Man Tries To Get His GF Back After Internet Convinces Him He’s Wrong, He Makes It Worse
Many would agree that losing a pet carries the same pain and grief as losing a loved one. It’s why some people hold onto the remains of their late pets, whether ashes in an urn or smaller keepsakes like jewelry.
However, this man failed to understand the importance of keeping these tangible memories when he refused to let his girlfriend bring her late dog’s ashes on their vacation.
He apologized after a huge argument, but the woman nonetheless broke things off with him. Scroll down for the entire story.
Some people may experience prolonged grief after losing a pet
Image credits: 1footage / envato (not the actual photo)
A man didn’t understand his girlfriend’s mourning of a late dog and refused to let her bring her pet’s ashes on their vacation
Image credits: Emily / emazon.com (not the actual photo)
He later apologized and admitted to his mistake, but she still decided to break things off with him
Image credits: Overall_Tomato_6664
Pet grief may feel worse than human loss
Image credits: Helena Lopes / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It was unfair for the author to criticize his girlfriend for “mourning this dog for too long,” which he eventually realized. Pet loss counselor Beth Bigler describes this as “disenfranchised grief,” wherein it isn’t openly acknowledged like how people grieve when a loved one passes on.
In her interview with USA Today, she says it’s why losing a pet is “worse than human loss” for some people.
“No one’s bringing over a casserole when it’s an animal. You don’t get bereavement days off work for that,” Bigler explained, adding that divorces and miscarriages fall under the same category.
According to Bigler, many of her clients go through periods of shock, disbelief, and even brain fog after losing a pet. Others experience it through physical manifestations like heart palpitations and stomach pain.
Bigler adds that many pet owners particularly mourn losing a companion that shows them unconditional love.
“[It] is something many guardians haven’t always received in their lives,” she added.
However, some people don’t develop the same attachment for their pets. According to licensed mental health counselor Lisa Hutchison, LMHC, these owners may see their animal companions as a mere “trophy” or “property.”
It may be the reason why some of them could act dismissive towards someone in deep grief, which has no timeline, according to Los Angeles-based therapist Nadja Geipert.
“It’s going to take as long as it’s going to take,” Geipert told Psych Central, emphasizing that it is not a linear process.
The author realized he was wrong, which was a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, he made things worse by showing his partner the Reddit comments he made, which was the final nail in the coffin that pushed the woman to break up.
She may (or may not) agree to reconcile, but for the time being, he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions.
Most commenters agreed he was being a jerk
Some shared similar experiences
There were also those who sided with the author
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
I think the key phrase was "you're not allowed" to bring. It's very different from "I'd rather you didn't" or "Don't you think it's time to move on?".
I had my old cat for 20 years. I spent her last day with her, and made sure to let her know she was loved and cherished to the last moment. I kept the shirt I wore that day for a long time, because I could still smell her precious scent on it. I wear a little bit of her ashes in a pendant around my neck. Last year on the 13th anniversary of her passing I broke down as if it happened the day before. I have two cats now, and I love them so very much, but I will ALWAYS grieve my first, until the day I die. If I somehow would live for another 400 years, I would STILL be grieving her forever. My life does not revolve around her loss, but she will always be a part of me. And anyone who would dare to tell me I wasn't ALLOWED to do what I want and need to do to cope with missing her would be out of my life in an instant. An adult who is incapable of understanding loss and grief, or thinks that an animal is not worth loving and being mourned, is a sorry excuse for a human.
I feel this. My ex once tried to "punish" me by dumping the ashes of my beloved heart-dog into the toilet and flushing them. I was a moron and stayed with him for years after that (he "apologized"), but it was pretty indicative of the kind of person he is. When I had to euthanize my 19-year-old cat (8 years after my GSD died; they grew up together and were besties) he yelled at me when I was weeping at the vet's afterwards. "You knew she was dying, you knew this was coming, why are you still sad?" Now I'm finally single, and I have the ashes and pawprints of Ember the GSD and Wintressia the kitty in a little shrine in my bedroom. Ember died in 2010, Win died in 2018. I still grieve for both of them. It's like losing a human family member - the grief loses its sharp edge, but you never STOP missing them. They were a part of our lives and a part of what made us who we are. <3 shrine_win...0555fa.jpg
Bloody hell, what jerk. Nobody should dictate how anyone shold grief or for how long, we all mourn different. I still get emotional when i think of my first cat, she died a horrible death and I never got her remains or the chance to grief the loss properly. She will always have a special place in my heart. ❤️
I think the woman in this situation expressed herself perfectly and I'm glad that despite her grief, she was able to see OP for who he was. No four-month relationship is worth that level of coldness.
Unrelated but what a coincidence, on a post about pet loss no less - I accidentally clicked on your profile and saw your pic, your kitty reminds me of my cat Arthur, who passed 20 years ago. 🖤 Say hi to your kitty from me!
Load More Replies...Thinking about, or talking to, one's loved ones who have passed on does not make someone a sociopath. The sociopaths are the ones who want to cage them up for it.
I ask my dad for advice all the time! He doesn't literally answer, but I think about some of the things he DID say while he was alive, and that helps me come up with what his advice likely WOULD be! XD little_urn...bde773.jpg
Good for her, you can tell this guy has never owned a pet and doesn't have any emotional intelligence. I still get upset over the cat we lost 10 years ago and recently had to put our last cat to sleep, so that brought back all the memories of the others. We never had the ashes or a reminder of our first two cats, so with this last one, we made sure to get a foot print of hers that we'll treasure.
I'm sorry for your losses :( Your kitty you lost 10 years ago was absolutely waiting for your girl on the other side of the Bridge in order to show her the ropes and all the best places to play :) I have the pawprints of my GSD (died in 2010) and my gray kitty (died in 2018) together in a little shrine in my bedroom. I got them a few months apart and they grew up together and were best friends in life. Having a pawprint memorial does help with the grieving process, but you do have reminders of your first two kitties - they're still in your memories and in your hearts! <3
Load More Replies...After reading his comments in Reddit, I applaud the girl for her amended response because he didn't learn a thing! My dude double down when someone said, "I hope you learned your lesson" by saying the only thing he learned was to keep his mouth shut as he still doesn't understand why she needs to take the urn with her. I hope you stay single for the foreseeable future, my dude.
I have a cat that I considered to be my sole mate... she was always there for me and only me. I adored her and she loved, tolerated my husband and son and hated everyone else. When she passed away, my husband got a tiny urn necklace that says "Hobbes - Best Kitty Ever" and put some of her ashes in it the hung it from the rearview mirror of my car so "she would go with me wherever I went". It made me fall for him all over again...
Girl, if your boyfriend only has empathy by popular demand, it's time to cut him loose.
Now I’m just crying. I still miss every one of my fur babies that have crossed over the rainbow bridge. I plant catnip over their graves every year.
::hugs:: They're all playing and having fun over there with my Ember and my Wintressia :)
Load More Replies...ASKING her not to bring urn (and accepting answer of No) would have been much better than not ALLOWING it.
Well it’s a little odd, but anyone who has loved a dog would likely understand it. The guy is an a$$hole for not “letting” his girlfriend do what she needs to do, regardless of what it is.
It's not odd at all. People keep human family members' ashes in urns and boxes on the mantel all the time, why is it "a little odd" to keep a furry family member's ashes close by?
Load More Replies...“Maybe my girlfriend should have told me … and we could have had a discussion." Yeah, bud. And maybe you could have told her how it made you feel, and had a discussion, rather than try to tell her what she is ALLOWED to do? Also, stop referring to her as your girlfriend. I'm pretty sure it was over between you the moment you tried to control her rather than have an adult conversation.
Im never going to get over losing my puppy, grief doesn’t have an expiration date and everyone copes differently. . I dont have his ashes but i have a little memorial area with his special things and paintings, statues and plushies friends made of him. I would never date anyone who told me to get rid of his things, i cant have kids so he’ll always be the closest thing ill have to a son
I have my little dog's collar hanging on my beside lamp. It's been almost a year and I still think about him a lot, even though I have another dog that I love very much. His photo is on the dresser too.
We all grieve differently, and no one can tell another for how long. I have 2 dogs; one adopted and one inherited. My heart will shatter when my Zoe goes but I'll be okay with the Corgi going home back to his mom at the end of the rainbow.
I have my dog's ashes in a small casket. I don't travel so that isn't an issue. The issue is, grief hits different people differently. This was a very, very recent loss. People take time to grieve. It took years to be able to talk about one of my horses and one of my dogs without tearing up. I don't think it's a good idea to take the urn on vacation, I'd be scare of losing it. A lot of people simply don't understand that loosing a beloved animal can be just as traumatic as losing a human. For some people, these animals are their only family.
He's an AH and she has trauma to deal with. Now the can both move on and be better.
My soul mate had to cross the bridge in 1991 due to rheumatoid arthritis. I still cry for that dog. You were with her for 4 months. F**k right off. D**n right she chose the dog.
Dude. You need to read a book (or 10) on relationships or you're going to die alone. Everything you did made it worse - what does that tell you?
I lost one of my pups (I am single and they are my fur babies) 9 years ago today. He was 11 and a half months old and had some serious kidney birth defects. Losing him still brings tears to my eyes, especially on days like today. I lost his mom 1 1/2 years ago and still miss her, and bring her up in conversations.
Good for her. I remember when I went through the first death of a pet as an adult. It gutted me. I could barely get through the day, and that lasted for a really long time to the point where I had to get grief counseling for help. Especially when you're a young adult trying to figure out life, our pets share those ups and downs, and losing them hurts so bad. Grief lasts as long as it lasts.
We lost a 3 year old dog last summer. We've handled losing elderly dogs, but her death, so young, has just torn us up. It's 6 months tomorrow, and we feel it every day. Our dogs were bred to form a strong bond with their people and that works both ways.
"I probably should have deleted some of the questionable comments I made in this thread." Ya' think? 🤣🤣
My baby-dog Jake had to be put down last April. He was 15, blind, deaf and arthritic. He saved my life th and it hurt me to see him suffer. I. Cry. Every. Single. Night! Almost a year later and I still talk to his ashes (I have them in a necklace I refuse to take off). That man is such a major a*****e, I'm in tears for the ex girlfriend! He deserved to be dumped! Empathy after the fact because you realize you lost your f**k buddy and aren't going to get her back. Screw you pal!
So the guy learned the hard way, but learned. Good for him. Sometimes we don't realize how much we mess up, but asking and recognizing his mistake is a good thing. Not everybody has the emotional package to deal with every situation, but willingness to understand is good.
He didn't learn sh!t. He literally said "I’m hoping she will still hear me out when I go to her place." That means he STILL didn't think he was in the wrong. He thinks an apology will fix things and that he's such an amazing boyfriend that she'll change her mind about breaking up with him once she hears his "explanation" as to why he behaved like an a-hole.
Load More Replies...By his responses anytime someone suggests his girlfriend is wrong, It’s very clear this is one of those AITA posts that is either fake or it was actually posted by the girlfriend.
Ho I didn't think that the girlfriend could be behind.... It didn't cross my mind this could be a strategy! I feel very naive right now, thanks for having taught me something
Load More Replies...He could have worded it better. There's no way I would want a persons or animals ashes on vacation with me. I think it's weird and creepy to keep ashes. My mother wanted to be cremated and we spread her ashes where she wanted. Her ashes was in a box in the back of my van for a few days after her service because of really bad weather.
Meh. I think it was an act of desperation. He even said he showed her the thread.
Load More Replies...I agree with the sentiment but, in case you are unaware, using the word "r****d" to describe/insult people is widely regarded as a slur.
Load More Replies...No decent guy would try to control his girlfriend. It was like he asked her to choose between him and her pet. The pet wins. Always.
Load More Replies...I think the key phrase was "you're not allowed" to bring. It's very different from "I'd rather you didn't" or "Don't you think it's time to move on?".
I had my old cat for 20 years. I spent her last day with her, and made sure to let her know she was loved and cherished to the last moment. I kept the shirt I wore that day for a long time, because I could still smell her precious scent on it. I wear a little bit of her ashes in a pendant around my neck. Last year on the 13th anniversary of her passing I broke down as if it happened the day before. I have two cats now, and I love them so very much, but I will ALWAYS grieve my first, until the day I die. If I somehow would live for another 400 years, I would STILL be grieving her forever. My life does not revolve around her loss, but she will always be a part of me. And anyone who would dare to tell me I wasn't ALLOWED to do what I want and need to do to cope with missing her would be out of my life in an instant. An adult who is incapable of understanding loss and grief, or thinks that an animal is not worth loving and being mourned, is a sorry excuse for a human.
I feel this. My ex once tried to "punish" me by dumping the ashes of my beloved heart-dog into the toilet and flushing them. I was a moron and stayed with him for years after that (he "apologized"), but it was pretty indicative of the kind of person he is. When I had to euthanize my 19-year-old cat (8 years after my GSD died; they grew up together and were besties) he yelled at me when I was weeping at the vet's afterwards. "You knew she was dying, you knew this was coming, why are you still sad?" Now I'm finally single, and I have the ashes and pawprints of Ember the GSD and Wintressia the kitty in a little shrine in my bedroom. Ember died in 2010, Win died in 2018. I still grieve for both of them. It's like losing a human family member - the grief loses its sharp edge, but you never STOP missing them. They were a part of our lives and a part of what made us who we are. <3 shrine_win...0555fa.jpg
Bloody hell, what jerk. Nobody should dictate how anyone shold grief or for how long, we all mourn different. I still get emotional when i think of my first cat, she died a horrible death and I never got her remains or the chance to grief the loss properly. She will always have a special place in my heart. ❤️
I think the woman in this situation expressed herself perfectly and I'm glad that despite her grief, she was able to see OP for who he was. No four-month relationship is worth that level of coldness.
Unrelated but what a coincidence, on a post about pet loss no less - I accidentally clicked on your profile and saw your pic, your kitty reminds me of my cat Arthur, who passed 20 years ago. 🖤 Say hi to your kitty from me!
Load More Replies...Thinking about, or talking to, one's loved ones who have passed on does not make someone a sociopath. The sociopaths are the ones who want to cage them up for it.
I ask my dad for advice all the time! He doesn't literally answer, but I think about some of the things he DID say while he was alive, and that helps me come up with what his advice likely WOULD be! XD little_urn...bde773.jpg
Good for her, you can tell this guy has never owned a pet and doesn't have any emotional intelligence. I still get upset over the cat we lost 10 years ago and recently had to put our last cat to sleep, so that brought back all the memories of the others. We never had the ashes or a reminder of our first two cats, so with this last one, we made sure to get a foot print of hers that we'll treasure.
I'm sorry for your losses :( Your kitty you lost 10 years ago was absolutely waiting for your girl on the other side of the Bridge in order to show her the ropes and all the best places to play :) I have the pawprints of my GSD (died in 2010) and my gray kitty (died in 2018) together in a little shrine in my bedroom. I got them a few months apart and they grew up together and were best friends in life. Having a pawprint memorial does help with the grieving process, but you do have reminders of your first two kitties - they're still in your memories and in your hearts! <3
Load More Replies...After reading his comments in Reddit, I applaud the girl for her amended response because he didn't learn a thing! My dude double down when someone said, "I hope you learned your lesson" by saying the only thing he learned was to keep his mouth shut as he still doesn't understand why she needs to take the urn with her. I hope you stay single for the foreseeable future, my dude.
I have a cat that I considered to be my sole mate... she was always there for me and only me. I adored her and she loved, tolerated my husband and son and hated everyone else. When she passed away, my husband got a tiny urn necklace that says "Hobbes - Best Kitty Ever" and put some of her ashes in it the hung it from the rearview mirror of my car so "she would go with me wherever I went". It made me fall for him all over again...
Girl, if your boyfriend only has empathy by popular demand, it's time to cut him loose.
Now I’m just crying. I still miss every one of my fur babies that have crossed over the rainbow bridge. I plant catnip over their graves every year.
::hugs:: They're all playing and having fun over there with my Ember and my Wintressia :)
Load More Replies...ASKING her not to bring urn (and accepting answer of No) would have been much better than not ALLOWING it.
Well it’s a little odd, but anyone who has loved a dog would likely understand it. The guy is an a$$hole for not “letting” his girlfriend do what she needs to do, regardless of what it is.
It's not odd at all. People keep human family members' ashes in urns and boxes on the mantel all the time, why is it "a little odd" to keep a furry family member's ashes close by?
Load More Replies...“Maybe my girlfriend should have told me … and we could have had a discussion." Yeah, bud. And maybe you could have told her how it made you feel, and had a discussion, rather than try to tell her what she is ALLOWED to do? Also, stop referring to her as your girlfriend. I'm pretty sure it was over between you the moment you tried to control her rather than have an adult conversation.
Im never going to get over losing my puppy, grief doesn’t have an expiration date and everyone copes differently. . I dont have his ashes but i have a little memorial area with his special things and paintings, statues and plushies friends made of him. I would never date anyone who told me to get rid of his things, i cant have kids so he’ll always be the closest thing ill have to a son
I have my little dog's collar hanging on my beside lamp. It's been almost a year and I still think about him a lot, even though I have another dog that I love very much. His photo is on the dresser too.
We all grieve differently, and no one can tell another for how long. I have 2 dogs; one adopted and one inherited. My heart will shatter when my Zoe goes but I'll be okay with the Corgi going home back to his mom at the end of the rainbow.
I have my dog's ashes in a small casket. I don't travel so that isn't an issue. The issue is, grief hits different people differently. This was a very, very recent loss. People take time to grieve. It took years to be able to talk about one of my horses and one of my dogs without tearing up. I don't think it's a good idea to take the urn on vacation, I'd be scare of losing it. A lot of people simply don't understand that loosing a beloved animal can be just as traumatic as losing a human. For some people, these animals are their only family.
He's an AH and she has trauma to deal with. Now the can both move on and be better.
My soul mate had to cross the bridge in 1991 due to rheumatoid arthritis. I still cry for that dog. You were with her for 4 months. F**k right off. D**n right she chose the dog.
Dude. You need to read a book (or 10) on relationships or you're going to die alone. Everything you did made it worse - what does that tell you?
I lost one of my pups (I am single and they are my fur babies) 9 years ago today. He was 11 and a half months old and had some serious kidney birth defects. Losing him still brings tears to my eyes, especially on days like today. I lost his mom 1 1/2 years ago and still miss her, and bring her up in conversations.
Good for her. I remember when I went through the first death of a pet as an adult. It gutted me. I could barely get through the day, and that lasted for a really long time to the point where I had to get grief counseling for help. Especially when you're a young adult trying to figure out life, our pets share those ups and downs, and losing them hurts so bad. Grief lasts as long as it lasts.
We lost a 3 year old dog last summer. We've handled losing elderly dogs, but her death, so young, has just torn us up. It's 6 months tomorrow, and we feel it every day. Our dogs were bred to form a strong bond with their people and that works both ways.
"I probably should have deleted some of the questionable comments I made in this thread." Ya' think? 🤣🤣
My baby-dog Jake had to be put down last April. He was 15, blind, deaf and arthritic. He saved my life th and it hurt me to see him suffer. I. Cry. Every. Single. Night! Almost a year later and I still talk to his ashes (I have them in a necklace I refuse to take off). That man is such a major a*****e, I'm in tears for the ex girlfriend! He deserved to be dumped! Empathy after the fact because you realize you lost your f**k buddy and aren't going to get her back. Screw you pal!
So the guy learned the hard way, but learned. Good for him. Sometimes we don't realize how much we mess up, but asking and recognizing his mistake is a good thing. Not everybody has the emotional package to deal with every situation, but willingness to understand is good.
He didn't learn sh!t. He literally said "I’m hoping she will still hear me out when I go to her place." That means he STILL didn't think he was in the wrong. He thinks an apology will fix things and that he's such an amazing boyfriend that she'll change her mind about breaking up with him once she hears his "explanation" as to why he behaved like an a-hole.
Load More Replies...By his responses anytime someone suggests his girlfriend is wrong, It’s very clear this is one of those AITA posts that is either fake or it was actually posted by the girlfriend.
Ho I didn't think that the girlfriend could be behind.... It didn't cross my mind this could be a strategy! I feel very naive right now, thanks for having taught me something
Load More Replies...He could have worded it better. There's no way I would want a persons or animals ashes on vacation with me. I think it's weird and creepy to keep ashes. My mother wanted to be cremated and we spread her ashes where she wanted. Her ashes was in a box in the back of my van for a few days after her service because of really bad weather.
Meh. I think it was an act of desperation. He even said he showed her the thread.
Load More Replies...I agree with the sentiment but, in case you are unaware, using the word "r****d" to describe/insult people is widely regarded as a slur.
Load More Replies...No decent guy would try to control his girlfriend. It was like he asked her to choose between him and her pet. The pet wins. Always.
Load More Replies...









































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