I think most gay people who have great parents will tell you that their parents knew they were gay before they even knew it themselves. The very best parents knew it and it simply did not affect their love for their child at all. They were always going to love them and keep them, and their partners and children, in their lives forever anyhow. Hell, even back in the day when being gay was actually illegal, parents of gay children still accepted and loved their children, but were understandably afraid for their safety out in an unaccepting world (I think that worry is still in back of the minds of the parents of gay children—-unfortunately). Why do you think there were a surprising number of parents supporting their children at the first Gay Pride Parade, back in 1970 when being gay was still listed in the DSM as a psychological condition ffs, and even more in every parade since? Real parents love their children, no matter what. Real parents just want their children to be happy. Sometimes they may say it wrong, like OP did, but they do unconditionally love their kids, and want them happily living their authentic lives.

I'm leaning towards NTA, because I kinda feel that the ultimate form of acceptance is to address something in a lighthearted way. That said, I can't really understand why OP's son is hurt he was made to come out before he was ready, since that would only make a difference if he wasn't actively dating a guy and he expected his parents to be unsupportive of it? I'm not sure. Laughing at him was very rude, though.

As a gay man myself, NTA.

Imo I think the only TA was laughing. Discussing to him about whats being observed, especially if he was that bad at hiding it (giving him a chance to try to be better at masking it infront of other people.) Is okay. But laughing goes into the territory of invalidating his feelings, making him feel attacked and small.

His reaction says she saved him from who knows how much longer of stressing out and being afraid of potential parental rejection. Bad for the body and mind.

YTA for no other reason than for laughing at him. It was a difficult and emotional time, and you LAUGHED AT HIM. This isn't lighthearted acceptance. This isn't "Mom, Dad, I'm gay," "Hi Gay, I'm dad!" This was him struggling and having his emotions dismissed and belittled. If you don't do some Serious damage control, he's never going to trust you again. How can he open up to you, if he's always wondering if you are going to laugh at him when he does?

Yup, YTA. Don't laugh at people and say, "Oh, you're obviously gay." Instead say something along the lines of, "Sorry if I misread the situation. This guy is really lovely, and when he's around you seem happier, and more yourself. When you do enter a romantic relationship, I hope it's with someone like him. He's good, kind, respectful, all the things I would want you to have in a relationship." This sends a message of acceptance, and it will make the offspring feel more secure in a good reception if/when they do let you know about their sexuality. Don't push, let the teen work out for themself how they feel, and when they are ready (not you) let them tell you.

My only thing is the laughing harder when he made a serious face. Like he obviously wasn't being bashful or shy. And then he said "Don't tell dad" which always sounds a bit worrying to me. Sure, it may be obvious but depending on the family and living situations, some young people may think it's a hazard for it to be "officially" out there. I have two stepsons. The older came out during high school. His mom and her family were not kind about it despite me and his dad assuring him they had their own issues and he could be himself. Not too long after, I discovered some very LGBTQ-esque adult photos on the younger child's school ipad. My husband talked with him and did broach gently, "are you gay? Because you know we don't care about that and we'd love you the same." He said he didn't know then. Ever since, we still get inclinations that he is, but we understand that he saw how his brother was treated. I think instead of laughing at him, she could have been a bit more empathetic.

I just don't think it would be nice to laugh even if this were a straight relationship. Don't laugh at your kids when they are trying to figure out how they feel about someone else or because they haven't decided how to define their relationship with another person. I think that reaction was belittling.

I'm 50 and i still don't talk to my parents about me being gay. I guess I'm embarrassed. I grew up in a masculine house. I just don't want to talk to them about it

I've been harassed because my town thought I was gay. it didn't matter that at the time I was straight. My mom was bi and run out of town when someone nasty found out. Just be careful mom.maybe not quite so cavalier?

NTA, you treated him in a perfectly respectful way, he might be a little upset you laughed, I don't see why gay people should make a big deal about 'coming out' they should be happy to have their parents be so accepting of their choice. being gay is natural, as being het, their parents accepting it should be just as normal and a natural reaction..

OP has destroyed any chance of having a relationship with her son as an adult.

YTA are social justice warriors becase not a single adult gay man would consider it an outing or beeing rude or not supportive. and as gay male in its 30ties i vote NTA. tehre were no malice, no outing, the son is just stupidly in love and didint know it showed. His parents are supportive, there are no sending him to conversion camps, no kicking him out, no beating, no yelling. just "do you want you frined to come too?" maybe the boy have not figured it out if he is gay or bi or straingt or someting else,

NTA. The Mom just wanted him to be his authentic self and not feel the need to hide in his own house/family.