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If you’ve been living under a rock for awhile, first of all, congrats on getting out, second of all, you’d be forgiven for thinking that a “nice guy” means an actually nice young man. As too many people have discounted all too late, it really means the kind of guy who thinks basic human decency should be “rewarded” with romance.
Someone asked “Girls who have been guilted into going out with a "nice guy", how did it go?” and people shared their stories. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own examples in the comments below.
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#1
Throwaway account for this as don't want my story tracing back to me.
I met him through online dating and after a couple of weeks of chatting online decided to cool things off as he was giving off a creepy, needy vibe that frightened me. He would ask about ex boyfriends frequently and tell me that he would be good for me, ask sexual questions without any encouragement and want to know intimate details. I forgot all about him until he sent me a random message months later and apologised for his previous behaviour which he blamed on a tricky break up.
Time passed and he seemed a new person so I gave in and met with him. Our first couple of dates seemed fine with just a few odd comments that I should have paid attention to. Then he started questioning where I was and who I was with, but again I just foolishly ignored this. The first time (and last time) I stayed at his we went out for a drink beforehand and he was judging me for having a couple of beers. When we got back to his I wasn't feeling up to anything sexual so told him firmly no and went to sleep. Later that night I woke up to him on top of me.
I never confronted him about this. I just pretended i hadn't woke up and made my excuses the next day before blocking him from by life. I've never told anyone this before. I just wish I'd listened to my previous instinct and keot well away.
RELATED:
#2
He was genuinely nice and I thought I was being too picky and maybe I could see this through, if I took the effort of getting to know him. But everytime I offered a contradictory point of view on any generic topic of discussion, he would proceed to casually mock my appearance, attire and my personality, in retaliation to my disagreement. That was the last date, obviously.
Edit: He might not have been "genuinely nice".
#3
Went out with this guy a couple days ago. It was polite but we didn’t have chemistry at all. He was super friendly and fun so decided to still see where things could go. Went to his place to watch some tv and talk. It was fun so decided I’d agree to a second date if asked. Started to get late and I was getting tired so I told him I was heading home. He flipped out.
Blocked my way to the door ”Didn’t you have fun?” ”What’s wrong” He insisted I aswered his questions and the fact that I was tired wasn’t cutting it. He got more mad and pushed me against the door. After the push I got out of there and he let me leave. Blocked him everywhere and now I have bruises on my arm to remind me of the incident.
#4
We were friends in high school and most of college. It was one of those things where he was a friend of a friend, but we always went to the same parties, hung together in the same group and so on.
The guys in the group would always say things like, "Ah man you and Kyle would be so great together! You should give him a shot!" I'd kind of laugh it off because for a majority of the time I had a boyfriend.
Eventually me and the boyfriend broke up, and about a week later Kyle asked me out. I wasn't really ready, but I figured it was a first date and everyone had been pressuring me into giving this guy a chance so I went.
The whole evening was awkward. We just ordered a pizza and watched movies, which was what we did in our friend group anyways, but this guy would NOT STOP STARING. I felt like I couldn't even eat because I was under a microscope. The evening ended uneventfully, but then there was the aftermath.
We kept texting and seeing each other in the friend group, and about a week later he asked when we can have another date. I told him that maybe I had rushed into things too fast and I just wasn't feeling any connection with him.
"I BROKE UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR YOU!"
Yup, dude found out I was single, dumped his girlfriend of 8 months just so he could ask me out to an awkward pizza date in his bedroom...
The timely cherry on top is that they got back together, and apparently I'm tearing their marriage apart because she found a bunch of texts from me from six years ago and he admitted that he kept them cause he still likes me. I haven't seen him in four years.
Edit for timeline: We are friends in highschool (10 years ago) and college (5-6 years ago). While we are in college, he asks me out after dumping his girlfriend. Sometime after that they get back together and are married last year. Last week, a friend informs me that they are on the verge of divorce because she found texts he had saved (screenshots) from our college chats 5 or 6 years ago.
Edit: Several people are commenting that I shouldn't have gone out with him and just told him I wanted to stay friends... the thread is literally "girls guilted into going out with 'nice guy'".
#5
I was that girl who loved the bad boys.
My nice guy had been my best friend for a number of years and I always knew he liked me but I was busy chasing a******s.
9 years we were best friends and grew up together and he watched me pick all the wrong people and get hurt. Other friends kept telling me to give it a chance etc. Two years ago he asked me to come over for dinner - it seemed fairly casual until I realised he’d asked me for Valentine’s Day. I can’t say I was guilted a-such but it still felt a little awkward. I was mega nervous thinking it was gonna be so awkward but when I turned up it was fine he’d cooked me a meal, bought flowers, a bottle of wine and chocolates and lit candles on the table. I don’t drink much so he ended up getting through the whole bottle of wine because he was so nervous but it was a lovely evening and things felt very natural so I decided to give it a go.
We’re now headed towards our 2nd anniversary, have a lovely home together, a beautiful (but evil) Egyptian mau cat and couldn’t be happier. Because we were friends first we know we get on, we finish each other’s sentences and never run out of conversation. Yet to have one argument that goes beyond whose turn it is to wash up lol. He is genuinely the best thing to happen to me ever. Sometimes the nice guy does win!
#6
I was a college freshman. First week of school, I was in my dorm hangout area going through the calendar on my phone to add exams to my schedule. I didn’t realize that “Nice Guy” was looking over my shoulder as I was doing so.
He goes, “I see you don’t have plans on Saturday, we’re going to breakfast.” - I continually objected and said I just hadn’t gotten around to adding anything to it yet. He wouldn’t leave me alone about it all week, so eventually I agreed to go on Saturday. I was purposely on my worst behavior in an attempt to repulse him because clearly, my opinion didn’t matter otherwise. He ended the date by calling his mom, telling her that he met his future bride, that we were going to give her grandchildren.
He handed the phone to me, so I straight up told his mother that I had no interest and was only there because he wouldn’t leave me be and apparently acting like a barnyard animal wasn’t enough of a turnoff. Mom laughed and said “sounds like my boy!”
He would sit on the couch outside my dorm door to bombard me whenever I tried to go anywhere, followed me to and from classes for two months, and tried to befriend my roommate to get closer to me before moving on to a new target. She ended up with a restraining order against him.
Edit for clarification: This was not my first interaction with this guy. He lived in my (small) dorm building where we did multiple getting to know you exercises that week. He helped a ton of people move in and was a self proclaimed “nice guy” like the title had in quotes. Most people’s first impression of him was that he was nice enough, but a little off. I clearly completely agree that dude was creepy af, I just posted in a hurry and left out some background. Edit edit: since “nice guy” was in quotes in the OP, I thought it was clear that we weren’t dealing wit actual nice guys, hence why I thought my story was relevant. If it were asking a story about going on a date with an actual nice person, I don’t think it would be an interesting AskReddit question?
#7
Went on one date. He just kept talking about how horrible most women are and how gross periods were and v****a in general was also brought up briefly. He was very masochistic and homophobic.
Never talked to him again. A couple years later when I was still in college a friend bumped into him at a party. Found him in a room blowing another dude.
#8
All my friends said a guy from our group of friends was very nice, even though I felt like he was creepy. Went out once, thought I'd give it a chance, to be nice. Regretted it immediately.
He asked me what I thought of being in a relationship with him, and when I said no/I didn't want that (because I wasn't very interested and we had only been friends before this), he said he was disappointed with my answer and expected something more worthy of him. He said that saying no was disrespectful. Big yikes.
We met once after that because he surprise visited me a few months later. He asked me to ruffle through my hair because he wanted to feel my scalp, treated me like a dog and wanted me to sit next to him so he'd be closer to me. He also thought it was a great idea to mention that he sometimes hears voices in his head and has dreamt of k*****g people.
I rushed him out of my apartment onto the street. I just wanted him to be gone. I checked my keys five times to see whether he took any. I've had to see him a couple times since then, and he is the most creepy, socially inept person I've ever met. He's so aggressive and impulsive.. I am truly afraid he will r**e or k**l someone someday, and I'm still afraid that that person could be me.
edit: this blew up. Yes, he still is in my circle of friends. For some reason my guy friends laughed it off and don't see him as much of a threat to anyone, let alone me. I avoid him as much as I can, and never see him in groups of less than five people.
#9
I was in highschool and figured I should give the guy a chance, maybe I was just being snobby.
Anyway, we decided to go to the movies.
His older sister came along to chaperone, and spent the movie sitting in my lap* to make sure we didn't "get up to anything funny".
After the movie, I said I had to go home...later that night, he calls me crying to confess he'd snapped a picture of me and wh*cked off to it.
There was not a second date.
*Incidentally this was when I began to have an inkling that I maybe liked girls.
#10
Not outright guilted but more found myself in the situation and couldn’t back out. Bit weird at first given the circumstances of me distinctly not wanting to be there but things gradually got more weirder as the night went on. He made really intense eye contact and told me about how he doesn’t smoke or drink, just goes to clubs sober. Also told me about how he plans to stay in the country (he was a foreign student) but needs to settle down with someone here first. Then he told me he was *really* passionate. My d*****s asked passionate about what and he just stared at me and repeated he was *really passionate*.
It was s**t and I’m more vocal about whether or not I want to be somewhere/do something now.
#11
Wasn’t really a date. I was at a hiking trip with my sister and other people from our village when we met a group of guys, drinking and having fun. Was on (german) fathers day, so it wasn’t an unusual sight. For some reason my sister got into a talk with the guys and somehow got me and her invited for the party at one of the guys house later. No big deal, we brought her boyfriend with us and were expecting some good time. My boyfriend was on a biking trip with his dad, so he couldn’t come.
We arrive and nobody else is there, guy says they will all arrive later and we are early (30 minutes after the time he told us to be there) and we start drinking, having fun and everything. He clearly has a thing for me, invites me to go on festivals with him, sisters boyfriend tells me I would be stupid if I say no and he would totally be going. The others arrive and at some point the homeowner asks me to go out for a walk, he needs some air.
We walk a bit and suddenly he turns around, telling me I am the love of his life, the girl meant for him, most beautiful, smart etc. he has ever seen. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say except “I have a boyfriend, you know..”, he said he doesn’t care, we’re clearly soulmates and then just kisses me out of nowhere. Tells me he would break up with his girlfriend for me (he never mentioned her before) and I should do the same.
Luckily, my sister blacked out on the toilet and someone shouted at him for help unlocking the door, so we went back up. I took care of my sister, his girlfriend arrived, he pulled me aside and told me he would do it now, right here. I said “no” and he told me to take my sister and leave, what I did then. He messaged me on facebook the next day that I was a w***e and I lead him on and he almost broke up with his future wife for a b*tch like me.
Tl;dr: Met a guy, got invited to his house, he wanted me to break up with my boyfriend, he wanted to break up with his girlfriend, kissed me, called me soulmate and then a w***e when I said no. All within 24 hours.
Edit:
Since a lot of you asked “why would you let a stranger kiss you” or if I told my then-boyfriend about it... we did not make out and did not kiss him back. He smooched my lips after he approached me in the middle of a sentence at high-speed and let go of me seconds later before I could even process what had happened.
I CAN take care of myself and would have given him a good kicking, but I honestly was worried about my sister, even though I used the word “luckily”. At least I could make you laugh about that.
#12
Moved to another state with my sister and she made a few guy friends. One of them saw her with me and begged her to set up a date with me. I reluctantly agreed because she kept saying how sweet and nice he was. First date he kept gushing about how gorgeous I was and the fact that I was smart made it 100x better. He was going to make me his queen and take me around the world but I have to pay for my own meal and his since he paid this time. I told him I was only interested in being friends and he begged my sister to get me to go out on another date. I declined and we moved back home and he came to visit my sister. While he was here he kept looking at me and telling my sister to just hook him up with me. It was my birthday and I kind of just rolled my eyes and was like come on I’ll take you out too with my group of friends. At the bar, he was really into me and I was getting annoyed because he wouldn’t let me relax and have fun. I told him I really only saw him as a friend and in front of everyone he yelled at me saying what a horrible person I am for leading him on, nothing but a w***e etc. I ended up crying because it was so embarrassing. My guy friends wanted to go “talk” to him after they heard what happened. My sister ran up to me and told me to go make him happy again he came down to see me and this is how I was treating him. I just went home and the next morning my sister told me how sorry that guy was and he wanted me to come say bye to him at the airport. Needless to say I didn’t.
#13
The date wasn't too bad, although he kept changing pretty much every single sentence he said so it would fit my interest. Something like "I like ice cream" "Cool, I like frozen yoghurt" "oh yeah, that's what I meant. Ice cream is nice but frozen yoghurt is amazing" and so on for 4 hours straight. At the end I had no idea what he was actually like.
He also kissed me in the most awkward way possible. I guess he thought it was going to be romantic and spontaneous but it wasn't. Then kissed me again when he walked me to the train station. He hugged me so hard I couldn't breath and started making weird noises (kind of like what some people do during heavy, pre s*x make out sessions, except it was a rather quick kiss in a public place).
Started texting me before I even got home and when I didn't answer, got upset. Told him he was nice but I don't think we'd work out. Said its cool, asked if we can stay friends. Silly me, I said yes.
We kept talking for about a month, during which he very "friendly" kept checking if I had slept with someone else and making sure I know how much of a s*x god he is ("you know, I once even made my lesbian friend c*m super hard"). This is also the time I met my current BF and was meeting a bunch of new people at uni, so we'd talk less and less each week.
Then one day he asked me out. I said I wasn't sure if he was completely fine with us being just friends so that wouldn't be appropriate. He went on this massive rant about how he'd actually been seeing someone else in that time, but they broke up shortly before that, how he's so over me and didn't even think I'm that hot anymore and how nothing would happen. I said no, because I was broke and couldn't fully enjoy myself while worrying about not spending too much (we were supposed to go to a Metallica concert, apparently his best friend had spent £120 on his ticket but then last minute found something better to do...) but he promised he'd take care of everything and we could chill at his place with pizza and some films, as friends. I said I could consider the concert but there's no way I'd stay over. I mentioned texting someone else to see if they would be fine with me sleeping over at theirs afterwards. He jokingly asked if it's someone I'm sleeping with and I said it's none of his business. Then he told me how much of a b***h I was for sleeping with other people and not sleeping with him, said it's so unfair that he knew me so much better but he felt like other people had more rights to me than him and that we kissed and he didn't expect me to be this slutty (btw, I did not want to kiss him, it was just so random I felt him making out with me before I even realised what his intentions were and stopped it rather quickly). The he called me a few more names, said he's such a nice guy and didn't deserve to be treated like that and we never spoke again.
Fun times.
#14
As it turned out, he lied about just about everything, from his favorite movie to his moral opinion on bathing suits.
He would not take no for an answer. If I persisted, it meant I didn't love him. He often threatened not to kiss me ever again if I didn't do xyz (like send nudes, do certain sexual things, etc).
He taught me that my opinion and my feelings meant nothing. Even on a basic "how was your day" level. At first he would ask and acknowledge my answer. Then he would ask and then immediately change subjects, as if he hadn't heard me. And then finally he stopped asking.
But he was a catch. Girls never gave him the chance he deserved. They were all missing out. /s.
#15
I went out with this guy who my friends all loved and thought we would be great together. One night he was round mine and had to walk home. I borrowed him my walking coat so he wouldn't be soaked by the time he got home.
Next day I go to his to get my jacket in time for the weekend and he had put a c****m in the pocket with a note that just had a wink face on it.
#16
Badly. Seriously, it was the worst relationship of my life. He was the nice guy who was always there for me, etc, etc. Until we started dating. Then I saw his mother more than I saw him, when I did see him he pressured me constantly for s*x, and he cheated on me.
I think he just built me up in his mind so much, that it became more about "winning me" than actually liking me, so once he got me he had no reason to be so "nice" any more.
#17
After a few years of tepid friendship (something was always a bit 'off' about him, but I thought he was such a nice guy and I was just being a judgy b***h, plus he always claimed to be so in love with me), I agreed to a few dates with my friend. On one date, we went out with a whole group of couples to this state park a few hours away, and during the ride home, I dozed off. I woke up to him groping me under my clothes, and when I told him off, he twisted it around like I was being ridiculous and imagined his hand under my bra. Like, we're on a date, why was I being so weird, etc etc etc.
When I told him I had to cancel out 4th date because I'd gotten grounded after accidentally setting the kitchen on fire, he punched me. Mostly in the face. *Punched me*.
He spent the rest of high school periodically stalking me/my sisters, ranting and raving to literally everyone about how I just didn't understand and he loooooooves me, he's just so emotional with his true love for me that sometimes he acts without thinking, he's not like those other guys that would make sexual comments about my appearance, why did I have to be such a Stacey, he's the best friend I ever had until I ruined it all by willfully "misunderstanding" and refusing to hear him out or give him closure, on and on.
What a nice guy. Guess he tried to break into my bedroom window out of love and concern, huh?
#18
Well I might not be a girl I was the nice guy in my first "relationship". I was meeting a girl which I knew from a friends girlfriend. Well at first everything was nice and we weren't having anything serious just meeting like friends playing paintball and billard and so on... however I really liked her and she did recently break up and I tried to cheer her always up ... so then I asked her politely if she would consider trying a relationship and to my surprise she said yes. I was the happiest guy on earth this day.
So we started dating seriously going to cinema and doing stuff alone. But I don't know why however I really got clingy. Like I wanted to see her all the time I wanted her to come over to me and it ended up creeping her...which in hindsight I really understand and she got continually creeped out until she broke up and I was devastated. I didn't force her to anything but I was as I said clingy. After that I was depressed for over a year and than got my s**t together however I am sorry that she had to experience me like that and I also apologized for that and now we are just normal friends. Not as good as before but well.
But all in all it ended up good for me since cause of that I ended up with my current girlfriend and without seeing my failures from past I wouldn't be able to hold this relationship.
#19
Nice guy story where I was the nice guy. To this day I feel terrible for my actions. This started 12 years ago when I was 19 years old.
Met a girl at a club, hit it off right away and she ended up being my girlfriend. At the start everything was fantastic, we were genuinely happy together and I was in a constant state of not believing my luck of having found a girl as awesome as her.
About one month in, I did something very stupid. I met another girl, we had drinks and ended up sleeping together. Instead of coming clean with awesome girl nr1 I decided to keep it to myself. All was fine, except for a little lingering voice which said that if I could do such a thing, surely she could as well.
This voice grew louder over time. I started joking about her seeing other guys, you know those half-jokes which arent funny at all and mainly make the other person feel bad. I started checking her phone, reading her socials etc. At some point I was certain she was cheating on me, eventhough there were no signs of it whatsoever. I started cutting her off from her friends (especially male friends) and getting angry if she did not respond to my texts inquiring where she was, with who and why she was not home. I started doing surprise visits and getting really angry with her if there happened to be male friends in in her vicinity, even if they were in big groups. My reasoning with her was always that what we had was special and that she shouldnt want to spend her time with anyone else than just us. Manipulative as I was, I'd change tactics in the span of minutes, being real nice and friendly one moment only to catch her off guard and get furious an instant later. I'd use my kindness to get information, trapping her in a constant cycle of guilt.
Fast forward a bit, we've been together for a year now and she has gone to uni making new friends. We are fighting every day now. One time I leave her house after a fight and realize I forgot my phone. I go back in (i hade her keys) and found her crying in her room. A moment of clarity struck and I broke up with her, justifying it to myself as a messiah act.
Surely this would have been the end of it, but nope. What followed was 3 years of me texting her, calling her, trying to figure out if she was seeing anyone and getting real angry when she was. It just did not stop. Even if we did not meet up for a few months and I had somehow convinced her I had changed, I'd end up doing the same thing over again on the very same day that we met up. As in, surely if she saw how nice I was now she should want me back. So why doesn't she? Insert guilt trip etc. This went on for years and it k****d me. I saw what I was doing to her and felt horrible for it. But that voice and entitlement kept popping up so every time she offered me friendship, I'd unleash the guilt trip.
At some point it stopped. I started analyzing my own actions in this and shut off all contact with her or anyone of her friends (which were also my friends). I just forced it all away and every time I felt this voice popping up, I'd try to analyze where this entitlement was coming from so that I could fight it. I can't really explain how it ended up going away, other than the fact that one day I noticed I did not feel these things anymore.
For a long time I refused any form of romance with anyone, afraid that I would start the cycle again. After some time I did meet someone else, we've been very happily together for seven years now. When we started dating I was very open about all this, which I think helped a lot. I rarely feel these pangs of jealousy pop up anymore. When they do, I know they are not rational and I can shrug it off with ease now. Its something that won't ever fully go away but I know it's all me and I know where to find help when needed.
I wanted to share this here not for sympathy or whatever, maybe just to show how creepy the mind can act from a first person perspective. I feel terrible for what I have done to another person, nobody is entitled to another person's love, attention or affection.
To those who are currently in a situation like this on the receiving end: walk away, cease contact, break it off. People don't change overnight. Even after years it can still linger on, buried deep in the mind. And ultimately it's personal responsibility to face your demons and do something about it, don't get guilted into becoming the pillar of stability for another person to hang on to. The best thing you can do for the both of you is walk away.
#20
He offered to take me to a restaurant on campus that he claimed everyone needed to experience. It was just a little sandwich diner so I figured worst case it's an hour wasted. It also seemed like several people at the party would be going because they were all telling me how great it would be and what they usually ordered and when we should go. I didn't know him very well but he seemed like the nice but awkwardly shy and quiet nerd type. Everyone liked him and I'd never heard anything bad about him. We also wouldn't be alone so what could go wrong? He offered to pick me up at my dorm and even though it was only a short walk I accepted the ride because I knew he lived farther away. Get in his van and one of the first things he says is I hope you don't mind but I thought we'd go somewhere nicer. I'm dressed down because this is essentially a flat bread pizza joint with funky artwork on the walls but realize he's in a nice shirt and pants. Feel like I can't say no because I did agree to go eat, I'm hungry, and I'm already in a moving vehicle. He drives me at least 20mins away to freaking olive garden. That's when I realized he clearly thought we were on a date and that no one else was coming.
Cue awkward conversations and just trying to finish mediocre pasta so I can go back to my dorm. Campus buses didn't even go to that part of the city so I had no way to leave without him. But it was only an awkward dinner and not quite red alert abort now. Driving back to campus he mentions his frat house is having a party and we could head over. I've been to the house dozens of time with friends and know most of the dudes so figure why not, a nice party might save this weird evening. But of course we get there and it's actually a party with a sorority so no outsider girls are allowed until after 10/11pm. It's like 8/9 at this point (memory is a little fuzzy on what the rule and actual time was). So we have to go up the back stairs and straight to his room. Get there and see his roommate is avoiding the party and think ok just need to k**l an hour, at least we aren't alone. Roommate leaves after we decide to watch star wars - don't know if dude asked him to leave or he thought we were on a date. Whatever I love star wars this works and now we don't have to talk for the next hour.
Except now I'm locked in his bedroom and he's trying to sit way too close to me. And now he's trying to put his hand on my leg. Then he switched to putting an arm around my waist and started trying to grope upwards. I'm trying to be nice and not escalate things or burn bridges because I know this one guy can get me blackballed from ever returning. (Sounds silly but a lot of my guy friends were from that house and my girlfriends all partied there. Years later I married someone I met there, so it was pretty important place in my life story). Stand up and ask for a drink hoping he has nothing in his room and luckily he only has water. Start texting a few people I know should be out there at the party to rescue me and bring a drink. He answers the door and a group of my friends see me behind him, wide eyed and pantomiming save me. No one knew I was there since we snuck in and the music was so loud you couldn't hear anything happening in the rooms. Dude tries to keep me in his room with the whole you aren't supposed to be out there yet rule but somehow my best friend is already there and pulls me out. Run away and never look back.
I never said anything about what happened except that what I thought was going to be a social dinner turned into a s****y forced date. That is until he started telling the other brothers of the house what a b***h I was and how I led him on. So then they all got to hear about what a f*****g creep he was. It wasn't supposed to be a date, I didn't flirt with him that whole night, and I definitely wasn't putting out lock me in your room and grope me vibes. Luckily everyone who mattered believed my story and not his. It also helped that the others who had been in on the initial let's go to x place together talk remembered and couldn't believe he had forced me to go to olive garden instead. Could have gone much worse but it also never should have happened.
Edit- added in paragraph spaces.
#21
He was the nicest guy I’ve met. Super sweet and charming and all that good s**t. Good at ACTING nice, sweet, and charming, that is.
I’ve always noticed how self-centered, guilt-tripping, and manipulative he was but hoped he’d grow out of it.
He did not.
Then after so much psychological abuse from him, I finally just snapped. Then, from his perspective, I somehow ended up being the person who guilt-tripped him and abused him and I had soo many red flags.
Go figure.
#22
Hope this is okay, as I'm a guy that went out with a "nice girl."
We originally met on Tinder. Everything clicked, and it was like we were best friends; later I would realize she was just saying what I wanted to hear in order to lure me to a first date. We met at a local coffee shop. When I arrived to the coffee shop I couldn't find her so i messaged her and she assured me she was there. I sat down and a woman sat down across from me - not the woman in the pictures. She explained that sometimes she has to use other pictures because she just wants guys to give her the chance. I don't want to sound shallow, but she was unattractive, mostly because she didn't take care of herself, which is weird because she was a nurse - more on that later.
Regardless we have a cup of coffee and as we finish up the date she makes a comment that implies that she wants me to take her home. I came up with something about having my sister over. After that I also made it clear I didn't think it was going to work out.
Over the next few weeks she texted me lots so I blocked her number. I got a text from a number who I didn't know and they sent a selfie: it was my friend from high school! We go and meet at a pizza place that night and it isn't that friend, it the girl from before. I tell her that it wasn't okay, etc.. She tells me to sit down because she already ordered me my favorite pizza - real creeped out here. Whatever. I sit down and she puts her purse on the table. She says, "I know how much you like guns (I used to build rifles for local PD) so I picked this up." She opens the purse and turns it towards me with her hand inside holding something. Looked like a .45 caliber handgun, specifically a Glock.
Here is where I am lucky - I am categorized at work as, "high risk of kidnap/robbery," for lots of reasons. I just have to get to my phone and hold down a speed dial key and police will show up (they have my location at all times).
I asked, "Did you order us drinks?" She said she didn't, so I offered. She said she didn't trust me because I might run away, so instead she got up and went over to the bar to order drinks. At that time I hit the speed dial and slid my phone across the floor under another table. I don't know why, but it made sense at the time. Police show up, lock down the place, I explain everything, and they arrest her.
In the 'investigation' they determined that three years earlier she was my nurse. I was a diver and had DCI and had a stroke so I was in hyperbarics and then the ICU for sometime. She had started to stalk me back then. I also learned she had been on my employers radar and they neglected to tell me. They knew about it almost the whole time she was stalking me.
In the end, she did jail time for aggravated stalking, unlawful concealed carry, and she lost her nursing license for using her job to obtain information about patients illicitly.
TL;DR: Met 'perfect' girl on Tinder. Show up, fake pictures. Date ends. She pretends to be an old friend to lure me to a pizza place. She has a gun. She goes to jail and I find out she was my nurse years before and was stalking me for three years. I also find out that my employer knew the whole time.
#23
My story definitely isn't half as bad as what others have posted but my experience did send me into a hole of recluse crapiness. He liked me based on my taste of music, not actually for me. At the time (15years ago), hardstyle/trance was still underground and not like it is now in Australia. I happened to be the first girl he had met who liked this music,so he thought I was cool and wanted to date me.
He guilted me into dating him by being 'depressed' and sulking saying I 'wasn't even giving *us* a chance', that it could be something fruitful but we would never know. Big red flag should have been when his idiot friends were contacting me on ICQ (for you youngens, it was how us oldies communicated with each other back in the 1880s via instant messaging) trying to sell him to me. It was all the typical c**p of 'he's a great guy, he hasn't eaten since you turned him down. He doesn't even laugh anymore...' and all of the usual c**p.
Being naive me, I thought 'why not?'. He did seem to make a good case when he said I was denying us a chance.
He definitely proved his worth after a week of 'dating' . He pulled out all of the romantic stuff no guy ever had (even until this day). We went to different high schools, he skipped his final class of school everyday to pick me up from my school and drove me home (1/2hr drive to get to my house then another 1/2 hr drive for him to get to his home). Bought me 'no occasion' flowers, wined and dined me. I really felt stupid for turning him down at first.
A month goes by and he ends our relationship over the phone. But by this time I thought he was the best thing ever, despite not actually having anything in common. I didn't even find him funny but just the way he treated me made me feel like this is what love is meant to be. He just said he wasn't feeling it anymore. I found out the day after from a friend that there was a new girl at their school and he thought she was hot stuff so his thought process was to drop me, woo her and then live a happy life together. Turns out new girl didn't like him and he and his entourage tried the same guilt trip with her. She was a lot smarter than me to continually turn him down.
At the time, I felt like a had a huge hole in my heart. I had never been so spoilt with love in my life. I didn't know how to handle the pain so I wrote poems and listened to sad music (I remember putting 'Vertical horizon - Everything you want' on repeat). I felt stupid to tell my friends about the situation in fear of them saying 'wasn't that the creep who tried to win you over and you weren't interested in him anyway?'.
After a few months of the idiot failing to win the new girl over, guess who came crawling back. I never told him that I knew about his crush on the new girl and his failed attempts of winning her over. He said s**t like 'I realised how much I missed /love you in the last few months, I didn't know what I was thinking when I broke up with you'. It was at that moment I realised that it wasn't losing him that I was upset over, it was the feeling of being love and being spoilt that I missed. I just said 'well the last few months have made me lose feelings for you like you said you had for me'. It still sucked and took me a long time to get over the short lived month of feeling loved. Took me even longer to get over the fact that I was hurt over a bloody con man who didn't even like me for me.
Edit: holy moly, thank you for all of the messages!! I didn't think anyone would read my response being a massive long roll of text.
This was 15 years ago and this story no longer affects me, but I still remember the emotional roller-coaster ride like it was yesterday. It wasn't my first 'love', but it was the first time I felt so extremely hurt and felt 'grown up' (even for a teenager). I have dated since and am currently in a healthy long term relationship.
We all live and learn. There is a sequel to this event (story #2). After this break up, I confided in a 'nice guy' friend, Fred. Not even going to hide his name cos this guy is a stage 1000 weirdo. I told Fred how ripped off I felt and how I could not absolutely believe that I could not get over a relationship lasting only a month when I handled the break up of my 3 year relationship a lot better. He listened to all of my sorrows and said that I will get back on my feet some day. I didn't know he meant that *he* was the one to prop me back on my feet. I told him of the dirty tactics ex-boyfriend used to get me and how uneasy it had made me knowing he was a wreck because of me denying our potential relationship. So Fred thought it would be genius to ask me out the exact same way ex-boyfriend did. Gee who would have thought that would work....again..... Fool me once, amirite?
At first when I said no, he said he was only joking! He just wanted to see how I would react to his demands of dating me. Um yeh ok,I'll just let that slide. He got creepier by saying things like 'stripeypinkpants, how do you know when you love someone?' I can't remember how I dealt with that situation but I remember feeling very awkward. Anyway, he would say these things and let me stew in it.
On the veeerrryyyyy last day of school, he wanted to hang out with me which sounded like fun. Little did I know he had plans to confess his undying love for me. He leant in for a kiss which I blocked with my hand asking wtf he was doing. He sat there tearfully weeping wanting to know why I would submit to one guys demands of dating them but not his. I had enough of his s**t by this time, told him not to talk to me anymore.
He did the exact opposite of that. Would call my home phone A LOT, send me a lot of emails (yahoo days!) and rocked up to my house once (or twice?) unannounced. My mum played the role quite well of 'stripeypinkpants is in trouble and can't talk to boys!!' so he enlisted his female cousin to contact me instead. I remember her telling me 'Fred is really upset you won't give him a chance and said if you don't talk to him in the next 10 minutes, he will drive off a cliff'. Ok whatever dude, I've got other things to do.
Long story short, he did not drive off a cliff and after he was done stalking my friends and I, he eventually gave up and haven't heard from him since.
#24
This will get buried, but I’ll never forget that “nice guy.”
I had been homeless for 2-3 months and I said f**k it and started stripping at a local strip club. I was able to make enough cash a week to finally get a place of my own!
Instead, I wanted roommates so I could use it to go back to school. I found some guys looking for a roommate and I was able to get in there with them.
We all got along. We were all nerds. Me and 1st roommate got along GREAT. 2nd roommate was very quiet and ignored me a lot. After the 3rd month of living together, my 2nd roommate was a complete creep. He would text me ALL the time, asking where I was, who I was with. He would tell me when he graduated (he was 2 semesters away) that we could get married and I would never have to strip again.
He texted me almost every day. I fell asleep once on the couch and this dude groped me while I was asleep. He kissed me without asking. He would constantly take my purse and put it in his room so I had to TALK TO HIM and ask for my stuff was.
After about a month of that stuff, I sort of started sleeping somewhere else (at my boyfriends house or I just wouldn’t go home and stay out until 9am). I would work double shifts at the club, so 2pm until 2am just so I wouldn’t be at the apartment.
I remember this one night I got out of work at 2am and decided to drive to the beach because I didn’t want to go home yet. I’m halfway there when another club calls and asks if I want to work an after hours shift. I say ok and head back. I leave at 5am from that club and head again to the beach to watch the sunrise.
I’m about to hit the bridge to get to the island and creepy roommate calls me. Tells me to come home, that I need to be home and safe, and that he really needs to talk to me. I hang up after I tell him I don’t care and I don’t like him.
I call my other roommate and ask where creepy roommate is. Nice roommate tells me he’s just playing LoL. I flat out sighed and just hung up.
Creepy roommate calls again and tells me he’s going to k**l himself if I don’t go home to him. I hang up and call other roommate again.
Nice roommate tells me that creepy roommate took all the knives into the bathroom and locked himself in there! I’m FURIOUS. Like, this guy was 23 years f*****g old acting like a high school girl having her first break up.
I drive alllll the way back.
I run up stairs, into my apartment and knock on the door. He opens it slowly and I slam it open. I was pissed. I ask him what was SO important that I needed to be home.
He takes me downstairs to his car.
This dude KNEELS DOWN and opens the trunk to his car and there’s a bouquet of FLOWERS. And I’m like: “NO. NO. I DONT LIKE YOU.”
He takes out a paper from his pocket and reads a POEM HE WROTE.
I leave this dude there and just get in my car and take off. Like, I had been telling him almost EVERY DAY to leave alone, that I don’t like him, that I do NOT want to date him, and he just didn’t get the point.
He reached out to me like 2 years after I left that apartment. I told him to leave alone. He then called me a c*m dumpster (I had a baby with someone) and that I was trash and I was the worst thing that ever happened to him.
I hate “nice guys.”
EDIT:
I didn’t get guilted into dating him, but his friends guilted me into being just friends with him. But that’s feeding a fire that leaves permanent marks. I’ll never forget him and everything he has said and done to me.
Beak Hookage 8 hours ago
Aw, but if you'd only given him a chance he'd have treated you like a queen! /sarcasm
#25
I'm a guy and gave a "nice-girl" a chance. She was one of those "I'm not like other girls" girls.
We went out for a casual pizza and beer dinner (this was in college ~12-15 years ago). She kept repeating what we would now call memes, like "OMG pizza is lifestyle choice". Awkwardly charming the first time, but not funny and annoying the 10th time.
She talked about herself the entire time. Most of it was humble bragging about her "faults" like, "Its just that I care too much about my friends" and "I guess I'm just the type of person that's 100% honest and can't accept dishonesty in others". I could have left for 10 minutes and it wouldn't have interrupted her conversation. It was like watching a one person episode of the Gilmore Girls.
Afterwards we left separately and we didn't kiss or anything. The next day over MSN Messenger she asked when our next date was and I polity said I didn't think we had a connection.
She messaged me for about two weeks after that with increasingly desperate things. It started with, "Pick any place, and I'll buy!" to "Feeling lonely tonight, want to come over for some fun" to "[mutual friend who set us up] and I are talking about threesomes and we need your opinion" (a total lie, as I learned from the friend), to a picture of her cleavage.
She started dating some other dude and the messages stopped.
#26
It was when the new Star Wars movie came out and he kept on messaging me on FB (I didn't give him my number) asking to go see it because he knew I was a huge fan.
He was a friend of a friend that I hadn't really talked to and then we were put in the same project group together at university so we spent alot of time working on that. But it was strictly academic. I always used to turn down his not-so-subtle advances and try not to engage with him during our time together.
Anyway one day when it was just the two of us working on our project together in the library, he seemed a little off and I made the mistake of asking if he was alright and he went into this long tale of his grandma being sick in the hospital and how his parents were fighting. Me being the sensitive soul that I am felt bad and was trying to cheer him up. Like I laughed at his cringey jokes and didn't roll my eyes everytime he hit on me. The same night me messaged me of FB asking to see the The Last Jedi (he had asked multiple times before and I said no) adding that it would really cheer him up and needed to have 'one good night'. I agreed and then had to give him my number, which was a huge mistake because he would text me all the freaking time- in the middle of the night, during lectures. Really inappropriate stuff too. Like one time at 3 am he messaged me saying 'he was thinking about me'.
The day we were meant to go he texted me saying we should meet up an hour earlier and go eat before the movie, to which I replied no- this isn't a date we're going as friends. He didn't seem to mind that much. At the cinema he insisted on paying for everything and I didn't want to make a scene so I agreed. The whole time he would make little movements like putting his hand in my back pocket or around my waist and I kept slapping his hand away, and he treated it like a joke. The whole time during the movie he would rest his hand on my knee and I had to subtly move away so his hand graduated to my thigh, at that point I grabbed his hand and moved it. I could barely focus on the movie or swallow my popcorn because he was so grabby. During the end he bent his head and kissed my neck at which point I yelped in shock and decided that I was leaving. I didn't even see of he was following me. He was acting like he hadn't done anything and I just called a taxi to take us to the uni accomadation. I didn't speak to him once except to tell him go to hell and that he was disgusting. Got back to my flat and he was the nerve to ask if 'he's gonna see me again' and tried to kiss me but I pushed him off and he left saying that I had hurt him and tried to act like he was the victim.
Anyway later I found out he had lied about his grandma and just wanted me to feel bad for him🙄.
Kenneth Barns 10 hours ago
"It was when the new Star Wars movie came out ..." Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?
#27
Most were just awkward, but I do remember one that got horrifying. I don’t remember quite how we got on the topic of conversation, but in an attempt to get me to see that feminism was bunk, he asked me “would you rather be r***d, or sent to jail for 20 years?”
Night ended pretty quick after that. I’m still not quite sure what he was going for there except proving the opposite of his argument.
#28
I married him! Literally the best, most reliable, dependable and sweet guy who supports me in absolutely everything. Gives me everything I never knew I needed. He is my absolutely hero and I couldn’t be happier!
#29
I didn't date him, but he and I were close friends in college. He was also very good friends with my boyfriend at the time (I met him through my boyfriend). We used to chat for hours at night (either online or in person) and he was such a fun person to be around.
One night, he sent me a long letter, confessing his interest in me. I was really surprised, because I was young and also hadn't seen any of the traditional flirtatious signs (no sexual innuendos, no coy touching, no lingering eye contact). I said I really cared about him as a friend, but wasn't interested in him that way, and I also pointed out that I was dating his friend. He sent a torrential wave of messages at that point, calling me "shallow", saying I only liked my boyfriend (again, and HIS FRIEND) for his appearance, that I was a fraud, ungrateful, etc. Good times.
#30
He was lovely, then I accidentally got pregnant and he became distant and horrible, and left me to deal with a very difficult situation completely on my own, then broke up with me 2 weeks after saying that ‘whatever relationship he got into, it wasn’t going to be long term and he knew that from the beginning’.
#31
Guilted into having a 1 year relationship with one. He was super nice at first, and I was young and naive. He flirted, seemed nice and honest so I thought "what the hell? Why not give it a go?" big mistake.
Realised quite quickly that he just wasn't for me, we had very different political views, very different opinions on things, he was very degrading of me: made fun of my weight, made me think I was fat (I was not at all, always had a healthy BMI, always have been sporty) but obviously being my young teenage and vulnerable self, that really crushed my self esteem.
So when I finally decided I had the b***s to say i don't wanna be with you anymore, he guilted me into staying with him, saying "you'll never find a guy who'll love you like I love you" or "if you leave me i'll k**l myself" and all the rest of the typical reasons a "nice guy" will use to guilt you into staying.
In the end I ghosted him, we were supposed to meet up, but I never showed up, I changed my number, deleted social media for a couple of years, moved out. Never heard from him again, which I am very pleased to say.
#32
I wasn't necassarily "guilted" - my parents liked him and that's probably why I didn't cut him out sooner. I never really saw him as a romantic interest, he obviously did.
On paper, I guess he was a good "candidate". He had a good job, was politically active (not for a party I liked, but my parents liked it) etc. But he had this creepy, controlling thing about him. Like he said he'd " help me lose weight" while I was having hot chocolate (despite never being officially together). He had gotten a matching scarfication with an ex (I mean not huge, but a little star, but still). He sort of convinced me to a bar I told him I didn't want to go to. He was manipulative.
Bottom line is, while my parents apparntly found him the ideal son on law, I wasn't into him. I thought he was too old for me, wasn't attracted to him, and our ideologies and personalities clashed.
We went for drinks a couple of times, and it only enforced our differences every time.
Even years later my mom was like - oh, he was nice! Why did it never become a thing.
#33
It was at the point in my life where I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t a lesbian. A (now ex) friend told him I wanted to go out with him, and I didn’t like him that much, but I didn’t want to let him down because he didn’t have a lot of friends. It was horrible. He talked about two things: himself and politics. This was in Obama’s second term, and he was conservative. Not like, “socially liberal, economically conservative” he was “If I could join the K*K and shoot the n***** terrorist in the White House, I would.” Actual quote. By the end of this, I was absolutely sure I was gay. It may seem harsh, judging all guys by one crazy, but seeing the extreme made me realize, “why am I even here? I don’t like boys!” So we paid for the bagels we got, and I gently told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. He starts bawling, and asked me why. I told him, “Nice Guy, you’re alright, and I’m sure you’ll find someone, but I like girls. I’m sorry I led you on, I didn’t mean to.” He gets MAD. Starts yelling about what a c*nt I am and how I’m gonna burn in Hell. He punched me in the nose and leaves. It wasn’t hard enough to break it, but it was bleeding for a while.
#34
I worked with a guy who didn't so much guilt me as tricked me into a date.
We became friends at work, and he invited me over to hang out. Everyone hung out with everyone, so I didn't think anything of it.
He suggests we go get something to eat and we show up at a nice restaurant. Later he presents me with flowers and grabs my hand.
My "oh-s**t-he-thinks-this-is-a-date" bell rings.
Maybe I misread the situation, but there was NOTHING alluding* to a date before this.
Also I was pregnant by someone else at the time, so, maybe he should have read the situation.
He was one of those guys that is overly nice to the point where you think, "okay, what is he hiding?"
My friend dated him later, and when they broke up, they remained friends. He told her how I was the one and he was in love with me.
*Edit: Word
Edit 2: Forgot to add that when I used the bathroom there was a LOT of thick hair in his waste basket. It was straight though, so I was confused. I panicked, because some manscaping was happening, which meant he probably thought he was getting s*x.
Told friend and she said he shaves his armpits. Weird, but thankfully not pubes.
#35
It was fine for a year, then he became abusive. I wasted 4 years of my life with him, now I have panic attacks when his name is mentioned.
#36
He was the first guy I ever really dated. We were in high school. We'd been friends for a long time, probably since elementary school, and then we started dating when I was a freshman. He was initially really nice, seemed to respect me and had an interest in what I was interested in. I was head over heels for him. I never knew that I was worthy enough to be loved, so I was willing to do things that I shouldn't have in order to keep that feeling of being loved intact.
As time went on, things began to go downhill. He started comparing me to other girls in the school, making note of what features that he preferred on them and telling me that it's too bad that I didn't have them. He started telling me that I needed to "dress nicer." I'd always been a "jeans and t-shirts" kind of gal, but he specified he wouldn't talk to me unless I wore certain things. My makeup had to be done a certain way, and he began pressuring me to dye my hair blonde (I'm a Pacific Islander). I never went full blonde, but I did get dramatic highlights due to the pressure. He said I should lose weight. He told me that I needed to pick him up from school in the morning since I had purchased my own car and had the ability to drive before he did. A lot of my funds from working went to him, as he demanded an allowance. He did not have a job. After he found out that I didn't believe in a god, he began forcing me to go to church with him on Sundays and to read from the Bible throughout the week. He texted me sometimes to let me know that he was masturbating to p**n of some "hot chicks" and that I should take lessons from them.
It eventually came to the point that he pressured me into having s*x with him, convincing me that it was the only way for me to show him that I loved him. A**l s*x was pretty much the only thing that he did. Despite me giving him oral when he requested it, he never returned the favor after one time, as he claimed I "tasted awful." He took photographs of us having s*x and regularly demanded s*x after school functions. I found out at one point that he showed pictures of us together to his friends and told them "how much of a s**t I was for him."
Even after all of this, he would sometimes buy me gifts. Send me messages telling me that he loved me. Wrote me notes and handed them to me in class. Told me that he was doing me a favor by loving "someone like me." It was so confusing. I eventually did break up with him. It took extreme measures to get him to stop stalking me.
I think that relationship has still had damaging effects on me to this day.
Edit: Fixed some redundancy.
#37
AW MAN
One of my first "boyfriends" ever just decided we were dating- I guess because he kissed me and I didn't smack him? I was more in shock than anything.
He was kind of your standard nice guy, and I didn't know how to break up with him because he was friends with all of my friends, and also even my mom said it would be mean. Thanks, Mom. This guy regularly showed up at work, at my friends' houses, and he would call me three or four times a day. If I didn't answer my cell, he'd call the landline, and I'd have to yell "Please don't answer!" because I didn't want to talk to him.
(I know this doesn't paint me well in terms of communication, and that's fair- keep in mind I was 17, and he was 20)
Finally, he told me he loved me, and I broke up with him.
He proceeded to continue to show up at work, and my friend's houses, and call three or four times a day, and even show up at my mom's funeral. I know he did all of those things because he cared deeply about me, and he wanted to comfort me, but I don't think he had neeeeearly enough self-awareness to realize how terrified I was of him by that point.
He's reached out to me as recently as two years ago (It's been ten years now), saying he wants to be friends.
#38
When we eventually broke up he would tell me he wanted to k**l himself a lot...
But when we were actually dating he wasn't too bad, lied a bit and spread things about me that weren't true but nothing too bad.
Édit: I broke up with him because of the lies and spreading things, I understand that it is not okay behaviour but it just wasn't anything insane. J*****s things to do but nothing story worthy.
#39
My wife was hounded by a "nice guy", who even hounded me [to try and scare me off?] when we were dating as teenagers.
Way back when, my wife worked with Nice Guy [NG] who was madly in love with her. She never knew this, and didn't like him in that respect. She was friends with him, as they both had another mutual male friend. He asked her to go to the cinema once, she said yes "as a friend" and he tried to take it further. She politely turned him down saying they were good friends, and nothing more.
Some months later, she met me. I knew the previously mentioned mutual friend, and we hit it off. We didn't officially get together for a few months, but we both liked each other, we were both just crazy shy. As I knew the mutual friend, NG hung out with me a lot more often as well, as we all tended to hang around together.
In more private moments, he would tell me things about her, like "oh my god she's a massive h*e, she kisses everybody" and stuff like that. Me being me, I give people the benefit of the doubt until I witness something with my own eyes. It turned out to be very not true at all, and something he was making up to scare me off. He also would tell me she's still hung up on her ex, that her ex is a crazy person. He once invited her ex out with us, (who I never did meet in the end), thinking it'd scare me off for some reason, yet I welcomed it as I'm sure he was a nice guy. Otherwise he was constantly sucking up to her, and I'm sure telling her things about me that he'd made up.
A month or so later, we officially hooked up on a night out together, with me "officially" asking her out and her kissing me, while we were all out together in a night club. Everybody saw and cheered as we'd been obviously into each other for a long time. NG saw this and was visibly upset. He kicked a bottle across the dance floor, and was then almost thrown out by the bouncer. He later came to me and shook my hand saying "the best man won". F**k you, you p***k, it wasn't a contest, she's not a "prize" and I'm not competing. If she told me she wasn't into me, that'd be totally fine, as we were also pretty good friends by that time.
Our mutual friend later told me that NG had broke down crying in front of him saying it "wasn't fair" and other s**t about how I "beat him to the punch" and was seeing "his girl", despite her never being into him at all....like ever.
That was 12 years ago now. I dealt with him a few other times after that, when he dated a friends sister, and he acted like a complete tool then as well, [even going so far as to have him challenge me to a fight, which I accepted and he instantly backed down, and to be fair he probably would have kicked my a*s as well, I've never been in a fight before or since]. I haven't seen him in years and hope he's gotten over himself a little bit.
Very happy not to be seeing him any time soon.
#40
I went out with this guy I met while I was in a cafe alone. I was 17. He knew that. But while he was talking I figured out he was 30+. Creeped me out because he knew my age from the beginning and still wanted us to go out. D**n I was a dumb kid.
#41
He brought flowers to my dorm aka everyone I lived with saw him walk in with a huge (inappropriate for a first "date" imo) bouquet and assumed we were a couple. He made small talk with a few people as he waited on me in the lobby, later adding them on Facebook since he would "definitely be seeing them again." He did a lot of things you're "supposed" to do.. opened the car door, paid for dinner, etc. But I could feel that underneath it all I was accumulating a debt. Like now I owed him. My gut feeling was right, as after that he started harassing me, letting me know that I owed him a second date. Actually, that "I owed him a second date.. or more ;)" Gross. Eventually I just stopped responding to his texts. I realized afterwards I should have trusted my gut and avoided him in the first place. So I'll take the blame for that.
#42
He seemed genuinely nice, and despite a couple of my friends warning me what an a*s he was, I went on a date with him.
Things started out fine, we went for beer and wings. We talked about work and mutual activities. Then he started talking about how he'd like to make enough money to keep a housewife. Which is fine, I'm just not interested in that sort of life and I was happy to know we were incompatible early on. When the time came I asked for the bills to be seperate, and he got very upset with me. The waitress was visibly uncomfortable and I didn't want to argue so I just let him pay. So, he walked me home, we said goodbye and I walked inside. He held the door and said "Where's my kiss?" I asked him what he was talking about and he said "I paid so I deserve a kiss or more." I shook my head, shut the door and locked it.
He went on to tell some of our friends we had s*x and I was in love with him because he's such a gentleman. A couple close friends know what actually happened because I hung out with them after the date, but I didn't bother setting him straight.
#43
S****y. Knew he liked me for a while, I had joined a friend group in my last year of high school and he was in it, so we became friends and it became obvious pretty quickly. Skipping class to hang out with me, buying me gifts, etc even though I was kind of with someone at the time. Eventually things ended with the other person so in my naivety I figured I should give him a chance... even though I had no romantic interest in him. We started going out, in the first week there was a night we were hanging with friends and he got so drunk so fast and everyone expected me to take care of him. Wasn't happy but oh well. As things continued on, it happened a few times. He also wanted to hang out or talk to me all the time. We almost never hung out with other friends, I figured they were all busy. He became so clingy and jealous so fast, while also being incredibly self depricating and putting me on a pedestal. Finally I couldn't do it anymore, after only 3 or so months, broke up with him. Found out he had been cancelling plans or avoiding making plans with people, even on days I worked, "in case I'd be done early". They all thought I was being a possessive b***h but nope he was just obsessed. He half stalked me for about 2 years afterwards.
He seems to be doing better now though, and he wasn't "incel" or a total p***k. Just thought I was "too good for him" and tried to make my world revolve around him which isn't my thing.
Edit: grammar.
#44
Poorly. I married one.
I was very young and stupid and had extremely low self-esteem. He wasn't that good looking and was extremely awkward. But at first he seemed sweet enough and the guys that he worked with actually begged me to go out with him because he was too shy to ask me. The guys he worked with were affable enough and I liked them. Why not?
Our first date was kind of awkward but he came across as very sweet. I fell for it.
Slowly, things took a turn. It was so slow I did not realize what was happening. This is the way a lot of abusive relationships go. Starts out fine and then one day you realize that you're being manipulated, you're miserable, and the person you thought was great is actually terrorizing you-- but it's too late. He was never physically abusive but he would constantly call me a w***e because I had dated other guys before him and had (note past tense) guy friends. He alienated me from all of my friends. He constantly tried to guilt me for wanting to spend time with my family. During the entire duration of the 3-year relationship, I was *allowed* to go on an outing to a theme park with my sisters once. And I had to bring him back gifts or else he'd be mad (I think it was more about making sure I was still thinking about him while I was out without him-- he could not stand never having attention from me).
It was hell, I hated my life, I gained 60 miserable pounds because when I wasn't working, I was pretty much imprisoned in our house and didn't have anything to do except for eat and watch television (bad neighborhood, no yard, so I couldn't even really go outside). He also controlled all of our money, although I earned more than he did. I was not allowed to spend money on myself and when I did it was a huge guilt trip. When I got a new job I bought myself a $50 purse (with his supposed blessing in the store) and the whole way home from the outlet mall he berated me for how spoiled and entitled I was. We had $5,000 in savings and no real bills, because his family pretty much paid them all and the house was free to him. He squandered thousands on video games, pokemon cards, and action figures though and that was fine.
Once I graduated college I got a good job with some wonderful coworkers who helped open my eyes to how weird he was and how I didn't have to live like I was. That I was good enough to make it on my own and good enough that if I wanted, I probably wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life, like he'd convinced me I would be. Because of them, I got creative and started walking on my lunch breaks and counting calories. They really encouraged me. I'm so lucky that they were there for me, a woman 15 years younger with a husband who would sometimes pop into my workplace and make things awkward (because he noticed I was changing and had to check up on me, you see), instead of firing me because my then-husband was behaving inappropriately at my place of employment.
I lost the 60 pounds, left him, and got a new boyfriend (who also sucked, but for different reasons-- recovering from your lowest low takes time I suppose). It's been almost 10 years now but I was able to regain and rebuild the friendships I had lost, I eventually started dating my now-husband, who was one of those friendships, and I'm happy and healthy with a wonderful little family of my own.
If you're in a relationship where you feel stuck like this and are miserable, it can get better. You don't have to live your life that way, and you don't deserve to live your life that way.
#45
I wasn't exactly guilted, but we had many mutual friends and acquaintances. He seemed nice enough, I had a hint of "nice guy" but I thought it wasn't fair to label him without actually getting to know him. I had gotten out of a very long-term relationship and felt maybe I was being TOO picky and I should open my horizons. He was an hour late (I only stayed because I didn't want to waste my expensive drink) and then spent the entire evening contradicting me, and not in a polite/common discussion type of way. He would get visibly annoyed if we disagreed even on a common topic. There were many gems, but some of them really stood out - he told me he would not be upset if President Obama was assassinated, which set my radar off but the real jaw dropper was yet to come. (We did not politically agree, but regardless, I would very much feel terrible if someone I didn't like, politically or otherwise, was m******d.)
He then told me "you know, I have to be honest, I am really surprised you aren't a shallow b***h since you're really pretty and friendly. I used to think you would just be fake friendly." I honestly wish I was lying, but nope, he said that word for word. I had no idea how to respond, and I think my jaw hung open for a minute or so. I was genuinely shocked that not only did someone at all, but especially on a date with me say that, but said it thinking I would take it as a compliment. He then left me in the rain when his Uber came first.
He texted me a ton after that for a second date because he apparently thought the first went swimmingly. I tried to gently part ways and say I didn't think it was going to work out, and although I'm not an easy to offend person, his assumptions of me had really been hurtful to me. He 1000000% considered himself a Nice Guy, and after that date I knew my original feeling had been right.
Multa Nocte 8 hours ago
"S****y"? Do I even want to know? BP, why do you sponsor articles that you have to cut out many of the words?
What do you think ?
Kohl_Keene 2 hours ago
I’ve never know a legit nice guy proclaim to everyone he was nice and no one would date him. Funny how that works
Kohl_Keene 2 hours ago
I’ve never know a legit nice guy proclaim to everyone he was nice and no one would date him. Funny how that works
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