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When you hear the term "nice guy", what comes to your mind? If you imagined a gentle and thoughtful fellow always ready to lend a helping hand, consider yourself lucky. You see, it means something else in the dating culture — men who act all chivalrous in public but change for the worse behind closed doors.
These insecure men believe they are entitled to romantic relationships and deserve to be rewarded with physical affection because of their allegedly kind personalities. Well, women who encountered them while navigating the dating maze say otherwise.
Redditor targetgoldengoose raised a question to fellow members of Ask Reddit: "Has anyone ever given a 'nice guy' a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen?" Below, we selected some of the best answers, but be warned — some of them might make your blood boil. Continue scrolling and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public.
I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, “We have two” when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny.
We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress - not me!
I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely.
RELATED:
#2
I use to be one of those guys. Always in the friend zone. Back messages. Why won’t they give me a chance? Keep giving them chances to give me a chance. Why do they keep going for the jerks?
I got lucky. I was hanging out at a girls house with a bunch of friends. Huge house. Her Mom knew all of us and could see what was going on. Her Mom and I crossed paths one night away from the others and we got to talking. I mentioned how hard I was trying and how lonely I was and no one would give me a chance. She said maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I kept giving them too many chances. They knew they could always come back if they wanted. Instead of trying to be what they wanted, just be myself. Give someone a chance and if it doesn’t work out, there’s more fish in the sea.
It really caught my attention. I still think about that conversation regularly. Instead of trying to fit myself into someone’s life because I found them attractive, I started finding people attractive who were more like me. I started dating a larger variety of people. I broke up with people when I wasn’t happy instead of trying to stick it out for sex.
I became much more happy myself. Eventually I met a waitress where a really good friend of mine worked. We hung out. I asked one time if she’d like a back message, and she said yes. We moved in. We got married. We have two wonderful kids.
The problem was I kept trying to fit myself into someone else’s life and expecting to be compensated. But I turned it around and got my own life. Then found someone who’s life meshed with mine. No “compensation” needed. Sex happens when we are horny (and the kids cooperate by not staying up too late. XD ). It doesn’t hinge on things. It’s its own thing.
Anyway, just thought my story might be helpful to someone.
To learn more about the "nice guy" syndrome (NGS), we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. "[It] of course isn’t an actual psychiatric disorder or condition, but a term coined on the Internet to describe a social phenomenon that has existed for a long time," he told Bored Panda.
"NGS is essentially the mindset and approach of many guys toward women. It rests on one of two premises: that women should like, want to date, or want to sleep with them because they are 'nice guys', or that being a 'nice guy' entitles them to the attention and affection of women."
Dr. Matthews explained that the first premise makes logical sense to these guys "because people like or are more attracted to nice people, right? The second is more extreme, given the sense of entitlement that some of these guys feel, and this suggests deeper issues like narcissism or even sociopathy/psychopathy. They may see it as, 'Ok, I’ve done the work, now it’s time for me to be paid'."
#3
I was the ‘nice guy’ who got turned down for a second date. I said the same bulls**t that any ‘nice guy’ says when that happens, ie) all women are the same, say they want nice guys, only date assholes, etc.
She said ‘Well, fine, let’s have that second date but doesn’t it make you feel weird to have to convince someone to date you? Don’t you want someone who wants to be with you?’
Me: ...
Changed absolutely everything about dating for me.
#4
My sister did... She is a hairstylist and one of her clients was very aggressive about asking her out. He repeatedly bought flowers, concert tickets, and other gifts which he brought to her at work, and she said no each time because he seemed a little off.
He got in a car accident and was really badly injured, and she felt sorry for him so she went out with him finally. They dated a few months before breaking up, I don't know the exact reason why. But after that he started stalking her.
It's been over 5 years since then and he is still keeping tabs on her. She's reported him to the police multiple times, has a restraining order, and has blocked him on FB/everywhere else, but every few months he finds a way to contact her.
So if you get weird vibes from someone, don't give them a chance or you might end up with a lifelong stalker like my sister has.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 2 years ago
Been stalked three times. It is not pleasant. All I can say is thank god for California gun laws, background checks, and restraining orders.
#5
I did. It was like dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Treated me like royalty when he was pleased with my behavior, then either snapped into a rage or retreated into wounded silence at the slightest perceived wrongdoing. Expected me to be the Madonna and the Whore, whichever he preferred at the time, and if I failed to anticipate his will, I was shamed and berated. Never a-f***ing-gain.
When asked what causes such behavior, the psychologist mentioned that there isn’t any one thing that can lead to this kind of ideology or behavior, but if he had to point out a few things, it would be low self-confidence or self-esteem, anxiety, depression, narcissism, or other psychological issues.
"It could also be a rigid concept of dating and relationships, that exhibiting certain behavior (i.e. 'nice') is going to lead to an expected outcome. Or, it could be a belief that being 'nice' is a good relationship strategy," Dr. Matthews said and added that perhaps it’s worked for them before, this is the persona a guy has taken on, or they have seen it on TV or movies.
#6
I dated a guy in High school. Relationship was ok but it was long distance so we amicably ended it. He was the one that brought it up and I agreed. Fast forward 6 months and he randomly messages me. Everything is friendly until I mention that I have a new boyfriend. The conversation did a quick 180 from Hi how are you to You'll never find someone like me and how could I start dating again so soon. I blocked his ass real fast. And he was right, I never did find another guy like him because I married the new boyfriend and we're still together 18 years later.
#7
A girlfriend told me that when she was still new to dating, she gave a nice guy a shot. They were in different states and after weeks of "owing him" a sexy picture or video she agreed to FaceTime him with a wink wink agreement that things might get steamy.
The day comes and this 300lb unwashed dude called her (190lb, 5'6) "nice, but bigger than he liked" and suggested she start working out. He then pushed for an in-person visit near him so that he could show her the wonders of carnal things.
She ghosted him shortly after that.
#8
I was once in a similar situation. I dated a sweet guy. But honestly, “sweet” is subjective. He was a gentleman, but he INSISTED on ALWAYS opening the car door for me (he literally would not let me touch the car handle, like at all), letting me eat first ALWAYS (instead of both at the same time cause honestly it’s not a biggie for me), commented that I should never cut my hair, etc...
I felt like I was with a man from the 50s. It was draining to be treated “like a queen” instead of an equal. Other than that, he was okay.
Anyways, when I broke up with him, I felt like he didn’t want to let me go. Like I had to explain over and over again that I wasn’t feeling it and that he deserved someone that would feel the same way about him.
He hung up the phone with, “you don’t know what you missed out on.”
... Mmmm... Okay, I guess...
Alma Muminovic 2 years ago
Lol they love to say that. Like we didn’t just go on a date and didn’t feel it and know exactly what we missed out on cause we did so by choice.
#9
He sent me over 26 texts a day telling me I’m a worthless b**ch, deserve to get raped to loosen my holes, that he hopes I die, that I’m a sociopathic c**t, and everything else you could imagine, for months, just because I told him we should be friends only (after giving him a chance after his tantrum). I was scared to block at first because he knew my address but I’ve finally blocked him
K- THULU 2 years ago
WTF? Honestly what is it with these guys, I mean, fk! what is it with this s**t! Fk! Fk! God it drives me CRAZY! I JUST WANNA CHOKE THE FKN LIFE OUT OF THEM! ARRRRGH! Drives me fkn nuts stories like this! Fine, I'm a middle aged anarcho/ socialist punk for whom feminism is a moot point with me , it goes without saying, i was raised with the principles of absolute equality! But these day, i just don't know. Even a pacifist like me just wants to kill these cnts! Fk em all!
However, the so-called "nice guys" can turn into men who endorse toxic masculinity. Dr. Matthews argued that most of these fellows believe they are genuinely good people and perhaps the opposite of "abusive, sexist, alpha male" types.
"Of course, it’s good to be nice, meaning kind, honest, genuine, respecting boundaries, and so on — but NGS is a more extreme version of that. It discounts the fact that women have free will, and who they are and are not attracted to does not always have to do with how nice they are." So when it doesn’t work out for them, "they are going to be hurt and upset, and are going to blame either the world or the woman."
When men act like this enough times, it leads to negative attitudes about women — from "they don’t know what they’re missing" to "they don’t know what they want" to "they’re stupid" to "how dare she reject me". Since guys believe their behavior should be rewarded, they are likely to feel rejected and perhaps hurt very personally when this doesn’t happen, Dr. Matthews explained.
#10
Way too many times in college. I had guys in the "friend zone" who I decided to give a chance because I was stupid and I felt sorry for them
I last straw was when a guy took me shopping. I said "yes" in lonely desperation on a Friday night, this was a Saturday afternoon.
After every store I went into he would either criticize me for not wanting him to buy me anything (I'm not much of a shopper anyways) or ask me for sex because he bought me a used videogame I wanted.
Never again. There's a good reason incels are incels
#11
The more I read these kinds of posts, the more I cringe. Not only because of the entitled, manipulative and selfish behavior of these "nice guys", but because I think I was one. I recognize a lot these behaviors as things that I felt, though didn't act on most of them. I didn't get a girlfriend until my first year of college, and looking back, I pouted when she turned me down for sex, bargained with her for sex, tried to guilt her into it, and internally raged at the fact that though we had lost our virginity to one another, we rarely repeated the act. I never blew up on her, but rather internalized it in a shame spiral that f***ed me up for years. I thought I was ennobled by my reverence of her, that I was different from other guys because "I was a nice guy who treated her like a queen". But I didn't. I'm pushing 40 now, and looking at my younger self, I was on a dangerous path towards abusive behavior. We broke up after 2 years, and I met another girl who was more compatible sexually, but the possessiveness continued. I was distracted by the abundance of sex, so I didn't work on the issues I should have. I don't know if we just grew apart because college was wrapping up, or if the slow acting poison of my smothering behavior killed things from within, and she broke up with me a month before graduation. But in the end, with a lot of introspection, I learned how to treat people with dignity and recognized their needs and desires had exactly as much value as my own. I think its hard for some people to process their feelings. We feel them, so we have to be right. Its the other person who just doesn't get it. Thats not an excuse, but recognizing the flaws in that thinking can lead to growth and becoming a better person and partner.
Cold Contagious 2 years ago
It's good that he got some clarity about his feelings and behaviors.
#12
I dated a nice guy for 7 months after he cried and begged. He was a 'friend' and he made me laugh so I figured 'why not'.
It was the longest 7 months of my life. He didn't let me have friends. He didn't want me to get a job (he said I'd f**k the customers), he cried all the time (especially when he suspected that I loved my sisters more than him). He ended up cheating on me by writing love songs/poems to girls online. I was so happy he did that cause I thought I had to wait until 'he did something' to warrant breaking up. Even when I confronted him, he insisted we just go on a break.
Yeah that was the f***ing worst. Don't give 'nice guys' a chance
When it comes to getting rid of NGS, men need to reflect on and change their attitudes about women, dating, relationships, and so on since these attitudes appear to drive the behavior. "Gaining insight into having these attitudes and then where they came from would be an important starting point."
"This can be done through self-reflection, reading books or articles, watching videos, and of course going to therapy. Even without a sense of entitlement or ever doing anything 'harmful' to a woman, NGS is certainly an ineffective way to go about relationships, and it does include an element of manipulation. It’s unlikely that even a 'successful' relationship that started this way would work out in the long run."
#13
I didn't, but my friend did.
See, me and This Guy had a Mutual Friend. This Guy saw himself as a white knight and would use that term to describe himself. He had a code of honour, and he was always somebody who'd walk the girl home, lend out his jacket, that sort of thing.
Well, Mutual Friend was asked out by This Guy, and he threw a fit when she turned him down. So, she gave him a chance. At first, she was happy. He pulled out chairs, lent her his jacket, brought her gifts, that kind of thing. But... it became apparent that he was incredibly possessive and things were always on his terms. So, they broke up.
About six months after This Guy was dumped, he decided he liked me. Telling him I wasn't interested didn't work the first or second time, so the third time I decided to just come out and tell him I was asexual. I hadn't done so before because I wasn't sure how he'd take it. He decided that I was lucky he was such a nice guy, because if he wasn't then he'd have taken that as a challenge.
I haven't hung out with This Guy since then. Just, no.
#14
Yes. This. He stopped any form of compliments or encouragement and I found myself desperately trying to seek his approval (my own issues, definitely, can't blame him for having them). But he seemed to take pleasure in withholding affection from me and using insults, put downs, and back handed compliments to keep me in a cycle of walking on egg shells.
#15
Yes. Turns out he is extremely racist, sexist, and could not make me orgasm for the life of him.
As for women who encounter these "nice guys", Dr. Matthews noted it’s important to recognize when a guy is acting this way since their behavior is often not as kind as it seems. "There is a difference between being a friend and playing the nice role in hopes of some reward. If possible, women should pay attention to any signs, since “nice guy” behavior can … escalate in the form of bigger gestures, increased touching or affection, or suggesting or asking for things in return."
It would be a good idea to back away and not to have it go any farther, "or tell the person that you appreciate their kindness or support, but you are ok now. One could also call a guy out if they felt comfortable, but again some of these guys can feel quite rejected and may get very angry and lash out. And in a small number of cases, they can become aggressive or resort to tactics like blackmail to try to get what they want."
"This is a real problem that women deal with. At best, it’s just guys without the confidence to go about showing interest in a more direct way or with unrealistic ideas about relationships. There is likely a spectrum of manipulative behavior they use to try to get women to like them, but at worst, it is based on sexism or a toxic view of women and relationships, as well as narcissism," Dr. Matthews concluded.
#16
Even in the comments most of these guys turn out to be super manipulative.
My sister had a "nice guy" friend in HS. At first he was a great guy but as he got more impatient with her "deciding whether or not to date him" he became very manipulative.
"So since we're just friends, I guess it was ok for me to go to VS with my ex and watch her try on lingerie? Even though we broke up, my opinion still matters to her because I'm such a good guy."
My innocent and self conscious sister who didn't want to sound like a control freak "no. I guess that's cool."
One week later they're dating.
Mean comments all throughout the relationship:
"Btw my friends think you're stupid, but I defended you"
"Btw my brother thinks you're a b**ch, but I defended you. Now my brother and I aren't talking. You matter more."
On the phone: sister talking about her day
Boyfriend barely paying attention, "Wow. Cool. Ok. Wait what? Sorry playing video games"
Sister sincerely, "oh well if you're busy I can call you back later"
Blow up, "ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU REALLY THINK ID RATHER PLAY GAMES THAN TALK TO YOU? THATS WHAT YOU THINK OF ME? ARE YOU REALLY THAT SHALLOW? F**K YOU!" CLICK
After that I told her to dump him but he called back crying and apologizing, so she gave him another chance. Eventually she broke up with him and the next day he skipped school and had his friends tell her that he slit his wrists last night and was in ICU because of her.
She called me flipping out saying I needed to take her to the hospital to see him. I showed up at the school with a peach bellini to calm her down (low alcohol. She was only a junior after all. What are older sisters for). She was all "ok so which hospital is he at?"
I explained that he wasn't in ICU. He was home playing video games. She didn't believe me. He had already blocked her on FB but I was still his friend so I showed her all his posts front that day "taking some "me" time guys!" "I finally beat final fantasy!" "Home alone! S'mores for lunch?"
Yeah she never talked to him again.
**Guys this blew up. Thank you for all your support and addaboys..addagirls.
Kantami Blossom 2 years ago
Should have kicked his friends asses for lying like that, I would knock out someone if they tried to get me to tell a girl they were in hospital after a suicide attempt just to get them some pity.
#17
It was my first experience on OkCupid.
The guy seemed ok on paper, we swapped non nude pictures so none of us would be surprised with the way we looked. We talked on Skype for 2 weeks because at the time I was in campus town and scrolling OkCupid for my hometown. I told him I would be back home after finals and that it would take 2-3 weeks before we could meet in person.
It was good to talk to someone who wasn't outright trying to sexualize/fetishize me. I don't remember the convos, but I thought it was good enough to meet him in person.
Anyway, so we meet. I got dressed up and he was in t-shirt and cargo pants. I bought us both a latte (it was a coffee date). We sat down, and he talked mostly about himself and his job. At some point, he stood up, walked behind me, and started giving me a shoulder rub, while I was seated. I never asked for a massage and why would I accept one in public?
I got bored, so I pretexted a family supper to leave and he was like "Uh, too bad, I could have had brought you home" and I thought "I thought I told him already it wasn't going to happen so soon".
I decide to let him know on Skype that there wasn't any spark and that I wished him good luck on OkCupid. AND HE EXPLODED AT ME. How all women are the same, we want nice gentle guy, but won't give them a chance. How "sparks" are made up by rom com to trick women and in real life it doesn't happen instantly. How I led him on because we talked for weeks and now I just decide not to push it further. How he is done with women. And so on.
Then he blocked me.
#18
Oooh, finally my time to... shine? I guess? In high school I briefly dated a "nice guy" (complete with an actual fedora in 2000 before they were really a thing - thanks art school!) I had been in a really horrible, abusive relationship with a guy in his 20s just before, and in fairness my "nice guy" then-friend had been instrumental in helping me to realize how f***ed up our vibe was and helping me to leave an objectively horrible situation.
He then promptly swooped in and started pushing for romantic intimacy between us. He never actually declared feelings - he was never that straightforward about his own thoughts and desires - just talked about the way I deserved to be treated (like a queen, obvs) and made it clear he felt he was the only one who would give me that. Many of my friends were pushing for it as well - he was nice, afterall, and my previous boyfriends had been so objectively awful.
I felt a lot of obligation and kind of went along on autopilot. There was a lot of negotiation around anything sexual - "I treat you so well, don't you want to?" from him and "I know you want to treat me like a lady so you'll be okay to take it slow" from me. One of the hardest parts was that he clearly wasn't out to hurt me or to f**k me. The sexual acts between us (we never slept together, but did other things that seemed like a huge deal to teenaged me) were only a demonstration - proof that I loved him. That was what he wanted. But I didn't, and I really thought that meant there was something wrong with me.
In the end, I only lasted about a month. He decorated my locker, brought flowers, and left notes for me taped to my desk in each of my classes to "celebrate" our f***ing one month anniversary. I was mortified. My math teacher caught a good look at my face (before I managed to plaster a smile back on) as I opened the note he had left in her class. She asked me to stay back after for what turned out to be one of the most important talks in my life (Mrs. Brown, just the best). I felt panicked, telling her over and over how happy and lucky I was. She kept asking questions until I burst into tears and it all just came out. I don't really remember what all she said, but I remember her saying "it's okay to be alone." She said it over and over, like Robin Williams going "it's not your fault" in Good Will Hunting.
And soon enough I was. I broke up with him - kindly but firmly, and about 5 different times before he accepted it. He cried. He got angry. Absurdly, insanely, his mom called my mom, who dropped the hammer on her in a way I haven't seen before or since. I took a ton of s**t at school for "breaking his heart" and "ruining his life" but I felt so free that I didn't really mind. I dated around, but didn't have a "boyfriend" again until I was 21. It was, truly, okay (and important, and necessary) to be alone.
We also managed to get in touch with the author of this post, targetgoldengoose. "I was completely fed up with the amount of messages I was getting on Facebook and Reddit," the user explained why she decided to post this question on Ask Reddit. "Just the hint that you are female brought out the worst in men on certain social media platforms.”
"I had posted it because I had a particular person that just didn't get the hint that I was happily married and I didn't want their attention," she told Bored Panda. "Then I thought to myself, you know, what would actually happen if you did go out with someone who was a bit socially inept, who considers himself a self-proclaimed 'nice guy'." However, she never expected the thread to get this much attention.
So many women started sharing their own "nice guy" stories. Targetgoldengoose thinks that the reason behind this is that "our society is starting to degrade very badly, [and] there aren't enough people who are willing to correct other people when they are obviously being a bad person."
#19
Ahhh my time to shine! I met him on Tinder. He seemed like a really nice guy.
He wasn’t bad looking and was a little dorky. Just how I like them. He was in school and a hardworking guy, so he seemed nice.
On our first date he took me to eat wings and everything went well.
Then s**t got weird. On our second date he drove us to the place and he started doing this weird thing where he would get out the car, and then LOCK ME inside while he came around to open the door. I understand he probably wanted to be chivalrous but that was a bit strange. He could’ve just said “I’ll get the door.”
Then he started texting me nonstop asking when we would hang out and stuff. Even when I told him I was busy and I had things to do. If I didn’t answer him on time he would blow up my phone. He also had this weird thing where he had braces because in his teens he had had crooked teeth and whenever I would tell him off, he would be like “you’ll see jakebakescakes, whenever I get my braces taken off you’ll regret treating me like this”. Like what??? You’re the one blowing me up.
The final nail on the coffin was when I went to his house and we were in his bed, I told him I didn’t want to do anything and then we started making out, and I still told him I don’t want to any further than that and he still tried to put his p*nis inside me.
I guess he felt like he deserved it because we went out on a couple of dates.
#20
Yes. The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends he would be upset that I was having fun without him. He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi staked me for a couple of years. Had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes
#21
I've had this situation too. Dated a guy for a few mths. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self deprecating way that was gross, that he has "won the lotto" and I was "out of his league", no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public.
It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about "but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!". When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, full cry melt down. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid wknd early because he made everyone so f***ing uncomfortable. Broke up with him that wknd, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to gtfo of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. Had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc).
I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favour, don't date that person.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 2 years ago
Had an ex who wanted to be "Treated li a queen". She acted like a spoiled princess and then tied me up in my sleep and held a knife to my throat. Just because I was too tired to sex.
"Men need to correct other men," she added. "Also, the amount of mental illness that is not being treated is an epidemic. Then you need to throw in the fact that a lot of these 'nice guys' are coming from broken families, they have unrealistic ideas on how a woman would magically make all their problems disappear."
When asked why do these men say they’re "nice" when they’re anything but, the author said it’s because a lot of them think that being kind is enough to keep a girl. "That's just the basic package a person can have in their personality," she continued. "It is a manipulation tactic, 'I did this nice thing for you so therefore you need to have sex with me.'"
#22
You guys should know that gay men do this too.
I was talking to a guy several years back and on paper he seemed fine. We had conversations here and there and after a few weeks he wanted to meet. We’d planned on meeting halfway and getting to know each other in person.
A few days before we were to meet I messaged him saying I was a little nervous and I wanted to message a bit more first. Then he blew up with the stereotypical tantrum. You know how it goes.
“No, we aren’t waiting you ARE going to meet up with me. How dare you string me along. I’m a catch you’ll never do better than me I could have given you everything” blah blah blah. Big yikes.
I didn’t even respond, I just blocked him and moved on. Bullet dodged.
Bill Allen 2 years ago
Lol, anybody who tells you that they are a catch… that’s a big ole red flag.
#23
I have given 'nice guys' a chance and not a single one of them treated me like a queen. They might pay for dinner, but then they badger for sex afterwards because it's a debt owed. One of them bought me gifts, but all the gifts were cruel and insulting. Things like dieting books (I was 5'7" and 125 lbs, not that it should matter but it shows you the particular lengths).
The man I married didn't fit the 'nice guy' mold. He was just a sweet, weird guy. He did genuinely kind things like tip well and walk me to the bus. He'd ask before a kiss. He'd talk to me about how he felt and ask about how I felt.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Actual nice guys don't tell you constantly how nice and good and gentlemanly they are. Looks like a bunch of us learned that the hard way.
#24
Yes. 2 months later he forced me into his car, sped insanely fast with metal music blaring to a very rural area, pulled into a field, raped me, then paced back and forth for awhile. Im guessing he was wondering if he should kill me or not. I told him what a great drive i had and suggested we get donuts. I wrote help and his name plate number on a paper towel and stuck it on the mirror. I still have a hard time comprehending everything about that night. Just say no if someone feels off. You don't owe anyone something because they pitch a hissy.
I just fb stalked. It appears he had sex with a girl from his work. The condom 'failed' the first time they had sex. She married him, had 2 more kids back to back. Then went to single and started posting a bunch of dv survivor posts. It also appears her mental age is much younger than her physical one. I was certain he was trying to get me pregnant. I thought i was being weird. But i guess my instinct was right. Poor girl
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
The number of guys who purposely try to get girls pregnant is one of the reasons why abortion should still be legal. Even if they have no intent of parenting, the number of guys who take absolute delight in getting us pregnant to prove something to themselves is shocking.
According to targetgoldengoose, if someone says that they are a "nice guy", they fall into three categories. First, "you might be a good person but you lack the social skills to ask a woman out and not act weird because you are nervous." Then, "you think that just being nice is going to get you into a woman's sex life. And the final one is you … are pretending to be nice but you are a complete narcissist and you are acting this way because you think this is what women want."
#25
I had an experience with a ‘nice girl.’ Red flags everywhere, but I have it a shot. Extremely bad situation. It began with her moving into my place without asking within the first 2 weeks, thinking it would be a ‘surprise that I would/should love.’ She didn’t work, but expected me to make all the money AND also do every single chore since it was “my apartment.” It was only “our apartment” when she wanted to decorate something her way or change my stuff around. She had tantrums about everything possible, and if nothing was wrong she’d make something up to lose her mind about.
She also hit me with the “why don’t more guys just want someone who will love them unconditionally?” The irony of that escaped her. Men should want crazy girls because they’re crazy because they love you.
Yeah, f**k that.
She did do this thing where I would come home from work and she would be naked except for an apron thinking that was a ‘classic man fantasy’ and expected the world for doing it. It was great until I quickly realized it was for leverage. She expected the world of me while claiming to be the greatest woman on earth despite not ever showing the least bit of ACTUAL respect.
gellert grindlewald 2 years ago
she sounds bad, that's the only word I can think of that fits her.
#26
Met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and i have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal oriented, smart, easy conversation. We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like "yeah maybe down the road, we just met" and continued the date. Two days later, during our texting I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back. He shows up with his kids. Now, I dont have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f**k out. After we parted ways I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played victim and hurt until i said i was uncomfortable with what he did.. then it was "I'm just trying to love you and your kids", "how can we be together if they dont meet" and "you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids"... as if he didnt have 2 his damn self. He sent angry messages for about a week, I never would respond and he went away.
To clarify, this all happened in a 2 week span. From start to finish.
#27
Pro tip: If he (or she) throws a tantrum, they are not a nice guy/girl/person. They are a manipulative jackass that needs to be avoided or blocked. You all deserve better than that.
Kantami Blossom 2 years ago
If someone is throwing a tantrum in an attempt to manipulate you just sit there and give your best Emperor Palpatine laugh, nothing stops a tantrum like that quicker than the thought that you enjoy their supposed suffering.
#28
I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls "didn't give him a chance due to his looks'. (He was super nerdy, I was 16 and he was 19.) He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn't want to go and would get sick at the last minute.
When I lost my virginity to him, he said I basically raped him because he didn't realize he wasn't ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold b**ch.
I actually left him for a female partner, (I am bi) and that's when I realized that it was a super unhealthy relationship.
Insert Generic Username 2 years ago
Red flag #1: she was 16, he was 19. Actually everything OP wrote was a red flag.
The author also provided a few pieces of advice on dealing with such people: "The grey rock method, don't give them anything to use against you, don't give them any personal information, 'no' is a complete sentence."
"It's so hard to be safe nowadays. More and more women are getting hurt just for turning down someone. I'd say if it's online, block them as soon as you can. Don't entertain men that act like this. Don't try to explain yourself or don't try to find a reason why they are acting the way they are. It's not your place to try to understand why they are being creepy. Just shut it down. Period," she concluded.
#29
Yes. It worked out that he also felt entitled to other things and felt like “no” wasn’t an acceptable answer for things like sex when he “did so much for me.”
#30
In college. Was besties with a dude who lived on my floor freshman year. He was into me, I didn’t really feel the same way. Then he basically bullied me into dating him by throwing a tantrum saying I was a bad person to not give him a chance. He ended up being the most controlling and manipulative bf I’ve ever had. Managed to get out of it but wasted a year and a half of my best years on that s**t head
What do you think ?
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago
I have a classmate who is asking me out non stop ever since we were 12. We got into a fight over something else and now he believes that women are toxic because they wouldn’t date him. He has been asking girls out since fifth grade and he tries to kiss many of them without consent so they go complain to his parents. The worst part is that his parents don’t care and he has been creating many accounts to get through to me
Om 2 years ago
you should denounce him if he continues with that behavior, that's a straight up stalker
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Jo Choto 2 years ago
To women: Reasons to never, ever, ever date someone 1. You feel sorry for them. 2. You feel pressured or obligated. To the guys who don't understand why they can't get a date or a girlfriend: It's not them, it's you. You behave in ways that seem creepy, manipulative, angry, entitled, obnoxious. Women don't want to date you because you think you are acting like a nice guy, but it's just that, acting. You want to date someone to get your own needs met. You don't care about much else. Women pick up on that. You need to do some serious work on yourself.
Sel 2 years ago
I learned the hard way. Dates my ex after he cried when I first turned him down. I wanted to hook up but not go out because we were fundamentally incompatible but we dated for 3 years and broke up because we were still fundamentally incompatible. Except we went from friends to hating each other and I lost a lot of good friends because he was so needy and monopolized all of my time
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DrNefariousMcFarious 2 years ago
Honestly I'm not sure how you vote on a thread like this. I cannot upvote someone's most traumatic experience. My heart hurts for all.
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago
I have a classmate who is asking me out non stop ever since we were 12. We got into a fight over something else and now he believes that women are toxic because they wouldn’t date him. He has been asking girls out since fifth grade and he tries to kiss many of them without consent so they go complain to his parents. The worst part is that his parents don’t care and he has been creating many accounts to get through to me
Om 2 years ago
you should denounce him if he continues with that behavior, that's a straight up stalker
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 2 years ago
To women: Reasons to never, ever, ever date someone 1. You feel sorry for them. 2. You feel pressured or obligated. To the guys who don't understand why they can't get a date or a girlfriend: It's not them, it's you. You behave in ways that seem creepy, manipulative, angry, entitled, obnoxious. Women don't want to date you because you think you are acting like a nice guy, but it's just that, acting. You want to date someone to get your own needs met. You don't care about much else. Women pick up on that. You need to do some serious work on yourself.
Sel 2 years ago
I learned the hard way. Dates my ex after he cried when I first turned him down. I wanted to hook up but not go out because we were fundamentally incompatible but we dated for 3 years and broke up because we were still fundamentally incompatible. Except we went from friends to hating each other and I lost a lot of good friends because he was so needy and monopolized all of my time
Load More Replies... DrNefariousMcFarious 2 years ago
Honestly I'm not sure how you vote on a thread like this. I cannot upvote someone's most traumatic experience. My heart hurts for all.
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