Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

“I Was Crushed”: Daughter Heartbroken Parents Prioritize Adoption Of Another Teen Girl Over Her
299

“I Was Crushed”: Daughter Heartbroken Parents Prioritize Adoption Of Another Teen Girl Over Her

“I Was Crushed”: Daughter Heartbroken Parents Prioritize Adoption Of Another Teen Girl Over Her“I Don’t Want To Have A Sister”: Parents Plan To Adopt, Their 15 Y.O. Daughter OpposesParents Want To Do Good By Adopting A Troubled Teen, Forget About Their Daughter’s BoundariesTeen Loses Patience After Parents Inform Her She’ll Share A Room With Her New Adopted Sister“I Don’t Want To”: Teen Is Crushed After Finding Out Getting A Sister Means Giving Up Her PrivacyPeople Condemn Parents For Forcing Teenage Daughter To Be Okay With Them Adopting Another 13 Y.O.“I Don’t Want To Live With Her”: Daughter Livid After Parents Decide To Adopt Another Teen GirlTeen Pleads With Parents To Not Take Away Her Room In Favor Of Another Teen Girl They're AdoptingParents Aim To Adopt A Troubled Teen, Ignore Their Daughter's Needs In The Process
ADVERTISEMENT

Adoption statistics may surprise you. According to the U.S. Adoption Network, nearly 199 million Americans have an adopted family member. They claim that over 113,000 children get adopted every year. Adoption can be a big step for a family. More so if the parents already have children of their own. It’s not just about the parents and the adoptee, then.

One teenager shared her story of how she felt neglected by her parents with the Internet. The teen’s parents decided to adopt another teenage girl. While the girl wasn’t against the adoption per se, the way her parents failed to consider her feelings when making preparations for the new family member was not up to par. Wondering whether she was just being too sensitive, she decided to check with other netizens.

You May Also Like:

Adopting is a wonderful way of giving a home to those who need it most, but parents should consider the feelings of the children they already have

Image credits: Vanessa Loring / Pexels (not the actual photo)

This daughter felt that her parents started to neglect her when planning to adopt another teenage girl

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: i-like-good-sleep

Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Parents who already have biological children should consider some things before the adoption

The situation the teenager describes here sounds like the parents didn’t communicate as well with their children as they should have. A blended family consisting of both adopted and biological children can be a bit more difficult to manage. Before beginning the adoption process, parents should consider some things.

ADVERTISEMENT

Like the age order of the kids. For the existing kids in the family, it is always easier when a new sibling is younger than them because that correlates with the natural progression of a family. Children develop their roles in the family naturally, and who’s the youngest and the eldest usually has significance in the formation of their identity. However, in this situation, the fact that the parents decided to adopt another teenage girl can be beneficial because kids who are closer in age might strike up a connection faster.

Children usually look up to parents for guidance on how to react. If parents set the right tone, the children are more likely to respond positively. Allan Josephson, professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Louisville School of Medicine, told ABC News: “If you have parents who say, ‘Look, this is how our family came to be,’ the kids will accept it.” He went on: “The main thing that leads to success is the commitment of parents that these children are theirs, no matter how they were conceived.”

The existing children should also be familiar with the adoption process. If the kids are young, the best way to introduce the idea is through media: books, movies, or games. Parents should let their kids express their opinions about adoption. After all, they’re members of the family, too. Experts also advise normalizing any feelings the children may have throughout the whole process.

ADVERTISEMENT

When the kids get involved in the process, they might warm up to the idea more easily. Adoption agencies recommend taking children together to pick out toys, furniture, and other things for the new family member. They may also write letters or draw pictures for the new family member. Involving them in meetings with the prospective adoptee can also help them foster a better connection.

The next piece of advice is perhaps one that these parents failed to consider – avoiding favoritism. No child should get preferential treatment, not the adoptee and not the biological children. Whether it’s about chores, doling out praise, or discipline, rules should apply to all kids equally. That way, parents can avoid one of the kids building resentment against the other. Finally, even when adopting, parents should expect the children to have a normal sibling relationship. And that includes occasional bouts of rivalry.

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Adopting a teenager might be more challenging than adopting an infant

Josephson also told ABC News that when parents adopt kids at a young age, the family may blend seamlessly. “If they’re adopted at infancy these types of blended families can almost have no differences when compared with biological families.” And while that is why most families adopt babies or toddlers, many teenagers need homes, too.

ADVERTISEMENT

Adoption UK reports that families with adopted children aged 13 to 25 say they’re “at a crisis point.” Experts explain that it’s because many adopted people have experienced trauma in early childhood. Some feel a loss of identity due to separation from their biological parents at such a young age. “Most adopted children have a very tough start in life, and many require specialist, therapeutic support into adulthood,” Chief Executive Officer of Adoption UK Emily Frith said.

That’s why the agency emphasizes it’s paramount that families with adopted children seek support during the adopted child’s teenage years. “Many of the normal challenges faced by teenagers, such as grappling with their identity, relationships and mental health, are greatly heightened in children who have experienced trauma early in their lives,” they explain.

Tracy Duncans, an adoptive mother to a teenager, shared her experience of raising a daughter born in the system. She believes that teens, more than any other age group, need adopting, as kids at that age crave guidance, love, and support. “They may make it very challenging to support them while they ‘test the waters’ of your commitment to them.”

“However, they all need that port in the storm, someone they can turn to even as they venture out (as all young adults do) to find their own path. Adopting a teenager gives them that place to go to for advice, reassurance, and acceptance. If you can make a commitment to a teenager, you WILL change his or her future – and that helps all of us.”

ADVERTISEMENT

People in the comments sided with the daughter and said the parents could’ve handled the situation better

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Ic_polls

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Share on Facebook
Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Read less »
Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

Read less »

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

What do you think ?
Add photo comments
POST
Zedrapazia
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sound like the parents have some sort of savior complex and are so thrilled that they completely ignore their own children. I don't think this problem will be solved just because they put up a wall, if Jess has night terrors and will scream out at night, it'll still wake OP up. And on top of that, parents grounded OP when Jess ran away - they clearly seem to expect OP to help take care of her, and will probably continue to punish her if she doesn't want to or just can't. I don't see a good end in this, the situation will suck both for Jess and OP, and presumably for the lil brother too because he'll be ignored to take care of the problems with the girls.

Hannah Taylor
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had OP'S parents not agreed to add a wall to create a room for Jess, this whole situation could have gone sideways in the most colossal way. For one thing, the adoption agency would not have been pleased hearing about the goings-on, effectively negating the adoption. Second, CPS could have gotten involved, just enough to make things uncomfortable. Third, OP, disgusted at being tossed aside in favor of another teen, could have rebelled to the point of disregarding her parents' rules and getting into trouble. I'm glad it resolved in a positive way.

Ash
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her mom. Is a psychologist. And didn't understand why her behavior toward OP was a problem. JFC. When they say that people with mental health problems themselves are the most likely to go to work in the mental health field, they ain't kiddin.

Jeevesssssss
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That... was odd. Huge blind spot there. It happens, though - I was a teen with depression/self-harm and a raging eating disorder and had a psychiatrist for a mum, and got some pretty textbook 'how not to deal with your mentally ill teenager' treatment from my parents. But expecting OP (aged 15!) to be responsible for handling a MH crisis of someone with significant trauma, with zero experience and no training, is outrageous (and I'm not going to mention the privacy thing...)

Load More Replies...
Noproblem
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am wondering if part of the reason the parents wanted the girls to share a room was because they were slotting the OP in as a caretaker, to help them deal with Jess’ night terrors.

Molly Whuppie
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The original reddit post is 4 years old, so OP and Jess are adults now. At some point the post was removed and there does not appear to be an update at all on OPs profile. I hope everything worked out for them!

Lara Verne
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that OP's parents are not ready to adopt another kid, let alone traumatized one. They're excited about it but don't seem to realize that it can cause problems, they don't seem to care about how their children feel about it. "I got grounded as I failed to be responsible for my sister" - the hell? How can one child be responsible for another? That's parents' job. Also, immediately forcing their daughter to share room with someone who's basically stranger is terrible idea. OP and Jess have more common sense than their parents, unlike them, they were able to come up with a compromise.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They aren't prioritizing the sleep situation of a child with regular night terrors and severe.panic attacks? Find out what helps and do whatever is going to be best for this level of anxiety, explain to the siblings, this is medical, we will support it as a family, and make sure she feels and is safe. This isn't the time to let another kid choose rooms. This shows a fundamental lack of understanding of what role a parent has, they are adopting from a saviour complex not love.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am hugely pro adoption, but if you don't have a good understanding of the kids you have, or a relationship where you talk about things, adding another child isn't going to help. I don't think parents need permission to add anithet child to the home, but it seems really strange that parents who don't have a clue how their daughter is thinking of feeling, and seems to speak about Jess in really weird reductionist ways (oh she's so brave etc, talk about her hobbies, likes and dislikes, what you'll do as a family) feel equipped to adopt another teenage girl. They really sound like they have a saviour complex and not a desire to grow their family. .

MR
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These parents have so many red flags I don't even know where to start. Adopting an order child, merely because they want to "adopt", when they don't even have a room for the child. Instant parentification of their eldest over a child who isn't even their child yet and has severe trauma issues. Claiming they are going upgrade their living space in an effort to make sure their kids have space and, once they're appeased, decide it's all too much of a hassle. Rebuilding your life around this new child while completely ignoring the needs and well being of your existing children. Not bothering to listen to your child until you're potential child and current child unite, act as the adult in the room, and call you out. Who TF are these people?!!

Guy Incognito
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta say op is incredibly articulate and emotionally mature for a 15 year old, hats off to her. I'm somehow not surprised that the mom is a psychologist.... Not that they don't do incredibly important work, but the savior complex in the mental health field is off the charts. Hopefully the parents will see through their desire to be saviors to their adopted child and remember that there's also value in being thoughtful, reliable parents to their biological child, even if it doesn't tickle their savior complex. Balancing their needs in a compassionate way is going to be tricky but hopefully they can do it. Putting up the wall is a good start.

Ephemera Image
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents seem to have a 'saviour complex'. Especially odd as mom is a psychologist. How can she not consider how it is affecting her own children? Parentifying a teenager as well.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents are making mistakes that will reduce the success of the adoption and the psychologist mother should know better. They are slotting op in as one of the adults/parents - responsible for looking after Jess, helping manage her emotions, making sacrifices for her- instead of letting her be a kid. It’s a recipe for disaster and I’m glad that there was some improvement in the follow up.

B Squatch
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who gets the feeling the parents agreed to the wall because Jess was asking?

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me sick.. its great the parents want to adopt but it sounds entirely self centered and living their white knight fantasies at their kids expense.

LargeMarge
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This happened to me back in the late 80s. My mom decided she wanted to foster a kid from Annie Malone's children home in Saint Louis. She brought the girl home and I showed her around my room, showed her my cool teenage stuff, my school year book, the basic stuff. You could tell she did not want to be there and had a lot of things going on with her. Well, I don't know what happened, but the girl decided she wanted to be someplace else and left. My mom said that the girl claimed I was mean to her and I wasnt. I wanted a sister because I had two brothers and was tired of them. So my mom goes off on me and says that I always screw stuff up. I think she made it up because she failed as a foster mom, which, is no surprise because she failed at being a mom. She was trying to do a do-over instead of fixing the crappy relationship we have.

DustBunny
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, mom is a psychologist and doesn’t think this would be at all hard on her teenaged daughter? The girls here are more grown up than the adults. If the parents can’t be bothered to add a wall I’m skeptical they’ll put in the work of counseling, etc., for the kids.

Joann Hart
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Adopting a teen? I for one wouldn't take on that pubescent snake pit and add in some unknown emotional abuses? Yikes

Joe Bloe
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The moral of that story : talk to your family instead of asking opinions of anonymous people on the net that knows nothing about you, and to be frank rarely have a nuanced view.

Steve Hall
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not about these children, it's about the parents wanting to be Social Justice Warriors. Look at me ,I'm such a good person, I adopted a troubled young girl.

Melissa Harris
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I highly doubt the adoption finalized. If I was the social worker for the family one interview with the OP and learning about their lack of appropriate bedrooms would have ground the whole proceedings to a halt. Putting a highly traumatized teen in that environment would have only caused the prospective siblings truma of their own. Adoption, especially of older children out of foster care is wonderful, but you need to have the ability to actually deal with the reality without putting more people, especially children, at risk. People with saviour complexes are not the type you actually want to adopt to as it's about them feeling superior or good about themselves more then it is actually about the child. If the OPs mother is a psychologist I wander if Jess was a client she got to close to.

Cathy
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh boy, this drama has only just started. Now way this is going to end well. Why don't they adopt after their kids have moved out?

Helena
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They shouldn't have to share a room, but if we asked most kids if they want a sibling, adopted or bio, most are going to say no. I would've refused had mom asked me if I wanted any.

SuperChicken
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BP - this is a 4-year old story. WTH? Now that the kids are all adults, do you even have any update on them? If not, what's the point?🙈 reddit_202...nsored.jpg reddit_2024-05-12_22-40-27-6641257bb81b4-png__censored.jpg

Zedrapazia
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sound like the parents have some sort of savior complex and are so thrilled that they completely ignore their own children. I don't think this problem will be solved just because they put up a wall, if Jess has night terrors and will scream out at night, it'll still wake OP up. And on top of that, parents grounded OP when Jess ran away - they clearly seem to expect OP to help take care of her, and will probably continue to punish her if she doesn't want to or just can't. I don't see a good end in this, the situation will suck both for Jess and OP, and presumably for the lil brother too because he'll be ignored to take care of the problems with the girls.

Hannah Taylor
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had OP'S parents not agreed to add a wall to create a room for Jess, this whole situation could have gone sideways in the most colossal way. For one thing, the adoption agency would not have been pleased hearing about the goings-on, effectively negating the adoption. Second, CPS could have gotten involved, just enough to make things uncomfortable. Third, OP, disgusted at being tossed aside in favor of another teen, could have rebelled to the point of disregarding her parents' rules and getting into trouble. I'm glad it resolved in a positive way.

Ash
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her mom. Is a psychologist. And didn't understand why her behavior toward OP was a problem. JFC. When they say that people with mental health problems themselves are the most likely to go to work in the mental health field, they ain't kiddin.

Jeevesssssss
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That... was odd. Huge blind spot there. It happens, though - I was a teen with depression/self-harm and a raging eating disorder and had a psychiatrist for a mum, and got some pretty textbook 'how not to deal with your mentally ill teenager' treatment from my parents. But expecting OP (aged 15!) to be responsible for handling a MH crisis of someone with significant trauma, with zero experience and no training, is outrageous (and I'm not going to mention the privacy thing...)

Load More Replies...
Noproblem
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am wondering if part of the reason the parents wanted the girls to share a room was because they were slotting the OP in as a caretaker, to help them deal with Jess’ night terrors.

Molly Whuppie
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The original reddit post is 4 years old, so OP and Jess are adults now. At some point the post was removed and there does not appear to be an update at all on OPs profile. I hope everything worked out for them!

Lara Verne
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that OP's parents are not ready to adopt another kid, let alone traumatized one. They're excited about it but don't seem to realize that it can cause problems, they don't seem to care about how their children feel about it. "I got grounded as I failed to be responsible for my sister" - the hell? How can one child be responsible for another? That's parents' job. Also, immediately forcing their daughter to share room with someone who's basically stranger is terrible idea. OP and Jess have more common sense than their parents, unlike them, they were able to come up with a compromise.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They aren't prioritizing the sleep situation of a child with regular night terrors and severe.panic attacks? Find out what helps and do whatever is going to be best for this level of anxiety, explain to the siblings, this is medical, we will support it as a family, and make sure she feels and is safe. This isn't the time to let another kid choose rooms. This shows a fundamental lack of understanding of what role a parent has, they are adopting from a saviour complex not love.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am hugely pro adoption, but if you don't have a good understanding of the kids you have, or a relationship where you talk about things, adding another child isn't going to help. I don't think parents need permission to add anithet child to the home, but it seems really strange that parents who don't have a clue how their daughter is thinking of feeling, and seems to speak about Jess in really weird reductionist ways (oh she's so brave etc, talk about her hobbies, likes and dislikes, what you'll do as a family) feel equipped to adopt another teenage girl. They really sound like they have a saviour complex and not a desire to grow their family. .

MR
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These parents have so many red flags I don't even know where to start. Adopting an order child, merely because they want to "adopt", when they don't even have a room for the child. Instant parentification of their eldest over a child who isn't even their child yet and has severe trauma issues. Claiming they are going upgrade their living space in an effort to make sure their kids have space and, once they're appeased, decide it's all too much of a hassle. Rebuilding your life around this new child while completely ignoring the needs and well being of your existing children. Not bothering to listen to your child until you're potential child and current child unite, act as the adult in the room, and call you out. Who TF are these people?!!

Guy Incognito
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta say op is incredibly articulate and emotionally mature for a 15 year old, hats off to her. I'm somehow not surprised that the mom is a psychologist.... Not that they don't do incredibly important work, but the savior complex in the mental health field is off the charts. Hopefully the parents will see through their desire to be saviors to their adopted child and remember that there's also value in being thoughtful, reliable parents to their biological child, even if it doesn't tickle their savior complex. Balancing their needs in a compassionate way is going to be tricky but hopefully they can do it. Putting up the wall is a good start.

Ephemera Image
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents seem to have a 'saviour complex'. Especially odd as mom is a psychologist. How can she not consider how it is affecting her own children? Parentifying a teenager as well.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents are making mistakes that will reduce the success of the adoption and the psychologist mother should know better. They are slotting op in as one of the adults/parents - responsible for looking after Jess, helping manage her emotions, making sacrifices for her- instead of letting her be a kid. It’s a recipe for disaster and I’m glad that there was some improvement in the follow up.

B Squatch
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who gets the feeling the parents agreed to the wall because Jess was asking?

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me sick.. its great the parents want to adopt but it sounds entirely self centered and living their white knight fantasies at their kids expense.

LargeMarge
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This happened to me back in the late 80s. My mom decided she wanted to foster a kid from Annie Malone's children home in Saint Louis. She brought the girl home and I showed her around my room, showed her my cool teenage stuff, my school year book, the basic stuff. You could tell she did not want to be there and had a lot of things going on with her. Well, I don't know what happened, but the girl decided she wanted to be someplace else and left. My mom said that the girl claimed I was mean to her and I wasnt. I wanted a sister because I had two brothers and was tired of them. So my mom goes off on me and says that I always screw stuff up. I think she made it up because she failed as a foster mom, which, is no surprise because she failed at being a mom. She was trying to do a do-over instead of fixing the crappy relationship we have.

DustBunny
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, mom is a psychologist and doesn’t think this would be at all hard on her teenaged daughter? The girls here are more grown up than the adults. If the parents can’t be bothered to add a wall I’m skeptical they’ll put in the work of counseling, etc., for the kids.

Joann Hart
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Adopting a teen? I for one wouldn't take on that pubescent snake pit and add in some unknown emotional abuses? Yikes

Joe Bloe
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The moral of that story : talk to your family instead of asking opinions of anonymous people on the net that knows nothing about you, and to be frank rarely have a nuanced view.

Steve Hall
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not about these children, it's about the parents wanting to be Social Justice Warriors. Look at me ,I'm such a good person, I adopted a troubled young girl.

Melissa Harris
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I highly doubt the adoption finalized. If I was the social worker for the family one interview with the OP and learning about their lack of appropriate bedrooms would have ground the whole proceedings to a halt. Putting a highly traumatized teen in that environment would have only caused the prospective siblings truma of their own. Adoption, especially of older children out of foster care is wonderful, but you need to have the ability to actually deal with the reality without putting more people, especially children, at risk. People with saviour complexes are not the type you actually want to adopt to as it's about them feeling superior or good about themselves more then it is actually about the child. If the OPs mother is a psychologist I wander if Jess was a client she got to close to.

Cathy
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh boy, this drama has only just started. Now way this is going to end well. Why don't they adopt after their kids have moved out?

Helena
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They shouldn't have to share a room, but if we asked most kids if they want a sibling, adopted or bio, most are going to say no. I would've refused had mom asked me if I wanted any.

SuperChicken
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BP - this is a 4-year old story. WTH? Now that the kids are all adults, do you even have any update on them? If not, what's the point?🙈 reddit_202...nsored.jpg reddit_2024-05-12_22-40-27-6641257bb81b4-png__censored.jpg

You May Like
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda