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Counselor Expresses Thoughts On Parents Who Used To Neglect Their Kids And Now Need Their Support
According to the generational theory developed by American authors William Strauss and Neil Howe, people born after the end of WWII and before about 1965 belong to the so-called “baby boomers”, while the next generation, everyone who was born before 1980, is Generation X.
Baby boomers are actually one of the greatest generations in the history of humanity. They listened to rock-n-roll and enjoyed the Summer of Love, made the first PCs and got through the economic crisis of the seventies. They worked tirelessly, creating the economic power of the modern world… and in this crazy pace of their lives, there was not always time to give to their children.
As a result, we now have generation X, whose parents have already grown old, require constant care and help – but they demand it from those who were almost ignored a few decades ago. And that’s a problem, a big problem. The video made by Janet Martinez, Texas-based counselor, is dedicated to this very issue, and it gained over 708K views and about 70.7 reactions on TikTok.
More info: TikTok
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The author of the video belongs to Generation X and she reminisces about being literally “feral” in her childhood
Image credits: Henderson Hills
Janet reveals that she is a member of Generation X, and that many children of her age were basically feral. Their parents paid a lot of attention to work, leaving the children to literally take care of themselves. The children had the keys to the house with them, they cooked their own food – and so the years passed.
Image credits: @cursingcounselor
Now these Boomer parents have grown old – and now they require help and attention from their grown-up kids
However, now that their parents have grown old, they require care for themselves – and this, according to Janet, looks a little insulting, because then, many years ago, these very people often neglected their parental duties. “No one checked our homework, didn’t help with school, we cooked our own lunches and met at dinners,” says Janet.
Image credits: @cursingcounselor
Of course, the parents were very busy – but today, according to the Original Poster, the grown children themselves are no less busy. And now the old people are asking for help – while it was difficult to expect this help from them before. And this, according to Janet, causes certain psychological problems for her and her peers.
Image credits: @cursingcounselor
For sure there’s a kind of psychological issue connected with this situation for many Gen-X-ers
“It’s very likely that the Original Poster has some grudge from childhood,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, who was asked by Bored Panda to comment on this particular story. “If you didn’t get enough attention as a child, now this resentment will really prevent you from letting go of the situation.”
Image credits: @cursingcounselor
“I also belong to Generation X, and in my childhood my parents really worked a lot – for instance, in order to provide for the family financially, which was also incredibly important,” says Irina. “Today, the attitude of society towards the problem of finding a work-life balance has changed significantly – therefore, in my opinion, it is not entirely correct to compare the situations.”
@cursingcounselor #mentalhealth #genx #mentalhealthtok #therapy #trends #mentalhealthmatters ♬ original sound – Janet
“In addition, we should not forget that even then, several decades ago, our parents also had their own parents who needed help as well. In any case, the ability to forgive and find some kind of compromise is a very important quality. After all, if we were neglected in childhood, and now we are unconsciously trying to take some kind of revenge, then what are we, in this case, better for?” Irina Matveeva wonders.
Image credits: harlandspinksphoto
People in the comments mainly agree with Janet’s point of view
We must also say that people in the comments to Janet’s video largely agree with her opinion. According to commenters, distance is the only coping mechanism, and many people generally believe that they’ve taken care of their parents way longer than they took care of them.
We think that this is the next stage in the development of this age-old problem of parents and children, but in any case, every problem needs to be solved. If you have any ideas on how to solve this issue, please be sure to share them in the comments. And also, we would certainly like to know if you agree with the Original Poster’s point of view.
What do you think ?
Roddfergg 2 years ago (edited)
I got a call from my sister a little over a year ago, telling me I needed to help pay for our parents. I reminded her that they threw me out at 17, and I have not seen them for almost 40 years now. They made it very clear that they never wanted to see me again, and who am I to go against their wishes?
Stacey Rae 2 years ago
Finally, thank you for acknowledging something so painful and seemingly shameful. I get so triggered being around my mother. I just can't and then I feel terrible for that too.
JustinTime 2 years ago
Don’t feel terrible, that’s just the guilt she instilled in you from very early on. It’s part of their evil.
Load More Replies...
Tamra 2 years ago
I've spent the last ten years taking care of my mother, father, mother in law, and even my brother, his wife and their two kids. My mother, brother, and mother in law all lived with me at different times. I wish I could go back and tell myself that it's okay to say NO, and to tell myself how much it would cost me emotionally, physically and financially. I regret every moment that I gave of myself to selfish and self-centered people who really only cared about me as long as I had something to give.
Roddfergg 2 years ago (edited)
I got a call from my sister a little over a year ago, telling me I needed to help pay for our parents. I reminded her that they threw me out at 17, and I have not seen them for almost 40 years now. They made it very clear that they never wanted to see me again, and who am I to go against their wishes?
Stacey Rae 2 years ago
Finally, thank you for acknowledging something so painful and seemingly shameful. I get so triggered being around my mother. I just can't and then I feel terrible for that too.
JustinTime 2 years ago
Don’t feel terrible, that’s just the guilt she instilled in you from very early on. It’s part of their evil.
Load More Replies... Tamra 2 years ago
I've spent the last ten years taking care of my mother, father, mother in law, and even my brother, his wife and their two kids. My mother, brother, and mother in law all lived with me at different times. I wish I could go back and tell myself that it's okay to say NO, and to tell myself how much it would cost me emotionally, physically and financially. I regret every moment that I gave of myself to selfish and self-centered people who really only cared about me as long as I had something to give.
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