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40 Best Comebacks to Leave Everyone Speechless Instantly

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You aren’t the only one who stages arguments in the shower with shampoo bottles as your imaginary audience. Maybe you’re replaying a quarrel from years ago and hoping to come up with good comebacks compared to the ones you had at the time.

However, not all of us are blessed with a wit as sharp as a whip. We need some assistance to beat someone in the battle of words. You’ve come to the right place for that because we have a list of great hand-picked comebacks to use on every topic under the sun.

You’ll never have to repeat the mistake of standing there speechless when someone disses you; instead, you’ll have savage comebacks ready for use! With these quips, there will be nothing left for the listener to do but keep walking! These examples are just the tip of the iceberg; you must memorize them to prepare for anything.

How Do You Give a Comeback?

A comeback is a quick response to some critical comment made by another person. If you are looking to give good comebacks in an argument, there are specific steps you need to follow to have the upper hand.

Be relaxed and avoid losing your temper. If you start getting angry, you will lose your nerves, and the other person will automatically have power over you.
Don’t exaggerate and say something outrageous. Stick to the facts and pick on the truth because that will be more powerful.
Speak clearly and avoid muttering or saying ‘um’ and ‘uh’ too much.
Have other funny comebacks ready so you aren’t left speechless after their response.
Use their words against them and make it a part of your following comebacks. For example, if they call you an idiot, you could say, ‘It takes one to know one.’

These simple steps can help you save face during an argument and win you the respect of your opponent.

Without further ado, check out these Shakespearean insults that’ll help you win and leave your opponent dumbfounded. Be sure to vote for the brutal comebacks you think might be helpful to you and share this article with your friends!

40 Good Roasts and Comebacks You Need to Try

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#1

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

441points

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#2

Somewhere out there, there’s a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe. I think you should go and apologize to it.

331points

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#3

I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.

310points

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#4

I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.

310points

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#5

Your family tree must be a cactus ‘cause you’re all a bunch of pricks.

299points

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#6

What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.

283points

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#7

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

278points

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#8

The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

257points

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What Are The Best Comebacks for Haters?

If you’re faced with a hater who keeps making negative comments about you, it’s time to take action and stand up to them. Put them in their place and let them know they cannot treat you that way. Here’s how you can creatively use comebacks and insults for your haters:

Tell them they are the last thing on your mind by saying, ‘Remind me, am I supposed to care?’
Finish the conversation on a high note by saying, ‘I’m still waiting for you to say something interesting. Go ahead.’
Before you leave, you can turn around and say, ‘Stay right there! You’re best from far away.’

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You’ll probably see a look of shock or confusion on your hater’s face. Savor that look because you will see more of it if you use these savage comebacks.

#9

Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.

236points

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#10

You are the human version of period cramps.

226points

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#11

You’re the reason God created the middle finger.

216points

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#12

Someday you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.

209points

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#13

You are like a cloud. When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.

204points

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#14

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.

199points

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#15

It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

189points

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#16

I understand everything you said. I’m choosing to ignore you.

188points

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What to Say if Someone Said ‘Shut Up’ to You?

Let’s say you’re talking to someone, and they suddenly tell you to shut up. It might be out of jest, or it might be during a fight. Regardless of the situation, it is nerve-wracking to come up with a response right away. That’s why there are two options you can take depending on the situation.

You can opt for clever, funny comebacks and be light-hearted or sarcastic. This will dissolve the tension and make it seem like you’re the bigger person. Or you can go down the savage route and say something explosive, earning you respect and maybe filling your bully with fear.

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Here are the best comebacks to shut someone up:

Funny

I will not be silenced!
I have the right to remain silent but not the ability.

Insults

I don’t remember ordering a glass of your opinion.
Please lead by example.

#17

Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.

186points

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#18

May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.

179points

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#19

People like you are the reason I’m on medication.

179points

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#20

Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?

171points

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#21

Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

151points

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#22

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

150points

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#23

I envy people who have never met you.

143points

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#24

The last time I saw something like you… I flushed.

143points

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What to Say if Someone Said ‘Who Asked?’

When you’re talking to your friends or a group of people, and someone interrupts you, it’s already a sign of disrespect. But it’s even worse if they say, ‘Who asked?’ This is an uncomfortable situation because it is a tactic to devalue your words and make you look small. You must be prepared if someone decides to do this to you. These are three of the best roast comebacks you can try out.

If you didn’t ask, why are you listening?
Oh, you’re here, too! How long have you been standing there? I didn’t notice you.
Shh, keep quiet. The adults are talking.

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The best thing you can do in this situation is to use the power of your words and turn the situation around. Try some of these witty comebacks the next time you encounter such a person.

#25

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

135points

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#26

Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.

134points

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#27

I’ve been called worse by better.

131points

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#28

You’re impossible to underestimate.

128points

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#29

You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.

126points

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#30

You’re not stupid! You just have bad luck when you’re thinking.

112points

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#31

Earth is full. Go home.

110points

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#32

They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.

108points

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What Are the Best Comebacks for Bullies?

Bullies are the worst! Their hatred and vile words can cause a lot of hurt. Whether they’re making fun of your haircut, clothes, sexuality, or personality, each comment can cause pain. That’s why it’s always great when people can stand up to bullies and speak their truth, just like these people who had incredible comebacks to homophobic comments.

If you’re looking for the best comebacks ever to spite your bully, then here are the five easiest ways you can roast them:

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I guess the ones with the dirty hands always point the fingers.
You can’t fix yourself by trying to break someone else.
I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
One day, you will go far. And please don’t think of returning.
Are you always this dumb, or do you make a special effort for me?

#33

You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

107points

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#34

You should come with a warning label.

102points

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#35

Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?

100points

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#36

If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.

98points

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#37

You look like a ‘before’ picture.

93points

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#38

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

90points

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#39

Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.

88points

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#40

You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

88points

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What Are Some Funny Comebacks for Friends?

The best place to test out your comebacks and flex your sense of humor is with your friends. These hilarious, friendly exchanges can help you test every burn to ensure they are epic. Fair warning: Things will get nasty if you play dirty with your friends. So you’ll want to keep things light and funny instead.

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Here are four of the funniest comebacks you can try on your friends without being rude:

Your face makes onions cry.
Your parents are proof that two wrongs don't make a right.
I always believed in evolution till I met you.
Your village called, and they want their idiot back.

Keep trying out all these comebacks so that you become an expert roaster. If you want to up your game, learn to be sassy by taking notes from these witty company comebacks.

Stay Sharp, Keep Practising

The next time someone challenges you to a verbal duel, you must have the perfect comeback ready, so you don’t regret being silent years later. These one-liners will come in handy someday. Plus, they are a lot of fun to use.

People have been using witty comebacks for centuries; don’t believe us? Here are some intelligent insults and comebacks used by historical figures.

#41

I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.

39points

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#42

You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.

39points

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#43

Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

37points

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#44

I told my therapist about you.

36points

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#45

Feed your own ego. I’m busy.

35points

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#46

Have a nice day, somewhere else.

34points

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#47

Your only purpose in life is to become an organ donor.

34points

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#48

A corpse is better company than you.

33points

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#49

If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?

30points

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#50

When you start talking, I stop listening.

30points

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#51

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

29points

#52

Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.

28points

#53

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

28points

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#54

When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.

28points

#55

Your face makes onions cry.

27points

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#56

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

27points

#57

There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.

27points

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#58

That sounds like a you problem.

27points

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#59

If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.

27points

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#60

Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes. Your parents, for one.

27points

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#61

Your absence would affect me greatly. I’d finally get some peace and quiet.

27points

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#62

Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.

26points

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#63

Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.

25points

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#64

I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.

25points

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#65

Your ignorance makes my racist uncle look like Albert Einstein.

25points

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#66

Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?

25points

#67

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

24points

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#68

Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

23points

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#69

You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.

23points

#70

You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.

23points

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#71

Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you? Allow me to be the first one.

23points

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#72

The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”

23points

#73

Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.

22points

#74

Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.

22points

#75

You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you.

22points

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#76

You are the architect of your life. Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.

22points

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#77

I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon.

22points

#78

I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire. It just smells much better than you.

22points

#79

You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.

21points

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#80

I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull.

20points

#81

I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

20points

#82

Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?

20points

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#83

If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.

20points

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#84

Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.

20points

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#85

You hit the nail right on the head. Too bad your parents took it literally.

20points

#86

All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.

20points

#87

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

19points

#88

You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.

19points

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#89

If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

19points

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#90

You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.

19points

#91

I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.

19points

#92

Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything!

18points

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#93

The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.

18points

#94

You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.

18points

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#95

The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.

17points

#96

Swallow your pride and your tongue while you’re at it.

17points

#97

Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.

17points

#98

You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.

16points

#99

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

16points

#100

Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?

16points

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#101

Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.

16points

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#102

I believed in evolution until I met you.

16points

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#103

This is a lose-lose situation for me. I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.

16points

#104

I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.

16points

#105

I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.

16points

#106

Every cloud has a silver lining. I’m still trying to figure out yours.

16points

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#107

I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

15points

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#108

Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.

15points

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#109

Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.

15points

#110

Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

15points

#111

Don’t get bitter, just get better.

15points

#112

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

15points

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#113

The only work-life balance I want is being away from you.

15points

#114

You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.

15points

#115

I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.

15points

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#116

When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.

15points

#117

I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.

14points

#118

You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.

14points

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#119

I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.

14points

#120

I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

14points

#121

Grab a straw, because you suck.

14points

#122

Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.

14points

#123

Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand. I’m going to call on someone else.

14points

#124

I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience. And I’m leaving early.

14points

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#125

I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.

14points

#126

The only person falling for you is blind.

14points

#127

You’ll never be the man your mom is.

13points

#128

People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

13points

#129

No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.

13points

#130

Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.

12points

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#131

Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?

12points

#132

You’re my favorite person… besides every other person I’ve ever met.

11points

#133

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.

11points

#134

The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.

11points

#135

Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.

11points

#136

I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.

11points

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#137

You’ve got something on your face. No, not there—everywhere.

11points

#138

You’re so ugly, you scared the cr*p out of the toilet.

8points

#139

I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. Care to help?

7points

#140

I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but here’s a participation award.

7points

#141

Aww, don’t worry, you are wanted… wanted for several accounts of perjury.

6points

#142

I think I’ve seen you before, but I’m pretty sure I had to pay admission last time.

5points

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#143

Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?

1point

Miglė

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Robertas Lisickis

Some time ago, Robertas used to spend his days watching how deep the imprint in his chair will become as he wrote for Bored Panda. Wrote about pretty much everything under and beyond the sun. Not anymore, though. He's now probably playing Gwent or hosting Dungeons and Dragons adventures for those with an inclination for chaos.

Some time ago, Robertas used to spend his days watching how deep the imprint in his chair will become as he wrote for Bored Panda. Wrote about pretty much everything under and beyond the sun. Not anymore, though. He's now probably playing Gwent or hosting Dungeons and Dragons adventures for those with an inclination for chaos.

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Beverly Noronha

You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

What do you think ?

Abigail Coty 2 years ago

These are all rather funny but some are just flat-out mean. And perhaps that’s the point I just find it… let’s just say that I wouldn’t say some of these to anyone.

15points

T-Rose G 2 years ago

I agree with that

8points

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Tobias Reaper 2 years ago

i am not going to continue this battle of wits with you as it appears you are unarmed

12points

Just A Guy Who Likes Water 1 month ago

Next time I get “roasted” I’m using this on them. See what they think

0points

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Kevin Hickey 2 years ago

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho

7points

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Abigail Coty 2 years ago

These are all rather funny but some are just flat-out mean. And perhaps that’s the point I just find it… let’s just say that I wouldn’t say some of these to anyone.

15points

T-Rose G 2 years ago

I agree with that

8points

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Tobias Reaper 2 years ago

i am not going to continue this battle of wits with you as it appears you are unarmed

12points

Just A Guy Who Likes Water 1 month ago

Next time I get “roasted” I’m using this on them. See what they think

0points

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Kevin Hickey 2 years ago

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho

7points

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