When you start dating, compatibility is key. We look at common things that join us, like hobbies we share and values we live by. Often, however, we forget to check on probably one of the most important things and it’s whether our love interest is as much into cats as we are. It may sound like not so big of a deal at first, but trust me, when time goes by and you start living together, this will likely become a test to your relationship.

This story posted on r/AITA by a 24-year-old woman and a parent to a cat named Crumb is one such example. Her boyfriend Kyle has started spending the night, but according to the author, he “never grew up with pets, so my cat has been an ‘adjustment’ to him.” So it was just a question of time until Kyle started complaining about Crumb and his “disgusting” behavior.

But the worst thing for the guy was his girlfriend kissing her cat. “Kyle says I am unhygienic because of this. He says Crumb is dirty and even letting him sleep in the bedroom is gross and gets fur everywhere,” the author wrote. As you can suspect, Kyle’s ultimatum was ready to go off at any time, and when it did, the woman had no doubt of what to choose.

One woman has recently shared how she chose her cat Crumb over her boyfriend who saw it as “unhygienic”

To find out what an expert had to say about this story, we spoke with Molly DeVoss, a certified feline training and behavior specialist who runs Cat Behavior Solutions agency.

It turns out, the feline behaviorist has lots of personal experience in this and she shared it with us. “I love it when my cat, Pico, chooses to sleep with me, but not everyone shares those same thoughts. I once dated a guy who kept the door to his bedroom closed, and when I inquired about it, he told me he never let his cats in his bed because, ‘if you walked in your poop, I wouldn’t want you sleeping in my bed either.’ He was worried about bacteria from excrement getting on his pillows and sheets,’” Molly recounted and added that she is glad that came out early in their relationship because she knew she could never live with that.

For anyone who’s wondering if it’s safe to kiss or sleep with your cat, Molly said that “while cats’ mouths and excrement are a source of bacteria, I have never known kissing and sleeping with your cat giving you toxoplasmosis, or any other bacterial infections.”

“Because having cats share my life is important to me, a couple of the questions I’d ask early in a first date (or if possible by text or phone before agreeing to a first date) were: Are you allergic to cats? How many cats have you lived with before? When I first met my husband, I asked him those questions and was delighted to hear that he’d parented cats before, and loved them. He has been the best cat daddy to our cats; I could not wish for more,” the feline behaviorist said.

Molly argues that it’s important that each person be able to choose how they live their life—and that includes sharing space with our four-legged family. “I have been called a ‘cat shrink’—but I’m certainly not a psychologist—it sounds to me like Kyle may have been setting the stage for controlling her life in other areas too. I think it’s important that we have common values with our spouses that include the responsibility of co-cat parenting,” she said about this story.

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Many people supported the author of this post and said she was NTA

But others had another opinion and said they could understand where her boyfriend was coming from

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