I Incorporate My Son Into My Drawings

“Jeez love, maybe you’re pregnant” – are the words that started it all. Yep, I was officially pregnant and my world was going to change – I was going to become someone’s mother.

My husband was crying in the hall and I was glued to the toilet seat staring at a very obvious blue cross, feeling a tad faint to be honest, but mixed with obvious glee and astonished giggles of disbelief. Yes – it’s real, it’s happening, and it’s a game changer.

From being a very relaxed, not overly ambitious personality type who just ‘goes with the flow’. I turned, within seconds of a blue cross forming, into a super nester! Legacy maker! “I am going to be the best darn mother, that’s right mother #goals!”, all of this in probably the same amount of time it took me to stand up from the loo.

Saying that though, through all this emotion another thing was playing on my mind, an underlying sense of this is it and my life is never going to be the same nor solely mine, ever! I had this new found urgency of: “What have I always wanted to do? Should I write that screen play? Backpack around Europe? Maybe just get around to fixing that kitchen cupboard. Well start stressing now Fee because you’ve only got 9 months to make it happen!”

Okay so let’s take stock, what have I got going for me?

Time, I have heaps of time. For I am an actress, a commercial one at that. So one phone call to my agent I will take from the “actress category” of their website and my smiling headshot will be placed firmly in the sub category of “maternity”, due date 31/01/2016. In other words, yep, be prepared for a dry spell.

I also have the knowledge that I will be one of those mothers – the kind that fills their walls of social media with countless pictures of their offspring! I will be nauseating, I will possibly lose friends. But, hell, I will embrace this, no need for the 109 shots of randomness, I’ll be creative! Dammit, I am creative. I have an unused diploma in Art Direction to prove it.

I’m kinda Arty. Our apartment walls are always filled with my creations, this is because either my husband believes that I am truly a gifted artist, or he is just to cheap to actually buy art. “Oh yeah it’s okay, but your are so good, you could do that!! Why don’t you paint something like that instead of actually buying it, you could do it so much better!”

So art is good, I thought, a little stress relief mixed in with something tangible. “But what?” my new productive self screamed. It must be all consuming and it must be something my child will look back on and know that he was present in. Within 15 minutes of that little blue cross, I had managed to flush the loo, and Grayson On Hollywood was born. It was to have everything! It’s a series, it would solve my endless baby photo posting, we could play dress up, it involves my diploma of story boarding briefs I have suffered though… who knows it may inspire my child to follow in my acting footsteps. It will be epic! I’ll dedicate 9 months of peaceful drawing, exposing my son to be child with peace, serenity and a playlist that he will hear from the womb of musical good taste. Ahhh little did I know…