he will always jump to do the dishes with me...and I think he is incredible nice and wonderful. But my happily ever after did not last and now I am just confused. I wish all the couples best for their futures.
I think what you say is real and true. It isn’t always good times and every relationship isn’t just green flags. I don’t know what to say about your current relationship but I think it’s cool that you are back dating again. Sometimes it’s good to just get to know men, date around, test the waters and have some fun. It doesn’t always have to be a lifelong commitment. Good luck though.
Load More Replies...Sometimes when me and the boy I like are in a group conversation we'll naturally say the same thing at the same time.
Make your move. He might not know you're into him, or be too shy to make his move.
Load More Replies...I could list all the sweet, thoughtful and kind green flags, but most of them were discussed already. Being great to my family, being compassionate to animals, being intellectual and strong, being kind and polite to service staff, going out of his way for me constantly and blah blah. But the thing I didn’t see here is being “matching asśholes” lol. Yeah being sweet is great but I just love that I have someone that just believes in “fûck ‘em all” as much as I do and understands the value of personal growth and money the way I value those things. Someone who understands my vision of success, down to the throw pillows.
Shared humor is good - and shared interests generally is also good. But what did it for me was after we had moved in together and were sharing a quiet meal without children. (I was divorced with 3 kids.) After being silent for awhile, he asked if I minded if he read his book while we finished. Big sigh of relief - I'll go get my book. Now the children are all grown, sometimes we read, sometimes we chat, and sometimes we switch around. Our personal library is larger than the space we have to put it.
We could share a plate of french fries and talk till 3 AM, and still be glad to see each other at 8 AM. then I took him to meet my family's pets, and he passed the dogs and the cats, after which my mom was a bonus, and my dad was unnecessary.
Meanwhile, I’m over here with my Invisibility Cloak that only seems to work on the male species.
I'm going to make an assumption, and that assumption is that you are still in high school. Because most people in high school feel invisible. I know I certainly did. But in a couple of years you'll be amazed how the pool of potential partners has expanded and how their priorities have changed. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to make the first move. (*potentially unhelpful advice over*)
Load More Replies...Three weeks into dating, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no idea what the journey was going to look like but I didn’t want to place that burden on a new relationship. So we had an open conversation where I gave him “an out”. And let him know that it was okay if he didn’t want to be part of the mess. He grabbed my face with both hands, looked me in the eye, and said, “Nice try. Not a chance. “. He’s my best friend. We’re13 months cancer free and getting married on May 1st.
Congrats on the remission, and getting married. I'm sure we're all sending good vibes your way.
Load More Replies...I knew he was a keeper when I arrived at his house to spend our first Christmas together. We got to the door and he asked me to wait outside. He went in briefly and then invited me in. He had got a real tree, decorated it and the house, so that it looked like a Winter Wonderland. Still together 27 Christmases later !
My guy has given me so many green flags. A big one was last December I had a bad seizure in front of him (I'm epileptic), it was the first one he's seen and he ran to catch me too late and I smashed my head off a chair, blood everywhere. When I came to he was so concerned, and went through all the steps I had already prepped him on. Had already called an ambulance. As I was on the way to the hospital he called my mom to inform her, she told me he was in tears. Ended up staying there for 9 days after having a second seizure and again hitting my head. He visited every day for as long as he could, even when I was put out cause I needed a ventilator in the beginning. Also, music. He hates metal but put two metal staions on his xm radio in his car for me. (I accept his EDM in return lol)
I knew my significant other was the one when we were talking about pets we had when we were growing up... I started to tell him that I had a rabbit named "Pasquale" when I was in middle school.. I started to tell him that I got the rabbits name from a comic strip I used to like reading growing up, and he says, " Yeah, Pasquale, the little boy from the Rose is Rose comic"..... No one ever got that.... and it's been 8 years, going strong.
I love that kind of thing. My fiancé got drunk with me one night and I called him a Hemingway and he got it. We vibed.
Load More Replies...Interesting collection of posts. Some of these are like "my standards are so low that anyone who doesn't treat me like s**t is great". That makes me so sad. Most of them show that kindness, compassion and humor really matter, and that the unmeasurable issue of compatibility is a big one, but you just can't figure that out ahead of time.
That's a hateful thing to say, you don't know what someone has been through to make them feel that way. To them, Prince Charming may just need to be kind.
Load More Replies...Why does it always sound so easy? After the end of a 20 years long marriage (10 great years, 10 not so good at all), I still feel unsure, so unsure. My new bf is nice and we have a wonderful time but he is not interested in books at all, he is not talking but holding my hand...and I have no idea where this is going to. How can people be so sure? I wanted to grow old with my husband and stay together for life. Now I am back to field one with a new man. Sometimes I wonder if books& movies make us think it should be like in one of those happy-couple-montages.... laughing together, cooling, talking, making love, running on the beach, going dining together...Like one person is RIGHT and the world to you and you are his. But reality is that I can't discuss politics with him -but he will always jump to do the dishes with me...and I think he is incredible nice and wonderful. But my happily ever after did not last and now I am just confused. I wish all the couples best for their futures.
I think what you say is real and true. It isn’t always good times and every relationship isn’t just green flags. I don’t know what to say about your current relationship but I think it’s cool that you are back dating again. Sometimes it’s good to just get to know men, date around, test the waters and have some fun. It doesn’t always have to be a lifelong commitment. Good luck though.
Load More Replies...Sometimes when me and the boy I like are in a group conversation we'll naturally say the same thing at the same time.
Make your move. He might not know you're into him, or be too shy to make his move.
Load More Replies...I could list all the sweet, thoughtful and kind green flags, but most of them were discussed already. Being great to my family, being compassionate to animals, being intellectual and strong, being kind and polite to service staff, going out of his way for me constantly and blah blah. But the thing I didn’t see here is being “matching asśholes” lol. Yeah being sweet is great but I just love that I have someone that just believes in “fûck ‘em all” as much as I do and understands the value of personal growth and money the way I value those things. Someone who understands my vision of success, down to the throw pillows.
Shared humor is good - and shared interests generally is also good. But what did it for me was after we had moved in together and were sharing a quiet meal without children. (I was divorced with 3 kids.) After being silent for awhile, he asked if I minded if he read his book while we finished. Big sigh of relief - I'll go get my book. Now the children are all grown, sometimes we read, sometimes we chat, and sometimes we switch around. Our personal library is larger than the space we have to put it.
We could share a plate of french fries and talk till 3 AM, and still be glad to see each other at 8 AM. then I took him to meet my family's pets, and he passed the dogs and the cats, after which my mom was a bonus, and my dad was unnecessary.
Meanwhile, I’m over here with my Invisibility Cloak that only seems to work on the male species.
I'm going to make an assumption, and that assumption is that you are still in high school. Because most people in high school feel invisible. I know I certainly did. But in a couple of years you'll be amazed how the pool of potential partners has expanded and how their priorities have changed. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to make the first move. (*potentially unhelpful advice over*)
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