I'm sorry, but even with a "safe" adult, if the child does not want to be hugged or kissed, the child shouldn't get hugged or kissed. Pretty sure the saying is "no means no" not "no means no unless you're immediate family then no doesn't mean anything and you are allowed to do whatever you want"

I hated being hugged or kissed by anyone when I didn't want it. My earliest memories are hiding behind Mom to avoid it. I've watched my grandson (5yo) since he was 18 months old. Sometimes he's fuzzy and wants hugs and kisses. Sometimes he's not. My husband always tries to force a hug. I taught gs that if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. It's his choice. Both husband and I get plenty of hugs from him, voluntarily.

I would be wary of leaving a child with anyone who wanted to kiss someone who didn't want to kiss them back. She is using hugs and kisses to make sure the child knows she has no power and can't challenge grandma, and then she's going out of her way to prove the same point to OP. It's insidious, that power play will shine through in other aspects, and It's only going to be more of a problem as the kid ages. The child will get bullied into being ashamed of her likes and dislikes, she'll lose confidence. Find another solution for child care. Teach your child no means no and that you'll always have her back.

My nephew didn't wan't hugs from he was 3... I stopped. We have grown SO CLOSE because I stopped. Today... 20 years later he lives with me while he studies... To teach children that it's okay not to wan't hugs etc. iIS VERY IMPORTANT. Ask for consent!!

Grandma's unwelcome affection is exactly why teaching a child to say NO is important. I wish Grandma knew that if she had just said 'Okay, maybe next time,' the empowered child would probably have jumped into her arms.

“Your mum is a ‘safe’ adult”… most abuse is done by people the victim should have been able to trust. A “safe” person is one who respects boundaries, regardless of their relationship to you.

It happened to me. I am visiting my son and his family. "give grandma a hug" says daughter in law. "No," say three year old grand daughter. "Good for you kiddo," I said, "you're setting boundaries." We eventually settled on fist bumps.

So basically anyone in my family is a safe adult ... except that one that actually wasn't? Because he did what grandma was doing and it's not different because of gender. If you don't want to be kissed or cuddled, it's considered a form of assault to force it on you. Grandma needs to respect boundaries.

Look at all the perverted sickos voting YTA because someone won’t let an adult kiss a child. The projection of desire is astounding. Truly sick individuals

People like this really make me angry. If a kid says no to this, for gods sake please respect the kid's wishes.

I’m a grandma and I’m leaving it to my grandkids to dictate what they want in the way of hugs etc. Their wishes come first. We can go with a fist bump or a high five if they prefer, or just a verbal hello or goodbye. I won’t be traumatised if a child isn’t receptive to a hug. Anyone who takes that to heart needs to learn to suck it up and get over themselves. And if that means therapy for the adult then so be it.

I'm a married woman and never liked overbearing hugs and kisses as a child. Still feel this way and I'm in my 60s. I wish I could have fended off smoochy relatives. Of course your daughter can say "no, thank you!"

What the hell is wrong with consent-hating, pedophile-enabling "Dee R" and others like her who think children's bodies belong to them and kids are only allowed ("maybe") to say no to "extended family and friends but not immediate family."

I understand wanting kisses and cuddles as a new aunt. But this is about boundaries. If they aren’t respected, she’s gonna have a hard time setting and enforcing them later life.

This is all relatively a new concept, i.e., teaching a child that their body autonomy is up to them and as a 72 y.o. male with a 34 y.o. daughter, I LOVE it. If we're ever going to escape out cultural bonds we have to do things like this.

NTA. I (44M) am child free, but when I visit a nephew, he has a lot of cousins I am not related to, I'm always surprised their parents tell them to hug everyone goodbye, and I am super uncomfortable hugging these kids I barely know, who look like they don't want to hug me either but are doing it anyways because they are told to. I with their parents would have this talk with them. It is the only thing I am dreading about visiting my sister for my nephew's birthday party next weekend, and will try to get out of hugging them goodbye.

A child should NEVER be forced to accept hugs or kisses from anyone. I don't care if they are family. They have the right to choose. NO MEANS NO! It isn't just random strangers that are known as child predators. Sometimes family are predators as well. A child in our old building was being molested by her uncle and he was family. Just because you are related doesn't mean that an adult has the right to do whatever ever they want to a child. I don't want to hear that she doesn't know what she wants. SHE TOLD YOU NO! It's being forced on her by her Grandma anyway. Your child should have control over her body. This older generation needs to learn how to accept the times have changed and they need to learn to accept boundaries. NO is a complete answer. There's a price to pay for accepting child care from Grandma. Unfortunately your child is paying the price of having people giving her unwanted affection. This isn't my Generation ( Gen X) where us kids were forced to take unwanted hugs and kisses. Your kid has a say. By the way, I am a multiple SA survivor. ( Separate incidents different assaults) Protect your child.

Please respect your child and let Grandma know she'll be seeing less of her if she continues to force affection on her. I still remember visiting my grandparents as a small child, and being passed down to be hugged and kissed by all nine aunts and uncles. I was never hugged or kissed at home so this made me very uncomfortable, but if I pulled back someone would say, "Terrible girl, she doesn't love her family!" and force me right back in the line. Also, they always kissed on the lips and licked their lips first, so by the time they were done my face was covered with saliva. Don't ever make a child feel like an object to be passed around and forced to give affection to anyone, no matter how close that person is to the family.

How stupid to maintain that you have to accept forced affection from close family Leav is he kid super scared and confused when a close family member starts molesting them, and they think they HAVE to accept it?