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Many say actions speak louder than words, which is why telling people you can do something is not equal to actually doing it. That’s also why sometimes, when an individual does something, said action can speak a thousand words on their character or upbringing, either good or bad.

Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ subreddit recently discussed signs that show that a person was raised right. From cleaning up after themselves to being polite to service workers, and beyond, their actions usually speak for themselves, so if you’re curious what people perceive as signs of good upbringing, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.

Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a licensed clinical psychologist, professor at the California School of Professional Psychology, and author of Teaching Kids to Think, Dr. Ronald Stolberg, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on how to instill good manners in children.

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#1

30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Nothing. Sometimes the best people are good people not because their parents raised them that way, but because they used their parents as an example of how NOT to act.

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    #2

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing One time, I drunk dialed my ex and I called the wrong number. It was this sweet old guy and we talked for an hour about how I shouldn’t call my ex and that I deserve better and how I just need to go to sleep and rest. I have no clue who this man is but I think about him often. He was a great human!

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love it when a good human shows up at just the right moment.

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    #3

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing How they treat animals and people who are vulnerable.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup. I don't trust ppl who don't like animals n I don't like ppl who don't atleast respect them.

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    Discussing the importance of parents teaching their child good manners, Dr. Ronald Stolberg emphasized that it’s extremely important to do that, but not for the reason you might think.

    “Children who know what the expectations are for their behavior display less anxiety, are more confident, and can act naturally because they know what the expectations are for their behavior,” he explained. “Less anxiety and more confidence is something we all want for our kids.”

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    #4

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing I was working at a grocery store gas station in Arizona during the height of the pandemic. One summer night, a customer came in and pointed out an elderly man sitting in a wheelchair near the back of the building.

    Long story short, it is obvious that he was dumped there. He was far away from the assisted living facility where he was staying, had no idea where he was, and given the fact that it was 110 degrees, it was lucky that he was alive.

    That lady who alerted us to him? She stayed the entire time, helped figure out where he was from (he didn't speak much English), and even called her kids to say "mom's not gonna be home for awhile." She finally left after he'd been loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital almost 2 hours later.

    Whomever had dropped him off? Worst of humanity. This woman? She was raised right.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just when you lost faith in humanity, you hear another story to back it up!

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    #5

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing When they can win a game and lose a game both without turning into a f*****g a*****e.

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    3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    please higher up, but according to my first hand experience it is mostly men who can't handle loosing... They startto shout like they'd be m*****d or starts being toxic like how lame is the other player in their teams and delete the game and etc... I experience this on daily basis. (Mostly its exactly their faults).

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    “Parents need to teach by example,” the expert continued. “Lots of research going back to Albert Bandura proves that our children are active observers and that they learn a lot more by watching and observing than they do through a lecture.

    “The best outcome is when parents model the expected behavior, and when they observe concerning deviations, they have a calm conversation with their child and reinforce the desired manners. Then, the best way to get the desired behavior to become permanent is to reward the desired manners. Rewards can be praise, acknowledgement, or even a fun dessert or treat. Model behavior you want to see, then when you observe it happening organically, reward it,” Prof. Stolberg advised.
    #6

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Nothing on their phone is ever played out loud in a public space.

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    #7

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing I was back in my hometown riding the city bus, two middle school boys got on the bus and sat in the priority seating. After a little while the bus started filling, at one stop an elderly lady got on with a walker and a shopping bag. The two boys popped up to give her the seat and helped her with her things.
    It may seem like a common thing, but I can guarantee it won't happen in my current city.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not common and clearly those boys are being raised right!

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    #8

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing I'm a high school teacher. When it comes to getting kids into pairs of groups there's always a bit of awkward tension. There's always a few kids who don't have any friends and then I have to put them in a group and risk a negative reaction which makes everyone uncomfortable. When students notice, without me saying anything, who the kids are without friends and immediately go over and ask to be their partner or invite to join their group.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh. I AWAYS got picked last unless it was teams for basketball because I was the longest girl .

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    “The best way to help your child develop good manners is for them to know explicitly what is expected of them,” Dr. Stolberg emphasized. “Not every family will think the same behaviors are important, so parents need to be clear what is expected in their family. I like to call these 'family rules'. Not every family will have the same rules, but a child that knows exactly what is expected in terms of their behavior is more likely to display the desired manners and behavior.”
    #9

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Throwing away their fast food rubbish at a shopping center food court. I have distanced myself from someone because they said "that's the cleaner's job" no. The cleaner's job is to wipe the tables down, it's not a sit in restaurant, throw your damn rubbish out.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Be mindful of the work you leave for others. --John Hodgman, Judge John Hodgman Settled Law #9

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    #10

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They admit when they're wrong.

    lingua_frankly , Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My father would never admit when he was wrong, which is partly why I do. Nothing to do with being "raised right".

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    #11

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They are polite to minimum wage workers.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You mean : they are polite. (it is not okay to be unpolite to non-minimum wage workers, elderly, or anyone else for that matter).

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    In an interview with Bored Panda, the expert noted that, when it comes to raising children, it’s difficult to determine what’s ‘right’. “Remember that there are significant cultural differences when it comes to things like making eye contact, shaking hands, speaking without being spoken to, and so on,” he said.

    “Therefore, I think a child that is kind, considerate, and positive when talking about others was probably raised 'right' regardless of some of the other markers that we might associate with good manners, like making eye contact when speaking to you.”
    #12

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Keeping trash in their pockets until they get to a trash can.

    Kunfuzzle_Weed , Cup of Couple / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    chrisdomres avatar
    keyboardtek
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife comes back from every walk carrying a lot of trash. Living in a rural small town near the mountains one would think the people here have a greater respect for the environment, but nope, they still litter.

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    #13

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing I'll brag. My son was a waiter at a popular spot. A tourist paid with cash, left no tip. My son noticed the bill was stuck with another of the same value (like when they come out of the ATM) so it was obviously not a tip. He went out and ran after the man to give him the money back. His coworkers asked why he didn't keep it. He said simply "it wasn't mine". Love that kid.

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    endragon07 avatar
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Being kind even when you’re at a loss to do so…that takes some serious willpower

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    #14

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing If they give you a ride somewhere and when dropping you off…watch to make sure you get in the door ok…they were raised right.

    igy582 , Tim Samuel / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When we (my group of friends, roughly the same age) started dating that was the advice of someone's older sister - if the date dropping you off doesn't wait until you're safe inside before going on their way, it's not worth a second date

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    According to Dr. Stolberg, parents should do the best that they can to be good role models for the behavior they are looking for from their children. “It is also important to remember that nobody is perfect all the time. If parents can model that they sometimes struggle with their own manners it will help them be better teachers and be more patient while their children learn what is expected of them.

    “Clear expectations, good modeling, reinforcing the desired behavior, and patience are required to teach kids good manners,” the expert summed up.
    #15

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They’re respectful to those with language barriers.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why are so many of these topics so oddly specific? To be polite to .... To be respectful to... how the treat peolpe and/ or animals that.....Let me fix that : When they are polite and respectful. How they treat others and animals - there - easy as that.

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    #16

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing How people treat other people who:
    * Cannot possibly give them anything
    * Are serving them

    Also what they do when no one is looking, or when it would be unlikely they saw any consequences. (i.e. on anonymous forums on the Internet) 😂.

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    Julian
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had this discussion with my husband many times. We run a car repair shop and a clothing store. I currently run the store and he, the repair shop. How customers treat us is VERY different! Him they need, because their beloved car needs fixing and thus they are extremely polite. Me on the other hand, only provide material things that are not really needed so treating me like a bag of dog poo, or tossing things areound the store like there's no tomorrow, is par for the course. We both serve people but apparently we are not equally worth as humans.

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    #17

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing A year after my mom died, in a moment of despair, I texted her a long message about how much I missed her and how sorry I was that we struggled to see eye to eye in her last months. I was distraught and wasn’t thinking clearly; it didn’t occur to me that her number may have been recycled. The new “owner” of her phone number texted me back and said something like, “Hey, you’ve got the wrong number, but I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mom. I’m sure she loved you and is watching over you”. I lost it. Good humans exist.

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    #18

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing I’m in my 30s and moved my dad up to where I live a few years ago. I came home from work one day and it was pouring rain. My dad had been waiting on the porch with an umbrella to walk me from my car so I would not get wet.

    juliefryy , Craig Whitehead / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    #19

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Offering to help with tasks as a guest at someone's house. A friend of my wife consistently offers to help prepare food and clean after I cook dinner. Fabulous dude with excellent parents.

    Jerome2232 , Sarah Chai / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother raised me to always help and clean and cook and whatever when at someone else's house. I questioned her once and she said to me that just because we are guests doesn't mean they are servants. It's just good manners to show appreciation and help out! So I always have, it's just a natural thing for me now....

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    #20

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing The ones that pay attention to the overlooked people in a group and include them in the conversation too instead of treating them like a background character.

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    woodworm avatar
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is done with good intentions, but we introverts would rather you didn't - some people don't want to join in with the group.

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    #21

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They make their kids clean up all the toys they get out when they come to my house!

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    #22

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They don’t expect something in return.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother told me "Never feel entitled to gratitude. And that's not the point, anyway."

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    #23

    My senior year in high school (96), my church youth group (which was run by probably the greatest history teacher ever) took a trip to DC. Man did we have a good time. Anyway, we were taking the Metro and I was sitting in a seat. At a stop people got on. One was a lady probably in her mid 50's. I stood up and offered her my seat. She thanked me and sat down. She look at me and said "You aren't from around here, are you?" I looked at Mr. Thompson and said, "No ma'am. We are from Alabama." I don't think I had ever seen him look that proud about anything. I bet I heard him tell that story 3 times while we were on that trip. I've never felt so good about doing the right thing. Here in Alabama, that is just something we are taught. I know, tooting my own horn, but I think that qualifies. Him being so proud of me is one of my all-time fondest memories.

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    #24

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Fill the tank when they borrow a car.

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    #25

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing When they wait for you to get in the house/building before they leave.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought you let people exit before entering, no? According to the etiquette.

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    #26

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing When they don’t talk badly about someone’s physical appearance.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never understood this, other than it being a sign of their own insecurities.

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    #27

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing When they’re at your house for dinner and they offer to help with the dishes.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You dont offer, you do. If you offer, people will decline even if they want the help, since you are a guest. So you have to deside if you want to be seen as a guest, or a friend.

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    #28

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing In a meeting, some of my kid’s (middle school) teachers told me that he thanks them as he exits class each day. That made me proud even though I’m not the one who directly taught him that.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How times have changed. We did that after every class, en mass!

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    #29

    I bartend and worked in restaurants forever. When the ONE person in a group/party can help sort out tabs when everyone is lit, offer to help pay whatever is left, communicate appetizers properly, be kind in the midst of the chaos. Absolute gems.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I ran pubs (bars for our American friends), whenever we had a staff night out one person was the nominated sober person. They didn't have to pay for their soft drinks or food and got free food on the next outing. Their only job was to make sure that we were welcome back!

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    #30

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Knowing when to be kind and knowing when to be firm.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s possible to be kind AND firm at the same time.

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    #31

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing If they wait to keep the door open so other people can pass! (Restaurants, Gas Stations, Stores)

    Let me tell you that in my city the majority of the people don't do this or even say thank you 💀.

    RareSpring , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    jacquihowe avatar
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is one of the most simple things to do and I always thank anyone who does this for me. Courtesy is so easy.

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    #32

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing When a person you don't know willingly comes up to you when you're crying and tells you that everything will be okay and lets you talk.

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    #33

    When in a social setting, they don't punch down when trying to be funny. Also, self deprecating humor can tell you a lot about a person.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup, don't take the p.i.s.s out of anyone if you can't take the p.i.s.s out of yourself first.

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    #34

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They don't talk during the show at the movies or at plays.

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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or at any other public performance. I hate when someone has to critique the performance scene by scene.

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    #35

    How someone handles making amends if they’ve caused harm. A lot of people wallow in shame when they’ve found out their actions caused pain. People who were raised right can sit in that discomfort, make the apology, and then hold themselves accountable.

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    #36

    When you bring up a boundary of yours, and they genuinely listen. They don’t argue or try to push back, even after the conversation is over.

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    dariazotova avatar
    Daria
    Daria
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or openly setting boundaries themselves without acting passively aggressive about it.

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    #37

    The ability to show empathy, respect, and kindness towards others, regardless of their background or circumstances. They are often polite, considerate, and willing to lend a helping hand when needed. They also exhibit strong moral values and integrity in their actions and decisions.

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    jacquihowe avatar
    Spencer's slave no longer
    Spencer's slave no longer
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It really isn't that hard to be a decent human being. What's truly sad is that we now categorise decency as being an extraordinary attribute that requires notice and praise.

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    #38

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They are ok with giving someone else the spotlight.

    AsparagusLarge6105 , wilfried Vowoto / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    kirstin-peter avatar
    Shark Lady
    Shark Lady
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm more than happy for everyone else to have the spotlight.

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    #39

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They give respect to people they both know and don't know rather demanding everyone earn that common decency from them.

    Rude-Consideration64 , Alexis Brown / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    deray_1979 avatar
    DE Ray
    DE Ray
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People who demand you earn their respect have none to give.

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    #40

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing Specifically in men: someone who acts like the designated dad of every situation, making sure everyone’s alright and settled. Makes things less stressful and more enjoyable so no one else has to worry but him.

    Either means they were raised very right, or that they were raised by very flighty parents and they had to raise themselves….

    crabstellium , Diva Plavalaguna / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    jacquihowe avatar
    Spencer's slave no longer
    Spencer's slave no longer
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    3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes boys are raised to be decent, caring men without them giving a fat rat's bum about anyone else's opinion or ideas about what "real men" are.

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    #41

    I was at the DMV getting my license renewed and this elderly man was talking to an agent about how he needed an uber. I guess someone called him a uber to get to the DMV but he had no idea how to do it himself. I don't use uber but my understanding is you have to have the app to get a ride. A very pretty lady next to me overheard this and offered to give the man a ride home after she finished up at the DMV. The man asked her where she lived and when she replied he said thats the opposite direction a good 20 mins out of your way.. The pretty lady simply said that's ok I just want you to make it home..

    The elderly man also had a strong odor of poop. Like he may have had an accident. I simply looked at the pretty lady and said damn you are nice.. WAYYY nicer then me..

    This was years ago and I still think about how pretty that lady is and how pretty her soul is.

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    #42

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They fold the blankets or make the bed after sleeping over. Respectful of boundaries.

    Adventurous_Page4969 , Kenny Eliason / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    impossiblekat avatar
    KatSaidWhat
    KatSaidWhat
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I even do this in hotels. Mind you I did a fair stint at boarding school.

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    #43

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing They stand up to shake hands.

    Unhappy-Area1321 , fauxels / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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    patriciakersting avatar
    PattyK
    PattyK
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    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure about this one. If the client stands up because he or she is on the way out, does the vendor have to stand up too?

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    #44

    Men that are mindful of women’s fear when alone and keep a respectful distance if they are in a situation where there are not many bystanders around.

    sociopathicsapiophil Report

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    lgvella9 avatar
    Lynette Vella
    Lynette Vella
    Community Member
    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband was amazed when I told him this fear is what girls grow up with, and that it never leaves them for the rest of their lives. He couldn't imagine living like this. He's a really loud extrovert, but he was silent for a long time after I told him this.

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    #45

    Walking tiptoe on a wet floor when they pass the person mopping it. being respectful and nice to servers.

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    arthurwaite avatar
    Arthur Waite
    Arthur Waite
    Community Member
    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always feel embarrassed when I walk across a floor being mopped. I'll 'walk lightly', and pass the mopper with an apologetic look. Sometimes, I get a laugh back, sometimes a grumble. At least I showed them I tried. . .

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    #46

    I met this girl in my second semester college biology class (lab partner) and she would always ask me how I was doing with a clear genuine sincerity, and seemed to genuinely care about everyone she interacted with. It’s a very small detail, but it is something that is often not done and it is nice to know that I’ve always got someone to fall back to if i’m having a tough time, and i’m glad to call her one of my closest friends now.

    Rakhca Report

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    josephdixon avatar
    Joseph Dixon
    Joseph Dixon
    Community Member
    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Usually people ask how you're doing and the last thing they want is a real answer. So you have to say, "Great and you?!?"

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    #47

    30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing (Especially a dude) who can cook. It erases at least four red flags.

    countcarlovonsexron , Jason Briscoe / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    luke-branwen avatar
    Luke Branwen
    Luke Branwen
    Community Member
    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Picked up cooking a while ago, like doing it, and it allegedly also tastes good. And I'm the clumsiest, most impractical dude you can possibly imagine, so other men have no excuse ✌️

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