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Imagine you are locked in some verbal fireworks with someone, and all eyes are on you, waiting eagerly for your next move. Just as the tempo rises, the verbal smackdown fizzles out — all because you couldn’t think of some good roasts on the spot!

We’ve all been there. The frustration of not being able to deliver funny burns and comebacks to win the duel can last for days. Until you wake up in the middle of the night and have a sudden epiphany. Your brain finally delivers the best funny roasts you could have used in that situation. Alas, now there is no one to hear your savage comeback quotes.

Roasting is an art — it’s a verbal battle where a sharp tongue and a quick wit are your weapons. It requires wit, timing, and a touch of audacity. However, not everyone is blessed with the fiery tongue or the unfiltered personality of Gordon Ramsay. He seems to have a formidable arsenal of stunning comebacks that can render anyone speechless. Now you must be thinking, “What are some good comebacks that I can use when stuck in similar situations?” Don’t stress. If you can’t innovate, then simply imitate. We’ve collected a ton of fiery roasts that you can use in any situation. In this guide, we’ll equip you with awesome roasts and savage comeback quotes that will leave your opponents gasping. You’ll own the room with these good roasts and epic comebacks.

Whether you wish to use a clever pun or a well-timed one-liner, we’ve got you covered! This list will give you good roasts that play with words and comebacks that will demolish your rivals with style (as long as it’s all good, clean fun). So get ready to level up your banter game and become the reigning champion of good roasts.

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#1

Text on pink background with a witty roast about intelligence. “You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”

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#2

"It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick."

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#3

"Whatever doesn’t kill you, disappoints me."

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#4

Text on pink background: "Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?" "Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?"

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#5

"Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?"

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#6

"When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical 'your mom' response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died. Without missing a beat, the teacher said 'leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.'"

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#7

"When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?"

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#8

Text on mint green background: "I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you." Good roast quote. ''I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.''

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#9

"If you were a spice, you'd be flour."

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#10

"It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

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#11

Good roast about a software update on a beige background with a minimal design from Bored Panda. "You are like a software update. Every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”."

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#12

"Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice."

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#13

"It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence."

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#14

"Have a nice day… somewhere else."

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#15

Text on red background with a witty roast about intelligence. "I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people."

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#16

"Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?"

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#17

"Hurting you is the least thing I want to do… but it’s still in the list."

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#18

"I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you a time to understand what you just said."

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#19

"Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you are proving me wrong."

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#20

Pink background with text reading, "You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine," showcasing good roasts. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”

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April Caron
April Caron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandpa used to say this. He’d also say, “You’re about as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.”

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#21

Text on a green background reads: "There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist." "There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist."

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#22

"Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?"

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#23

"You deserve to be loved… from a distance."

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#24

“You look like you smell like hot dog water.”

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#25

"You look like you have an 800 page manifesto somewhere."

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#26

"You have such a beautiful face… but let’s put a bag over that personality."

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#27

Text on beige background reads: "Sorry, I can't think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand." "Sorry, I can’t think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand."

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Dylan Wild
Dylan Wild
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I should send this to my friend and hill say this to his brother who is a furry

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#28

"Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata."

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#29

"It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening."

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#30

Pink background with a funny roast about distance in a white border. "You are the sun in my life… now get 93 million miles away from me."

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#31

"I can’t wait to spend my whole life without you."

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Milady Blue
Milady Blue
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I said something similar to that at my high school graduation!

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#32

"I don’t hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five."

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#33

"If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?"

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#34

"I told my therapist about you; she didn’t believe me."

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#35

"I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution."

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#36

Text-based image with a clever roast about pre-annoyance from Bored Panda. "When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I’m just giving myself a head start."

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#37

Mint green image with white text showcasing a clever roast about ignoring repeated questions, from BoredPanda.com. "Let me tell you. If I don’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?"

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#38

"You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family."

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#39

Text on a beige background with a witty roast about styling hair to hide horns. "I like the way you comb your hair, so horns don’t show up."

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#40

"Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you… you are abusing that privilege."

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#41

"I am jealous of people who didn’t meet you."

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#42

Red background with a humorous roast text: "A glowstick has a brighter future than you." "A glowstick has a brighter future than you."

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#43

"It's because of people like you, that they still print instructions on shampoo bottles."

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#44

"If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you."

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#45

"Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it."

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HelluvaHedgehogAlien
HelluvaHedgehogAlien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah, go and apologize to every single plant, tree, bush and speck of algae in the ocean that had produced oxygen for you

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#46

"Earth is full. Go home."

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#47

"God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind."

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#48

"You look like you get beat up for a living."

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#49

"Where is your off button?"

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April Caron
April Caron
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tell my kinder babies this. “Push your off buttons!” It never fails! They always push their bellies and dramatically close their mouths. Best “get ‘em quiet quick” teaching hack ever!

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#50

"You look like somebody set you on fire and put you out with a chain."

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#51

A pink image with a witty roast about focusing on the future, labeled by Bored Panda. "Why do you spend all your time crying about your past? It's your future, or lack thereof, you should be upset about."

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#52

"You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn’t want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test."

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#53

"I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there."

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#54

Epic comeback text: "Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone," on a yellow background with Bored Panda logo. "Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone."

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#55

“You look like someone dropped a lollipop at the barber shop.”

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#56

"When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there."

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#57

Mint green background with bold roast quote about purpose promoting good roasts and epic comebacks. "Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor."

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#58

"When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list."

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Incompetent Pigeon
Incompetent Pigeon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idk about this one. They could just come back and say "we're the same age. What does that tell you?"

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#59

"I know I make stupid choices, but you’re the worst of all my choices."

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#60

Text graphic with a roast about a mother's use of a 2x4 and a doctor fixing it with a hammer. "You look like your mom beat you with a 2x4 and the doctor tried to fix it with a hammer."

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#61

“You couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag.”

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#62

"I'm the type of person to laugh at mistakes, so sorry if I laugh at your face."

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#63

"Don't feel bad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too!"

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#64

"Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot."

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#65

Green background with text: "Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it." "Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it."

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#66

"All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t."

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Jane Doe
Jane Doe
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh. This would be a good burn to an ex…”I don’t think of you as one of my mistakes, because a mistake is something I can fix.”

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#67

Text on yellow background with witty roast: "I don't want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon." "I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon."

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#68

"I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but here’s a participation award."

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#69

"When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time… and walk past."

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#70

"The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids."

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#71

Quote on a pink background with a witty roast about a mind's contents. "Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears."

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#72

"Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it."

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#73

"I think you just need a high five… in the face… with a chair."

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#74

"I know you don’t like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste."

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#75

"Ola soy Dora. Can you help me find where we asked?"

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#76

"You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring."

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#77

"You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily."

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#78

“You are so useless, you couldn’t pour water from a boot with instructions written on the bottom.”

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#79

"You're about as secure as Hillary's emails."

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#80

"I'm not trying to make fun of you, but you can't even count higher than number two."

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#81

"You can be anything you want… except good looking."

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#82

“Your face looks like it was on fire and someone put it out with a pitchfork.”

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#83

Text image with a roast about Wolverine's superpower being greasy skin. "They said I looked like if Wolverine's super power was greasy skin."

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Rodney McKay
Rodney McKay
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The grammar is so bad that it's difficult to understand the intended joke.

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#84

"Posted a picture of myself after I lost a lot of weight. Someone comments 'Bruno Mars has really let himself go.'

Someone else replies 'Bruno Mars Bars.'"

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#85

"Someone said that I had a face so boring that they had to stare at the white wall behind me for some amusement."

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#86

Text on a beige background: "Thanks for wearing graph paper so we can calculate the exact waste of space." “Thanks for wearing graph paper so we can calculate the exact waste of space.”

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Roy Briggs
Roy Briggs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a friend who used to say, I wouldn't p|ss in his butt if his guts was on fire.

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#87

"You should carry a plant with you everywhere you go. You know, to replace all the oxygen you waste."

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#88

"DAMN, I have seen hippos skinnier than you."

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¬_¬
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't funny, it just creates insecurities for people

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#89

Text quote image featuring a roast and epic comeback on a red background. “If I wanted some comeback I’d wipe it off your mom’s chin.”

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#90

Text on image with a roast comeback on a pink background from BoredPanda. "It's not my fault, it's everyone's opinion, I'm pretty cool, and you're just a minion."

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#91

"Roses are red, violets are blue, so many people are pretty, but what happened to you?"

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#92

"Remember, if anyone says you’re beautiful, it’s all lies."

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#93

"The good books say to make good friends, but I think I made a mistake."

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#94

Text on a teal background reads: "You do realize we tolerate you." Featuring good roasts and epic comebacks. "You do realize we tolerate you."

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#95

"I've seen more muscle tone from a seal."

"You look like if hepatitis C was a person."

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#96

"Congratulations. You've defied physics by being both skinny and fat."

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#97

"Congrats. Your computer is now, ah... well, I'd tell you how many times more than you it's worth, but that would require scientific notation."

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#98

Pink background with a humorous roast quote about dogs and flowers. "If I were a dog and you were a flower, I'd lift my leg up and give you a shower."

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#99

"A co-worker said, 'good enough for the girls I go out with!'

And I blurted out, 'yes, but I've seen the girls you go out with.'"

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#100

"You somehow manage to have a face that's equal parts flabby and pointed."

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#101

"Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't want to be mean, but you need Listerine."

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#102

Image of a funny roast quote on a green background. "You must have been an auctioneer in your past life and so you’ve spent this lifetime repenting for it."

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#103

"The jerk store called and they're running out of YOU."

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#104

"I’ve heard of the legend about a person whose mom made an oven roast with pieces of garlic in it."

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