I am going to go even further and say that I couldn't date a person like that. It's not just the table manners, it's the complete refusal to do anything about it. That's like people not showering when they stink because THEY don't think they need a shower. Fine, I guess, but not for me then.

I think that he is missing the point. I do not think he is an AH, I would not be with someone who does anything that I find disgusting. (I have a friend who's boyfriend picks his nose and flicks it on the carpet... doesn't bug her, bugs me, but I am not the one dating him, so it's not my business as long as he doesn't do it in my home). The point is, if that bothers you about her now, and she has no intention of changing it, in a few years it will seem unbearable. Leave, before you start a life together. Stop wasting each other's time. You are not compatible.

There are some REALLY chronically online responses in the ESH responses. Calling his thoughts "classist" and "elitist" and "policing how someone enjoys their food"...good lord those people need to get away from their phone screens and their tiktok buzzwords. He set a boundary, not to "police her behaviour", but to say that he as a person wanted to avoid being in a situation where that behaviour occurs. She lied to put him in that situation, so he removed himself from it. He didn't tell her that she couldn't have spaghetti, or that she couldn't eat it the way she wants. He said that he just wasn't going to put himself in a position to be exposed to that, and stood by that. The only behaviour he was changing was his own.

Insisting on doing something disgusting and embarrassing after having it pointed out, just to f**k with him, is a choice. She’s not a nice person.

Perhaps she wasn’t taught table manners at home. But when OP tried to teach her, she refused to learn. That would annoy me more than her not having been taught. I agree with those who say OP and gf are not compatable.

The issue is not the way she's eating anymore, it's her lying and breaking a promise. You don't want to eat with someone looking and sounding disgusting, but you should even less eat and be in a couple with such an immature liar.

Cut bait, my friend. It takes 6-18 months for people to reveal their true character in relationship. You've been given a gift at 5 months. The creepy passive-aggressive yelling afterwards... run! I don't care how good the séx might be... you deserve better!

Lady Miss Pie

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All I can say is now I want spaghetti

Belligerent ignorance is a really unattractive quality in a person. I couldn't tolerate someone who ate like it was feeding time at the zoo and refused to even learn to be civilized.

Slurping when you can't help it and did what you could to avoid it would absolutely be acceptable to me. Slurping on purpose, no. (Unless it's a cultural way of expressing your enthusiasm over the food, but even that is usually only the occasional slurp, because the food is so good you can't help yourself. )

yeah, for me its not about the noodle slurping its about the inability to compromise/have a discussion about it. On both their parts. They've been living together for 5 months, and are having problems over what is essentially a very small issue. Imagine in 20 years when they might have kids or get into an argument over something actually important. If they can't deal with spaghetti, I can't see them dealing with more important things.

Responding to the comments above about table manners being classist. I disagree. Majority of manners are about making other people comfortable and showing respect others. The onus is on us to learn manners, to think of others, and show respect to others. If someone is bothered by seeing someone chew with their mouth full, it is not a classist or arbitrary, they are breaking societal norms. Someone using poor manners shows lack of knowledge or care and respect for others. Cutting in line, eating loudly, or belching are all considered rude in many places yet acceptable in some. It’s important to learn and follow these rules, to show respect, and care for the comfort of those around us. His girlfriend lack of care is awkward enough, but also the embarrassment this causes in public situations. Whether you believe it or not people judge. Care or not these judgements have consequences in how smoothly our social interactions go and in affect our own perceptions of people and day to day life.

Think about it this way. If OP is building a career, there are bound to be company dinners and parties that he and his SO would be attending. Imagine what his bosses will think about OP when they see his SO eating the catered dinner like a pig at a trough, and making a scene when he tries to discreetly whisper to her to tone the slurping down. Yeah, no impressing the bosses, and no next rung on the corporate ladder for OP if that happens. It’s one thing if she was brought up practically feral and doesn’t know any better. In that case, she would hopefully be very interested in learning proper table etiquette. But, since it appears his SO isn’t even interested enough to behave better in public, which is a big red flag btw, OP is better off severing the relationship before any huge damage is done. Now I’m not saying people should only marry people they think will help their careers, no way. But people should be taught—-and more importantly, want to learn—-how to behave in certain situations, so as not to embarrass the person they’re supposed to care about. I don’t mean anything abusive here, just that if the girlfriend really cared about OP, she would at least want to discuss ways to deal with her table manners, at least when they’re around other people. We can’t always do and act and be exactly what and how we want when we’re around other people. We need to take their comfort into consideration along with our own, and modify our behavior accordingly, simply because that’s what civilized societies do, to avoid chaos.

It's really not about how she eats pasta. And lasagna is probably the least important thing she's lied to him about.

She sounds like an unhinged psychopath. Not entirely for the the slurping, but it adds to it. Who goes into another room and complains loudly enough that you can hear it instead of having a conversation like an adult.

I don't get all of the YTA and ESH comments. OP informed his GF that the way she eats spaghetti lacked common courtesy, and that he didn't want to be around her when she ate it. Snarky response: red flag #1. At the restaurant, she proceeds to order spaghetti, even after she said she wouldn't: red flag #2. Angry at OP enforcing his boundaries, she s**t-talks him to herself--LOUDLY: red flag #3. I think that's his cue to reevaluate the relationship and call it a day. She will only continue with her passive-aggressive behavior, which will amplify as the days go by. OP should break the lease if necessary, and write this off as a lesson learned. Maybe she'll find someone like-minded, and they'll live slurpily ever after. Or, she'll wonder why her friends are in decent relationships/marriages, and she's still single, while slurping a plate of spaghetti.

nta. op made it clear he has tried numerous ways to approach this issue. hes suggested other ways she can still enjoy the same foods, he's addressed directly how much it bothers him and hes made clear that this is a single behavior of hers that is bothersome. his girl friend has made zero effort to meet him half way. in some cultures some slurping is allowed/normal but i highly doubt anyone finds it socially acceptable to slurp so loudly that it disgusts or disturbs other patrons. op might need to re-evaluate how much he wants to be with this girl after she has shown shes not willing to negotiate or meet half way (ie not eating noodles, or eating noodles at home, or eating noodles out with friends)

I don't know if I am unusual but table manners are very important to me and I will judge you. Eating together can be an "intimate" thing and I believe it says q lot about how you consider yourself and others

All the comments from people saying table manners don't matter - I think I've been in restaurants before near some of them. Noisy eating makes me want to puke, and the people who do it shouldn't be allowed to leave the house.

I love how she accuses him of embarrassing her. What a hypocrite!

There are people who comment that Asian culture is ok, but it is not all Asian culture, don't believe, come try it in Singapore, I will bet that you will be the next headline in the social media, Some of the Singaporeans love to shoot bad behaviour and post online to let people see.

OP is beyond paranoid. I doubt anyone has ever come to their table to complain about the way his girlfriend eats. His rudeness is what made his girlfriend order spaghetti instead of lasagna.

NTA this is a heard deal breaker. I know Im on the opposite end if the spectrum from her, having misophina I wouldn't make it more than 1 date. Beyond that he spoke to her about it, REPEATEDLY and she chose to lie and behave like a child. Ontop of that he waited for her. If she cant grow up and treat her SO with respect. She doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.

It doesn't matter where you come from, manners, table or otherwise, cost nothing. This woman clearly has none and needs dumping!

did she skipped a kindergarden or was behind a nursery when they tech kids how to behave at the table? or why tf is he dating a kid who cant behave?

Bro. Run! That is all, carry on.

Another idiotic list of ESHs that totally ignore her breaking her promise which is a crimson flag compared to her manners which are just as red ...

So my partner doesn't have great table manners. We was going for a meal with my family. I explained I expected him to at least have the manners of our children and eat with mouth closed mouth and not to put too much in at once ect which he took and even asked my opinion on what he should order to eat. He is autistic so it's a lot of training on basic things but he is brilliant in other ways. Have had to teach him to be a dad and he is now excellent at it. But at home he eats how he wants. When in public he knows the rules lol 😆 so defo nta. I would walk out if he ate like an animal out in public

Welp, immediate dealbreaker for me. I can't stand the sound of myself eating though so I'm at the extreme end

I love slurping my spaghetti. If you want to know why, we'll it is a personal memory. But i dont slurp my spaghetti in public, noodles are a different manner and i have been stared at for slurping those loud. Just catch the mood of the venue and do what would least bother other people around you. Also NTA, and you can apologise with trying to find some place that does 'etiquette lessons' for adults and take a workshop.

You learn when youre 1 how to eat without slurping. I wouldve walked out permanently

I'd put this up there with things I wouldn't be able to handle, like loud chewing and lip smacking. I'm far from a "manners for everyone at all times" but I find just belting out burps and farts in private, let alone in public, to be gauche, rude, and gross. It's okay if two people are incompatible. She shouldn't be policed with how she eats and he shouldn't be with someone who eats in a way he can't stand. Nothing wrong with either of them, just not right for each. THOUGH, I think if you're in public certain manners should be adhered to. I kind of feel like her eating like that is like burping and should be changed. But then if she didn't want to we'd just break it off. Not the complictaed.

Why the hell do Americans call spaghetti noodles? Does my head in.