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Grandma Who Snuggled Up With Grandkid Might Be Banned From Seeing Him As She Broke Rule
Back in my childhood, spending summers at my grandparents’ house was the highlight of my life because nobody spoiled me quite like they did. I consider myself pretty fortunate because honestly, their love was truly irreplaceable for me.
Today’s grandma is worried that she might not be able to shower her love on her grandchildren as she might be banned from their lives. She feels that her son and daughter-in-law have stringent parenting rules and it might be the end for her after she broke one of them and her son caught her in the act!
More info: Mumsnet
We often hear about conflicts between parents and grandparents when it comes to raising kids
Image credits: Artem Labunsky / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s parenting style was different compared to her son and daughter-in-law’s style today
Image credits: TiredRetired
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her daughter-in-law has rigid rules when it comes to meal and nap times and the poster had gotten in trouble once for missing a mealtime
Image credits: TiredRetired
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One day at their house, when her grandson came to her room at night as he was cold, she snuggled up with him on the couch to warm him up
Image credits: TiredRetired
When the son saw this, he took away the kid, and she got a lecture from her daughter-in-law, and the poster couldn’t help but retaliate to it, which angered her
In today’s story, the original poster (OP) narrates her concerns that she might be banned from her grandchildren’s lives and it really breaks her heart. She gives us a little background and mentions that she has given birth to 4 kids and her parenting style is very different compared to how her son and daughter-in-law do it.
She tells us how her daughter-in-law has rigid meal and nap times for her sons and how OP had in fact gotten in trouble once when she missed a kid’s meal time. Well, apart from the poster, even the other family members have rolled their eyes at these strict rules, but the poster has stood up for her daughter-in-law during such instances.
One day, when she visited their new house, her 3-year-old grandson came to her room in the middle of the night and his hands and feet were cold as ice. Well, she was aware of their no co-sleeping rule, so she took him down and snuggled up with him on the couch to keep him warm.
When her son caught her in the act, he was quite rude to her and took away the child. OP suspected she had done something wrong, and the next day, her daughter-in-law started giving her a lecture. The poster couldn’t stand the fact that she was being called out like a child and went on to defend herself about her being a different grandmother.
This did not go down well with the daughter-in-law as she got angry and even mentioned that she couldn’t see how the grandma could continue visiting this way. Uh-oh! That sounds like trouble, and the grandma mentioned how heartbroken she is by it all. Even after her apologies, she feels that something is broken and doesn’t know how to fix it, so she vented online.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Grandparents and parents fighting over how to raise children is an age-old conflict. In fact, even a survey based on 2,016 responses from parents of children ages 18 and under has proved that half of parents report butting heads with their child’s grandparents over parenting.
When the grandma posted her story online, the internet was divided. Although most folks sided with her, there were a few who felt that she was being over-involved with the couple’s parenting style. They felt that she was indirectly criticizing it and not trying to understand things from their perspective.
On the other hand, most of the folks who sided with her felt that the couple was very rigid with their parenting style and expressed their concern towards the kids as well. These people felt bad for the grandmother but also felt that this would have a negative impact on the couple’s children.
Research states that children who grow up with a rigid parenting style are often well-behaved at home, but they may rebel when with classmates or friends. The same research suggests that such kids may also struggle with social skills, indecisiveness, trouble thinking on their own, low self-esteem, poor judgment of character, anger management, resentfulness, hostility, or aggression.
Looks like netizens have a point for their concern about the couple’s kids. Some also shared similar experiences of parenting disagreements with their mothers-in-law, but they claimed that they could never deprive their kids of bonding with a grandparent. Others advised the poster to let her daughter-in-law calm down and then try to resolve things with her.
This sounds quite helpful and even we believe that the poster could resolve the issues with healthy communication. What would you do in her situation? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Many folks felt that the couple had extremely rigid rules and sided with the grandma, while some felt that she was wrong to break their rules
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What do you think ?
greenideas 4 days ago
Maybe it's because I'm not a parent, but I'm not seeing the problem here. Grandma was banned because she - gasp - snuggled with grandson on a couch? Or stopped off at a cafe? If OP is a reliable narrator, then DIL sounds like an extremely strict parent: "adhere to the schedule or else...you get the guillotine!"
Child of the Stars 4 days ago
The problem with these AITAs is they're often fake or at least exaggerated. The less of an AH the OP comes across as, the more exaggerated it likely is. Alternatively, the more of an AH the OP is, the more I suspect the post is written by the supposed injured party-both (when they have a kernel of truth and aren't entirely fictional) are designed to throw one person under the bus by making the other look like some kind of angel.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 4 days ago
DIL is a controlling person. It's not about this one Infraction, it's that she can't control the reaction of OP, and is probably jealous the ki went to her and not his mom. DiL was spoiling for a fight and OP just said, I'll do it your way in the future, I'm learning. Sounds like DIL has been waiting for an excuse and found one. I don't think there's much that can be done, just go with whatever son and wife ask and roll with it as best you can. If you want access to the kids, they have all the leverage. Unfortunate situation. Clearly the kid wanted a cuddle or he would have gone to his parents. Hopefully things improve after some space.
Surly Scot 4 days ago
I honestly don't understand what the problem even is....the kid got cuddled while sleeping? Good god, the grandma is practically Gary Glitter! Call the police! Mom and dad sound like a bundle of joy to be around, poor kid. Kid's just learning he can't go to his parents for affection. Sounds like more modern limp-wristed parenting.
Helena 4 days ago
Good god let people love your children. If they are not putting them in actual danger, for the love of pete let people love your children. If you both die your children are screwed, there will be no one in their corner. No other bonds in their life. Get the hell over yourselves and let people love your kid. Speaking as the kid raised by this kind of mom, who then died, let people love your frickin kid.
Papa 3 days ago (edited)
I have three grandchildren. While there are some things that their parents are doing that I don't necessarily agree with, I don't offer any unsolicited advice, and I follow their rules (of course if actual harm was involved this would not be true). Now that I have that out of the way, from the information we have I don't see where OP did anything wrong. I know we could speculate that OP isn't telling the whole story, but that's almost always the case with these stories.
TribbleThinking 3 days ago (edited)
Yes, I get the impression that there's some disingenuous omission of key facts here. The son's curtness with his mother smacks of a bedroom conversation of "she's found another bit of wriggle room round the boundaries again. She's your mum, you deal with her". The professed utter bewilderment of the OP is the giveaway - there is no way after many years she would be so very puzzled about what the parents want unless there is at least a degree willful incomprehension.
Load More Replies... Andy 4 days ago
I would have felt more sympathy for her if it wasn't for the the very end of her post. The statement that she is an adult who raised 4 children, but in a different style so she is not always aware what they would want her to do is a reasonable position to have. However it should have been followed by "so have some patience with me when you think I am doing something wrong, and help me understand what you would have done". But instead sounds like she suggested she should just be let to do what she wants anyway. Raising 2 small children is stressful, and if the way they have found works best for them is to have set routines, she should respect that regardless of if it's how she would do it.
V 4 days ago
I honestly could not pass judgement on this one as I feel like we would get a completely different story from DIL and probably a different story from the son as well and the truth will be somewhere in the middle. ESH is probably the answer, but not enough information to say.
Load More Replies...
sweet emotion 2 days ago
I wonder if the daughter in law will still have that huge stick up her a$$ when her little darlings have a rigid schedule of their own that she doesn't fit into, can't be bothered to remember her on Mother's Day, and keep her far far away from their own children
Red_panda 3 days ago
I'm a parent, and I co-sleep. Here's the thing, until 2000 years ago the child that did NOT sleep with their parents was eaten by the lion. The "monster under the bed" trope actually symbolizes a very real very instinctual fear that our children have to not being protected by their trusted adult when they are at their most vulnerable (sleeping). 2000 years might seem like a long time, but in the course of evolution it's not. And 2000 years is not going to change millions of years of evolutionary instincts. Not to mention, it's only been about 500 years when children were moved into their own bed/room. Before then there was one bed, that the entire family slept in.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 days ago
Their children, their rules. This is at least the 3rd time she's broken them. If she wants contact, she needs to apologize and then follow them scrupulously.
Tyke 4 days ago (edited)
So what should she have done when her Grandchild came to her in the middle of the night? She's not a Jedi, how does she know what the DIL would have done? Her "breaking the rules" seems to be when she has to think for herself. As i said, she's not a mind-reader so unless DIL and son write an extensive list of what to do in every conceivable situation plus more, she's never going to get it right. And DIL and Son are going to be shocked to sh!t if they put that kid in daycare or school - they'll have to loosen up a bit then.
Load More Replies... greenideas 4 days ago
Maybe it's because I'm not a parent, but I'm not seeing the problem here. Grandma was banned because she - gasp - snuggled with grandson on a couch? Or stopped off at a cafe? If OP is a reliable narrator, then DIL sounds like an extremely strict parent: "adhere to the schedule or else...you get the guillotine!"
Child of the Stars 4 days ago
The problem with these AITAs is they're often fake or at least exaggerated. The less of an AH the OP comes across as, the more exaggerated it likely is. Alternatively, the more of an AH the OP is, the more I suspect the post is written by the supposed injured party-both (when they have a kernel of truth and aren't entirely fictional) are designed to throw one person under the bus by making the other look like some kind of angel.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 4 days ago
DIL is a controlling person. It's not about this one Infraction, it's that she can't control the reaction of OP, and is probably jealous the ki went to her and not his mom. DiL was spoiling for a fight and OP just said, I'll do it your way in the future, I'm learning. Sounds like DIL has been waiting for an excuse and found one. I don't think there's much that can be done, just go with whatever son and wife ask and roll with it as best you can. If you want access to the kids, they have all the leverage. Unfortunate situation. Clearly the kid wanted a cuddle or he would have gone to his parents. Hopefully things improve after some space.
Surly Scot 4 days ago
I honestly don't understand what the problem even is....the kid got cuddled while sleeping? Good god, the grandma is practically Gary Glitter! Call the police! Mom and dad sound like a bundle of joy to be around, poor kid. Kid's just learning he can't go to his parents for affection. Sounds like more modern limp-wristed parenting.
Helena 4 days ago
Good god let people love your children. If they are not putting them in actual danger, for the love of pete let people love your children. If you both die your children are screwed, there will be no one in their corner. No other bonds in their life. Get the hell over yourselves and let people love your kid. Speaking as the kid raised by this kind of mom, who then died, let people love your frickin kid.
Papa 3 days ago (edited)
I have three grandchildren. While there are some things that their parents are doing that I don't necessarily agree with, I don't offer any unsolicited advice, and I follow their rules (of course if actual harm was involved this would not be true). Now that I have that out of the way, from the information we have I don't see where OP did anything wrong. I know we could speculate that OP isn't telling the whole story, but that's almost always the case with these stories.
TribbleThinking 3 days ago (edited)
Yes, I get the impression that there's some disingenuous omission of key facts here. The son's curtness with his mother smacks of a bedroom conversation of "she's found another bit of wriggle room round the boundaries again. She's your mum, you deal with her". The professed utter bewilderment of the OP is the giveaway - there is no way after many years she would be so very puzzled about what the parents want unless there is at least a degree willful incomprehension.
Load More Replies... Andy 4 days ago
I would have felt more sympathy for her if it wasn't for the the very end of her post. The statement that she is an adult who raised 4 children, but in a different style so she is not always aware what they would want her to do is a reasonable position to have. However it should have been followed by "so have some patience with me when you think I am doing something wrong, and help me understand what you would have done". But instead sounds like she suggested she should just be let to do what she wants anyway. Raising 2 small children is stressful, and if the way they have found works best for them is to have set routines, she should respect that regardless of if it's how she would do it.
V 4 days ago
I honestly could not pass judgement on this one as I feel like we would get a completely different story from DIL and probably a different story from the son as well and the truth will be somewhere in the middle. ESH is probably the answer, but not enough information to say.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 2 days ago
I wonder if the daughter in law will still have that huge stick up her a$$ when her little darlings have a rigid schedule of their own that she doesn't fit into, can't be bothered to remember her on Mother's Day, and keep her far far away from their own children
Red_panda 3 days ago
I'm a parent, and I co-sleep. Here's the thing, until 2000 years ago the child that did NOT sleep with their parents was eaten by the lion. The "monster under the bed" trope actually symbolizes a very real very instinctual fear that our children have to not being protected by their trusted adult when they are at their most vulnerable (sleeping). 2000 years might seem like a long time, but in the course of evolution it's not. And 2000 years is not going to change millions of years of evolutionary instincts. Not to mention, it's only been about 500 years when children were moved into their own bed/room. Before then there was one bed, that the entire family slept in.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 days ago
Their children, their rules. This is at least the 3rd time she's broken them. If she wants contact, she needs to apologize and then follow them scrupulously.
Tyke 4 days ago (edited)
So what should she have done when her Grandchild came to her in the middle of the night? She's not a Jedi, how does she know what the DIL would have done? Her "breaking the rules" seems to be when she has to think for herself. As i said, she's not a mind-reader so unless DIL and son write an extensive list of what to do in every conceivable situation plus more, she's never going to get it right. And DIL and Son are going to be shocked to sh!t if they put that kid in daycare or school - they'll have to loosen up a bit then.
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