Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
Relationships are never easy. Finding a person you can fully trust and rely on requires a lot of emotional strength and might cost you your nervous system. The world is full of folks with their own quirks, and not everyone tends to show all their toxic character traits in those honeymoon stages when everything is so easygoing and lovey-dovey.
There is an infamous phenomenon called "nice guy syndrome": men that frequently complain about being unlucky in love, despite their allegedly charming persona who, in fact, turn out to be significantly dreadful human beings. They are usually unbearably clingy and manipulative with their partners – when not in a relationship, they constantly get friend-zoned and love to blame the rejection on women worshipping bad guys only.
This user took it to one of Reddit's communities and asked fellow female readers to share their stories about dating those self-proclaimed "nice guys". The post received over 20K upvotes and 9.3K worth of spine-chilling and rarely happy stories.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Met a nice guy on tinder. He was really awkward with few social skills, but he had a really cute dog so I figured why not.
The entire first two months of the relationship I was terrified thinking I was being gas-lit because he was just so nice. I had a history of abusive relationships.
Two years later we are engaged, just closed on 8.5 acres of land, and discovered we are pregnant last night. He's still really awkward and his dog is still really cute.
RELATED:
#2
Went to high school together, he was 15, I was 16. I cried on his shoulder when another guy turned me down.
Been together since high school, four adult children and four grandchildren.
We have had the best life I could ever have imagined.
Rage of Aquarius 2 years ago
I think they meant "nice guy" as in the guys who claim to be abused by women and feel they are entitled to worship.
#3
Basically kidnapped and kept in a basement for 24 hours. Repeatedly assaulted. Told me he'd had a vision that I was supposed to be ONE of his wives and if I didn't marry him he'd just tell everyone I seduced him and was lying about it. I let him think we were "engaged" until my out of state school transfer was accepted, then I bought a plane ticket and disappeared.
#4
Self-proclaimed "nice guys" almost never are. If you're really a nice person, you don't need to advertise.
Then there are nice guys who really are nice but in an overbearing way. No girl worth being with for the long term wants to be worshipped.
I did end up marrying a truly nice guy. He made me laugh. He had his own life and didn't expect me to be his whole world, or for me to change my life for him. He didn't play games. He listened to what I had to say and didn't come to me with a lot of assumptions about who I was supposed to be. He looks out for me but knows I can look out for myself just fine. He's kind and I have never met a person who didn't like him. He doesn't advertise his "niceness" because there's no need. It would make as much sense as sunshine advertising itself.
Rens 2 years ago
You're absolutely correct, true true nice guys don't need to tell anyone but they are because they show it in their actions. After a six-year nightmare relationship with a narcissistic psychopath, I am in a relationship with a man who is exactly what a nice guy should be. He is protective without being possessive, he knows I can handle myself but he always looks out for me. He always shows me how much he appreciates everything I do - he and I are both disabled, but I do the lion's share of the the home stuff (cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping etc). If I start spinning out or heading towards a meltdown, he talks me down, keeps me calm, and makes me feel safe. He has always been a 100% honest with me and has never given me any reason to doubt him. We have wonderful conversations and lively debates and we share a lot of things but we are also able to function separately and be our own people. Due to financial constraints were not able to live together but we do live in the same building. Both of us enjoy time together as well as time apart; when you are both in poor health, it's good to know there's somebody there who has seen you at your absolute worst and loves you through it all.
#5
Firstly a genuine 'nice guy' is different than a guy who walks around feeling entitled to women's attention.
I met a genuinely nice guy 13 years ago when we were both in the same post-secondary course. He liked cats, board games, loves his family, wanted kids one day, liked to cook etc etc. Found out later he was often friend-zoned by women he had an interest in (and was ok with that), in fact, he expected that we would always only be friends. We have been together for all 13 of those years, married for 7 and have a kid and four cats. We are both each other's best friends.
#6
So bad. I was stupid and 17, he was 29. he tried to convert me to his religion and planned to propose when I turned 18. I thought I was an adult and could make my own choices, and upon reflection, I see that it was grooming. Now that I’m close to his age… can’t imagine trying to date a 17-year-old.
#7
He was nice for a few months. Then came the mental and emotional manipulation—gaslighting, threatening to hurt/kill himself over the most inconsequential things (like not being able to hang out or talk on the phone). Then came the physical abuse; among other things, he ended up trying to kill me twice. I didn’t leave because I was afraid he would kill me or my family, since at that point I had been with him for 2 years. My depression and sense of hopelessness became so strong that I felt the only way out was death, and I started acting out with the hope that he would kill one of us. Finally, in a bout of extreme confidence brought on by alcohol, I dumped him over text and told him to never speak to me or my family again, and that I had reported him to the police and that they were watching my family for safety (not true, but god I regret not reporting him when I should have).
7 years down the road and I still have intense ptsd that impacts all of my relationships. But, I am better than I was, and that’s okay with me, because in time I will be better than I am now.
Rens 2 years ago
I can really relate to this. I'm almost 4 years free but I have PTSD and the scars are still there. He was financially controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive, threatened to harm my family, and gaslit me. I ended up not trusting my own judgement, because he used this punishment and rewards system that completely confused me and twisted everything. I'm in a very good, balanced, nurturing relationship now and my bf is very supportive and encouraging; he is everything my ex is not.
#8
The “nice” guy tried moving into my dorm room after 4 days. I noped the f**k out of that relationship.
#9
A day or two in, he started talking about how I was going to marry him, be a stay at home mom, have as many kids as I could physically produce, and how isolated I would be.
He never asked my opinions, that's directly against my life plan and always has been, and was determined to go through with it with only details being my choice. Thankfully got out unscathed.
Jo Choto 2 years ago
Oh man, a good (older) friend of mine set me up on a date with her son. We went to the movies. He tried to talk throughout. He kept trying to hold my hand. Like, we had JUST met. He was talking about how we were going to raise MY daughter (that he never met), and what our future looked like. It was horrific. And then my friend wanted to know when we were going to see each other again!
#10
Terribly. The first (and last) time I slept at his house, I wasn't ready to have sex with him and he got upset and shouted, "You'll sleep with everyone except me!"
Like, what the actually f***?! Portraying me as a whore because I wouldn't sleep with him is some real messed up s***. Was really shocking as we had been friends for years.
In my experience, no guy who ever called himself a 'nice guy' was actually a nice guy.
Otter 2 years ago
Straight men: If you want a woman to think you're a nice guy, don't call yourself a "nice guy", just do nice things! Of course I'm not going to tell you what a genuinely nice thing to do is, because if you were actually nice and paid attention to the needs of people other than yourself, you'd know.
#11
We went to Starbucks one time and chatted, and in his head, that meant I was his possession, and he had the right to stalk me for a year.
Remi 2 years ago
Had one of this sort too. We were part of the same group of first years at the uni and he just decided I was his girlfriend (not a girl, barely friendly). He straight up threatened to kill anyone who flirted with me and I knew he thought it was romantic. Classmates wouldn't talk to me because of him, and they all thought we were together because of his lies. Basically ended up making out with two of my exes in public to make him leave me alone.
#12
Oh boy:
He was emotionally unavailable.
Literally valued material objects over human life to an extreme.
Openly told me he loved his car more than me.
He hated animals.
He hit my sister for using “his” toothpaste.
And that was the end of that.
#13
So far, so good.
Fourteen years ago, my best friend gave her twin brother my number. I had just gotten out of a 4 year long abusive relationship, and wasn't looking for anything serious. Twin brother and I went on a date and have been inseparable ever since.
We've been married for 13 years and have 3 kids, a dog, and a nice house. He's an amazing man, husband, father. I'm so thankful he gave ME a chance!
#15
I dated a 'nice guy' who had pestered me into a relationship, even though I wasn't ready to be in one. On top of that, I was really young and a people pleaser, so I always wanted his approval. Any time I was excited about something, he'd spin it around to make my accomplishments less exciting. For example, I'd placed first in a provincial competition of sorts and he replied with "So? My friend placed first in the COUNTRY and he could have gone all over the WORLD!" He could also find a reason to argue about anything. He could be venting about his day, I'd agree with him that, yeah, that sounded really difficult and he could still pick a fight, even though I was in agreement. Could probably write a novel about that relationship, even though it only lasted about a year.
Denise Melek 2 years ago (edited)
My first relationship was like that. Lasted 4 years. He also drank. After 20 years he still threatened me after he found out my new email address. Pressed charges and didn't hear from him since. Still find it hard to trust someone in a relationship.
#16
We went out for lunch and he offered to pay for me but only if I agreed to be his girlfriend. You know because he's "tired of all these gold diggers". It was Panera Bread and the guy worked at Luby's lol.
I paid for myself and promptly ghosted him heh heh.
Mandificent Fazbk 2 years ago
It's amazing how many times I wanted to/should have paid for dinner, even if it meant conspiring with the waiter. Just discreetly hand him your card, ask him to add a gratuity, and call you a cab. Then he calls you away. Poof! You vanished.
#17
He seemed great. We hit it off and worked through some early issues (he ignored me for days at a time to play video games with his friends, not even a text of hello or sorry, I'm busy). His mom was diagnosed with cancer about a year in, and I moved in with him so I could spend as much time as possible with her and support him as she was terminal. 8 months after she passed away, a friend of mine found his profile on the dating app we met on (currently active with a paid subscription, the same exact profile I met him with). When confronted, he said he was just trying to make friends, and that I couldn't count it as cheating because nobody ever messaged him back. We tried to work things out, but he was found a month later on the same dating site, by the same friend. I wish I could say that was the end, but I gave him another chance. Over the next year, he became the most hateful, miserable man I've ever met and I could no longer mentally handle it. I moved out.
#18
He manipulated everyone who knew me into thinking that I said horrible things to drive them away from me then used my grief from losing my father as a tool for his manipulation tactics.
Rosemary Probert 2 years ago
Anyone who tries to isolate you from family and friends is to be avoided. Once you are alone you are at their mercy. Avoid them like the plague. Oh, and warn anyone else they try it on with.
#19
I ended up with a restraining order and had to cut off people who had known me my whole life because they chose to believe his version of the story instead of mine.
So, not well?
Dorothy Parker 2 years ago
BP or reddit, whoever chose the photo. Please get a second opinion or just don't put up any image at all. I thank you.
#20
Not me but my friend did. He ended up in jail, and she ended up with bruises and a black eye.
#21
Regardless of how many times I said I wasn't interested in a relationship, he continued making moves and flirting, telling me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that we were soulmates.
He told me that he was having a rough home life and that I was the only one in the world who didn't think he was creepy for the way he looked or would give up on him. (Nobody ever said that he was ugly). He would constantly ask if he was handsome or not, and he was not bad looking at all, just lacking in some hygiene skills like wearing deodorant and showering regularly, and dental care. He seemed really insecure about the way he looked to the point that the insecurity became the most noticeable thing about the way he carried himself. No amount of compliments or reassurance would soothe him.
I showed up for his football games and performances to support him, and he never showed up for my plays or finished small tasks that I asked him, as a friend, to complete. Whenever addressed he would break down and say that he was the "worst person in the world" and that he would "die for me." He eventually stopped talking to me and moved on to somebody else.
I honestly think he needed more attention and love from his parents and was using the desire for a girlfriend to fill the emotional gap. I feel bad for him, but I'm glad to have some distance.
#22
Not me & I'm not a girl lmao but I had a friend who gave a nice guy a chance. They got married & it went downhill in less than a year.
The dude had some major self-esteem issues & sought validation from other women even in marriage. He got caught talking to other women on Facebook, Tinder, etc & claimed it was therapeutic for his self-esteem issues. The kicker was that we all worked at the same place in different departments. It was like being backstage at the Maury show
#23
He was criticizing everything I did. Why do I go to university, why do I live where I live, why do I do my makeup, why do I do popular things (he hated everything that ‘popular’ people did, which I wasn’t he just had the idea that there are things that popular people do and like and things that only nice people) - which is crazy considering the fact that we were already in our 20s, he was 28 talking about this pointless unpopular vs popular thing like high schoolers - also every time he thought I was mad at him, he deleted me on every social media. It was frustrating, tiring and hurting. So eventually I stopped talking to him and now I’m labelled as ‘popular basic sl*t just like the rest of the females.
#24
SO bad. About 3 months in he asked me for advice on some selfies he took (ick but whatever) I chose one. He never posted it to his Instagram but I thought nothing of it. Two weeks later my friend sent me a screenshot of a tinder profile and said “Isn’t this the guy you’ve been dating?” It was him and he’d used the picture I chose as his main picture.
Jasper Cool 2 years ago
Yeah this is like how my ex husband took a photo off my Facebook page of the two of us and cropped me out and posted pictures on Ok Cupid of himself of a single divorced dad. I was pregnant at the time.
#25
Met a “nice guy” on Tinder, whom I was really into. I previously had never met someone that I had so much in common with, got along with, and was physically attracted to. We dated for a little before he started ghosting me. Found out his depression hit him really hard so I left him alone like he wanted. He hit me up again a little while later after starting therapy and antidepressants and told me how much he liked me and wanted to see me and we would date until he would ghost me again. Super apologetic and aware of his wrongdoings and would be incredibly understanding of my boundaries every time. This same cycle continued 3 more times over the span of 8 months until I found out (by chance and from someone else) that he was seeing someone else. Turned out just to be a really selfish guy who was stringing me along just because he could. Don’t think he’s a bad person at all but definitely very selfish and dishonest and didn’t know what he wanted which ended up being at my expense.
#26
It was nice at first but then he started slowly becoming manipulative and distancing himself. After a short while, he stopped talking to me and acted like I didn't exist. I broke up with him, and get this, he told me he forgot we were even dating.
#27
I almost gave the “nice guy” a chance but after he showed up at my house uninvited and made my dad super angry (had a strict “no boys allowed” rule until I hit 18; I was 15 at the time), I gave up. He begged me to “give him a chance” because we both liked World of Warcraft. That was it. Glad I did give up because of the stalking, inappropriate thigh touches at lunch, creepy talks about “what he wanted to do to me”, trying to convince me to sneak out in the middle of the night to see him, etc absolutely terrified me. I haven’t seen him in quite a while but I’m honestly still scared to be alone in that county. I have a BF now that doesn’t do that but I never go visit my parents without him or stay at their house alone. I’m now 23 and still worry.
#28
I found him very smart at first, but after dating for a while and sleeping together he proceeded to become the WORST misogynist I've ever known. Tried to control my choices in food, clothing, friend, political stance, EVERYTHING.
And when I ended things, he proceeded to share to his friends (which were also my new friends at that time) all the things I shared to him in confidence while we were dating. And when I finally blocked him from everything, he tried to reveal things in class group chats where our classmates (outside the friend circle) were members of.
It was the worst dating experience I've ever had and he wasn't even good looking. Needless to say, I won't ever indulge in charity cases again.
#29
The “nice guy” still cheated on me with his ex.
Dani Alexander 2 years ago
Of course he did 🤦♀️ at least you aren’t stuck with a disloyal person :)
#30
He was an abusive man child.
Ein Steinbeck 2 years ago
When you have to scrape the barrel to hit your promised quota of items...
What do you think ?
HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
One of my best friends was in an extremely abusive relationship. She called me every night telling me what he had one, had him arrested, bailed him out. This very handsome nice guy was anything but. I finally told her that I could no longer listen to her pain, and she needed to dump him for good. She finally did and stuck to it. So Mr. Nice Guy calls to tell me he knows where I work, I worked with my friend. Says he is going to hurt me. I said come on you cowardly prick. Show me what a man you are. I never heard another word, nor did my friend.
ALEXIS CISNEROS 2 years ago
damn, you have balls of steel my friend. I aspire to be as badass as you are eventually
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Went on one very casual date for lunch, had a great talk about whatever, and then he tracked down my mom's phone number to find out where I was over the holidays. Oh f*ck no. My. Mom. ...
Hannah Siniaho 2 years ago
Tried to date a Nice Guy in highschool. Didn't want to at first but he wore me down after a few months. Not a month into dating he told me, and I quote "you need to start wearing make up, it's kind of embarrassing to be with the only girl in school who doesn't try" doesn't try? Just because I don't cake my face in paint doesn't mean I don't try. Immediately, I told him to go f**k himself and that I was out. You wouldn't believe how confused and shocked he looked. He tried to apologize but I was NOT walking into that trap. I've seen the burning bed. I know how that s**t starts. No thank you.
HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
One of my best friends was in an extremely abusive relationship. She called me every night telling me what he had one, had him arrested, bailed him out. This very handsome nice guy was anything but. I finally told her that I could no longer listen to her pain, and she needed to dump him for good. She finally did and stuck to it. So Mr. Nice Guy calls to tell me he knows where I work, I worked with my friend. Says he is going to hurt me. I said come on you cowardly prick. Show me what a man you are. I never heard another word, nor did my friend.
ALEXIS CISNEROS 2 years ago
damn, you have balls of steel my friend. I aspire to be as badass as you are eventually
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Went on one very casual date for lunch, had a great talk about whatever, and then he tracked down my mom's phone number to find out where I was over the holidays. Oh f*ck no. My. Mom. ...
Hannah Siniaho 2 years ago
Tried to date a Nice Guy in highschool. Didn't want to at first but he wore me down after a few months. Not a month into dating he told me, and I quote "you need to start wearing make up, it's kind of embarrassing to be with the only girl in school who doesn't try" doesn't try? Just because I don't cake my face in paint doesn't mean I don't try. Immediately, I told him to go f**k himself and that I was out. You wouldn't believe how confused and shocked he looked. He tried to apologize but I was NOT walking into that trap. I've seen the burning bed. I know how that s**t starts. No thank you.
Related on Bored Panda
