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“Am I The [Jerk] For Getting Annoyed With My Friend’s Vegan Boyfriend?”
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“Am I The [Jerk] For Getting Annoyed With My Friend’s Vegan Boyfriend?”

Person Makes A Separate Roast Dinner For Friend’s ‘Vegan’ BF, Gets Angry When He Starts Eating Animal Products“Am I The [Jerk] For Getting Annoyed With My Friend’s Vegan Boyfriend?”Person Makes A Separate Roast Dinner For Friend’s ‘Vegan’ BF, Gets Angry When He Starts Eating Animal ProductsPerson Spends Hours Making A Separate Roast Dinner For Fake Vegan Angers The Host By Eating Animal Products When He Demanded A Separate Purely Vegan Roast Dinner And They Spent Hours Making ItPerson Wonders If They Were Wrong To Get Mad At Friend’s Friend's BF Requests Host To Make A Vegan Option For Roast Dinner, Changes His Mind After The Host Spends Time And Money Making ItHost Asks If They're The Jerk For Getting Angry At Friend's Vegan BF For Not Appreciating All The Vegan Options Made Just For HimFriend's Vegan BF Gives Instructions To The Host On Making Meals Just For Him, Still Eats Non-Vegan Options And It Infuriates The Host
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Not all vegans are created equal, it seems. While some genuinely embrace the vegan diet for the sake of health, protecting the environment, and fighting for animal rights, others are more flippant with their veganism. For a rare few individuals, veganism is something to shout about loudly from the rooftops to improve their social reputation. But when push comes to shove, they don’t mind eating animal products—they just say they do!

This is exactly what happened to redditor u/myredditusername28, who cooked up a fabulous British roast dinner (my personal favorite!) for her friend and her boyfriend. In fact, she made two dinners: one regular and one vegan. All because he explicitly demanded that his dietary requirements be taken into account. As it turns out… he doesn’t mind eating animal products sometimes.

Unsurprisingly, the redditor, who slaved away in the kitchen for hours on end, got mad and turned to the AITA community about whether or not they or the friend’s boyfriend were in the wrong in this situation. Scroll down for the full story, Pandas!

I was interested to learn more about dinner party etiquette regarding dietary preferences, so I reached out to pie artist Jessica Clark-Bojin, the author of ‘Pies are Awesome’ (it’s out next month!), who recently baked her first ‘Piescraper’ of the season.

In her opinion, accommodating dietary restrictions at dinner parties is a “thorny subject.” She told Bored Panda: “Personally when I’m hosting, I ask if anyone is vegetarian or gluten-free and try to have at least have something on hand for them to eat since those two diets are very common in my circles. But beyond that, there are so many variations—folks who are lactose intolerant, doing keto, allergic to eggs, nuts, or seafood, or who just hate vegetables!” she said.

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“Just remember that the main point of dinner parties is to have a pleasant evening with some lovely people, have some nice conversations and maybe make some new friends. If you just want an epic meal where your specific tastes are catered to, you may be happier going to a restaurant instead!” Scroll down for the in-depth interview.

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A Sunday dinner went disastrously wrong. One of the guests demanded a separate vegan dinner only to do something that made the host really annoyed

Image credits: Sam Moqadam

Here’s the intriguing story of dinner party drama, in full

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Image credits: myredditusername28

“Unless it is a small intimate gathering for a few people and you are quite familiar with their tastes—in which case you can tailor the whole meal around them—you are probably okay simply letting people know what you’ll be making ahead of time,” pie artist and food expert Jessica told Bored Panda that a host can’t be expected to do a hundred tasks to accommodate everyone’s specific dietary preferences during larger social gatherings.

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“You can add something along the lines of, ‘I’ll also have a vegetarian entree option and if anyone has any special dietary restrictions you are more than welcome to bring an entree of your own too—I’m sure everyone would love to sample your signature dish!'” Jessica suggested inviting the guests to participate in the food prep as well.

The food expert said that when it comes to guest etiquette, it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect the hosts of large dinner parties, for example supper clubs, to have more than meat and non-meat options for guests. “Unless it is a dinner party specifically designed around a certain diet, like a farm-to-table vegan meal,” she added.

Jessica explained what dinner guests with complex dietary restrictions could do if they want to attend the party just for the company. Diplomacy is key here! “It’s okay to eat something before you arrive and just nibble on the sides. If anyone asks what your deal is, you can always go with a polite, ‘Oh, I’m actually allergic to eggs, but it’s okay, I’m really enjoying this salad. The entree looks amazing and I’m glad everyone is enjoying it!'” she said.

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My kingdom for a Sunday roast…! I can’t imagine anyone not being appreciative of eating a fabulous homemade roast dinner. Especially one that’s been hand-tailored to that person’s particular dietary requirements. It takes a lot of patience and hard work to take everyone’s preferences into account. Not to mention the budget expenses.

What really sticks out in the redditor’s story here is the contrast between the boyfriend’s public image (he demands a separate dinner because he’s ‘vegan’) and his flippant attitude while at dinner. It’s entirely fine to indulge in animal products from time to time if you don’t present yourself as a hardcore vegan while making the host jump through hoops to keep you happy. Stealing the host’s dessert though? That’s a whole new level of rudeness.

It’s no wonder that the host got mad. Time wasted? Check. Wallet lighter? Check. Dessert stolen? Check! However, the redditor still turned to the AITA community for their opinion. They overwhelmingly pointed out that the friend’s boyfriend was definitely the jerk in this case.

However, what do you think, Pandas? Who do you think could have done better? Do you have any suggestions about how this entire situation could have been avoided? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Here’s what some Reddit users had to say about the entire Sunday roast dinner drama

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BBC Future explains that the annoyance that some people feel towards vegans is off the charts: “Research has shown that only drug addicts inspire the same degree of loathing. Though it’s natural for people to disagree, the passionate rage—and even mild irritation—that veganism stirs up seems to defy rational sense.”

Some reasons why so-called ‘veganophobes’ get irritated by vegans include the idea that they’re hypocritical (for example, regarding the environmental cost of growing vegan food), that they tend to be ‘over-smug’ and ‘over-zealous’ in their pursuits. However, some psychologists believe that these reasons don’t explain everything. Instead, they turn to deep-seated psychological biases for an explanation.

According to social psychologist Hank Rothgerber from Bellarmine University in Kentucky, the irritation towards vegans comes down to the so-called ‘meat paradox’ (aka ‘moral schizophrenia’). In short, our brains try to protect us from unpleasant realities as we try to juggle incompatible views in our minds. An example of this would be to eat fish and chips for dinner while keeping a goldfish at home. Or looking at photos of cute animals on your social media feed and then tucking into your dinner that contains meat from other animals.

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This cognitive dissonance creates a lot of stress, irritation, and unhappiness. As a result, people tend to lash at others, for instance, vegans, instead of us changing their beliefs to be more consistent. The existence of vegans, according to Rothgerber, forces people to confront the ‘meat paradox’ and leads to a lot of anger.

Though, of course, this wouldn’t necessarily apply to fake vegans who change their beliefs when it suits them. They get people angry for different reasons entirely.

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »
Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

Read less »

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have thrown him out of my house then and there just for eating my dessert, let alone the gall to demand vegan food when not really a vegan

Andrew Bridge
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, you invite him again, cook a completely non vegan meal like everyone else had and f**king dare him to say anything. If he does then "eh, it doesn't matter, chill, no big deal"

Load More Replies...
Buren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It would piss me off too, so ungrateful. And if someone stole my creme brulee, their life would be in serious danger. Seriously.

Honu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was so over-the-top rude. I'm amazed her friend sat by while he did it. If someone I was dating acted like this, I'd end it. A creme brulee is a small thing, but he's telling her straight up what to expect from him as a partner: a lack of consideration for others, selfishness, entitlement. He's a jerk. If I were OP, no way would I invite him to my home again.

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E
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been there, masses of time and expense to cater for somebody who was highly allergic to dairy products. Halfway through the meal she tells us how she was tested a few years back and all the tests showed she had no adverse reaction at all to dairy, she is just convinced she feels better not eating it. Could have strangled her.

Load More Comments
Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have thrown him out of my house then and there just for eating my dessert, let alone the gall to demand vegan food when not really a vegan

Andrew Bridge
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, you invite him again, cook a completely non vegan meal like everyone else had and f**king dare him to say anything. If he does then "eh, it doesn't matter, chill, no big deal"

Load More Replies...
Buren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It would piss me off too, so ungrateful. And if someone stole my creme brulee, their life would be in serious danger. Seriously.

Honu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was so over-the-top rude. I'm amazed her friend sat by while he did it. If someone I was dating acted like this, I'd end it. A creme brulee is a small thing, but he's telling her straight up what to expect from him as a partner: a lack of consideration for others, selfishness, entitlement. He's a jerk. If I were OP, no way would I invite him to my home again.

Load More Replies...
E
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been there, masses of time and expense to cater for somebody who was highly allergic to dairy products. Halfway through the meal she tells us how she was tested a few years back and all the tests showed she had no adverse reaction at all to dairy, she is just convinced she feels better not eating it. Could have strangled her.

Load More Comments
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