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Grandma Fat-Shames Her 9YO Granddaughter, Gets Banned From Seeing Her, Drama Ensues
Having a relationship with grandparents is important in every child’s life. As long as it’s a healthy relationship. For example, if a grandmother fat-shames her granddaughter to the brink of tears, it doesn’t sound healthy, right?
Yes, that’s the example from today’s story. It’s told by a woman who was brought up by a fat-shaming mom, and while she thought her mom had changed her attitude, when her daughter came back crying after a weekend with her, she understood that she hadn’t. This put her in quite a pickle – she doesn’t want to subject her kids to such toxicity, but she also doesn’t want to be a jerk who bans them from seeing their grandma.
More info: Reddit
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Children having a relationship with their grandparents is important, as long as that relationship is healthy
Image credits: fxquadro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman who grew up with a fat-shaming mom fixed her relationship with her body and the mom after moving out
Image credits: Batuhan Alper Bilginer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Now, she has a daughter who adored her grandma until she started fat-shaming her to the verge of tears, and so she banned grandma from seeing the kids without a chaperone
Image credits: jcomp / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The grandma hated this new rule and tried switching blame, but in the end, it only made the situation worse
Image credits: Federal_Web3475
Now, the woman’s son wants to invite grandma to his birthday party, so the woman is wondering if she should let him or not, since she doesn’t want her mom around the kids
The OP, who currently is a 31-year-old woman, grew up with a fat-shaming mom. There can be various reasons why parents tend to fat-shame their children.
Sometimes a parent themselves is struggling with their body image and projects it onto others. This most commonly applies to women, as society often expects them to be of a certain body type. Here, this Buzzfeed video shows what kind of body types were considered “ideal” at different times. Yet, every woman being of the same body type is unrealistic. Thus, it makes those who don’t look like that self-conscious.
That, over time, can evolve into severe body image or even body dysmorphia problems. The latter is considered a mental health condition, where a person basically can’t stop thinking about their flaws, which are usually unnoticeable to others.
Even if a parent doesn’t have body dysmorphia, they still might be set on the idea that there’s only one correct way to look – the “ideal” body type. As the previously discussed video shows, in current times, thin bodies are idealized. So, those who aren’t as thin as these “ideals” tend to fat-shame themselves and/or others. Parents aren’t an exception to that.
Fat-shaming doesn’t motivate people to lose weight; it only makes them feel bad about themselves and damages their mental well-being. So, when children are living in an environment where they’re constantly shamed for their looks, they can grow up to have mental health and body issues.
The OP is a perfect example of this. She opened up that being raised by a mother who criticized her weight impacted her self-esteem. She also used to lose unhealthy amounts of weight to please her. Only leaving the house and extensive therapy helped her to develop a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and even her mom.
Nine years ago, the woman had a daughter, who she dubbed Mia in the story. She is lovely and adores her grandma. So, one weekend the girl and her younger brother spent the weekend with their grandparents. On the way home, the mom noticed that her daughter wasn’t as bubbly as she always was. That’s when Mia started bawling.
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik(not the actual photo)
Apparently, one afternoon the grandparents and siblings went for ice cream. The girl wanted 2 scoops, but grandma didn’t let her, saying she was fat and needed to lose weight or else nobody would find her attractive. Mind you, the girl is only 9 years old! Plus, she’s not even overweight and has a very healthy body for her age.
This made the OP livid. She suffered her whole childhood with fat-shaming and she doesn’t want her daughter to experience that. So, she called her mom and scolded her for such behavior. She also informed her that from then on she was not allowed to see her daughter without a chaperone.
The grandma didn’t like this and said that her daughter was overreacting, because the granddaughter was exaggerating. Then, she tried switching the blame, saying the girl must have picked up these thoughts in a dance class or that the mom was projecting them onto her.
The OP talked with her daughter to make sure what her mother said wasn’t true – and it wasn’t. With this conversation, the woman also learned that the ice cream incident wasn’t even the first of this kind. The grandma told Mia to not tell the author anything because she’s fat and the girl shouldn’t want to be like her.
After hearing such awful words, the original poster called her mom again, who then called her fat straightforwardly. Now, the woman is at a crossroads – her son’s birthday is coming up and he wants his grandma there, but she doesn’t want her to be around her kids just yet. So, she came online to ask if that made her a jerk.
Folks online assured her it doesn’t. They agreed with her that she needs to protect her children from people who can do lasting damage to their self-esteem. After all, the girl is already distraught and a proper grandparent shouldn’t want to make her even more miserable. The OP has suffered enough and she’s cutting off this never-ending circle of body image problems.
Since there’s no update, we aren’t sure what the woman ended up doing – inviting her mom to her son’s party or not. If she did, let’s hope she didn’t have a chance to spread her fat-shaming ideals. And if she didn’t, well, maybe it’s for the best since, as many people online noted and even the OP’s history showed, getting distance from a person like that can be healing.
Folks online said she wouldn’t be a jerk if she didn’t invite her mom – getting distance from such a toxic person can be healing in the long run, as her own history shows
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What do you think ?
Sunny Day 2 months ago
Any adult who encourages kids "don't tell mom" should not have unsupervised visits. OP needs to sit her mom down and explain how her "truthful" comments drove OP to an eating disorder.
Lantana Howell 2 months ago
I truly hope that you will go no contact with your mother. She is a vile human being and will destroy your daughter's self worth if they continue to spend time together. Your mother is unapologetic and will likely never change.
Bgray450 2 months ago
My father fat-shamed me growing up, albeit he was trying to be helpful because he grew up chubby. I'd get lectured every night at dinner about how nobody would want to date me in college. I was like, 10 years old. Luckily he worked out of town a lot. Fast forward to my oldest son, who was a chubby kid. He's also handsome, sweet, and Einstein-smart. We'd go to the parents' house and they started saying things like "Ray, have you lost weight? You look good!" I took them aside and told them they were NOT allowed to focus on his weight. I told them to compliment him on his hair or his grades or anything but his weight, because the world was already judging him and affecting his self-esteem. I said I wanted home to be a safe place for his feelings. Luckily they cooperated, and honestly they seemed taken aback by my ferocity. But I explained why I came to that decision.
SkyBlueandBlack 2 months ago
"You don't sweat much for a fat girl" - my mom is 71 and still remembers her stepdad saying this to her when she was about 100 pounds in her teens.
Load More Replies... Sunny Day 2 months ago
Any adult who encourages kids "don't tell mom" should not have unsupervised visits. OP needs to sit her mom down and explain how her "truthful" comments drove OP to an eating disorder.
Lantana Howell 2 months ago
I truly hope that you will go no contact with your mother. She is a vile human being and will destroy your daughter's self worth if they continue to spend time together. Your mother is unapologetic and will likely never change.
Bgray450 2 months ago
My father fat-shamed me growing up, albeit he was trying to be helpful because he grew up chubby. I'd get lectured every night at dinner about how nobody would want to date me in college. I was like, 10 years old. Luckily he worked out of town a lot. Fast forward to my oldest son, who was a chubby kid. He's also handsome, sweet, and Einstein-smart. We'd go to the parents' house and they started saying things like "Ray, have you lost weight? You look good!" I took them aside and told them they were NOT allowed to focus on his weight. I told them to compliment him on his hair or his grades or anything but his weight, because the world was already judging him and affecting his self-esteem. I said I wanted home to be a safe place for his feelings. Luckily they cooperated, and honestly they seemed taken aback by my ferocity. But I explained why I came to that decision.
SkyBlueandBlack 2 months ago
"You don't sweat much for a fat girl" - my mom is 71 and still remembers her stepdad saying this to her when she was about 100 pounds in her teens.
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