ADVERTISEMENT

You aren’t the only one who stages arguments in the shower with shampoo bottles as your imaginary audience. Maybe you’re replaying a quarrel from years ago and hoping to come up with good comebacks compared to the ones you had at the time. 

However, not all of us are blessed with a wit as sharp as a whip. We need some assistance to beat someone in the battle of words. You’ve come to the right place for that because we have a list of great hand-picked comebacks to use on every topic under the sun.

You’ll never have to repeat the mistake of standing there speechless when someone disses you; instead, you’ll have savage comebacks ready for use! With these quips, there will be nothing left for the listener to do but keep walking! These examples are just the tip of the iceberg; you must memorize them to prepare for anything.

How Do You Give a Comeback?

A comeback is a quick response to some critical comment made by another person. If you are looking to give good comebacks in an argument, there are specific steps you need to follow to have the upper hand.

  • Be relaxed and avoid losing your temper. If you start getting angry, you will lose your nerves, and the other person will automatically have power over you.
  • Don’t exaggerate and say something outrageous. Stick to the facts and pick on the truth because that will be more powerful.
  • Speak clearly and avoid muttering or saying ‘um’ and ‘uh’ too much.
  • Have other funny comebacks ready so you aren’t left speechless after their response.
  • Use their words against them and make it a part of your following comebacks. For example, if they call you an idiot, you could say, ‘It takes one to know one.’

These simple steps can help you save face during an argument and win you the respect of your opponent. 

Without further ado, check out these Shakespearean insults that’ll help you win and leave your opponent dumbfounded. Be sure to vote for the brutal comebacks you think might be helpful to you and share this article with your friends!

40 Good Roasts and Comebacks You Need to Try


RELATED:
    #2

    Somewhere out there, there’s a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe. I think you should go and apologize to it.

    Report

    #4

    I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #7

    Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT

    What Are The Best Comebacks for Haters?

    If you’re faced with a hater who keeps making negative comments about you, it’s time to take action and stand up to them. Put them in their place and let them know they cannot treat you that way. Here’s how you can creatively use comebacks and insults for your haters:

    • Tell them they are the last thing on your mind by saying, ‘Remind me, am I supposed to care?’
    • Finish the conversation on a high note by saying, ‘I’m still waiting for you to say something interesting. Go ahead.’
    • Before you leave, you can turn around and say, ‘Stay right there! You’re best from far away.’
    ADVERTISEMENT

    You’ll probably see a look of shock or confusion on your hater’s face. Savor that look because you will see more of it if you use these savage comebacks.

    #9

    Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.

    Report

    #10

    You are the human version of period cramps.

    Report

    #11

    You’re the reason God created the middle finger.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Brin Este
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "You're more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel" is one of my favorites

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #13

    You are like a cloud. When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #15

    It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

    Report

    #16

    I understand everything you said. I’m choosing to ignore you.

    Report

    What to Say if Someone Said ‘Shut Up’ to You?

    Let’s say you’re talking to someone, and they suddenly tell you to shut up. It might be out of jest, or it might be during a fight. Regardless of the situation, it is nerve-wracking to come up with a response right away. That’s why there are two options you can take depending on the situation. 

    You can opt for clever, funny comebacks and be light-hearted or sarcastic. This will dissolve the tension and make it seem like you’re the bigger person. Or you can go down the savage route and say something explosive, earning you respect and maybe filling your bully with fear.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Here are the best comebacks to shut someone up:

    Funny

    • I will not be silenced!
    • I have the right to remain silent but not the ability.

    Insults

    • I don’t remember ordering a glass of your opinion.
    • Please lead by example.
    #17

    Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.

    Report

    #18

    May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.

    Report

    #19

    People like you are the reason I’m on medication.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #21

    Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

    Report

    #22

    Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

    Report

    #23

    I envy people who have never met you.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Henry Russell
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that remind me of this conver sation in this show called Sam and Cat. man: i do not know your mother Sam: must be nice

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    What to Say if Someone Said ‘Who Asked?’

    When you’re talking to your friends or a group of people, and someone interrupts you, it’s already a sign of disrespect. But it’s even worse if they say, ‘Who asked?’ This is an uncomfortable situation because it is a tactic to devalue your words and make you look small. You must be prepared if someone decides to do this to you. These are three of the best roast comebacks you can try out.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    • If you didn’t ask, why are you listening?
    • Oh, you’re here, too! How long have you been standing there? I didn’t notice you.
    • Shh, keep quiet. The adults are talking.

    The best thing you can do in this situation is to use the power of your words and turn the situation around. Try some of these witty comebacks the next time you encounter such a person.

    #25

    You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

    Report

    #26

    Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.

    Report

    #27

    I’ve been called worse by better.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Kat Burleson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one is self insulting. like saying; I suck,everyone knows, and I don't care.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #30

    You’re not stupid! You just have bad luck when you’re thinking.

    Report

    #31

    Earth is full. Go home.

    Report

    #32

    They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.

    Report

    What Are the Best Comebacks for Bullies?

    Bullies are the worst! Their hatred and vile words can cause a lot of hurt. Whether they’re making fun of your haircut, clothes, sexuality, or personality, each comment can cause pain. That’s why it’s always great when people can stand up to bullies and speak their truth, just like these people who had incredible comebacks to homophobic comments.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    If you’re looking for the best comebacks ever to spite your bully, then here are the five easiest ways you can roast them:

    • I guess the ones with the dirty hands always point the fingers.
    • You can’t fix yourself by trying to break someone else.
    • I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
    • One day, you will go far. And please don’t think of returning.
    • Are you always this dumb, or do you make a special effort for me?
    #33

    You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #36

    If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.

    Report

    #39

    Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.

    Report

    Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
    Unlimited content
    Ad-free browsing
    Dark mode

    What Are Some Funny Comebacks for Friends?

    The best place to test out your comebacks and flex your sense of humor is with your friends. These hilarious, friendly exchanges can help you test every burn to ensure they are epic. Fair warning: Things will get nasty if you play dirty with your friends. So you’ll want to keep things light and funny instead.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Here are four of the funniest comebacks you can try on your friends without being rude:

    • Your face makes onions cry.
    • Your parents are proof that two wrongs don't make a right.
    • I always believed in evolution till I met you.
    • Your village called, and they want their idiot back.

    Keep trying out all these comebacks so that you become an expert roaster. If you want to up your game, learn to be sassy by taking notes from these witty company comebacks.

    Stay Sharp, Keep Practising

    The next time someone challenges you to a verbal duel, you must have the perfect comeback ready, so you don’t regret being silent years later. These one-liners will come in handy someday. Plus, they are a lot of fun to use. 

    People have been using witty comebacks for centuries; don’t believe us? Here are some intelligent insults and comebacks used by historical figures.

    #41

    I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Tammy McGregor
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I use the one but mines a bit different " I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #42

    You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.

    Report

    #43

    Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

    Report

    #44

    I told my therapist about you.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Spencer Price
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I keep telling you just because you call him doctor snuggles doesn't mean your cat is a therapist

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #46

    Have a nice day, somewhere else.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Paul Vasquez
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've always said to people " Have a beautiful day. Just not anywhere near me."

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #51

    If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

    Report

    #52

    Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.

    Report

    #53

    Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #54

    When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.

    Report

    #55

    Your face makes onions cry.

    Report

    #56

    If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #57

    There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.

    Report

    #59

    If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #60

    Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes. Your parents, for one.

    Report

    #61

    Your absence would affect me greatly. I’d finally get some peace and quiet.

    Report

    #62

    Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm kinda divided on this, especially with how the schooling system can be in America, more specifically in the South*. Before any of y'all come at me for targeting the South, think back to when you were last in school. Not from the South? There's plenty of people who can tell you how screwy things are. * I'm specifically referring to the southeast portion of the US.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #63

    Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Amy Beckler
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm. Brings to mind a big fat blond(?) guy. Except he's ugly-Not cute...

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #64

    I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.

    Report

    #65

    Your ignorance makes my racist uncle look like Albert Einstein.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #66

    Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?

    Report

    #68

    Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

    Report

    #69

    You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.

    Report

    #70

    You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.

    Report

    #71

    Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you? Allow me to be the first one.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #72

    The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”

    Report

    #73

    Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #74

    Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    William Clark
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You'd be surprised I looked at your mom's Facebook posts and she does a pretty good job photoshopping your's.

    #75

    You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you.

    Report

    #76

    You are the architect of your life. Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #77

    I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #78

    I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire. It just smells much better than you.

    Report

    #79

    You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.

    Report

    #80

    I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #81

    I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

    Report

    #82

    Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vasana Phong
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nice, I know lots of people that need to be asked this question

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #83

    If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.

    Report

    #85

    You hit the nail right on the head. Too bad your parents took it literally.

    Report

    #86

    All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #87

    If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #88

    You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #89

    If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    KombatBunni
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve h heard it as if your brains were dynamite it wouldn’t be enough to blow your nose.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #90

    You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #91

    I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.

    Report

    #92

    Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything!

    Report

    #93

    The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Amy Beckler
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess any intelligent folks are using up all the cervical braces. Ouuuch!

    #94

    You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #95

    The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.

    Report

    #96

    Swallow your pride and your tongue while you’re at it.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #97

    Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.

    Report

    #98

    You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #99

    You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

    Report

    #100

    Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #101

    Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.

    Report

    #102

    I believed in evolution until I met you.

    Report

    #103

    This is a lose-lose situation for me. I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #104

    I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #105

    I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #106

    Every cloud has a silver lining. I’m still trying to figure out yours.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #107

    I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

    Report

    #108

    Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.

    Report

    #109

    Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.

    Report

    #110

    Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #111

    Don’t get bitter, just get better.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #112

    Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #113

    The only work-life balance I want is being away from you.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Lytha Hawkeye
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm using this when I get asked if I want to go back to my old job again XD

    #114

    You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    William Clark
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cheap useful and probably better for you even if I don't smell great

    #115

    I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ItsNOTGuac
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Theres also *knocks on someone’s head* “Woah, I can hear something bouncing around!

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #116

    When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #117

    I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.

    Report

    #118

    You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #119

    I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #120

    I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #121

    Grab a straw, because you suck.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #122

    Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #123

    Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand. I’m going to call on someone else.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #124

    I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience. And I’m leaving early.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #125

    I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #126

    The only person falling for you is blind.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #127

    You’ll never be the man your mom is.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #128

    People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #129

    No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #130

    Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #131

    Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #132

    You’re my favorite person… besides every other person I’ve ever met.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #133

    If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Paul V Fleming
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i think a MASH episode has something like this. if i had a dog that looked like you, i'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards.

    #134

    The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #135

    Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #136

    I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #137

    You’ve got something on your face. No, not there—everywhere.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #138

    You’re so ugly, you scared the cr*p out of the toilet.

    Report

    #139

    I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. Care to help?

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #140

    I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but here’s a participation award.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #141

    Aww, don’t worry, you are wanted… wanted for several accounts of perjury.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #142

    I think I’ve seen you before, but I’m pretty sure I had to pay admission last time.

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #143

    Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?

    Report