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We all get the opportunity to decide what kind of life we want to live. From the places we live in, to which jobs we do, to how many (if any at all) kids we have—most of these choices are ours to make, at least to some extent.
And all of them come with both advantages and challenges. Today, we're going to focus on one in particular—choosing to be child-free. From perks like freedom to the cons of struggling, relating to people, and even being judged by them, we talk about about all of them. So, let’s dive in and explore more, shall we?
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#1
I never liked kids when I was a kid. I never liked kids when I was a teen. I never liked kids when I was a an adult. I never liked kids when I was mature. And I never liked kids when I was old. I just never liked kids. So why would I want what I don’t like?
It feels glorious. Everytime I see screeching ferals on the bus, giving the parents a headache, I think how glad I am I dodged that bullet!
UncleJohn3000 6 days ago (edited)
Being the fun aunt or uncle is the best role. You can hand the kid back when it's sticky.
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#2
Being alone. I am a very introverted person, ideally social interactions only make up about 10-30% of my day maximum, and I can spend the rest alone/not interacting with anyone. The more my boundaries get extended, the more uncomfortable, stressed, and anxious I become. Having to spend 80% of my day with a little kid to make sure their social and physical needs are met would be a *nightmare*. I'd have one meltdown after the other.
#3
The peace and quiet.
The undisturbed sleep.
That my life won't ever revolve around another human being that is dependent on me.
In our society, parenthood is often viewed as one of the ultimate goals a person can achieve in their life. Yet, not everyone is actually cut out for it, so some opt to avoid becoming a parent.
Of course, like any other lifestyle, it has its ups and downs. Today’s list, which was gathered from various people’s opinions scattered across the internet, reveals some of those.
As you might notice, quite a few of these things (especially the advantages) directly correlate with the most common reasons why some people choose to not become parents.
#4
To me it's so many things I can't even begin to decide on one factor.
Not having to worry so much about money.
Having time to relax.
Being able to sleep in and take naps.
When I put things down, they stay where I put them.
Less stress.
Not fearing when a school is shut down because of a gun/bomb threat that my child is going to be hurt.
Not stressing about the world my child would be inheriting.
Not being trapped at home, not having to leave the job I like for one that's more flexible with childcare, not being stuck for the sake of my kids.
That's just a quick summery. I could probably write a book if I wold like.
#5
The fact that I can travel anywhere I want, whenever I want.
The fact that I get to spend my money on things I love in general and not having to spend a dime on stupid s**t a kid would require.
Also I absolutely 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 all the silence and free time CF life provides.
Miriam Insidecor 4 days ago
Same. I went on 6 holidays last year to 6 different countries. No strings tying me down. Love it.
#6
Peace of mind. I’m autistic and the constant sound of a child screeching, babbling, crying, etc etc etc. would be enough to give me a permanent meltdown. That’s before even factoring in all the hitting, biting, and s******g they do. No f*****g thank you to any of that.
Bonesko 6 days ago (edited)
I'm not autistic, but the sound of a child crying or screeching can, and has brought me to tears. I was my niece's guardian for a year and I remember one time we were all sick, so they were crying, I also happened to be injured at the time and I ended up breaking down crying. The sound of children crying is maddening, stressful, it's meant to be. But it should also be a choice if you want to deal with that.
For instance, freedom—many folks just want to live their lives for themselves, but when you’re a parent, that’s just not possible to do. Unless you’re fully neglecting the child, and we don’t have to tell you how wrong that is, do we? This reason is even highlighted by the term “child-free” itself. It contains the suffix -free, which gives the freedom and personal choice to live this way.
But that’s far from the sole reason why parenthood isn’t everyone’s choice. Maybe a person didn’t have the best childhood and/or relationship with their parents and they’re afraid of repeating those patterns. Maybe they just worry about their ability to parent.
#8
I was going to go into the office today but I’ve just come on my period so I decided to lay in and have a coffee. I’m WFH now in my PJs with no pressure to get up and get a child ready to get to school. BLISS!
#9
Not having to relive childhood traumas and hardships via my kids.
Weasel Wise 6 days ago
Or passing my childhood traumas onto my kid. I would be a terrible mother.
Others might be worried about outside forces, like wars, climate crisis, overpopulation, high living costs, and other things—just look at the news and you will get the gist.
The thing is that it’s up to each person and they shouldn’t be judged if they decide to be child-free. Sadly, more often than not, they are. Again, just like the reasons behind this choice, its consequences (of usually being judged), have different causes too.
#10
Blissful silence.
#11
It’s a trade-off. I’m not merely child-free, but SO-free.
It’s certainly lonelier, though not necessarily lonely
UncleJohn3000 6 days ago (edited)
I revel in solitude. While it's true the bed is always cold when you first get in, nobody ever steals your blanket.
#12
At family events I'm the last to be considered/accommodated. I'm more of an accessory.
Weasel Wise 6 days ago (edited)
I'd rather be an accessory at family events than spend 18 years (if not more) having someone crying, pooping, screaming, bleeding, vomiting....
As this Reddit comment points out, being child-free is a deviation from social norms, and usually deviations are treated pretty negatively.
For some people, what resonates about this choice is how different it is from what we’re used to—as we mentioned, parenthood is viewed as the ultimate goal.
This especially comes from the people who've had children, because they felt pressured to, and watching someone avoid that makes them irate, as it fills them with the “what ifs” of their own life. They doubt their life choices when hearing that others don’t want to live that way, so they lash out at them.
#13
Our small and very quiet home, going to bed early, and spontaneous climbing trips on weekends. ❤️.
#14
As an ER nurse, I’m worried about finding a reliable medical power of attorney. My husband is mine now, but it’s likely our health will deteriorate around the same time, and that he’ll die first. I need someone younger than me who will find me a good nursing home and enforce my DNR.
Surly Scot 6 days ago
My plan is once i'm too old to take care of myself...i will vote myself off of the mortal coil. Have had it planned for years. I will not be a burden on other people or public resources, I will sort my own ending out.
#15
There are three downsides.
Insults. The childfree are called "selfish," "childless cat ladies," "bitter," not fulfilling the functions of a walking uterus, etc.
Pressure. Especially from parents who will not accept that their relatives, coworkers, and friends are childfree and constantly badger them.
Threats, a type of pressure. Loneliness in old age and yadda.
Other than that, none!
Roland Nijveld 6 days ago
Ofcourse I'm selfish. No one else has me as their number 1 priority so I'm making myself number 1 priority.
This other Reddit comment mentions a similar thing while adding new layers. For example, the men-women dynamics in society. Men (especially conservative, religious ones) don’t like hearing about women opting out of motherhood, as it suggests the possibility that they won't need men either, instead being independent, which might challenge their status as “head of the house.”
These are just a few of the real reasons why child-free folks tend to be despised by some. Of course, it's important not to generalize—people are complicated beings, and understanding their actions isn't always so simple. At the same time, certain things like hatred shouldn’t be justified.
What are your thoughts on being child-free? Maybe you have some unmentioned pros and cons in mind? Share everything with us in the comments!
#16
The older you get, especially as you reach your 30’s or even 40’s, the harder it becomes to relate with people because most of them end up having kids.
Also, this is both an upside and a downside, but not following the life script almost everyone is following can be a bit alienating and also you have to take more responsibility for your happiness and finding your life goal. It comes with more freedom (hence why it’s an upside), but you also have to figure out your own path… which is not always easy.
Finally a lot of social activities for people over 30 are geared towards parents. So again, you can feel like an outcast to some extent.
Still all very worth it though.
Sven Horlemann 5 days ago
We got friends we stopped contact when they had their children. And then, 14 years later, reconnected. As if nothing happened. Funny. Some were saying "you are so missing out" when they became new parents. The same friends, years later, saying "Good for you" (to not have kids". We've had it all, ha ha.
#17
Time! your own personal time. Life is too short anyway. I want to have time for my significant other, for my parents, for my friends, for resting, for my travels and for my contemplating the world when I want to.
#18
Not contributing to overpopulation on this planet. More time for fun activities!
Janelle Collard 5 days ago
ellie muskie having all the kids so the rest of us can slack off. :)
#19
I have Bipolar and don't want to bring a child into the world that may suffer as I did. Being child-free is phenomenal. Thanks for asking. I have 2 cats and a husband that I love very much. I feel my life is full.
Janelle Collard 6 days ago
Cats, dogs - really any pets - are better than kids cuz they won't ever drive, nag you to buy them a car, make you pay for college or nag you for money. 😁
#20
my money goes to me.
2. Seater. Vehicles.
you don't run on their schedual.
random things aren't sticky.
quiet time. All the quiet time you need.
body not ruined.
#21
I am a very spontaneous person and having kids would make that impossible. Most of the time I don't have plans for the weekends so I wake up and decide that I'm going to drive 3 hours to go hiking somewhere new, or go shopping, go to my sister's and I don't have to get anyone else ready, make sure they had a nap, snacks toys, etc. Plus I have a lot of extra money to spend on myself and no one else
#23
Sleeping. Traveling whenever I want. Saving all of my money. Keeping my eardrums intact. Maintaining bodily autonomy. Having nice home furnishings without having to be hyper aware when a kid is near them. Not having to feel guilty if I’m not enjoying having them.
#24
Coming home from work to some peace and quiet for a nap. Not being asked "why?" 4 million times a week. Get up as early or late as I want on a weekend and doing whatever we want to. Never gonna have to change a diaper. Really don't see any downsides.
#25
I can try things, without putting anyone's wellbeing at risk except mine.
Quit my job and switch fields? Move across states? Totally fine, whenever I want to.
Weasel Wise 6 days ago
I love the freedom that came with being able to just walk out from my job and away from an abusive employer without having to worry about feeding other mouths.
#26
There is no community. I meet awesome older women, they have grandchildren. I meet women around my age or a bit younger, they have kids or are trying to have them. I didn't realize being childfree meant friendless and communityless. I enjoy a ton of things by myself, but there are some things you really can't do by yourself. Just the other day I realized how much I miss going to amusement parks, but going on rides solo is just sad.
Sven Horlemann 5 days ago
I get that. But. The other side is, EVERYTHING is centered around the kids. That is all parents talk about. At that point, we simply withdrew ourselves from certain friendships. With some, we reconnected later (when their kids were teens).
#27
The best? I don’t have to share my video games or put up with the same cartoons/kids movies over and over again every single day.
I would also like to say the peace and quiet and the sleep.
#28
I can imagine if you get very old, with dementia or disabled in some way, it might be difficult then. I imagine most disabilities will be sorted by robots, but I haven't got my head around the dementia question yet. Other than that, I don't foresee any disadvantages.
Janelle Collard 6 days ago
Just cuz someone has kids doesn't mean they'll care for their parents when they're older. Just sayin'...
#29
Freedom cheaper cost of living, not always sick, getting beat up by another i am single staying that way will never have not one child as in zero i am not the fatherly type had bad experience when younger with my cousins kids made a horrible lasting impression on me add my uncle his two daughters same age as me were demons at best add with the world becoming odd fel best not to ever start a family
my opinion is just for my reason not to influence anyone from starting a family the choice is left to you
#30
It makes dating so much more challenging. The majority of men I come across either have kids or want them.
#31
Being constantly ostracized and treated like you are permanently a teenager because apparently having offspring is what makes you a true adult.
Weasel Wise 6 days ago
I can't agree with this one. If anyone is ostracizing it's me. Yes, I wanna hang out with some of the women I know that are mothers. But I don't wanna hang out with their kids, nor do I want half of our time together to be spent hearing them talk about their kids. And a lot of women with kids have fallen for the cutsie facade of mommies drink wine. Why can't we hang out without drinking alcohol?
#32
It was very difficult for me to find a husband. Friends can’t relate to my life, or actively belittle me. (That one happened way more when I was single.) It’s expected that we work holidays or have to work in unsafe environments, our time is also not respected. We give more to friendships with parents than we receive, and it’s never reciprocated. Friendships with people with kids are basically one sided. Then there’s taxes….
#33
Nothing.
There's no downside unless you want children but don't have them.
You should make new friends. I have core friends that I love no matter how different we may be. The people that I'm willing to spend time around I have a lot in common with. You need the second group.
The rest are other people's thoughts and feelings on children. Who cares what they think. The children won't be their responsibility.
#34
Having people not celebrate you, your wins and such. Especially if you don’t marry. You are expected to celebrate/shell out for everyone else’s weddings, showers, and kids’ milestones and don’t have anyone reciprocate for your special moments
norabest321 4 days ago
I hope this person gets help learning to celebrate themselves and stops allowing other peoples expectations to overrule their own needs. I know they are out there but I wish there were more mainstream 'friend' connection websites, like tinder but without the hookup part.
What do you think ?
Tyke 6 days ago
A lot of these complaints aren't because of children, it's because of how their friends who are parents are. I have a kid, my husband and I both find it important to ensure we each get alone time and time with just our friends. We work together to ensure that can happen. If my childless friend wanted to go to a theme park and didn't like kids, I'd find a date to go with her - just me. A child does not have to run and rule your life. That said, I have many friends who just don't want children and that is absolutely fine.
LaurieAnnaT 5 days ago
As a parent, you look forward to your child growing up, becoming independent, getting married, having children, whatever. Unfortunately, that may not be your reality. My husband's little brother had Down Syndrome. When my husband's parents got too old, the responsibility of making decisions about my BIL fell to my husband and to a nephew who lived nearby. My husband dearly loved his little brother and, as he neared retirement, my husband would often say "I just want to be here for my little brother." Unfortunately, my sweetie passed away suddenly at age 63. Fortunately my nephew was very involved in the decisions that needed to be made, and my BIL was well taken care of. Can you imagine having a child - whom you dearly love! - dependent on you for everything, for their entire life?
Tyke 6 days ago
A lot of these complaints aren't because of children, it's because of how their friends who are parents are. I have a kid, my husband and I both find it important to ensure we each get alone time and time with just our friends. We work together to ensure that can happen. If my childless friend wanted to go to a theme park and didn't like kids, I'd find a date to go with her - just me. A child does not have to run and rule your life. That said, I have many friends who just don't want children and that is absolutely fine.
LaurieAnnaT 5 days ago
As a parent, you look forward to your child growing up, becoming independent, getting married, having children, whatever. Unfortunately, that may not be your reality. My husband's little brother had Down Syndrome. When my husband's parents got too old, the responsibility of making decisions about my BIL fell to my husband and to a nephew who lived nearby. My husband dearly loved his little brother and, as he neared retirement, my husband would often say "I just want to be here for my little brother." Unfortunately, my sweetie passed away suddenly at age 63. Fortunately my nephew was very involved in the decisions that needed to be made, and my BIL was well taken care of. Can you imagine having a child - whom you dearly love! - dependent on you for everything, for their entire life?
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