Going into a first date, it’s best to keep an open mind. You might be shocked by how fantastic they look or how eloquently they speak, as social media can’t always do us justice. On the other hand, you may have seen stunning photos of this person on Instagram, but what if they have terrible table manners?

Once we start seeing red flags on a first date, it becomes almost impossible to ignore them. But even if we somehow don’t spot them all, it’s nice when someone does. Below, you’ll find a note that one concerned observer slipped Twitter user @Hadia_S while she was on a coffee date, as well as a conversation with Amie the Dating Coach.

While on a first date, this woman was surprised to receive a warning from someone who had been observing her

Image credits: Hadia__S

Later, she tweeted a photo of the note, as well as some of the red flags she picked up on

Image credits: Hadia__S

Image credits: Hadia__S

Image credits: Hadia__S

Image credits: Hadia__S

Love them or hate them, first dates are a necessary step in finding love

As exhausting as dating can be, it’s something that almost all of us justify doing in an attempt to find “the one.” Or at least someone who we enjoy spending time with, genuinely connect with and perhaps can even see a future with. So we get on the apps, we plan our Friday evenings around getting dinner or drinks and we hope and pray that we’ll find a spark with someone. According to Her, the average straight woman will kiss 15 men, experience two long-term relationships and have her heart broken twice before settling down with a partner. And when it comes to first dates, we’re quick to decide whether or not we’re interested in planning another.

According to Top 10, over 50% of people know after only a few minutes of a first date if they want a second one or not. And as far as why we often don’t want to give someone the chance to redeem themself on a second date, Deanna Cobden at Dateworks says some of the most common reasons we don’t get second dates are: coming across as unavailable, not being genuine, being rude, not talking enough prior to the date to get to know each other, oversharing, being boring, dragging out the date too long, not making it clear we were interested, or we simply just didn’t have chemistry with the other person.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

“It is easier for an observer to spot red flags than the actual people on the date because there is no emotional attachment”

To gain more insight on this topic from an expert, we reached out to Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach, who was kind enough to have a chat with us about spotting red flags on a first date. She told Bored Panda that it can be easy to get caught up with chemistry and miss red flags on a first date. However, “there are obvious red flags you should never ignore, like someone who is rude to the waiter (or others), drinks too much, or is love-bombing you with superficial compliments on a first date,” the expert noted.

We were also curious if the man who slipped Hadia the note might have had a better, more objective view on the situation than she did. “It is easier for an observer to spot red flags than the actual people on the date because there is no emotional attachment when a person is an observer,” Amie noted. “We can rationalize the red flags we see because we are too mesmerized by our attraction to our partner and want to keep the relationship going.”

Image credits: Kiran KR (not the actual photo)

It’s up to you whether or not red flags will be a deal breaker, but it’s wise to take other people’s opinions into consideration

We also asked Amie if she thinks we should heed someone else’s advice if they warn us about red flags in someone we’re interested in dating, or if we can decide to proceed with caution. She shared that it’s wise to take other people’s opinions into consideration, but that doesn’t mean we need to follow what they say blindly. “You must know, like and trust that person and the decisions they are making in their own life,” Amie pointed out. “Because if you listen to their advice and follow it, you essentially are mimicking their life decisions into your own life. If it was some stranger giving me their opinion, it would catch my attention, but I would need to hear specifics as to why they felt that way before listening.”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever had someone intervene to warn you of red flags on a date? Or have you ever had to give someone else a similar note? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing red flags on a first date, we recommend checking out this piece next. And if you’d like to hear more wise words from Amie or reach out for advice on your own love life, be sure to visit her website right here!

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Many readers applauded the man for looking out for Hadia, despite not knowing her

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Others, however, thought it wasn’t his place to intervene

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