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It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 15 years since the legendary comedian George Carlin passed away. His wit remains a vivid memory thanks to the many “Best Of George Carlin” videos on YouTube that also give younger generations the opportunity to know him. When it comes to comedy, there is no shortage of great performers, but his bold stance on nearly every topic, from religion to politics, set him apart from other funnymen of his era. His irreverent jokes and no-holds-barred attitude made him a fan favorite but also landed him in trouble with the law more than once. He got into comedy in 1960 when he started working with Jack Burns, who soon became his writing partner and best friend. They performed together for some years before Carlin went solo. From there, he became a comedy icon, which continued up until his death in 2008 at the age of 71.
A leading voice that influenced other comedians and an important figure in both the counterculture and mainstream culture, George Carlin was noted for his black comedy as well as his thoughts on politics, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians, one of the first in the 1960s to use profanity in his routines.
He didn’t just make people laugh. He made them think and sometimes reconsider their beliefs. He had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. Some are funny, some are insightful, but they’re all packed with his typical brutal honesty.
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#1
“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.”
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#2
“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
#3
“I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently, I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
#4
“If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.”
#5
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
Susan Atkinson 3 years ago
I remember in the late 70's you could smoke in hospitals. Aaah... lighting up after 28 hours of labor/delivery. Lol
#6
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
#7
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
#8
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
#9
“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
#10
“War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die.”
#11
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”
#12
“If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?”
#13
“Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”
#14
“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”
#15
“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
#16
“Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.”
#17
“Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.”
Mark Alibozek 3 years ago
I guess that's why they want to ban abortion, because it's the ones who can't afford to take care of child that it affects. The people who can't afford a good education are more likely to join the military in order to further their education, if they survive
#18
“Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.”
#19
“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”
#21
“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
#22
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
#23
“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.”
#24
“When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.”
#26
“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
#27
“If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?”
Paul Pallansch 3 years ago
This is funny, but if the entire plane were engineered the way black boxes are, it would not be able to fly.
#28
“I often warn people: ‘Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no ‘I’ in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an ‘I’ in independence, individuality, and integrity.”
#29
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
#31
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
#32
“If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?”
#33
“‘Meow’ means ‘woof’ in cat.”
#35
“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”
#36
“When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat.”
#37
“I think people should be allowed to do what they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.”
#39
“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. ‘Tom, I’d like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.’ These days, ‘Trajedi.'”
#40
“Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.”
#41
“People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.”
#42
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
#43
“Careful, if you think too much, they’ll take you away.”
#44
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Imagine you're shot to death and people celebrate your life by wearing tiny gun pendants.
#45
“‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”
#46
“I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.”
#47
“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”
#48
“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ’27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.”
#50
“Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.”
What do you think ?
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
I love George Carlin! He was ahead of his time and has been an inspiration to upcoming comics for years. I saw his show back when he was riffing on "Stuff'" and the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". This was when cable tv channels were limited and we didn't have the internet of course! He was hilarious! RIP George!
D20 Games 3 years ago (edited)
I'm a smoker. My favorite joke from him is, "They say that quitting smoking will add 10 years to your life. Well, let's look at those 10 years, shall we. Those are the sitting in a nursing home, not knowing who you are, and sh!tting in a diaper years. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll keep smoking."
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
I love George Carlin! He was ahead of his time and has been an inspiration to upcoming comics for years. I saw his show back when he was riffing on "Stuff'" and the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". This was when cable tv channels were limited and we didn't have the internet of course! He was hilarious! RIP George!
D20 Games 3 years ago (edited)
I'm a smoker. My favorite joke from him is, "They say that quitting smoking will add 10 years to your life. Well, let's look at those 10 years, shall we. Those are the sitting in a nursing home, not knowing who you are, and sh!tting in a diaper years. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll keep smoking."
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