Gift giving does not come naturally to everyone. No matter how well you think you know a person, unless you present them with something they’ve explicitly asked for, it can be challenging to know how they’ll respond to a present. 

One man recently learned that lesson the hard way, after surprising his girlfriend with a gift that he thought would make her feel more confident. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as a conversation with Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of the dating app Wingman. 

Not everyone has a knack for buying the perfect gifts

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)

After buying lingerie for his girlfriend, this man was left wondering if he made a terrible mistake

Image credits: ivananicole95 (not the actual photo)

Image source: DriverComfortable357

“When considering a gift for your partner, really think about their interests and passions”

Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)

To learn more about how controversial the gift of lingerie is, we reached out to Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of the dating app Wingman. Tina was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda, noting that “any gift you buy needs to be a gift for the receiver, not something that you like or like for them. A gift should be based on what you know about them, and what they like and dislike.”  

Tina also says that lingerie in particular is an extremely risky gift. “It subconsciously suggests you want to see that person in it, therefore a gift for your eyes, and not so much for the receiver,” she explained. “The intimate sense of lingerie speaks to nudity and the bedroom, so if someone is not feeling confident, it’s the very last thing that they’d wish to receive.”

“When considering a gift for your partner, really think about their interests and passions,” Tina suggests. “You’ll always make the right choice if you buy something they will really love/cherish and make use out of.”

“Someone who is not confident is going to feel even more self conscious in something she’s been given to model”

Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)

We were also curious what Tina thought about the man’s idea that buying his partner lingerie would make her feel more confident. “Lingerie is a personal choice, and someone buying their partner underwear to make them feel a certain way, is not ever going to work,” she told Bored Panda. “If anything, someone who is not confident is going to feel even more self conscious in something she’s been given to model.”

“This guy completely missed her very clear point that she preferred ‘plain’ underwear,” Tina added. “If she was happy with plain underwear it’s certainly not his role to be telling her what to wear to make her more confident or please him in some way. This guy might very well have meant well, but I suspect it had more to do with how he wants her to feel and look in lingerie, rather than how she actually feels.”

The relationship expert says that the way to make her feel more confident and comfortable is to take it at her pace and adore her in every plain bit of underwear she chooses to wear. “He should have stopped to consider how she would feel receiving it (as he clearly hoped she’d throw it on and jump on him),” Tina noted. 

“He should have stopped to consider things that she finds special, treats that she gives herself and doubled up on that. If she’s feeling unconfident, getting her something that is just for her – should have been obvious,” she continued. “A lovely massage at her favorite spa, a special lunch at her favorite restaurant, or a nice planned getaway to a fun venue like an amusement park – would have had a much warmer reception, and likely to make her feel more confident, even in her plain underwear.”

“Gifts we receive and give to a partner symbolize the bond between two people”

Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)

We were also curious what the relationship expert believes the gifts we exchange say about our relationships. “Gifts we receive and give to a partner symbolize the bond between two people. Generic gifts are lazy and lack attentiveness to the other’s needs. On some levels, while gifts may seem superficial on the surface, they actually reflect the effort put in, and ultimately how much they understand and truly know for the other person,” she explained.

Finally, Tina added some wise words for this particular couple. “In this situation, to move on from it, the girlfriend should try and understand her boyfriend, deep down, had the right intentions but didn’t show it in the right way,” she shared. “The boyfriend should also understand why his girlfriend reacted in that way and next time try a different approach to express his love.” 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing a similar situation, look no further than right here!

Some readers took the girlfriend’s side, telling the man they weren’t convinced the present wasn’t for him

While others gave the man the benefit of the doubt, noting that he could have simply handled the situation better

And some thought the situation was simply a misunderstanding where no one was at fault

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