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Man Spends A Week In Long-Distance GF’s Family House, Is Shocked By The Filth
Interview With Expert
Your parents’ initial impressions of your significant other are a big deal. Anything off-putting, even in the slightest, may affect the direction of their relationship.
The author of this story is in a bind because of his girlfriend’s unhygienic living situation. He is embarrassed to have his parents over at her place and is struggling to find a way to explain it to her.
The young man now seeks advice from the Reddit community, hoping for some clarity and solutions. Scroll down for the entire text and what readers told him.
You will also find our interviews with dating coach Amie Leadingham, relationship psychologist Dr. Marie Land, and marriage & family therapist Catherine Auman, LMFT. They were kind enough to share insights on cleanliness in relationships.
RELATED:
Openness and honesty are necessary for a healthy relationship
Image credits: ThrowRADNR
This man is struggling to be candid about his girlfriend’s filthy living situation
Image credits: ThrowRADNR
Image credits: ThrowRADNR
Image credits: ThrowRADNR
He is embarrassed and hesitant to bring his parents over to her home, and he doesn’t know how to tell her
Image credits: ThrowRADNR
The lack of cleanliness may be a dealbreaker in relationships
The author painted a picture of how filthy his girlfriend’s house is. Many of these are potential health hazards, which, for Auman, are dealbreakers.
“There’s a big difference, however, between just a general lack of tidiness and living in filth,” she told Bored Panda. “The latter should not be tolerated by anyone. It should be a dealbreaker if someone is living in a way that jeopardizes anyone’s health.”
There may also be an issue with how a person perceives cleanliness. The woman may think nothing is wrong; according to Dr. Land, this is where problems arise.
“Some people are fine being around a mess as long as it’s not in their own living space, while others have much higher standards,” she said.
However, cleanliness around the home reflects something deeper. Leadingham says it may indicate a significant other’s level of respect, which may be lacking in this case.
Eventually, it may become a dealbreaker for the other person whose need for order clashes with their partner’s seemingly lax standards.
“Differing cleanliness standards can create daily tension and resentment that erode relationship satisfaction over time.”
It doesn’t seem like a huge issue, but the author may eventually feel that his girlfriend isn’t respectful enough to maintain a living environment that does not pose health risks. This may become more problematic once his parents see how untidy the place is.
Timing is key when bringing up harsh truths with a significant other
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s primary concern is telling his girlfriend about the problem without offending her and causing more problems. Both Leadingham and Auman agree that the right timing would be critical.
“Otherwise, it can feel like an ambush,” Auman said, adding that talking about complicated matters in a relationship is a skill anyone can eventually master.
Leadingham adds that using abrasive words like “filthy” may come across as shaming and defeat the purpose of solving the issue together as a team. Instead, she suggests focusing on an approach that comes from a place of care.
“Offer support and partnership in finding solutions and be ready to listen to their perspective with empathy,” she said.
Dr. Land shares a similar sentiment, urging framing the conversation as your sensitivity rather than their flaw. She says the focus should be on how their behavior impacts you, but it should be expressed non-judgmentally.
“Explain that it’s not about blaming them, but rather about needing their help to create an environment that supports your well-being,” Dr. Land said.
It may help the author to approach the issue non-confrontationally and to emphasize how it benefits everyone involved.
Many readers offered some suggestions and wished him luck
Some shared similar experiences
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What do you think ?
Melissa Harris 1 month ago
Sounds like her family might be hoarders. Living in filth really affects a child's mental health and if she grew up like that she may need therapy to relize it's not a hygienic or normal way to live.
Linda Lee 1 month ago
I grew up with a hoarder mom. I became a minimalist clean freak.
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 1 month ago
"I love you, and enjoyed the time with you. But, I felt deeply uncomfortable about the atmosphere and cleanliness." OP mentions getting to know family and? Culture? And standards can and do vary. It May bleed into later parts of the relationship or, if they move in, they either split chores or get a cleaner. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker. But it needs to be discussed before moving any further forward.
Melissa Harris 1 month ago
Sounds like her family might be hoarders. Living in filth really affects a child's mental health and if she grew up like that she may need therapy to relize it's not a hygienic or normal way to live.
Linda Lee 1 month ago
I grew up with a hoarder mom. I became a minimalist clean freak.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 1 month ago
"I love you, and enjoyed the time with you. But, I felt deeply uncomfortable about the atmosphere and cleanliness." OP mentions getting to know family and? Culture? And standards can and do vary. It May bleed into later parts of the relationship or, if they move in, they either split chores or get a cleaner. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker. But it needs to be discussed before moving any further forward.
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