Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

Coming out is not always easy; it requires a lot of courage. It’s difficult for teens to do because they’re often worried about their parents reacting badly. That’s why some young folks decide to wait a while before coming out of the closet.

The worst thing that could happen is if someone outs a gay person before they’re actually ready. This is what happened to a teenager who didn’t come out to his parents but got shocked when one of them suddenly asked about his boyfriend and laughed when he insisted he was straight.

More info: Reddit

17-year-old felt like his parent “outed” him after they kept pressing him to reveal he’s gay and laughed at him when he said he isn’t

Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual photo)

The poster shared that they felt their teen son had been in the closet for 7 months and that he seemed to also have a boyfriend

Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Although the teen had never officially come out, the parent decided to ask him one day if he planned to bring his boyfriend on their family trip

Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

Image credits: u/platefoodaway

The teen seemed to get awkward and denied he was gay, but got emotional after his parent persisted and laughed, he was also angry that he had been outed when he wasn’t ready

Although the parent seemed absolutely oblivious to their son’s feelings about being outed, they apparently were very perceptive about the “signs” that he was gay. The poster had even said that their son was very masculine and straight-acting, but over the last 7 months, he seemed to have fallen for a boy. But, the teen himself hadn’t come out and confirmed any of this.

Even though both of the boy’s parents seemed to be supportive of his orientation, it isn’t uncommon for LGBTQ+ youth to come out to their families last. Surveys have found that around 86% of queer young people came out to a close friend first. Many waited for a long time to tell their parents because they were fearful of their reaction.

The 17-year-old’s parent seemed very accepting of his boyfriend, even going so far as to invite him on their family trip. But the poster overstepped by basically outing the boy when he hadn’t specifically mentioned anything about his identity. When someone is outed, either deliberately or unintentionally, it can violate their privacy and can even affect their mental health.

Forcing someone to come out when they’re not ready can even lead to anxiety and depressive symptoms. LGBT folks who are outed often feel blindsided and like a part of their identity has been exposed without their consent. This is probably how the teen felt, which is why his first reaction was to deny everything and pretend he was straight.

Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster did not seem to understand their child’s distress and kept pressing the issue, even going so far as to say that he was very “obviously in a relationship with a guy.” When the teen realized his parent wasn’t giving up, he pleaded that they not reveal anything to his dad. Unfortunately, the poster didn’t handle the situation very well, and it ended with the son feeling extremely upset.

What parents need to understand is that even if all the signs point to their child being queer, their assumptions could still be inaccurate. Parents of possible closeted children need to create an atmosphere where their kid feels comfortable opening up to them. Rather than pushing the issue, they can simply use inclusive language, learn about the LGBTQ+ community, and let the child know they are there if they ever need to talk.

Once the kid or teen comes out of the closet, it’s important for their parent to let them know they are loved and supported. They can encourage dialogue and even read up on the topic to understand their child better. This helps the queer individual feel loved and accepted and takes a lot of anxiety away that’s involved with coming out.

The OP probably did not want to make their son feel bad by bringing up his boyfriend, but their actions did cause problems. Families need to be sensitive and approach such topics carefully. Although the teen was probably forced to come out too soon, hopefully, it led to a good outcome where he could finally announce his boyfriend to the world.

What do you think about this story, and do you think the poster was a jerk for their actions?

Most people called the parent out for laughing at their kid and making him feel uncomfortable

Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Although the community verdict was that the poster was a jerk, some felt that it was okay because the parent wasn’t being malicious

Parent Outs Son’s ‘Not-So-Secret’ Boyfriend, Bursts Out Laughing When He Says He’s Not Gay

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What do you think ?

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Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)

I think most gay people who have great parents will tell you that their parents knew they were gay before they even knew it themselves. The very best parents knew it and it simply did not affect their love for their child at all. They were always going to love them and keep them, and their partners and children, in their lives forever anyhow. Hell, even back in the day when being gay was actually illegal, parents of gay children still accepted and loved their children, but were understandably afraid for their safety out in an unaccepting world (I think that worry is still in back of the minds of the parents of gay children—-unfortunately). Why do you think there were a surprising number of parents supporting their children at the first Gay Pride Parade, back in 1970 when being gay was still listed in the DSM as a psychological condition ffs, and even more in every parade since? Real parents love their children, no matter what. Real parents just want their children to be happy. Sometimes they may say it wrong, like OP did, but they do unconditionally love their kids, and want them happily living their authentic lives.

29points

KL Harrold 2 months ago

I'm not gay so I don't know if I'm overreacting or have got something wrong - but the first response BP have put in the yta responses tells the OP's mother to tell her son that "However he *chooses to identify* is okay with you"- being gay isn't a choice, nor is it an identity??? For many/most gay people it will be an important part of who you are, but it's *who you are*, not how you identify. Happy to be wrong but it sounds bad to me

24points

Beverly Noronha 2 months ago

Yes! You're absolutely right, a person's attraction and orientation definitely isn't a choice. I think the Bi commenter who wrote that comment probably didn't mean it in that way and used a common phrase without thinking about the word too deeply. But, what you're saying is completely right.

9points

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Game Guy 2 months ago

Being gay is not a choice, but telling others about it is. My cousin is gay. He chooses to identify as straight, at least in front of the family. Which I completely understand, because if his dad ever finds out, the emotional abuse will be non-stop. It sucks that he has to do it, but no one is going to change my uncle's MAGA mentality. Gay kids still have to sweat whether or not their parents will disown them, or worse, if they come out. They still have to sweat whether or not their classmates will bully them over it. In some places they still have to worry about getting killed over it. There are times and places where it's unfortunately necessary from a personal safety angle to not reveal your sexuality. Mom did the kid a service by showing him he's not as subtle as he thinks he is (which is true of most teenagers - yes Billy, your folks know you're watching porn in your room).

6points

MR 2 months ago

I think there's a difference between who you are and how you identify. It's a bit of spectrum. He may be bi, he may be gay, he may be pan. Who he is is who he is. What label he actually gives himself is more of a choice in terms of how he defines what all that all means to him. And it can be fluid, changing from time to time as he grapples with who he actually is. There's so much overlap in the labeling that the identity can be difficult to define. He may think he's gay now only to realize he's something else. The label to refer to himself as gay may simply be his choice for now as he sorts himself out.

4points

Couragetcd 2 months ago

I think that phrase was used on purpose because OP's son clearly wasn't ready to be openly labeled as part of the LGBTQ+ community. And that's okay. With the hate crimes and hate politics in the world, it's very hard for most teens to feel comfortable as themselves. That's why being a teenager sucks but is so developmentally important.

1point

Susie Elle 2 months ago

I'm leaning towards NTA, because I kinda feel that the ultimate form of acceptance is to address something in a lighthearted way. That said, I can't really understand why OP's son is hurt he was made to come out before he was ready, since that would only make a difference if he wasn't actively dating a guy and he expected his parents to be unsupportive of it? I'm not sure. Laughing at him was very rude, though.

16points

arthbach 2 months ago

Susie Elle, he's hurt exactly because he was made to come out before he was ready! It wasn't his choice to tell people, it was forced upon him. The ideal would have been for him to address it when *he* was ready, and not when a parent decided.

11points

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